I leaned back against the counter watching him walk up the stairs, a smile on his face and I stood stunned. That didn't... happen. I imagined it, right?
He rounded the corner and I laughed, surprised at what just happened. What do I do? Walk back upstairs like nothing happened? He just, what?!
I took a sip of the water and after a few minutes of overthinking, walked back upstairs, my unease covered by the fact I was unable to contain my smile.
"What is up with you two?" Jungkook asked as I sat down and I leaned into him grinning, the butterfly's in my stomach fluttering around.
"Oh nothing, just.. you know... something good," I rest my head on the back of the couch and sighed looking over at Yoongi who was watching the movie, a smile back on my face.
"Like what?" He asked, eyes not leaving his computer screen. I shrugged and Jimin looked up at me making a giddy face.
"What, did you two kiss or something?" Jimin asked, the joke obvious in his voice but I stayed silent, looking up at the movie.
"Grayson!" Jimin yelled, jumping over Jungkooks legs to me. I ignored him and tried to hide my smile, telling him to shush but he didn't listen.
"Really?!" He yelled and I laughed pushing him away from me. Jungkook looked up at me, his face blank but something in his eyes told me something wasn't right. I frowned at him but Jimin pulled me up before I could say anything.
"Min Yoongi stand up right now!"
My face heated up as he looked up at Jimin with a bored face, not looking at me. Uh oh. Was I not supposed to say something?! Did he regret it? Was it bad?! I leaned back against Jimin as he shook me from my shoulders.
Yoongi slowly stood up and the lights turned on.
"What is going on now?"Jin asked pausing the movie. Namjoon was sleep in one of the chairs, Taehyung was watching us, wrapped up in a blanket beside Hobi.
"Yoongi attacked Gray downstairs when no one was with them!" Jimin yelled and I tried to put my hands over his mouth to stop him but, Jin was already up and Jimin had gotten away.
"Attacked?! What? Are you hurt?" I know my face had to be redder than a tomato at this point and Hobi checked around my body to see if I was hurt. Could this get any more embarrassing!?
"No dummy he attacked her with his," he made a kissing noise and I fell back into a chair covering my face.
As soon as they realized what he meant there was a swarm of talking and I got under a blanket.
"What?!"
"You kissed Gray?"
"Are you stupid?"
"Yoongi?!"
Someone pulled the blanket off and I looked up, Yoongi holding his hand out to help me up.
"I had to show what was mine since Taehyung kissed her first,"
"Taehyung did what?!" Jimin squealed in a high pitched voice and immediately Jin was shaking the poor boy awake. The whole room was chaotic, Jungkook still just watching me.
I couldn't tell what he was thinking about, his face blank.
"Whatuh," Taehyung groaned as Jimin was shaking him. I didn't know what to do, say, to make this better. Wait? Did Yoongi say what was his? He called me his!?
"Taehyung get up!" Namjoon was up now and his voice got Taehyung up immediately, everyone silent and waiting for what Joon had to say.
"Did we not just have a talk about not keeping secrets?"
I looked around at everyone and sat down, away from Yoongi. My heart was pounding, I always ruined everything...
"Technically Gray didn't keep anything secret-"
"-Jimin, not now." Jin said interrupting Jimin.
Joon looked back over at Taehyung who fixed his hoodie on his head, the awkwardness real tight in here.
"I kissed Gray, she pushed me away, end of story. Nothing else happened."
My face burned as everyone turned to me. I nodded and looked down at my hands.
"And Yoongi?"
"Gray told me Taehyung kissed her, her first kiss by the way, so I made sure she knew I wanted to cross that off her list."
Namjoon ran his hands across his face watching me and I made a face.
"You all work this out, it's too late for me,"
He walked out of the room and I frowned at Yoongi following after him. He didn't go downstairs but instead went into a room and I cautiously followed in after him.
"Namjoon?"
The lights turned on in the room and he raised an eye brow at me.
"How is it that every time something causes a commotion with us, you are always behind it?"
He smiled, so I knew he was joking but I still felt bad.
"They both just caught me off guard. I've tried to not cause problems, you know, like not in that way."
"I understand, you are talking to a guy who was the same way when we first met," He laughed and I sat down," I just don't want there to be fights, we all care for you Gray."
