Hey guys, sorry that this came in so late. There was a big storm yesterday and my wifi has been in and out. I know this chapter is short but I will have another one posted by Friday of the upcoming week and it will be much better. I wanted to write more but with the power outage and wifi problems I didn't want to risk losing the progress saved here.
CODY'S POV:
For the last twelve hours all I could hear was a deafening tone that made my brain feel like it was in slow-motion. I am having a hard time digesting Charlie's moving proposal for obvious reasons but the one that was the most clear was my inability to separate myself from moms memory. If we leave, we'd be leaving the last remembrance of her behind and she'd have no one left. There'd be no one to bring her flowers, to wipe the dust off her grave, to update her on our lives, no one to sing her happy birthday or Merry Christmas...she'd just be another body in the ground.
Believe we when I say that we deliberated on the idea for almost four hours and yet, somehow, we came to the wrong conclusion. Charlie was for the move and Eryk was convinced the same, although I thought differently, thus leaving me out-voted.
"Hey, there you are." Eryk trudged from behind. "I've been looking for you, how're you doing out here?"
"Crappy, I feel like my emotions are playing ping-pong."
"Yeah I'm picking up the same," He joined me on the curb and ran his hands through his hair. "I've been replaying the idea in my head over and over, hoping that it'll somehow become likable or at least tolerable."
I shook my head in dismay, trying not to explode in the middle of the street. "How could Charlie just drop this on us? Where the hell did it even come from?"
Turning his head slightly so it was angled towards the city overview, he breathed deeply through his nose to be able to render a confession.
"I may have had something to do with that," He waited for a response but I had none. "but I didn't mean it directly. It was supposed to mean in the future, when I get older and move out."
I don't believe that Eryk would have directly suggested it to Charlie. There was no way he'd be able to let go of this city any easier than I would have.
"We'd be able to leave all the bad memories behind," He tried to help the situation by being positive, as he had always done in the past. "and we'd get a new, fresh start. That'll make the change a little easier."
"You know, it's not the change that bothers me."
"Yeah, we've been through a lot of changes together." He rubbed his shoulder against mine. "This one is no different."
"Is that why you walked away okay?"
"I think 'okay' is a stretch, it's something that I don't think I'd mind entirely but the idea of leaving the place where we spent our time with mom behind makes me nauseous."
I sighed but, glancing behind me to make sure no one was around, reached into my pocket and pulled out a cigarette. Eryk instantly knew what it was, he could sense the nicotine that his body was still in withdrawal, and we both sat there and admired it for a moment. We stared at it as every person does; a savory relief. A tiny vessel of calmness.
"Charlie's in the shower, I think we deserve this." I handed him the cigarette and pulled another one out for myself.
He looked behind him, "I don't want to know where you got it." and accepted it with a wave of excitement. "How am I supposed to light this man? What, do I got to rub two sticks together?"
"Here you jerk." I pulled out a lighter.
The minute the cigarette caught fire, he inhaled deeply and let the smoke stir around his mouth before letting out a slow exhale.
"Why is having a smoke so cathartic sometimes?" He asked, quickly going for another inhale.
I bounced the smoke around the corners of my mouth before saying, "Because for two years it was our only outlet."
"Two years for you, six for me buddy."
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ERYK'S POV:
Ever since we decided that we would be moving to Pennsylvania, there has been a rippling divider placed between us and Charlie. No one had mentioned it since our decision, we've been quietly tip-toeing around the subject like the mentioning of it would unleash a wave of disaster. We've hardly even said anything to each other on the drive to our therapy appointment today.
"Alright Cody, go ahead. We'll be back in a few hours." Charlie said as he put the truck in park as he parked in the first spot in front of the building.
"You're not coming in?" Cody asked.
"Not today, Eryk and I have an errand to run." He gave a soft expression to ease him but it had little affect.
"Okay then." He gave me a worried look and I returned a confident one.
We waited until he was in the building and we could see he approached the front desk through the glass doors located parallel to it. Charlie firmly but slowly tapped his fingers on the steering wheel and watched as the secretary took Cody to the back where we could no longer see him.
"Are you sure you want to do this Eryk?"
"Yeah, if we're moving it's something I have to do and Mr. Green said it is 'psychologically not without value'." I mocked to try to ease my nerves but his severe look destroyed that instantly.
"I'll be there with you for every moment of it. If, at any moment, you need me you need only to turn around and say something." He assured me, which made me feel more comfortable than anything.
"Thanks Charlie."
He nodded his head before putting the truck in gear and backing out of the parking lot. I shoved my hands into my pockets and played the scenario in my head again and again, as I have been doing for the last few days.
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CODY'S POV:
"I heard you're moving to another state." Mr. Green asked, though I barely heard it because I was too distracted by the view from his office window.
"Oh...oh yeah, yeah the move." I raised my eyebrows and shrugged.
"You do not seem very excited about it, is there anything the matter? Anything you would like to discuss regarding it?"
I took a deep breath and looked at him directly; he was a good person to talk to and he always seemed genuinely interested because he spoke with such sincerity. But today I don't have a lot of energy that I want to dedicate to the topic.
"I don't want to move, but I was out-voted by Charlie and Eryk."
"Why don't you want to move? Surely moving can be a very exciting journey for any person."
"Mom will be alone if we move away. She'll have no one here to take care of her, we can't abandon her like that." I exclaimed.
"Have you said this to Eryk and Charlie?" He folded his hands over his knees and shifted his weight in his chair.
I chuckled, "Eryk is as conflicted as I am but he still voted for it. Charlie let us make the decision but he seems to have no idea what he wants."
"Well Charlie is trying to navigate his family through difficult waters in the most caring way he can...but I think of all people your mom would be the one who would want you to move on and have a new start."
"Yeah, she used to say that a lot but I always imagined her being apart of that new start. Just the three of us together...I don't see any positives to the move."
"You'll be in a new house, going to another school, seeing a..."
"Different therapist." I interjected.
"Yes, and a different therapist but that could lead to progression as well." He shook his head slowly. "Try to understand that you've dealt with many negative experiences throughout your life, but this should not cause you to latch on to the negatives of situations."
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ERYK'S POV:
Before I could even completely reiterate the ideal scenario through my head, we arrived at the prison gate and were buzzed in after Charlie announced our appointment. My heart started hammering through my chest and I broke out in a cold sweat, the same thing always happened when I was hiding in the bedroom with Cody. It was always dark in the room and I was always frightened; petrifying thoughts consumed my brain, I was forced to put on a brave face for my little brother but I did a horrible job at hiding my apprehension, always panic-stricken, and the hair on the back of my neck stood straight despite the sweat pouring down all over me.
"Are you ready for this?" Charlie turned the keys in the ignition and pulled them out before shoving them into his pocket.
Am I ready for this? Am I truly ready for this? I feel I must preface that answer by saying that I don't know. No one is better suited to knowing exactly what it is that you are ready for than yourself, but as human beings we often have a horrible habit of presupposing how we will react and what we will say in theoretical situations.
"No, but I need to do this." I got out of the truck before he could ask a follow-up question that might result in me chickening out.
I want closure. I need closure.