If you like to listen to ambient sounds while reading (I do while writing) I created one specifically for this scene with the horses. I like to listen to ambiance on my phone, either on YouTube or making my own with the Ambient Mixer app, while I write stories on my laptop. — https://countryside.ambient-mixer.com/horses-in-the-countryside
———
Levi woke up to shaking.
"Get up."
A second later, he felt what seemed like bindings holding his arms in. He jolted and tried to fight the restraints, only to realize it was a blanket tightly wrapped around him. His pillow had been Eren's chest, and the saddle between his thighs made his whole spine ache. He blinked out the sleepiness and saw the sky was lighting up in the east.
"Did I seriously sleep all night?" he grumbled.
"Well, you didn't fall asleep until really late," Eren explained. "We need you to translate."
"Fine, fine." Levi stretched, and his shoulder cracked loudly. "That's not good," he muttered. He stretched his neck, getting more bones to crack. "Ow. That one wasn't good either." He yanked his neck the other way, and it cracked again. "There. I'm getting too damn old for this."
Levi glanced around. The Nazis had gathered in an equestrian facility, with large barns, stables, paddocks, and round pens. Were they exchanging horses yet again?
"Where are we?"
"Just north of Mondorff," Eren said, looking jittery.
"Mondorff, good. I need to stretch and have a nice, long sleep."
"We're not stopping," Eren blurted out.
Levi slowly turned around to look at him. "What?" he asked in a low, dire tone. "Why the hell not?" Then Levi realized just how fast Eren was breathing. If he had been a little jittery before, it was far worse now. "Oh God, please don't tell me you took another one of those damn pills."
"All of us. Everyone," Eren said, tapping his hand as his lungs worked twice as fast. "Hauptmann. Captain. Captain, he say ... he says, we go on. All of us. We ride to Metz. All the way to Metz."
"You're joking," Levi groaned. That was insane; soldiers should not be expected to travel for a solid twenty-four hours. "The horses—"
"Yes! The horses. Horses, ja," Eren said, looked around in quick, sharp movements. "That's why, they have horses here, horses to ride, fresh, so captain say, switch horses, take another pill, we're going to Metz, we're heading, right now, tonight, all the way to Metz, we're ... we're riding to Metz."
Levi shook his head. This was worse than the time he saw a man from Venice drink ten cups of coffee in one sitting. "So, you need me to translate?"
"Yes! Person, horse, horse person, talk to him, trade horses, money, whatever, trade."
"All right, all right," he sighed as Eren rode up to a farmer. "I've never done a horse trade. Help me slide down. I seriously need to get off this damn saddle. Need to take a piss too."
Suddenly, Eren had Levi under the armpits, lifted his straight up like he weighed nothing, and set him down a little hard on the ground, making Levi stumble on his saddle-sore legs.
"Hey! Watch it."
"You said you needed help."
Levi shook his head. "Seriously, how strong are you on those pills?"
Eren laughed with a hyper grin. "I can lift a panzer!"
Levi groaned in annoyance. "Listen, your leg needs to be checked. Go to the medic truck, get some bandages, and meet me back here. I'll try to talk to this guy." He faced the farmer. "I hope he speaks French."
Luckily, he did, and faced with either angering an entire company of drugged-up Nazis or agreeing to exchange tired but well-bred horses for the horses he had in his stables, the man easily agreed to a direct exchange. He did not have enough horses to give every soldier one, but Levi left it to the Nazis on who should get a fresh horse and which poor horses from Mina's stables would be forced to continue onward.
The farmer helped to bring out horses, and soldiers began to remove saddles, starting the exchange. Eren rode up with medical supplies crammed haphazardly into his saddle bag. Levi merely pouted at the sloppiness.
"All right, let's change that bandage on your leg."
"Oh, ja, yes, bandage. I have bandages. Change bandages."
Eren jumped off the horse and began to rapidly look around, like he needed to leap into the nearest foxhole. Levi shook his head. Of all the shitty things to happen on an already shitty trip, now he had to deal with a man so high on drugs, he could barely talk.