"Especially Yoongi," I turned around and in the doorway was Jin, his smile genuine. I scooted over on the bed as Jin came in.
"Yeah, especially Yoongi,"
I blushed at them and hugged my knees. Here I was, in the middle of things once again.
"Taehyung has a lot going on, I wouldn't think too much about him. He's always been very impulsive."
I nodded at Jin and let them talk for a few more minutes, just about today before excusing myself to find Jungkook. The look on his face still on my mind.
"Goodnight guys,"
Namjoon smiled tiredly," Goodnight Gray, talk to you in the morning,"
Jin followed me out, stopping me as we rounded the corner. I looked up as he put an arm around me.
"Hey, sorry I know you are probably really tired but....Yoongi really likes you." He paused looking down at me, face very serious," But so does Taehyung... and Jungkook. I know it's a lot to unpack but the other night we had a talk, just to be clear about everything,"
Jin led me into another room and sat down on the couch. I was too stunned to say, do anything. Jungkook?
"We didn't mean to leave you out of everything but, I had to know where everyone stood. Your the first girl we've had around in a long time, besides Dae of course but she's never been.. open, same with Jess."
I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out, my brain just gave up and I couldn't even process my feelings or thoughts, like what?
" I don't want you to feel left out or in the dark, we all care for you and want what's best for you but I... I can't let my boys get hurt, my best friends,"
I frowned, his purple hair falling in his eyes that were set on mine.
"Im confused."
He took a deep breathe and turned looking at the wall.
"I don't mean to be rude Grayson. You know I love you, you're the one of my closest friends but they are my brothers. It's already going to crush them to lose a friendship when you... don't make it a relationship too."
My face flushed at what he was saying and in all honestly I was hurt.
Hurt about what he said and hurt about the fact he was right. Even in death I would cause problems. I am glad it is dark in the room so he couldn't see the tears in my eyes.
"Im sorry if I have caused a lot of problems with everyone lately. I didn't mean to." My voice cracked at the end and Jin pulled me into his chest.
I wouldn't cry. I wouldn't let myself cry.
He rubbed my back and I took shuttering breathes.
"I have to protect them, they've been through so much already and I know you would never intentionally hurt them Gray." He pushed me back and smiled.
I nodded at him and watched as he walked out, letting me think.
Was I really hurting them by being their friend? I mean honestly, not only did I kiss one of them, I kissed two. Two out of the seven. And another one likes me. I mean that has got to make their friendship tense.
I am making their friendship tense.
Maybe it was best if I kept my distance, from everyone, including Yoongi, at least until I can figure out a way to explain it to myself how I could live with hurting them just because I wanted to feel something.
• • •
"Good morning Grayyy," Jimin said as I walked into the kitchen. I hadn't got much sleep, my brain wouldn't shut off, I was ready to go bad to bed and it was only 5 minutes past 9.
"Morning Jimin,"
Hobi sat at the table watching something on his phone so I sat down beside him.
I had decided not to find anyone else last night and instead found an empty room to sleep in. Jin had really made me think and I didn't know how to react. It's probably for the best that I don't start anything with anyone.
"Did you sleep good?" I turned to look at Hobi who poked my cheek.
"Yeah, the room I was in had some really fuzzy blankets,"
He laughed nodding," Where the walls a dark color?" I nodded and pointed to the boy across the room," That was Jimin's room. He fell asleep on the couch last night."
"You sleep in my room?" Jimin asked and I shrugged.
"Who slept in your room?" Someone said walking in and I lightly hit my forehead on the table. Yoongi and Jungkook walked in, looking between Jimin and me.
"Gray,"
Yoongi frowned at me but I didn't know what to say. Hobi squeezed my knee under the table, trying to comfort me, but I was too far gone to be comforted. It was too awkward and I felt guilty as everyone slowly came in, fixing breakfast and coffee.
Jin made some eggs for everyone and I took a sip of the coffee Yoongi made, neither tasted the same as normal.
I just listened in as they talked, not feeling open to talk.
In my head I made a plan. I would keep my distance. Friends. Only friends. I would talk to Yoongi when we got home. Talk to Jungkook this weekend when we go on his bike, and Taehyung some time in between.
I had to make everything clear with them because I couldn't lose them. I couldn't.