| struggle (n): a forceful or violent effort to get free of restraint or resist attacks |
MERCY HUFFED IN annoyance, wondering what was supposed to happen as her eyes remained closed, trying to follow Tokala's multiple instructions. Despite her focus, she kept finding herself waiting for something—though she wasn't exactly sure what that something could be. She made sure that she was doing everything Tokala told her to: relax her body—yes, even her shoulders—open her chest, breathe evenly, and focus on the werewolf bond that was settled deep in her stomach, where it had lived for the past eight years of her life. She knew how to find it, knew how to do everything, but the problem she was having was clearing her mind of all of the things that currently held its attention.
She knew that they had been sitting like this, in a calm silence, for a few hours now. Her legs were sore from sitting in the crossed legged position for so long, but she didn't dare to move. Tokala had been as silent as ever, only really speaking up when he felt that Mercy wasn't paying as much attention as she should've been—like now, for example.
"You're not letting everything go," he told her, and her eyes flew open, frustrated and annoyed by the lack of progress. It had been hours, and she wasn't any closer to finding contact with the wolf ancestors. She had even been thinking ferociously of Akela, trying to use the connection that she had to the woman to pull her in the right direction, but to no good use.
She rolled her eyes, abruptly standing up from the forest ground and glaring down at the boy, who only calmly opened his eyes and watched her in cool indifference. "This isn't working," she confessed, but he just raised his eyebrows.
"Really?" He mused. "I haven't noticed."
Her glare sharpened as she crossed her arms. "I can't do it, at least not today," she said with a frown. Her mind was working at a million miles an hour, thinking of her dad, what Jordyn had told her earlier in the day, and now with worries that she wasn't good enough at speaking with these stupid ancestors.
"Relax," he said slowly, as if trying to get her to mimic the way his breath flowed out of his mouth in a full, lazy swoop. "You're letting all of these minuscule things form in the forefront of your mind, but you have to let them pass instead of overthinking them." He shrugged, still not moving from his relaxed spot on the ground. "Don't think at all, if it's possible."
"Well, it's not possible," she muttered stubbornly, feeling like a child in comparison to him. She hated not getting things right away, especially when she was in a mood like the one she was in today. She was full of tension, and quite frankly, she would rather train with Manuel than sit here and do nothing. "Can we just move on to something different? Please?"
She looked at him, but found that he was already staring at her, a strange look in his eyes. She avoided his gaze, deciding to stare out at the tree line as a blush coated her face. It was silent between the two, but Mercy was definitely not going to break it. She had already shown how vulnerable she was with all of these new things, and she would rather have him make the first move.
And he did. He knew her thoughts yet again without her having to say anything else, and she unconsciously breathed out a sigh as he stood from the rocks, towering over her. "Like what?" He asked, and she blinked.
"I don't know," she said honestly with a scowl. "Aren't you supposed to be the all-knowing one?"
He smirked widely, winking in her direction. "But of course, M'lady," he joked, and she couldn't help a small laugh come out, even as she tried to cover it up with a cough. "Here, let's stretch our legs for a walk."
She followed after him, strolling slowly on the bank of the lake, taking in the gorgeous scenery once more. They were approaching a large oak tree, one that hung over the water, where the leaves barely brushed the surface. There were small ripples in the water, but they were serene, just as the view of the sky was. It was a clear day—not a cloud in sight—and she breathed in the fresh air, trying to get her mind off of the failed attempt at meditating.
Her eyebrows furrowed together; why was this so difficult? She knew that she was a person who thought perhaps a little too often, but she never expected to have this much trouble on such an easy thing. At least, it seemed easy when Tokala explained it. Whenever she tried it though, it was probably the hardest thing she had ever done.
It was like she couldn't shut her mind up, what with her father, Jordyn, her expectations to be the best warrior the werewolves had ever seen—even Manuel was in her mind, wondering if he would be upset that she missed the training session to instead try out new things with Tokala. So far, she was regretting her choice on coming here; she hadn't learned anything of use. Intrusive thoughts were running amuck, and she had no ability to catch and restrain them from distracting her further.
