THE PRICE OF LOVE.
It had been three days already. Three fucking days. And nothing.
Tine had opened his eyes, stirring up quite the ruckus at the hospital ward when several nurses rushed through the long, white halls to respond to the call when Type had anxiously and incessantly pressed on the nurses' call button hanging on a cord at the head of Tine's hospital bed.
At the time Sarawat had pivoted around right down the hall, just on his way out when a nurse hurried past him, nudging his shoulder and making the young man stagger lightly, the green light of the exit sign swimming around in his confused line of vision. He saw how the nurse scurried inside of Tine's room and then how a couple of more people in white, fluttering rocks followed suit. Heart thumping loudly inside his ears, Sarawat backtracked as if in a daze, returning back to the intensive care unit and quietly standing back against the flat wall inside the room, like a looming angel of death in his all black ensemble, while the medical staff handled the emergency.
In that precarious moment Sarawat was nothing but a bundle of buzzing nerves, big eyes darting crazily around the tiny room, pink tongue darting out to swipe over his dry bottom lip. The young man was desperately trying to see past all the people hovering around Tine to fucking understand what was going on. He then almost stopped breathing when a gap between the flurry of sharp movements reveled Tine's wide open doe eyes, staring blankly into space.
Hah?
Sarawat's breath hitched audibly in his throat as he swiftly leaned away from the wall, hypnotized by the unexpected, but oh so desired view. Was Tine awake? How was that even possible?
Sarawat's fingers twitched anxiously, an unnamed force buzzing just below his skin as he craned his neck to see better. He should really try not to get ahead of himself, he thought bitterly while trying to hold himself back from surging forward. There was no such thing as a free meal in this world. And maybe Sarawat was quite right when it finally dawned on him that Tine had not blinked even once while the medical staff was fretting around him.
It looked very unnatural, if not creepy even, with Tine just lying there on the white bed motionlessly, pink mouth slightly ajar and eyes glassy, arms white and limp, stretched out on each side of him. Sarawat shuddered as the miserable image left a harsh imprint inside his mind. Tine was undoubtedly going be his undoing.
Sarawat curled his hands into fists to stop them from shaking as something finally broke inside of him. Any hope Sarawat might have harbored was now sluggishly bleeding out of him. He could not help thinking that Tine's accident was somehow unnatural, as if something had seriously gone wrong out there in the world and it was now trying to push them together to mend the festering wound. But it was too late, the gap was too big. Fuck. The slight sting of Sarawat's neat nails digging into the flesh of his palm felt at least somewhat grounding, keeping Sarawat from acting like a total emotional wreck. Unlike Type.
Tine's older brother had tears streaming down his cheeks, nose flushed pink. One of the nurses was both supporting him from limply collapsing at the foot of the bed and keeping Type back from throwing himself foolishly over his little brother while the head physician carefully checked Tine's vitals.
After looking at monitors and shining a light into Tine's unresponsive, glossy eyes, the doctor straightened up with a small sigh, pocketing his penlight. He turned around with a watery smile on his kind face, keeping both Type and Sarawat in clinical suspense.
"It's not unusual for comatose patients to open their eyes or even move their fingers," he carefully explained. "These occurrences are just non-purposeful reflexes going through their system and not a voluntary, responsive movement to external stimuli. I'm sorry but this doesn't change Mr. Aekaranwong's current state."
Well fuck. Sarawat rubbed a callused hand over his face, feeling strangely empty inside while Type inhaled wetly somewhere in the near vicinity.
In the hours that followed, the medical staff did a CAT-scan of Tine's brain but nothing new showed up on the X-rays compared to his previous medical history. The same verdict remained. Tine was in a vegetative state, which was getting worse by the day and there was just so much the aiding machines could do. Tine was slowly thawing away.
And just as suddenly, Tine's doe eyes were closed the next day, soft eyelashes resting peacefully against his sharp cheeks. The breathing mask was once again placed securely over his thin face, now with the addition of an NG-tube inserted through his nose that would provide Tine with necessary nutrition.
"Poor boy, what a freak coincidence that he's to open his eyes just when the family had finally made peace with letting him go," Sarawat overheard attending nurses gossip while they hovered around the pale limbered youth, carefully massaging his legs and arms to keep his blood circulation going. Sarawat sneered nastily inside his head at their thoughtless babble.
