April
Wednesday
"I don't think I can be able to wait two weeks Zinzi, I really wanted to get over with it," I said to Zinzi after telling her the whole story. We were sitting by our usual bench waiting for the next period.
"At least you already know how it feels like, you can wait just a little bit."
"That's the problem. Knowing exactly how it feels is the one thing that is making it hard to wait. I want to do it again, soon," I felt myself say, such a whore.
"Please don't fuck Karabo again," she said, hearing where I was going with my conversation.
"No, I wasn't talking about Karabo."
"The older Congolese guy?" I shyly nodded. "Tshedza, if you sleep with that guy before Sihle, there is no way Sihle will believe you were a virgin," She is right.
"I know, that's another problem. But still, waiting is hard," I said, and she laughed.
"Oh my gosh, was it that good or are you just a hoe?" she asked, and we continued laughing. "Your life is so busted my friend."
"So why didn't you and Jabu do it already? since that night you haven't tried at all?" I asked.
"I wasn't ready that night, and I don't think I'm ready now either. Every time I plan to, I just get scared,"
We talked until the break was over and we had to go our separate ways.
During lunchtime, I went to the Venda group meeting that lady told me about. I have already received an SMS of where and when the meeting is happening. I might as well just attend as there was nothing I was doing.
There were few people when I walked in the lecture room where the meeting was being held. I sat at the back coz I was a little bit late. I didn't want anyone to notice me. But well, everybody saw me, when Karabo shouted my name before coming inside to realise I'm not alone. Everyone looked back, he then apologised by meeting his two hands. The lady who told me about the meeting saw me too, so she waved at me, smiling.
"Crap, I thought there was no one in here," Karabo whispered as he seats next to me.
"Why did you come in if you thought there was no one?" I whispered back, as the guy who seems to be the group leader talks in front.
"I saw you walking inside, so I followed you,"
"So, you are stalking me?"
"No, maybe," he smirked. I just looked at him as he side smiled at me and I couldn't help thinking about our crazy chats lately, and the sex itself. Maybe I don't have to wait two more weeks, I thought as I move my hand to his pants directly on top of his penis. What the hell am I doing?
"I heard about Sihle's old lady. Sorry," he said, taking my hand off his pants and put it back on my lap. That's new, Karabo doesn't want me.
"Why are you saying sorry to me?" I asked him as I look at the front where important things are happening, feeling embarrassed about being not wanted.
"Because your sex date is postponed," he said, and I stared at him. He's like my personal assistance now, he knows everything in my life, is starting to suck.
"Does Sihle tell you everything?" I asked, again, turning my face forward.
"He is my friend, we talk. And I thought it would be a good thing for you, that the night has to be postponed," How is that a good thing? I thought to myself.
"Why do you think it's a good thing?" I asked, now looking at him and his always charming eyes.
"Because by the time you guys do it, it will be better, he might not even realise. The longer you wait, the safer you are. Your vagina is tightening up so if you wait more days, maybe he will feel like he is breaking you," he said, and I just curse on him under my breath, I so hate him right now.
"You will always be glad that you are the one who broke my virginity, right? No matter what you say or how you thought I should have told you, you will always celebrate that, hurting Sihle," I said, showing him that I see right through him.
"Who wouldn't be? the girl I like chose my friend, but I ended up being the first to have sex with her, I mean the first, ever. Why would I not be happy?" he bragged, and I pushed him, angry.
"Leave," I added on my already visible anger that I want him to leave my sight. He took his backpack and left, making the same noise he did when coming in by slamming the door. I sat there embarrassed, but these people continued with their talking. I pinched my left hand tighter, angry to it, for travelling miles to Karabo's pants, now he will think I want him too. I'm so stupid I hate myself right now.
I tried paying attention to what was happening in front, but I ended up scrolling my phone until this girl slammed the book on top of the desk and wake me from my miserable moments.
"Hey, you made it," she said. The same girl I saw yesterday. She's sweet, trying to accommodate me no matter how I isolate myself.
"Yah I made it," I said, still holding my phone.