"Don't forget the saddle bag," Levi said, but on second thought, he grabbed the bag himself. His Tanakh was in there still, and he did not want Eren to do anything stupid with it. As he looked around, he saw one familiar face. "Hey, you! Horse-face! What the hell was your name again? Jean?"
The tall soldier with a long face turned back around. "Ja?"
Levi turned to Eren. "Listen. Can you hear me?"
"I hear everything," Eren whispered in dazed awe.
"Right," Levi mumbled. "You need to tell him to exchange the horse while I take care of your leg."
"Ja! Jean, sattel ein Pferd für mich." Saddle a horse for me. Then Eren thought for a moment. "Können Sie einen Orgasmus vom Reiten haben?" Can you have an orgasm from horseback riding?
Jean arched an eyebrow. "Vor heute hätte ich das nie geglaubt. Heute habe ich es fünfmal gesehen." Before today I would never have believed that. Today, I saw it happen five times.
Eren stared out. "Fünfmal?" Five times?
Jean scoffed. "Sind Sie in die Hose gekommen?" Did you come in your pants?
"Nein!" Eren snapped.
Levi watched on. "Is everything okay?"
"Ja. It's fine. I'm fine. I didn't. Well, I did, but it wasn't on purpose."
"What are you talking about, takhshet?"
"Nothing! Leg. Leg needs bandage."
"Try to keep focused." He walked over to a large structure, shadowy in the pre-dawn gloom. "This looks like a riding hall of some sorts." Levi pushed open the door and saw a large, dark arena. "Yeah, it's empty. This is a good spot."
"Good spot," Eren repeated, walking in and gazing around rapidly. "For what?"
"Your leg. Changing your bandage, remember?"
"Ja." Eren still fidgeted, tapping his fingers, staring intently at a pile of hay.
Levi shook his head. "Can you keep calm for just three minutes?"
"I'm trying, I'll try. Trying."
"You need to drop your trousers."
He looked up with excitement. "Bläst du mir einen?" Will you blow me?
"What?"
"Oh!" Eren squeaked. "No, nothing. Leg, wound, right, my leg. You know," he said, fiddling with his belt, "it doesn't hurt. Kein Schmerz. No pain."
"Good for you," Levi muttered. He was sure, with all those pills in him, Eren could have been shot in the chest and felt no pain at all.
Eren struggled with the belt, but his shaking fingers were not getting it right. "It's hard." He tried to grab the whole area, but he realized something and laughed. "It's hard."
Levi rolled his eyes. "I can see that. Just drop them. Don't touch yourself!"
Eren kept at it until finally the trousers fell to his ankles. Then he collapsed onto a stool, and Levi turned over a bucket to sit on. He saw, indeed, that Eren was tenting his boxers, but he ignored it. He calmly began to work, removing the bandage on Eren's thigh. Eren watched with super intensity, focused on what Levi was doing.
"It's amazing. Healing. How it works. Your body just heals. Fixes itself. Es ist erstaunlich." It is amazing.
Levi raised an eyebrow. At least this focus on one thing was better than trying to race around without trousers, and his erection had gone down. "Do you want to hold the bandage?" he asked, like offering a child to place the star on the Christmas tree.
And like a little boy, Eren's eyes lit up. "Ah! Kann ich? Can I?"
Levi did not want to set the roll of bandages down in a filthy horse arena, so he figured it was safer to hand it to Eren. The lieutenant took the roll and began to closely inspect it.
"My father made bandages," he said, turning the roll around in his hands.
"That's right, you mentioned he was a doctor."
"Yes. He made medication from plants too. So fascinating."
Levi wanted to say that perhaps, if life had been different, Eren would have grown up to be a doctor like his father, but since that subject was still sensitive, he kept quiet and focused.
"This may burn. You really messed up your leg."
He took a bottle of antiseptic and poured it over, cleaning out the wound. Eren hissed at the pain, but he still stared at Levi's medical work. Levi slathered on an antibacterial cream and then took the roll from Eren to carefully wrap it on.