Right. It had been a total fluke.
With everything that has been going on recently Sarawat was certainly starting to believe that there were no coincidences in the world anymore. Everything had a purpose, even if it was sometimes hard to see or difficult to understand. Tine did not show up at his side just out of nowhere. Even if it was his unfinished business of his unresolved feelings that had brought them together, giving them a new chance to meet each other, there was still undeniably some kind of greater force working behind the scenes. Maybe it was true what people said, that even the wings of a butterfly could cause a hurricane on the other side of the world. There had to be a catalyst that had set things in disorder, having Tine and Sarawat meet at a backward pace. This could not be the end yet, Sarawat refused to believe it.
Sarawat then looked down at his own open hand, recalling the blood that had painted the skin of his palm a reddish pink and those bloody coughs that had wrecked his body after their ghostly kiss. Maybe the universe just required something in exchange to tip the balance back upright again. And what was a little sacrifice from him in the grand scheme of things, really? Sarawat had already received so much from Tine in such a short time, showing him how love could look like; it was iridescent and shining but also so, so fragile, always ready to slip away.
It was only right that Sarawat gave something back in return.
Love had no price.
-----
Phukong sipped at his iced coffee while fixing his dark eyes on Sarawat in the yellow light of the tiny coffee place that they were seated at. The barista was bustling in the background, filling the slightly awkward silence between the odd pair of brothers with the whirr of a coffee machine grinding beans, shortly followed by the hiss of a steamer. Phukong wrinkled his nose at the strong scent of roasted beans that intermingled with the stocky air inside, the heady scent since long ago having seeped into the walls and the furniture inside the establishment.
"Why did you want to meet?" Phukong asked finally with a sigh when he could no longer stand the silence, casting a glance at his older brother, who was slouching in his cushioned chair with his long legs splayed wide under the table. Phukong would never admit it out loud but he was a little nervous at Sarawat's sudden interest in his life, especially since he was digging into the accident from last year. Was it not a little too late to act as big brother now?
"I want you to meet someone," Sarawat replied simply and not particularly helpfully while raising a cup of black coffee to his sultry lips, taking a big gulp of the bitter liquid. He had dark circles under his eyes and it looked as if he had not slept for days. However, his eyes looked just as dark and acid as the brew and Phukong felt a chill run down his spine. Sarawat was not acting as his usual, stuck up self these days and it worried Phukong a little. What kind of shit could he have gotten himself into? From the looks it – was it drugs?
The little bell above the entrance door jingled.
"Sarawat!" Came the high pitched call and both men turned around to face the leggy female that had just walked into the coffee shop. Natty staggered to a halt on her sky high heels as soon as her big eyes landed on Phukong. "Oh," she then breathed out, her thin shoulders deflating as she blinked at the younger man apprehensively. Her long, undoubtedly fake lashes swished up and down rapidly while she tried to process the hovering, dark spirit at their table, trying to understand who it was attached to. Something tugged at her heart. Oh no.
Phukong stared wide eyed at the young woman, in her matching all jeans outfit with big, dangling hoop earrings on each side of her face and a big, sloppy bun of black hair at the top of her head.
"Phi, is this someone you know?" He asked, gaze flickering to Sarawat and then back to the peculiar woman that was still nervously hovering by the door, her eyes a little glazed over and red lips mouthing silent words. But then Natty blinked and her pupils were once again focused on the brothers. Pensive, she bit on her lower lip, the garish red lipstick that was lining her mouth was now staining her front teeth.
"Sarawat, can we talk privately real quick?" she ranted rather than asked and cobbled right back outside, jingling the bell above the glass door.
Natty then started pacing slowly along the big glass wall of the coffee shop, in plain sight from where Phukong and Sarawat were seated. The female was now and then throwing worried looks inside, seemingly eager to get away from there a soon as possible. What kind of cosmic shit had Sarawat gotten himself into with all these lost souls flocking around him?
Sarawat just rolled his eyes at Natty's usual antics and stood up with an exasperated sigh. Phukong looked up at him in confusion, a question swimming in his auburn eyes.
