Chapter 13 – Josh's POV
Waiting On A Friend
Here I am, sitting at the dinning table at my parents' house once again, wishing I could be anywhere else but here.
I wish I could be in bed, not sleeping but with my eyes closed, recalling how it felt to kiss Flea Market Girl, how soft her skin was, and what I could have done if she stopped leaving, if I had her all to myself in an actual room, with an actual door.
I wish it could be the weekend right now.
I wish my father could stop glaring at me. "Do you make it your life's purpose to humiliate me?"
Here we go again... "Huh?"
"Harold told me about the meeting for the art project," my father explains, still glaring at me. Everyone is very quiet around the room. Catherine is staring at her plate. My step-mother gets up to go grab butter for the rolls. I'm pretty sure there's already butter somewhere.
I hate being here.
I sigh, already exhausted by this and I haven't even had the time to take one bite from my mushroom risotto. "What do you want from me Dad?"
"I want you to do something significant with yourself. You dropped out. No. Dropped out is not even the right term, sat in one class, stood up and said I'm too old for this shit and just left. You had so much potential, so many opportunities and you're just spitting on it, spitting on everything I did to help you make a life for yourself. You humiliate me any time I try to help you. You're a disgrace."
I'm done. I'm fucking done. "Jesus Christ Scott, you crack backs for a living. You contribute nothing significant to society. You're another useless charlatan. You couldn't even take care of your kid alone so you dumped him on your friend's footsteps."
Unsurprisingly, my father gets up, furious. He points to the door. "Get out. GET OUT of my house. You ungrateful spoiled useless bum. Your mother would be ashamed of you. She would be ashamed."
This isn't the first argument we've had. It's not the first time we've said these things. They hurt just the same every time. "Fuck off Scott, she'd be pissed at you for being a prick with a stick up his ass."
Still furious. "OUT!" he yells.
I get up. Whatever. I wave at him, blowing him a kiss. "Bye Felicia."
He starts yelling again, but I ignore it.
I feel bad about leaving my sister and mother to deal with this, but I just can't anymore. Not today. I don't want to deal with it today.
Catherine catches up with me before I'm done putting my shoes on. "Why do you keep antagonizing him?"
It always stings, any time she takes his side. I know she doesn't mean anything bad by it. Still sucks that my sister isn't defending me, but him.
"Why does he keep trying to turn me into something I'm not?" I ask her.
"He just wants you to have a life he thinks is good."
"Not for me."
"Why can't you two just have a normal conversation?"
"Because I'm not normal and he always looks for a fight."
"You're looking for a fight too. You're mad at him. You'll always be mad at him, because of Mom. You hurt her every time you say that abandoning shit to him."
"Catherine, I love you, but..." I sigh, "please, leave me alone."
I ignore her response and leave this god forsaken house.
I sit in my car and I start driving. I feel like crying. I think I might cry.
Jesus.
I miss Jayden. The thought hits me like a wrecking ball.
I want Jayden right now. He always used to call my father Dolores Umbridge. He actually kicked him and bit him once.
He was always ready to fight my father any time he did or said something mean. When my father finally came back to get me, after he'd been done mourning my Mom and finding himself a new wife, Jay had hidden me from him. Like, literally. We were living in France back then, in a little town, in a cottage surrounded by forest.
We stayed hidden for what felt like days.
I know it was a lot shorter than that, but I was like four or five at the time, and Jayden was insane for running away with me. We were freaking toddlers.
But when Jayden protected you, no one could get in his way.
I stayed one more month with the Eatons because of that.
God, I miss Jayden. I miss him so much.
I want my big brother...
So I call my little on instead. "Hey Boo Bear," I say when he picks up.
"Oh, something's wrong."
I sniff. My eyes are filled with tears. Snot is building in my nose. I'm a mess. "Nothing wrong. I just haven't eaten, so like, let's meet up at the dinner, I'll grab something and then we can Banksy this town"
"You okay?" Blake says, clearly concerned.
"Yeah, absolutely. See you in a few."
Twenty minutes later, I'm at the usual dinner, and I don't look like a crying mess.
Blake is already there.
"I ordered your usual," he tells me the second I step out of my car.
Good, I really am starving. Maybe I got emotional because I'm hungry.