A hand on her shoulder snapped her back to reality, and she flinched out of suprise. Tokala just raised an eyebrow with his ever-present calm exterior. She was glad that he hadn't been as cocky as he was the first time she met him, because she could only take so many sarcastic comments before her anger took over and she lashed out. She had never been good with patience, and it was incredibly obvious in the way that she tried to master mediating in a single session. She couldn't help it though; everything else about being the Queen of Alphas had come so easily to her, so why was this any different? And why—for some ungodly reason—was it so hard to do when she had visited the wolf ancestors multiple times as a child? She had even trained with these wolf ancestors, with Akela. It just didn't make any sense to her.
"It takes time, Mercy," Tokala explained softly, and she watched the way his lips turned up into an encouraging smile. "Hell, I couldn't master meditation for another hundred years after I met the First Powers, and I didn't have anyone to help me through it either. You'll get there soon enough. There's no need to rush it."
Mercy tried to release the tension in her body, understanding that Tokala was—surprisingly—the voice of reason. He was right, yet again, and she tried to reassure herself that this was normal; it wasn't just because there was something wrong with her. Meditation was hard enough as it is, and adding the werewolf bond to it would of course make it even more difficult.
She had to admit that the fact that Tokala had struggled with this too made her feel a lot better. She unconsciously relaxed, letting the air out of her lungs slowly, and seeing Tokala smile at her in response. She ignored the way that his smile made the butterflies in her stomach go crazy.
Stepping back and away from him to gain some space between the two wolves, Mercy pushed any thoughts of Tokala out of her mind. She made a promise to herself, and she wasn't about to break it on the very first day that they were training together.
"But there is a need to rush it," she said, her tone turning dark as her expression fell. She looked to the ground, not wanting to watch how Tokala reacted to her words. "The Hollow—Inadu—she's still out there, separated between my family. I'm the one that's supposed to stop her. How can I do that if I can't even connect with the wolves that came before me?"
She almost jumped when his fingers brushed underneath her chin, lifting her face toward his. They were only about a foot apart from each other, but the space between their bodies felt nonexistent, and she found herself dazed by the proximity. How was he able to do that so quickly? She had never met anyone who could make every logical thought fly out of her head with just a single touch.
"Mercy," he began, much more serious than before. "Mercy, look at me." She had been trying to avoid his intense gaze, but when he took her hand gently into his own, her multicolored eyes shot to his blue ones. She didn't even realize that she was holding her breath. "You don't need to overwork yourself. Sometimes it's better to focus on the fundamentals before you go up against the Hollow with guns blazing." He smirked, and although she didn't feel nearly as confident as he did, she gave him a half-smile in return. "Stop living in the past or the future. Be here, now, with me."
At the last two words, Mercy stumbled out of his grasp, feeling a strange emotion in her chest that she wasn't familiar with. The second that his hand was off of her skin, she felt that she could breathe a little easier, as if the oxygen in the air had changed now that she wasn't so close to him. She recovered quickly, not wanting to showcase how easily flustered he could make her, but it was probably fruitless. He had seen every expression cross her face, and if he could feel the emotions she was currently feeling through their bond, then it would be ludicrous to think that she had been discreet. It didn't matter if she had an amazing poker face; he would still be able to decipher her inner turmoil.
Tokala watched her, the small smirk still settled comfortably on his face. She didn't look in his direction when she spoke again. "Let's just work on something else," she murmured lowly, but he heard her anyway, and his smirk widened. He was amused by her, and she wanted to wipe that smug look off of his face.
"As the lady wishes," he replied with an over-exaggerated bow, and she felt some of her earlier embarrassment fade just slightly. "Since you're struggling with the spiritual side of things, we can work on some physical fighting techniques instead."
Her eyes lit up; she loved training with Manuel, and she was able to confess—at least to herself—that she was excited to see what new moves Tokala could teach her. He had been alive for so long, and she had to admit that she was interested to see what kind of fighting styles he had picked up over the years.
"Okay, where should we start?" Mercy asked, extremely happy that the subject had been changed. She could deal with Tokala as a teacher—perhaps even as a friend considering their shared relationship to the First Powers—but she wasn't sure if she could handle anything other than that. It was too much too soon, and Mercy reminded herself of her promise.
Don't get attached. Don't depend on him. He might not even be around long enough for you to trust him.
Tokala grinned, walking over to a tree and breaking off one of the branches. "Easy there, tiger," he commented, and she scowled. They were returning back to their usual bickering, but Mercy was content with that. It was much better than having him touch her face like he had barely moments ago. "Like your spiritual training, we're going to start with the basics."