"Stay here," Sarawat ordered and sauntered across the tiny coffee shop, following the woman into the sunny outside.
"What did you see?" Sarawat instantly asked, voice low and dark eyes narrowed at the medium, nervous hands hidden in the pockets of his black slacks.
"You need to bring your brother to a temple," Natty whispered, an intense expression on her face as she raised one hand to cover her mouth. "Asap," she urged, tugging at the sleeve of his white sweatshirt.
"Natty. What did you see?" Sarawat repeated his question with badly concealed annoyance, looming over the slim woman as he leaned in closer, invading her space as his dark shadow fell across her face.
Natty glanced back inside through the glass window where Phukong was watching them, the dark spirit lingering at his back, its tendrils of dark smoke curling around his neck. The younger man had a pinch between his brows, eyes suspiciously narrowed into slits as he tried to comprehend what the heck was going on and why he was there to witness it.
"I-" Natty licked her lips and tried again, looking back at Sarawat and steadily holding his gaze this time. "There's something evil that has latched onto your brother. You need to take him to a temple for purification. Songkran Festival is still weeks away, I'm not sure you can afford to wait that long..." she trailed off, a concerned furrow marring her face.
And there it was, the final missing piece to Tine's seemingly freak accident. Everything was now slotting into place, finally reveling the game plan that they had to work around. Sarawat exhaled, looking to the side while blinking rapidly. What Phukong had told Sarawat earlier about the motorcycle accident had struck a familiar cord inside of him. The way he mentioned not being in control of his own body had instantly reminded Sarawat of the possession stunt between him and Tine.
Huh. So it was true then, it had really not been Tine's time to die yet. If Phukong had been possessed at the time of the accident then it meant that a foreign, unnatural force had intervened with Tine's life, with his predestined faith, casting everything in disorder – just as Sarawat had suspected. So was there still hope then? Was the universe actually on their side, fighting to keep Tine alive too?
Sarawat felt overwhelmed by this instant revelation, his heart soaring inside his chest at the possibility of Tine still, somehow, making it through these hellish circumstances. He raked a fluid hand through his disheveled hair, brandishing a smooth forehead.
"Sarawat, do you hear me?" Natty tugged at his sleeve again. "You need to make sure that your brother gets rid of the evil spirit."
The young man nodded quickly, hair bouncing. Yes. He would make sure to help Phukong. Sarawat would keep a close eye on his little brother from now on. He then pinned the woman with an intense stare, grabbing her by her upper arms eagerly.
"Natty, what do you know about sharing life force?"
-----
Sarawat stared darkly at Tine's slack face. He was lingering at his bedside like a menacing shadow, a storm of complicated feelings brewing on his handsome face and determination flickering in and out of his gloomy eyes. He had been pacing back and forth in the tiny private unit for several minutes already, wasting precious time while mulling over his choices and their possible consequences.
Shit! Why was he so nervous?
Either it would work, making Sarawat's deepest desire come true or it just would not. Period. There was nothing else to lose. Well, besides losing Tine, but that was old news already.
Sarawat combed a shaky hand through his fluffy hair frustratingly, bangs flopping back over his wide forehead. His gaze strayed minutely to the bouquet of fresh flowers on the little bedside table that Tine's friends had left upon their visit to the hospital, brightening up the otherwise bleak room. The get well soon card in between the flower stalks seemed rather meaningless at this point, just a mocking reminder of their crass reality. A cynical smirk fluttered over Sarawat's lips, flashing his sharp teeth.
The current situation was just so anticlimactic, frustrating him to no end. Sarawat had finally found Tine but there were no sparks, no fireworks.
Nothing.
Only death loomed on the horizon and the long remainder of his life only filled with loneliness. Sarawat was just so afraid of losing Tine, to have him slip through his fingers just like the fine grains of sand. His heart trembled at the mere thought of it, rendering him breathless and making his chest ache something excruciatingly. These past couple of days had been both strange and frightening, like a nightmare where time and rationality did not exist, where he could only watch everything unfurl from the sidelines. Sarawat could no longer even keep up with his own feelings that were surging inside of him like a dark and stormy sea, threatening to swallow him whole and drown him in his own desperate desire. He would go crazy if Tine died, after everything that they had went through, only to slip away like this – it was just too cruel and would undoubtedly fuck him up.