"Levi? Le-Levi, Levi, Levi?" Eren said, fidgeting again.
"What?" he grumbled.
"I want to run."
"No."
"I'm sorry about earlier, so sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I did all that, and I released on you, I don't know what's going on with me, I'm not like this, I'm not, and yet I am, and I don't know, I don't know what I'm doing, it just feels right and you get mad and I don't want to stop but you say don't and I want it but no I don't want to do what you don't want because I never want to hurt you but I want it so much until I don't even know what I'm doing anymore..."
"Okay, okay!" Levi said, gripping Eren's shoulders. "Calm down. It's the drugs."
"Ja, it's the drugs, Pervitin, and I know it's bad, Anzio, they made us take pills, Johann, he went crazy, so crazy, he wanted more and more and ran around and he attacked, he attacked me, he said I had more Pervitin but I didn't, I really didn't, and Jean shot him, he had to, had to shoot Johann, I never wanted to take Pervitin again but it's good, I feel so good, and you, you are really good, you're wonderful, du siehst so gut aus. You look so good. Everything about you. Verdammt, ich weiß nicht mehr, was ich sage. What am I saying, what am I even saying? You look so good, and you smell good, riding, riding with mein Schwanz against you, up and down, auf und ab, auf und ab, riding on and on until I burst, so good, feels so good, alles fühlte sich so gut an, your body, your voice, everywhere, it's amazing, and I hate that I hurt you, you are so amazing and I hurt you, I never want to hurt you, never, never!"
Suddenly, Eren flung his arms around Levi, who instantly stiffened up.
"I swear to God, if you hump against me, I really will stab you in the leg."
"No, I won't, I won't, I swear I won't, I just want to hold you, I'm so sorry, for today, for last night, yesterday, tomorrow, everything, I'm so sorry, I want to let you go and I want to hold you, I don't want to die, I really don't want to die, and I need to keep you with me so I don't die, but I want to let you go so you don't die, but I'm scared one of us will die and I'm so sorry."
Levi rolled his eyes. "My God, can this get much worse?" He slipped out of Eren's arms. "Look, you can apologize to me when the drugs are out of your system. Until then, you're a sick little boy who is on some nasty medication, and it's making you act funny."
"Funny? Like haha?"
"No, like I want to stab you so you sober up faster."
"I want you to stab me, but not with a knife."
"What?" A moment later, Levi realized what he meant. "Oh God," he groaned. "You know, I'm trying really hard to put this into perspective."
"What does that mean?"
"It means I'm trying not to punch you, because I know you're only acting like this due to drugs. Now, if you think you can behave yourself, go check on the horse. I need to take a piss."
"Can I watch you?"
"Hell no! Go find, what's his name, Jean. See about the horse."
"Jean, yes, find Jean, find horse, horse, new horse, rocking horse."
Levi threw his hands up in surrender and walked away. "At least you're not trying to shoot me or hump me like a dog anymore."
"I'm so sooooorryyyyyyyy!" Eren wailed.
Levi groaned in frustration and walked outside. He looked around for a place to urinate, not that it mattered much on a farm. Still, he walked over to the side of the arena, away from the door, loosened his trousers, and pulled himself free. He closed his eyes, relaxed, and felt relief flow out.
As he stood there relieving himself, Levi heard a noise and looked to the side. There was a tree, and perhaps the soldier thought it was secret enough from the main group, but he was directly facing Levi, stroking himself, lost to the pleasure, completely unaware of anyone else. Then his eyes opened, met Levi's gaze, and held it. For a moment, Levi's stream sputtered, fearing this man might shoot him for witnessing such a lewd act. Instead, the man smiled and gave his hips a thrust right at Levi.
"Willst du mir den Schwanz lutschen, Jude? Es macht mir nichts aus, dass du ein Mann bist, solange es nur dein Mund ist." Do you want to suck my cock, Jew? I don't mind that you're a man, as long as it's just your mouth.