Mercy's frown deepened at his words, even as she watched interestedly while Tokala broke another branch off the tree. "But I've already learned the basics," she reminded him, sounding like a child even though she knew that she had worked fiercely to get to where she was in her training. "And why are you mutilating that poor tree?"
He chuckled at her choice of words, glancing over his shoulder once and raising an eyebrow. "You could be the most skilled fighter in the world, but it wouldn't matter," he told her confidently, moving past her and toward the water's edge. "The way we fight, with the First Powers channeling through us, is different than any other combat you might've learned." He placed the two long branches on the ground in a cross, creating four separate spaces. "As for what I'm doing, I'm setting up your first exercise."
Mercy stepped closer, studying the branches in more detail as if they would reveal all the secrets that Tokala had yet to inform her about. "How does it work?" She found herself asking when Tokala remained silent, making sure that the branches balanced on top of each other just right.
Once he deemed it ready, he stood back up, towering over her. "I want you to stand here," he pointed to one of the four sections that the branches created, and Mercy jumped slightly when she felt his hand on her lower back guiding her to the correct position. She stood in between the branches, with the three remaining sections left alone. "Then, I want you to dodge my attacks—"
"Seems easy enough," Mercy quipped, her sarcastic mannerisms coming into play once more. Tokala stood across from her and smirked at her cockiness.
"You didn't let me finish," he chastised her lightly, and her lips pursed together as she crossed her arms over her chest. "You need to dodge my attacks without disrupting the balance of the branches." At his words, Mercy looked down, noticing that even the slightest breeze could sway the branches in one direction or another.
Her eyebrows furrowed together; how was she supposed to keep the branches from moving when they were obviously in a precarious state to begin with? She wasn't sure, but she would be damned if she let herself look unprepared in front of Tokala.
"Alright, let's do it." She nodded her head with confidence, even if she didn't feel as enthusiastic as she did before. It felt like she was going backwards in her training instead of forward, and it annoyed her to no end. However, despite her frustrations, she knew that she wanted to prove her worth, and if she had to complete this stupid exercise to gain Tokala's respect, then she would do so without hesitation.
She just needed to figure out how his fighting techniques matched up to the ones that Mercy was most used to.
Tokala smirked, looking far too casual for the predicament. "I'll go easy on you, princess," he said, and just as she was about to call him out on the silly pet names he constantly threw around, he was running toward her.
She moved dutifully, making sure to step over the piece of the branch to her right so that she didn't accidentally knock it over. Before she could barely get her footing, he attacked again, and she moved in a half circle, dodging him by just an inch. He didn't have any weapons, but he was fast, even faster than Mercy was—which was saying a lot. She could hardly see the blue denim of his outfit before he reappeared on her right.
She moved back to where she first started the exercise, feeling his fingers brush against her shoulder once. But before she could completely comprehend where he was, he bent down and swung out his leg. Mercy felt his foot connect to her calf, and she was hurtling to the ground, landing on her butt with a grunt.
She blew her hair out of her face, glaring up at Tokala in annoyance. That stupid smirk remained on his face as he held out his hand toward her.
"Need a hand, darling?" He asked her, as smug as ever, and her frown grew.
"Stop it with the nicknames," she chastised, getting to her feet without his help and brushing off the twigs and leaves from her butt. Her feet were still bare—as were Tokala's—and she concluded that she would need to wash them off before she returned back to the camp. Otherwise, Jordyn and her father would be the ones chastising her.
Tokala held up his hands in surrender, but his smirk didn't fade in the slightest.
She returned back to the crossroads of the broken branches, digging her feet into the ground to make sure she stayed more alert this time. "Okay, let's go again," she said, and he nodded.
They returned to this back and forth dance for another hour, with Mercy desperately trying to dodge Tokala's attacks while also keeping the branches as still as possible. However, it seemed useless, because Tokala beat her every time and she was getting more frustrated by the minute, upset that she wasn't able to keep up her own against him.
Just as she was standing up from the floor for the hundredth time, Tokala rolled his eyes. "Let's take a break, okay?" He suggested, but she raised her eyebrows, ready to make fun of him.
"Alright, fine," she agreed, crossing her arms over her chest and jutting her hip to the side. "Then I guess we could use this time to mention your poetic personality."