Shit.
Sarawat's wide lips quivered and he looked up quickly, tipping his head backwards while blinking away the stinging tears that were threatening to spill from his large eyes.
Life was so precious. Why had he not treasured it more? Not only for Tine's sake but also for his little brother, for Pam and even his mother. Sarawat had been so foolish. He had not cherished anything or anyone else than himself. Maybe this was his elusive chance to redeem himself and set things right. If there was a lesson to be learned in there somewhere, then it was just too unfair that Tine had been the one to be sacrificed for it.
Sarawat staggered to a halt and turned around abruptly, dark hair fluttering around his determined face. Fuck it! He would just do it. He quickly took the last couple of remaining steps to Tine's hospital bed, one hand instantly reaching out to clutch at Tine's limp one, squeezing his cold fingers reassuringly.
They would make it, against all odds. They had to.
Sarawat took a steadying breath as his dark eyes traced the pasty features of Tine's narrow face. His open mouthed breaths sounded a little strange because of the thick rubber mask that was covering his mouth, chest quivering laboriously underneath the stiff hospital sheets while his body worked to keep him alive.
Would Tine still like Sarawat once he opened his eyes?
Would Tine remember him?
What if...?
No! Sarawat was being selfish, thinking only of his own needs again. It did not matter what happened with their presumed relationship, as long as Tine was alive. Tine existing in this world together with Sarawat was the only important thing that mattered, everything else was irrelevant.
With these thoughts, Sarawat carefully slid Tine's breathing mask off of his face. He glanced however quickly at the door, making sure that Type was not hovering around. But only nurses could be heard walking by, their shoes squeaking against the sleek floor out in the hall. Sarawat had no idea how any of this worked but he had a feeling that they would get only one chance, there would be no do over for this kind of ambiguous thing.
He bent slowly over Tine's face, strong hands braced against the bed on each side of his head. The mattress dipped under his weight and Tine's head tipped limply to one side, facing Sarawat as sluggish breaths feathered over his slack lips. The guitarist's eyelashes fluttered as he gazed longingly at the young man for one silent second. Tine looked so beautiful, so ethereal, even with how skinny he had become, his cheeks sharper than ever and a jawline that could cut through things. His dark brows and lashes painted a fine contrast against his snowy skin, while his hair, albeit a little greasy, was curling endearingly around his face.
"Tine, I'm sorry," Sarawat said quietly into the tiny space between them, Sarawat's golden skin a warm contrast against Tine's pale features. "I'm sorry I didn't notice you earlier. I'm sorry you got into this fucking accident that made you end up here. I'm sorry you had to hang around me as a ghost, it must have been scary." Licking his own lips, Sarawat moved one tanned hand to the other one's clammy face. "Tine? I- I love you, Tine. Please come back. You can hate me for putting you through this, just come back. Please."
Sarawat then carefully pressed his deft fingers into the hollows of Tine's cheeks and pried his mouth open wider. Heart trembling slightly at how completely venerable Tine was in his current state, dark eyes lingering on the soft insides of Tine's pink, open mouth.
Well, this was only minimally awkward, Sarawat thought fleetingly as he fought against the cynical smirk that suddenly threatened to curl at the ends of his sultry lips.
Batting away these unnecessary thoughts, he leaned over, angling his head and with one fluid motion covered Tine's lukewarm lips with his own, hot ones. Inhaling through his nose and filling his lungs to the brim with air – with life – Sarawat thereafter exhaled with a focused intent into their lip lock, passing his precious life on to Tine.
Please wake up. Take my life. Take it all, just...
Instantly Sarawat felt a tingling sensation rising within his body like a threatening wave, curling his toes and jolting like an electric current through his veins, pulling at his heart as it thumped harder and faster inside his caving chest. Sarawat raised his head a little, creating a sliver of space between their lips.
The room was instantly flooded with golden light, almost blinding Sarawat with its brightness as it spilled from in between their lips, casting kaleidoscopic shadows on the walls. Something shimmering and alive, like a twirling galaxy of stars was gushing out between his lips and seeping into Tine's mouth, pulsing like a strobe of light below his translucent skin as it spread rapidly along his body, illuminating all those blue veins on the inside of his arms and at the juncture of his neck.
