Author's note:
Hola peeps! I am back again and sorry for the delay. I will be back again after a week since my exams are ahead. Until then, happy reading!!
***°***
I could not think of anything other than him. Why the hell do I have to bump into him on the first day? Why the hell he wanted to talk to me? Why did he eat lunch with me and why did he walk me to my house? Why does he have to cause me so much trouble for my simple life?
I really like you Nazeera
It's not a prank Nazeera. I am telling the truth. I like you Nazeera
How can he confess to me like that? It hasn't even been a week when he admitted his feelings towards me. And since then, my mind has lost its peace. I thought he was trying to play a prank but he looked damn serious. No guy ever confessed to me till today and he is just wrecking my serenity. Gosh! Why did he? Why does he even like me?
I glanced at my violin and took a breath. It reminds me of him. Why is he disturbing me so much? All I did was talking back to him and ignoring him. And all he did was teasing me and playing with my words.
Wait! He just didn't do that. He did something that I can't decipher, at least not at the moment.
Three days passed by and I didn't talk a bit to him except for today. I cried a lot that day and to my surprise, I don't even know the right reason to feel sad. Is it because I feel guilty for shouting at him? Or is it because I don't have the right answer? Ugh! This guy! Kim Taehyung, I just want to forget you. Will you please get out of my mind?
My thoughts trailed towards the fight that happened today. Why did that Jackson guy want to scare me always? I just hope we don't share any internal grudges in our past lives. But more than him, it was Taehyung who I can't forget. The way he laced onto Jackson was absolutely terrifying. His eyes were filled with rage and he looked really scary.
I would kill him if he touches you again. I freaking like you Nazeera. It concerns me a lot.
Just tell me that you don't have at least a bit of feeling towards me. Just tell me honestly and I will not show my face again
And I promise I will not show you my face again
His words kept ringing in my mind, giving me goosebumps every time I think about them. I remember his face drowning in disappointment and his glistening eyes when I lied that I don't feel a bit towards him.
Yes, I lied. I lied to him but I know I can't lie to myself
Only Allah knows how lonely I felt when he didn't follow me home today. He is too foolish to think that I didn't catch him following me all these days. I knew he is doing that even when I ran away from him and ignored him. He is just too obvious and perhaps, caring?
But today, after that terrible scene that had happened in the morning, he didn't even try to talk to me. I didn't see him at lunch and I didn't feel his presence while walking back home. He must have been hurt. My words must have caused him to hurt. Ugh! I feel guilty now.
It's truly disappointing for me to treat him like an absolute nobody, but I don't have any other option. I don't want to hurt him or myself in this process and this is the only way. Deep down, I know I miss him a bit.
Maybe, more than a bit.
The little moments I had spent with him, I don't know if they would make me feel this close to him. His rectangular smile, his stubbornness, eating lunch with him, just everything with him is different because he is the first guy to break into my space. Unknowingly, we created moments that are making me hard to get over his thoughts. I don't know what kind of feeling this is, but I don't want to like anyone. I know I am being selfish but only I know the reason.
As I know it would only lead to heartbreak.
• • •
I swiped the screen to switch off the alarm and groaned in frustration. I rubbed my eyes and sat down on the bed with a frown plastered on my face. I couldn't sleep all night because of that idiot. Why the hell is he wandering in my brain?
I looked at my reflection in the mirror. I look like a devastated person who lost hope in life with those bags under my eyes. Lately, sleep has been a far end from me and the reason is known.
Sometimes, I feel that the reflection is mocking me for the things happening around me. It is right, I couldn't manage myself, the people around me, and anything. I just run away from the problems in my life. But does it know? Running away is just as hard as facing it.
"Falling in love is like fighting a war with no weapons. The only shield you have is your soulmate"
"Allah knows how much I hated him before I fell in love with him. Love is an uninvited blackhole which you could never get out"
"Today I slept on his shoulder and his heartbeat became my favorite music"
I smiled at myself reading those lines and closed the book. Baji really knows the definition of love.
What if I get into that black hole? Will I never be able to get out like her? Why are these lines affecting me a lot more than what they used to from? Am I missing her much lately? Of course, I need her in times like these.