Her grin was wide, happy at seeing that Tokala was slightly embarrassed by her words. "It's nothing really—"
"Oh, come on," she said, rolling her eyes. "Don't be modest now. Especially since you sent me two of your wonderful pieces. I have to admit that I would've never expected you to be into literature."
He raised a single eyebrow at that, tilting his head to the side. His unruly hair fell over one of his shoulders, and she fought the urge to stare. "Why? Literature is one of the most beautiful things that developed into the modern world," he explained, walking to the edge of the beautiful lake. Mercy found herself following him, feeling the water lap up at her toes.
"All I'm saying is that after your cocky attitude, I expected a much different set of interests," she commented without thinking twice about it, which was probably a mistake by the way that Tokala smiled widely.
"Like what?" He asked, turning slightly to the right so that he was facing her directly. "What interests did you think I partook in?"
Against all odds, Mercy blushed profusely, looking away from his blue eyes. She found that if she stared into his eyes for too long, she started thinking of the way that they looked so similarly to the ocean only a few miles out. She had visited the western coast many times, and Tokala's eyes were the exact color of the blue from the water, creating a euphoric blend of both danger and allure.
What are you thinking? Stop it Mercy!
"Nothing—I mean, I didn't mean it like that—"
"Relax," he interrupted her with a shrug. "I won't hold it against you for having an expectation of me. In fact," he said, stepping closer toward her to the point where she could see his ocean eyes as clear as day. She found herself holding her breath, tilting her head up to keep eye contact with him. "I find it better that you have an expectation. It makes it all the more fun to show you who I actually am, especially if it makes you blush like this."
His hand reached out, and Mercy's eyes widened when the back of his fingers brushed against her cheek. Once again, the contact of skin against skin made her feel electrocuted, and she had the urge to step back before her mind had even made the connection between his hand and her skin.
However, instead of backing away, Mercy's gaze hardened and she slapped his hand from her face. "Stop that," she said icily.
He only grinned wider. "Stop what?"
She gestured to all of him. "That! Stop it with the nicknames and the lingering touches," she clarified boldly, lifting her chin up as she crossed her arms. "I'm not interested."
Tokala raised an eyebrow and his lips twitched, as if he were avoiding a laugh; he was amused and making it obvious, which only made Mercy scowl. "Now, I think that's a lie," he said casually with a shrug of his shoulders.
Mercy scoffed. "Really?" Her face darkened and she stepped toward him. "It's not like you've been entirely forthcoming either," she pushed a finger into his chest, and was satisfied when that smug expression finally left his face. "Why are you here, Tokala? And don't give me some bullshit about needing to help me out with the wolves. You don't even know who I am—"
"Mercy—"
"No," she growled, feeling her eyes glow both golden and bright green. She was done getting ridiculed by this man-child, and she certainly wasn't going to stand for it any longer. She was the alpha here, and she was making sure that Tokala knew that too. "I talk and you listen, pretty boy. I'm done blindly trusting that you won't try to sabotage me and take the kingdom that I've built for yourself." Tokala stepped back, and she smiled at the fact that he was finally listening to her. "I don't care about your reputation, or whether or not you were sent by the First Powers. I want you to tell me right now what exactly your endgame is, or this little charade is going to stop immediately."
Tokala wasn't smiling now, his face an unreadable mask of calm, and Mercy tried her best not to seethe at his lack of reaction. However, she was happy to find that he didn't wait long before answering her.
"Fine, you caught me," he said sarcastically before he returned to his serious expression. "The truth is... We should sit down."
Mercy grew confused, but decided to oblige him, her eyes dimming and returning back to normal—as normal as having different eye colors were. The two of them sat down near the water, and she felt the damp sand against the bottom of her leggings. They had been out practically the whole day, and the lake looked just as beautiful as it did when they first got here. She could see a few dragonflies sweep over the surface of the water, and the sun was disappearing behind the trees, creating an influx of red and orange shadows around them. It was close to dusk—the moment between light and dark—and she found it fitting for such a conversation as the one she was about to partake in.
She buried her bare feet into the sand and looked to Tokala on her left, but he was still staring out at the view in front of them. The remaining light of the sun lit his skin pleasantly, and the blue of his eyes were piercing, a collision of topaz and sapphires that entranced her even more than they had before. She could see the many centuries he had lived in his eyes, reminding her of all the knowledge he possessed. She almost felt bad for snapping at him, but she would never tell him that.