Sarawat's life essence, his very core, was rapidly making Tine's cheeks tingle with a healthy flush. Dark hair fluttered around his face in an otherworldly breeze as the golden light illuminated his face brightly. A pale finger twitched slightly against the coarse bed sheets, his fingertips suddenly sizzling with a rush of warmth, a rush of love.
Instantly the room grew noticeably darker, murky shadows elongating along the walls when a painful tug from deep within his chest made Sarawat stagger forward and almost topple over Tine, putting their faces closer together. He braced himself heavily against the bed, breathing harshly as he tried not to squish Tine's fragile body under his own weight. The golden tendrils kept unrelentingly streaming between them as they kept drawing Sarawat in, drawing him closer to Tine by the invisible string connected to his very core and painfully uprooting it.
Sarawat squeezed his eyes at the excruciating pain that shot through his body, knees buckling when instantaneous lightheadedness hit him, as something lukewarm dripped from his lips. The young man glanced down, his vision swimming, and was horrified to find one of Tine's cheeks splattered with blood. Sarawat's own blood. Cold iron instantly coiled in his lower belly, almost dragging him down through the floor. Fuck.
Tine's round eyes suddenly popped wide open, irises contracting in the bright light that was still surging between them in the murky room. The glassy orbs focused fuzzily on Sarawat, the golden shimmer of their shared life force reflecting within them like a burning flame. Shocked to find himself finally locking gazes with Tine, Sarawat found explosive strength to rip himself away, almost falling back on his ass. This efficiently cut off the golden stream gushing between them, disconnecting the floodgates between their souls and bathing the room once again in the sterile hospital light.
Sarawat staggered upright and quickly reached for the nurses' call button with a shaky hand, leaving bloodied fingerprints all over the white plastic.
Mind all fuzzy and muddled after the yearlong sleep, Tine's gaze uncomprehendingly followed Sarawat's panicked movements. He made a futile effort to speak as he wanted to ask what was going on and where the hell he was but sadly, no sound came out. The fair skinned man barely managed to move his chapped lips, instantly tiring himself out. A breathy moan fluttered over his lips instead, eyelids growing heavy. He was still riding the phantom remains of the tidal waves that were strumming through him, keeping him a float and out of the darkness that was threatening to pull him down into a merciless void.
Sarawat did not even have the time to enjoy this surreal moment when he felt an awful, scratching sensation within his chest, prompting him to cough harshly and wetly, curling in on himself as his tall body shook with the force of it. Only to find blood splattered all over his hands. Sarawat stared wide eyed at his soiled palms, sharp brows arched high on his face all the while blood trailed over his parted lips, dripping sluggishly from his chin and onto his white sweatshirt. It was no surprise, really.
He sent a panicked gaze Tine's way, not wanting him to see any of this. But Tine was still too dazed, round eyes roaming around the room blearily and partially unseeingly as he was struggling to stay awake. He was afraid of going back to the dark and bottomless sea that had been cradling him for so long.
Remembering that the tiny room was soon going to be filled with medical staff, Sarawat decided to make himself scarce for now. They were undoubtedly going to ask him imploring questions that he had no answers to. He staggered out of there, steering his unsteady steps further down the hall and to the hospital restrooms.
-----
Sarawat braced his shaky hands against the toilet, down on his wobbly knees in a spotless restroom stall. His stomach was rolling in waves as the rough coughs kept unrelentingly wracking through his body, making him feel very nauseous. With a wet, shaky inhale he ducked his head down and heaved all of his insides into the porcelain bowl for the nth time. The inside of his throat was all scratched up and raw by now, sweaty hair sticking to his temples as he breathed laboriously. Vision clouded by tears of pain, his gaze flickered down and Sarawat was appalled but not particularly surprised to see that once again, it had been nothing but clotted blood coming out of him, now slowly seeping into the clear water.
Maybe love did have a price, he thought sardonically as another cough wracked his body.
Well, he had better pay up then.
Note:
Thank you everyone that are still reading this story! It warms my heart to read your comments, any comments, really ♥
I hope this chapter wasn't a drag but I felt it necessary for Sarawat to make a conscious decision to save Tine, instead of it just happening by accident.