Levi was not sure what he was saying, but he sensed the danger. He bore down on his bladder to force the last urine out, fixed himself, and swiftly walked back toward the arena door. Glancing around the farm, he saw soldiers having different reactions. One was studying a bale of hay like he wanted to count each straw. Many were racing around wildly, without any purpose, just burning off the energy. Others were sitting together, talking so rapidly, Levi wondered if any of them were discussing the same subject.
Then he heard a gunshot, and Levi dropped out of instinct. Soldiers ran toward the sound, but they were laughing.
"Wir haben drei Schweine gefunden." We found three pigs.
"Die drei kleinen Schweinchen." The Three Little Pigs.
"Ich möchte ein Schweinchen schießen." I want to shoot a piggy.
More gunshots went off, and with each blast the men burst into laughter, while the pigs squealed in agony, slowly being tortured with gunshots.
Levi cringed and hugged himself as scenes from just two days ago flashed through his head. Perhaps he should feel blessed that Kitz aimed for the head when slaughtering all of his victims, rather than shooting them in the gut and letting them die slowly in excruciating pain. Their deaths had been mercifully quick.
A smallish blond boy came up. "Ah, vous. Eren, où?" Armin asked with his limited knowledge of French.
"Tu cherches Eren?" You're looking for Eren? Levi shrugged. "Je ne sais pas." I don't know.
"Je ... ne ... sais ... pas? Ah! Ich weiß nicht." Armin stood beside him and looked around at the chaos. "Um, comment ... Comment allez-vous?" How are you?
Levi glanced over at the small soldier, not that much taller than him. "Bien."
"Bien. Gut." Armin reached to his belt and pulled out a canister. "Durstig? Um ... eau?" Thirsty? Water?
Levi took the offered canister and decided to thank him by speaking in his own language. "Danke." He took a gulp, realizing just how parched he was.
Armin and Levi both suddenly heard a loud moan. Down the road, the man leaning against the tree was leaving his mark. He shouted over toward Levi.
"Das hätte in deinem Mund sein können, Judensau. Anstatt Wasser, das hättest du trinken können. Es ist so lecker. Das allein wird deinen Magen füllen. Siehst du was du verpasst hast. Es ist dein Verlust, schwuchtel." That could have been in your mouth, Jewish pig. Instead of water, you could have drunk that. It's so tasty. That alone will fill your stomach. Do you see what you missed? It's your loss, faggot.
Levi glowered at the man and asked Armin, "Qu'a t'il dit?" What did he say?
Armin shook his head in disgust. "Rien de bon." Nothing good.
Levi turned away, repulsed as he realized why Armin probably wanted to hide what the man said. "C'est un putain de pervers." He's a fucking pervert.
Armin felt immensely awkward. He had taken only half a pill earlier, and when they wanted everyone to take a second, he merely took the second half of the morning pill. Now, Kitz wanted everyone to take yet another Pervitin. It was an order that Armin required Eren to make an exception. He had been on the radio that whole day, and with such delicate equipment, he could not have the superpower strength or brash thoughtlessness Pervitin gave a person. His hands needed to be delicate, carefully turning dials, listening for radio chatter. His mind needed to be sharp, not tweaked.
"Pardon," he whispered in apology to Levi. "Tout ça. Rien de bon. Pas sage." All that. Nothing good. Not wise. His words were at least understandable, despite the thick German accent.
"C'est idiot." He's an idiot.
"Idiot! Ja, oui!" Armin laughed, glad to see one word was similar.
Levi let himself smirk just a little. Eren was like a boy trying to be a soldier, but this small blond was like a soldier still trying to hold onto the innocence of childhood despite how the military beat it out of him.
"You're a good guy," he muttered in approval.
Armin perked up. "Französisch?" French?
Levi shook his head. "English."
"English!" Armin cried out. "Good guy? Was ist das?"
"Good. Gut? Guy is, um, Mann."
"Ah, ein gutter Mann," Armin realized. "Gut ... good guy? Du," he said, pointing to Levi.
"You," he corrected.