I decided to bathe shrugging away all my thoughts regarding her and that idiot. Only a hot shower could help me.
• • •
I pulled up my pants and wore my sweatshirt. Today is a Sunday. Finally, a day where I won't be seeing him. I just want to distract myself from his thoughts today. I will spend my day with Ammi without any disturbing thoughts.
After doing the usual Morning Prayer, I climbed upstairs to take a nap again. I am not going to waste my Sunday, at least by not sleeping. I closed my eyes and drowned myself easily into sleep
"Baji, please don't leave me"
"I can't do that Nazeera. They will kill him if they get to know."
"You can't leave me like this"
"I love you so much Nazeera, always remember that. Be a brave girl okay?"
"Please don't leave me Baji. Please"
"Baji", I yelled as I woke up. It was the same dream again. I don't know if I could call it a dream, it is one of the most dreadful incidents of my life. I was sweating profusely. I know it isn't a nightmare but still, that event haunts me like the devastating aftermath of a tornado.
My stomach grumbled and I feel hungry now. I walked downstairs for having breakfast. Seeing the items already served on the table, I smiled. It's been a long time that I have eaten this.
"What's so special today? Dates, yogurt, and Pita?", I raised my brows and she smiled.
"Are you so used to the Korean breakfast already?", she chortled and I sat down to have the food
"Where is Baba?", I asked her and she sighed.
"The colony is having a meeting today. He had his breakfast and left early", she mouthed and served the breakfast on the plate for herself.
"Baba is searching for a driver for you", she uttered and I frowned. I don't want a driver. I've always had one. I am an adult now and I wanted to go alone. I liked walking by myself all these days. And with him.
"Ammi, I don't want one", I pouted and she chuckled, petting my head.
"I know but don't worry, it will take time to get a driver who could be trusted. Your Baba doesn't trust the Korean ones and you very well know about the language problem", she mouthed and I nodded. I just hope he finds no one.
"Also, I will try my best to shoo them away if he finds any", she uttered with a chuckle and I smiled.
I completed my breakfast and didn't forget to admire her dish. She ruffled my hair, showing her sweet smile, and took the plates for washing. I walked to the living room and plopped myself on the couch
"Ammi, when will we go back to Saudi?", I asked her and she looked at me very much surprised. I know I asked it out of blue but I just feel better there. I won't have complications. I can't meet him.
"We just came here not more than a month ago and here you are, asking me when we will go back. Huh?", she sat down beside me and switched on the television. I just kept silent at her statement. What should I answer? That a boy is bothering me and disturbing my mind. Hell no!
"Why? Is something bothering you, dear?", she asked placing her hands on mine.
"Nothing ....Ammi, I was... just curious. That's all", I replied not wanting to worry her.
"My child doesn't stutter when she speaks the truth and a mom can easily catch her child's lie. What is disturbing my lovely daughter?", she pinched my cheeks and my eyes turned moist. It's just an unexplainable feeling inside me and I can't help but break down when she asked me if am alright. How could she guess so correctly? How does she know I want to share the pain of being uncertain about something so new in my life?
I hugged her tight and sobbed in her arms. I just want to cry. I couldn't do anything except that. She is the only support I have in this world and I couldn't stop myself from expressing my emotions in front of her
"Ammi, what will you do if I do something which you don't like?"
"Hmm, I don't know. I could be mad at you for some time. But if you like that something, then I will try to like that too", she answered ruffling my hair. I just snuggled more into her embrace. I need this so badly.
"Nazeera, when you feel confused about your decisions, always listen to your heart. It will never betray you. It will only make you happy", she spoke kissing my forehead and I felt a bit relieved. At least, she understood that I am going through something, even though I didn't tell her what it is and she didn't ask what it is.
What is my heart saying now? To ignore that guy and just go with the flow of life? Or just know what these damn feelings are? Will it be okay if I couldn't talk to him? Or should I sort everything that I am feeling?