Finally, he shifted his gaze to hers, and she wondered what he was thinking. The tension was thick, but Mercy waited patiently—which is not something she would ever think to do before. She only waited because she could sense the intensity of what Tokala was about to tell her.
"I don't blame you for being cautious of me," he began, and she blinked. "It shows how seriously you take your job of protecting the wolves in your camp, and I would never be able to devalue that." He pulled his knees up and rested his elbows on them, shifting the sand in his wake. "And you're right, the First Powers did send me here for a reason, more than just to provide you with my never ending intellect and handsome good looks—"
"Tokala," Mercy stopped him from going off on a tangent, and he shrugged, as if expecting that she would interrupt.
"When I first discovered the First Powers, I didn't know what to think, and then after I had the visions and wrote the werewolf books..." he trailed off with a shake of his head. "The balance had been disrupted. I was a witch before Inadu cursed our tribe, but I could still sense the unrest. The reason that I had the visions in the first place was to predict your birth," he gestured to her, and she found herself immersed in what he was saying. "It was to predict when the balance would finally shift back in our favor. Why do you think we have such an intense bond that I can feel your emotions? Or how quickly we've picked up on each other's habits, as if we already know what the other is going to do?"
Mercy remained silent, but her heart was thumping in her ears. She could deduce that Tokala was coming to a point soon, and she almost wished that she had never asked this question.
"The First Powers declared it when I met them all those centuries ago," he mused half-heartedly. He looked to her, and she was confused as to see that he appeared nervous. "In laymen's terms... We are sort of... betrothed."
Mercy widened her eyes, hearing the word echo in her head.
"By the power invested in pinky promises," Mercy started, bringing her empty hand up and gesturing to Noah's other one as well. Getting the message, the two kids connected their opposite hands, crossing their arms over one another in an X shape. "We are now... betrothed? Is that the right word?"
Noah laughed. "I don't know! You're the one who knew the pact," he said, and she joined him in his laughing.
Mercy shot to her feet quickly, almost tripping in the process if it weren't for Tokala, who stood up just as swiftly. She distantly heard him calling her name, but it felt like she was underwater, and her lungs wouldn't work. She tried to find the oxygen, but she was suffocating under his presence, and now with the memories at the forefront of her mind, she just wanted to be alone.
This couldn't be happening. She couldn't be betrothed to Tokala; why would the universe punish her more by making her spend the rest of her life tied to someone else? She didn't want to be tied to him, and she hadn't even considered ever getting married after Noah died. She just couldn't do it. She wouldn't break the pinky promise, even now.
She glanced up to see Tokala looking at her worriedly. She tried to give him a reassuring look, but she doubted that it worked. "I—I have to go," Mercy blurted out, finally finding the words she needed.
"Mercy..." Tokala reached out toward her, but she shook her head, which—surprisingly—made him hesitate.
"Please, I just..." She breathed in deeply, but the burn in her chest wasn't fading. She could feel the tears pricking at the corner of her eyes, and she turned away from him. "I need some time to... process this."
He didn't speak for a moment, but Mercy refused to be the one to look up. "Of course," he said softly, and Mercy felt a tad relieved that he wasn't going to bombard her with even more bombshells.
And before she could let the first tear fall from her face, Mercy ran. That was who she was: a runaway. She ran from all her problems every time it got too hard. She ran from New Orleans, she ran from her father, and now she was running from Tokala in a fast sprint, hoping that she could ignore this revelation.
Betrothed?
Mercy shook her head, feeling her face wet with her stupid crying. She twisted her body mid-sprint, and in the next second, she was a wolf, her paws pounding into the earth as she raced away from her cursed life.
She wished she could run forever.
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hello everybody!!
i'm so sorry for the small hiatus that this story had; i have to admit that the stress around the US election and the school semester ending really fast has got me distracted a lot from writing. i feel like this chapter was really hard to put together, so i would really appreciate some feedback on it. do you like it? is the story flowing smoothly? is it too cliche? please let me know so that i can get a feel for how people are reading it.
i would also love to hear some feedback on Tokala and his character. i'm still experimenting with him, but i'm liking him so far and i hope you guys are too.
with that said, thank you guys for reading! i'll try to get the next update posted sooner than this one was!
with love,
-kay <3