"You ... bist ... nein, ist? Is. You is?"
"You are," he corrected. "I am, he is, you are."
"You are," Armin said, memorizing the conjugation. "Ein gut guy?"
"A good guy."
"A. Good. Guy." Armin nodded, getting it. "You are a good guy."
"Right. You're a good guy."
"You're?" he asked, catching the change in words.
"It's shortened." Levi showed with his hand. "You," he said, using his right fist. "Are," he said, holding up his left fist, and he put the two together. "You are. You're."
"Ah! Zusammenziehungen!" he cried out in understanding. "You're ... a good guy." He pointed to Levi's chest, and the smile Armin gave him was light, playful, fully accepting him just as he was. "You're a good guy, Levi."
For a moment, Levi was touched, and his chest squeezed. How did such a bright flower end up in such a dark uniform?
"Thank you," he said, feeling almost bashful.
"You are ... oh warte ... You're vel- ... velcum? Nein. You're welcome."
Levi let out a small hmph of approval. "Very good."
Eren rode up on a horse, and as Levi saw, he felt a sinking disappointment. Eren had discarded his civilian clothes and was back in the Nazi uniform. Then again, if they were pushing their way to Metz, he would want to arrive wearing a German uniform like the rest of the soldiers.
"Da bist du ja, Armin. Jean sucht dich." There you are, Armin. Jean is looking for you.
Armin turned his huge smile to Eren. "You're a good guy," he repeated slowly.
Eren raised an eyebrow and looked over to Levi for an explanation.
Levi shrugged. "I taught him a sentence in English. Where can we find some food?"
"Rations." Eren dug into the saddle bag and tossed a container to him. "Du solltest frühstücken, Armin." You should have breakfast, Armin.
Eren rode the horse over to where Jean had parked the truck. While Armin and Jean talked, Eren slid off the saddle, secured the horse to a post, and found his pack in the back of the seats. He dug around inside and pulled out his Esbit stove. He sat it on the ground, lit a white fuel tab, and got the flame going. Armin took over, warming up food rations, while Eren rested his leg in the truck. Levi did not want to sit on the muddy ground, so he climbed in as well and took a seat in a little space between crates and bags.
"Take a nap while you can," Eren told Levi.
"I can't exactly sleep with all this noise."
"I'll watch over you."
"I don't trust you at the moment."
"I wouldn't try anything."
"You said that yesterday, and next thing I knew, there was come on my back."
"There was what?"
"Semen? Sperm? Male stuff?"
Eren blushed and looked away. "It's called samen in German as well."
"One minute you're cuddling me, the next you're pointing a gun at me. I don't know if you're about to shoot me or fuck me, and I don't like the thought of either one."
Eren sighed, knowing he had a point. "I'm sorry."
Armin glanced over at them from the tiny stove, and Levi caught his sympathetic look.
He grumbled, "Don't ever apologize to me in front of your men, especially that one. He's smart."
"I know I've been ... difficult."
"You're completely unpredictable and unreliable."
"Well, you know, you're not much better to understand," Eren snapped. "One day, you're acting like just touching my hand is too much for you, then you're kissing me so hard, it's like my soul is going to get sucked out. You partially undress me, ask me to go to America with you, and suddenly you don't even want to kiss me. You ask me to sleep in bed with you, climb on top of me in the morning, and then suddenly you don't want anything to do with me. I made one mistake, I didn't even mean to release like that, it was ... beschämend ... shameful! One mistake because of the Pervitin, and now you're saying ... you're rethinking it all?" he shouted in heartbreak. "You say it's disgusting. Two nights ago, you were touching me like ... like you wanted ... something like that."
"I know," Levi sighed, thinking about those intimate touches at the Reeves house.
"You're the confusing one, Levi. With me, it's a pill, but with you—"
"With me, it's a goddamn war that has taken everything I love, taken my wife, my baby, my ability to have children, and fucked me over time and time again!" he yelled, forgetting where he was. "So if I'm hesitant, if I'm afraid, if I think for a few minutes that I can do something and then I realize I can't, I think I have a damn good reason to change my mind."