I just lay on her lap enjoying the warmth and comfort from her. This is what I need the most right now in the chaos of knowing what my heart wants to do. I do feel something for him because he keeps running in my mind as if there is some marathon going on.
Baba came in the noon and we did our mid-day prayer. We do 5 prayers a day and now that I am in the house, I can do that freely. I prayed to Allah to guide me in this confusing scenario. Just show me some direction, at least help me in choosing one.
The day went well. I saw an animated movie with Ammi and she taught me how to make kimchi stew, something which she had learned very recently. I enjoyed cooking with her and made her listen to the songs of BTS.
As I started listening to their songs, I fell in love with the music though I don't understand a word they sing. They are really talented and I am trying to play acoustic versions with my violin. Gladly, Ammi also liked their songs and was shocked to know that they are in the same academy as me.
After the night prayer, I settled myself on the bed staring at the roof. What do I do with that idiot when he is not leaving my thoughts? Should I just follow what I am feeling now? Will that make me feel happy, at least a bit? I looked at the violin and smiled to myself. I think I know what to do.
I am not running away from this.
• • •
I entered the academy with a different feeling than usual. I am not that scared to face him now. But the problem is how should I approach him? Is he still mad at me? Will he just walk away without seeing me?
There is no trace of him in the crowd. Did he come early and go to his class directly so that he would not show his face to me? I waited till the last minute for him but he didn't show up. Fine then, I will visit him during lunchtime.
If time can be compared to an animal at this moment, it would definitely be a snail. It felt like a year of wait. Am I being desperate now? Is this what my heart really wants? Whatever it is, I am feeling just so different today.
I walked hurriedly to the canteen in a hope of seeing him, nevertheless didn't find him. My eyes scanned every table for him. I found his friends entering the canteen and searched for him in the group of boys.
To my despair, he isn't present. Where has he gone? Is he purposely doing this?
I bought myself black bean noodles and started eating. Even this dish reminds me of him. Ugh! Taehyung, how do you manage to drop in my thoughts everywhere? Are you a magician?
I noticed the boys completed their lunch and were about to go. I can't control my urge to know where he is. Gathering all the courage, I called Jin.
"Jin"
"Hey! Nazeera", he greeted me back
"Well umm, do you know where is Taehyung?", I asked him and all of them turned to me with weird expressions on their face. I am feeling awkward now.
"Oh Taehyung, he isn't feeling well. So, he stayed home today", Jin answered. Is Taehyung sick? I am feeling uneasy now. After that fight, I am desperate to see him and now knowing that he is ill isn't helping my heart.
"Oh okay. Thank you", I thanked him and waved a bye to all of them and they did the same. I want to see him so badly now. Why am I being like this?
"Nazeera, right?", I heard a voice behind me and turned to him.
"Yes", I recognized him as one of Taehyung's friends.
"I am Jimin and he is Jungkook", he brought another guy along with him. He forwarded his hand for a handshake but I politely declined it and greeted them in my way. Gladly, they understood and greeted back in the same way.
"I guess you are curious about our friend", Jimin mouthed and I nodded, feeling a bit embarrassed. I don't know them and we are talking right now.
"What happened to Taehyung?", I asked them as anxiety is kicking down my knees.
"He has a fever and is taking rest. Our manager didn't permit us to stay along with him", the doe-eyed guy, namely Jungkook spoke, his face falling in disappointment.
"So, is there no one to take care of him?", I asked them and they both nodded in positive. How can they leave him alone? What if an emergency arises? I wonder if he can take care of himself properly.
"Would you like to visit him?", Jimin asked out of nowhere.
"But, the attendance?", I asked, still not sure about his offer.
"If you really want to visit him, we will help you. I know someone who could manipulate the attendance", Jungkook spoke and it seemed like a nice idea. But, I am still scared. I don't care about the attendance but I am just scared if Baba comes and checks.
"I am not sure", I stuttered and they looked at each other.
"As you wish Nazeera. But if you want to do that, you can always approach us. I will take you to our dorm and manage everything", Jimin gave an assuring smile and they turned to go.
"Wait", I called them. Should I do this?
"I'm in"
***°***
Taehyung wrecking your heart effortlessly