"It doesn't seem you got anything from this meeting, next time come sit next to me in front. It will be fun," she said, still standing in front of me, opening pages on the book.
"Okay I will," I said as I lie. I'm not sure if I will even come back to this thing, there might not be the next time for me.
"Do you want to join our netball team?" she asked, pointing at the list of people on the page she was opening to.
"I'm not very good at netball," I said, I never was, at high school, I was more of a dancer than a sportsperson.
"Here, sign. We'll teach you, and besides, no one is good, but it will always look good in your activities section in your resume," that's a good point, I took a pen and put my name down.
"Tshedza," she read my name. "I'm Rofhiwa," she continued, taking my number that I just wrote down. "Permission to take your number? so I can call you when we have practice," she asked and I just nodded.
People were starting to leave, I just wanted her to be part of that so I can leave too. She finally said bye after we walked out of the lecture room. When I stepped out, Karabo was waiting for me just outside. What does he want now?
"Tshedza, I don't think I can wait for two weeks." he jumped at me as soon as I walked out of the lecture room.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"I thought I was going to wait for Sihle to do his business before we do our deal, but I don't think I can wait any longer," he said, and I just looked at him, he might be tripping, thinking we have a deal.
"We don't have a deal Karabo. Nothing will ever happen between us," I said, assuring him.
"I doubt that. Why was your hand touching my big boy?" he asked, and I just laughed.
"You call it a big boy?" I asked, still laughing.
"That's not important, I saw you still want to do it too, and you can't wait too," he said, pointing out the real truth. But I will never admit that I still want him, never.
"If you think accidentally touching your 'Big Boy' means I want you, you are crazy. I don't want you," I said, quoting the name 'big boy' with my two fingers.
"Well, keep lying to yourself. I know you do, if I touch you down there you won't resist..." I cut him.
"Don't ever talk to me like that. Yes, we fucked, but that was the last time we ever did. You and I will never happen, so you better get it in your head and stop following me like a puppy." I said and then rushed into the building, leaving him standing there like a puppy he is. I wonder why sometimes I feel like I want him. I guess I just want his sex.
I got in the lecture room, and there were a few people inside. I didn't even know what lecture was coming in that room, I just had to escape Karabo. I sat there by myself, trying to forget everything. Why did I touch him though, or even talk to him? Now he thinks I can't resist him.
"Hey stranger," a voice said, making me look up to see who it is. "Move over," she continued as she shows she wants to sit next to me. Nyiko, I haven't seen her since that night at Stones.
"Hey," I said, moving to a next chair and she sat where I was sitting, next to me.
"Long time," she said.
"What are you doing here? were you following me?" I asked, not entertaining her on what she said. We are not friends, we don't do long times.
"I can ask you the same thing, this is my class," she said, and I just looked at her. I guess my escape room wasn't all escape.
"I don't attend here, can I pass?"
"Well, now that you are here, can we talk?" she asked, not opening the way for me.
"What do you want?" I asked, facing forward while I could feel her eyes on my left side of my face.
"Well, I have seen you a lot lately with my boyfriend. It's just, it doesn't sit well with me that you hang out with him more than you hang out with your own boyfriend,"
"Who is your boyfriend?" I asked, confused. I had no idea who she was talking about. As for Henson, his girlfriend stays in Cape Town so is not him, is she talking about Karabo?
"Don't act like you don't know," she said, playing with her long red nails.
"You are talking about Karabo. You guys are dating?" I asked, a bit laughing, and she was not happy by the way I was surprised. I really didn't know Karabo was seeing anyone, especially her. I thought that night with her was just a one-night thing, I didn't know they became a couple after that.
"Yes, we are, so you better stay away from him," she said, and I chuckled. She just looked at me scoffing, so I said what was on my mind.
"Me, stay away from Karabo, tell him to stay away from me coz he's the one who always finds a way to bother me," she just looked at me angrily.
"Just stay away from him," she said, standing up opening a way for me. "And hey, be careful. Karabo tells me everything." she finished, and I started going up the stairs, going out of the lecture room. Karabo tells her everything?