Armin stood up just then and handed them both metal cups. "Ihr solltet leiser sein."
Eren nodded grimly.
"What did he say?" asked Levi.
"He warns that we should be quieter." Eren sipped his hot drink and made a face at the liquid that was not quite coffee. "I'm sorry."
"I just told you, don't apologize in front of your men. It makes you look weak."
"You deserve to hear it, though. You're right. I forced these feelings onto you. I didn't really expect you to return them, or to let me do anything more than admire you from afar. I really didn't expect you to let me kiss you. I guess, after you kissed me back, I assumed..." His voice faded out, and Eren stared into his drink. "I assumed too much. What is that saying? Taking it for granted?"
Levi quietly admitted, "I guess I was rather ambivalent."
"I won't touch you," he whispered. "I won't do anything. When we reach Metz, I'll get you out safely, and that will be it. Go on to America and ... and forget all of this."
Levi's brow tensed, and he cautiously glanced over. "What about you?"
A bittersweet smile tugged on Eren's lips as he whispered, "I'll never forget."
Levi turned aside, struggling, but slowly his hand slipped over across the floor of the truck. It was not much, but he got his hand close enough until their pinky fingers brushed against one another. Eren jolted and looked over in shock. Levi glanced over.
"You know I could never forget an idiot like you," he said brusquely.
Eren laughed, and warmth came to his cheeks. His pinky finger stretched out as well, enough to stroked across Levi's finger. "You know, I don't even think I'm ready for ... for what you are worried about. I just want to be near you. Besides, we probably won't have time to figure it all out. With any luck, you'll be leaving soon." His pinky finger curled over Levi's. "I just don't want it to be on bad terms."
Levi stared down at how Eren gripped his one finger as if he needed to hold on forever. "You're right. I'm thinking too far ahead. I don't know what I can do," he said, and he looked from their fingers playing with one another up to Eren's teal eyes, "but I know what I don't mind."
"This?" Eren asked, stroking along the thin, pale finger.
A tiny smile came to Levi's lips. "This much, I don't mind." He looked down at their hands. "We really should not be having this conversation here."
"No one understands us."
Just then, Armin stood up from the fire again, and their hands yanked apart from one another. He walked over to the truck and set out three bowls of steaming food.
"Habt ihr genug gestritten? Ihr seid wie ein altes Ehepaar." Have you argued enough? You are like an old married couple.
Eren burst into laughter, and Levi narrowed his eyes.
"What the hell did he say?"
"Oh, you don't want to know," he chuckled.
"Qu'as-tu dit?" he demanded of Armin. What'd you say?
Armin merely shrugged like he did not understand, and he dug into his food.
Levi scoffed and yanked his bowl close to him. "Bâtards!"
They had barely finished eating their bowls of stew when Kitz Woermann shouted out to the troops. Eren walked over to a circle of men who were listening, while Levi checked on the horse and made sure they had everything, double checking that his Tanakh was safe while he was alone and away from Germans. He glared at the cluster of Nazis. Kitz seemed to be rousing them for a final push to Metz, and sure enough, they all burst into cheers, including Eren. Levi looked away as he heard shouts of Heil Hitler and Sieg Heil. He did not want to see Eren doing that. As he climbed onto the horse and took up the reins, he glanced at his hand, the pinky that had rubbed Eren's hand, and on the finger next to it, the indent from his old wedding ring.
"What am I doing?" he whispered to himself.
Every time he pushed Eren away, he pulled him back. Every time Eren was ready to let him go, Levi felt like he was not ready to be abandoned. Normally, he could leave behind a person, even a good friend, so long as he could survive. Now, he had purposely ignored many perfect occasions to escape. Even now, while the Germans were not looking, he could take off, Kitz could not really blame Eren ... yet he might anyway, so Levi stayed.
He thought about Eren's rambling earlier. "I don't want to die, I really don't want to die, and I need to keep you with me so I don't die, but I want to let you go so you don't die, but I'm scared one of us will die."