Let's smile. Let's forget about my Dad. My life is mine. I'm the one that decides whether to be happy or not, and I decide to be happy.
My favourite cook is behind the counter.
I grin, and say in a sing-song voice. "Hey Freeeed."
Blake laughs.
Fred rolls his eyes. "What's he doing here?"
I press my hand on my chest. "I'm here to once again ask for your hand in marriage. I'm ready to wait. It's either you or your sister in like twenty years, but I'd much rather it be you."
So like, a hundred percent honest, I'd kiss Fred right now, if I knew he was interested in man. It would probably be nice to kiss him. He looks like he can kiss. I'd like to have his attention. I think it would fill a void.
But I also know I'm fucking stupid for thinking that.
God, I'm a mess today.
"And like every other time, each time you ask me that, I spit in your burger," he replies.
I make inappropriate sounds. "Oh yes please do."
Fred ignores me. "Weirdo."
"Is Daphnee watching your little sister?" Blake asks, changing the subject.
"Yeah, she picked her up about an hour ago."
I frown, out of the loop. "Who's Daphnee?"
"His sugar mama," Blake explains, chuckling.
Fred does not seem amuse, but I suddenly am. I wiggle my eyebrows. "Nice. What does she look like?"
I want a picture and life story of the girl that's stealing my beautiful Fred from me.
"Oh, she's not on social medias. I mean, the only pictures you'll find of her on the internet are of her boobs."
"Mmm, my kind of girl."
Fred snorts. "I don't even want to imagine you two in the same room."
"Why?"
"She loathes the Rolling Stones."
I make a grimace. "Hate her." Blake and Fred laugh at my remark. I don't get why. Who hates the Rolling Stones? She must have no soul, or taste. "Anyway, enough chitchatting, if we have our food and if Fred's not going to make out in the freezer with me, I don't see why we should stick around."
Blake's got the paper bag with our junk food, and I feel like driving far far away.
Fred shakes his head and mumbles, "Yeah, you and her, eerie."
"Remember, when she's done with you, I'll wait for you, with open arms, because you know," and I start singing, "I'm not waiting on a lady, I'm waiting—" Blake grabs me and drags me away while I laugh.
"Bye Fred, sorry about that Fred," he yells and pushes me in his car, putting the bag of food on my lap.
"So, do you have a plan?" he asks once he's sitting on the driver's side.
"Just mindless destruction really," I answer and grab a cheeseburger.
Blake starts driving and ask, sounding a little worried. "How was dinner?"
I munch my food. Swallow. "Brutal. I think for my own mental health I'm going to have to stop seeing my father. It sucks because I don't want to put my mom and sister in a bad spot, but I can't keep taking his attacks. I get that I'm not all he wants me to be, but it's not like I'm living in a cardboard box sniffing spray paint."
"I'm sorry it has to come to this Josh. It sucks. And you're right, you can't keep getting insulted and put down by him. You don't deserve it."
I smile at him sweetly. "Thanks little brother."
"I am your little brother, and even if your family doesn't always get you, you know you always have a place in mine."
I pat his cheek. "Aw, you big sappy Boo Bear."
"It's true. I am your family"
"I know."
Sometimes, when I close my eyes, and Blake is speaking to me, I kinda hear Jayden's voice.
I miss Jayden's voice. He had such a nice voice. Comforting. Warm.
Gotta stop thinking about Jay otherwise I think I'm going to cry in my fries and I don't want Blake to worry.
I look out the window as Blake keeps driving and I eat my burger.
I try to think of something good.
I wonder what my Flea Market Girl is doing. I'm imagining her kissing strangers and thinking about me instead. I'm thinking about her counting the seconds till the weekend, till we can keep on this prolonged foreplay.
I take another bite of my hamburger and try not to cry.
_______
A/N: So, 100% honest, full disclosure, I kinda teared up writing some parts of this chapter. Jayden and Josh's relationship is something you guys haven't heard much about, but every time I write about it, it kinda hits me.
I hope you guys had fun reading this chapter, and seeing Josh and Fred interact. ;P
Also, if you didn't know, today is Blake's birthday. I answered questions on my instagram (kaygiard) and I've uploaded an introduction to Pitiful I Know, the future edited version of I Sold I'm working on. Go give it some love once I start uploading the chapters for real.
Alright, leaving you alone now! Love you guys! <3