Levi had to admit, he feared the same thing. Every instinct in his body said to leave while he could. They were close to the French border. He could make it back in mere hours. Or he could head north to Luxembourg City. The Allies should reach it later that day. He would be free, safe, able to take a train to a port and sail away. Yet he was scared that if he ran away, Eren would be executed.
He was scared one of them might die, yet he found himself more worried about Eren than about himself.
Wasn't that love?
Before he could think too much on that question, Eren jogged back to the horse and swiftly leaped on just as the company started up again.
"What was that about?" Levi whispered.
"Just a speech. I have to admit, he's good at making them. It's only fifty more kilometers to Metz."
"Only, you say?" he grumbled. "That alone should take half the day."
"We must be swift. We don't know how soon the Americans will arrive in Luxembourg. Armin said they're on their way now. We're near the border, but that means little these days. We need to get to Metz before the city is surrounded."
"So you can walk into the jaws of death?" he said solemnly.
"What do you mean?"
"Nothing. Are you going to be okay? Will you make it to Metz before you crash?"
Eren laughed, jittery and carefree. "I'll definitely make it. Three pills. I may not sleep for a few days."
"God, I hope not," Levi groaned in annoyance.
Eren clicked his tongue at the horse and settled into a steady pace. Other riders began to clop forward, and with a whinny of horses and foggy snorts in the cold morning, the Germans began their final push. The sun rose, pink and rosy after the rainstorm. It looked like the weather was clearing up. Levi sighed, hoping the better weather could hold out just another day.
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I got a lovely piece of fan art from Yaoi-Lover-Bro of Eren and Levi on the walk to Metz. If you look closely, Eren has blood on his left leg from getting shot by Americans, but he still has a smile on his face, so happy to be alone with Levi... and doped AF on meth, haha! The suspenders are kinda hot, no? By total coincidence, I have a flat cap in the exact same style and color as Levi's in this picture. It got packed away when I moved off the farm; I gotta find it and pull it out. It's such an amazing feeling, being able to inspire talented artists.
I asked my husband to pose for a little "pinky promise." I even took my wedding ring off, so you can see how Levi's ring finger would have an indent from his time being married.
I'll be honest, I did NOT have any of the German lines in the past few chapters proofread. I felt some of the dialogue was ... well, really inappropriate to send to someone's DMs, while other lines were last-minute additions. So I gladly appreciate corrections.
While I am not sure if this place existed in 1944, the equestrian facility was inspired by Reitstall Pegasus, 9 km north of Mondorff. It is not really on Armin's route to Metz, but I used pictures of the place to get a feel for the area. — http://www.reitstall-pegasus.lu
As much as it's been rather funny to watch Eren out of control and doing stuff he's totally going to regret when he gets his head back to normal, meth is no joke. There are stories of people who go on a binge and basically just masturbate nonstop for 48 hours; even after their penis or vagina is raw and blistered, they can't stop. It can be such a potent aphrodisiac that it basically ruins sex for the rest of a person's life. No matter how deep the love is between them and a partner, nothing matches that high, leading them into thinking that they need meth just to enjoy sex. All of the ways Eren reacts (even pulling a gun on Levi) are based on real stories from my friends and former roommates about their time being an addict. If you want to know what being on crystal meth is really like from a person who was addicted and bravely speaks out about his dark time, I recommend this video. Warning: he is brutally honest about the euphoric high, the crippling low, and how it nearly ruined his life.
Head's up: It's November, and that means Nanowrimo: National Novel Writing Month. The goal is to write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days, so you can imagine how hectic it can be. I participate every year, all of my focus will be on Nanowrimo, so it will take me a while to update again. I will work on this story if I get really far ahead on my Nano novel, but otherwise all of my time and energy will be on this month-long writing contest. If you participate in Nanowrimo, feel free to join me as a writing buddy. I lost a bunch of buddies when they switched servers. I'm even open to hosting something on Zoom, if people want. That could be fun. — https://nanowrimo.org/participants/rhov