Coach worked us hard. We did so much receives everything hurt afterward.
I was determined to get better, and Coach Ukai's words weren't going to bring me down! I knew receives were one of my weak points, but practice makes perfect!
I got Suga to set for me so I could practice my spikes. I wasn't that great, but I was getting better, and I think the others were starting to see how determined I was!
The car ride over to the training camp was pretty boring, other than Hinata, Tanaka, and Nishinoya yelling about various things the whole time. Tsukki even offered one of his headphones so we could listen to music together!
I made sure to wear my binder on the way over, deciding to wear it as much as possible when we weren't training. I could tell Tsukki didn't really like it considering he glared at me when he noticed I was wearing it, but I didn't care that much. I was more worried about others finding out I was a girl at the training camp! There were a number of things that could go wrong! I just hoped Tsukki had my back so nothing too extreme happened.
The training camp building was pretty cool, but of course, Hinata had to make a big deal out of it. Not to mention Nishinoya and Tanaka groveling at Kioko's feet. The gym and exercise rooms were pretty cool though. I was going to do everything in my power to push myself forward!
Training continued just like before, only this time everyone was in close quarters constantly. We all slept in the same room, and because we were all "Guys" We changed in the same room too, except for me who beelined for the bathroom every time we had to change.
We got our jerseys too! I was 12 while Tsukki was 11. I was still on the sidelines with Suga and some of the other second years, but the game still made me excited! Our starting lineup was super strong, and I knew Tsukki, Kageyama, and Hinata would be able to win!
Tsukki and I sat down on our sleeping bags. I was scrolling through my phone while Tsukki read a book he brought with him.
"What do you think the Nekoma team is like?" I asked him. He looked up from his book and thought for a second.
"I've heard their team is pretty strong, but I doubt they'll win against us. As much as I hate to say it, we've got some strong players on our team," Tsukki said. I smiled at him.
"Aww, does that mean you believe in your teammates?" I asked him, giving him a sly look. He shoved me hard on the shoulder, making me fall over.
"That's not what I'm saying at all!" He growled, glaring at me.
"Yeah yeah, say what you will, but I've seen how you're starting to open up more to their moves," I chuckled.
"I'd still do better with you on the team. I trust you, and I know how you play. I know how to set to you so you can spike, Kageyama's sets piss me off," Tsukki says, turning back to his book.
"I'd only hold you guys back, or mess up on the court. It's better for me to be on the bench," I responded, looking down at my hands with a weak smile.
"You're being self-critical again, knock it off," Tsukki growled at me, breaking me out of my train of thought.
"Right, sorry Tsukki," I smiled, going back to my phone.
Mom: Kimiko! How's your camp? my mother's text popped up and I cringed at the name. I clicked on the notification.
Me: Fine, I'm training a lot. My team might win against Nekoma, but we'll have to see. I sent back, shrugging off the name.
Mom: Alright baby, stay safe, don't want my baby girl to hurt herself! My mother sent, making me cringe even more. She didn't use to do this until I came out to her, it was only then that she started using female pet names and pronouns a lot when talking to or about me. I glared down at the message, feeling uncomfortable in the names.
"What's wrong," Tsukki asked. I handed over the phone without another word, staring down at my lap while one hand lazily rubbed my chest where my binder was.
"What a bitch," Tsukki growled out, turning off the phone and handing it back.
"It's fine, Tsukki, I don't mind," I told him with a quiet voice.
"That's bullshit, look at you?! You clearly mind! And if she didn't already hate me I would be yelling at her right now!" Tsukki's voice sounded terrifying, like he was about to murder everyone in the room.
"What's up with you two?" Suga asked, walking over to us.
"It's nothing! Don't worry!" I said quickly, smiling up at him in an attempt to ease their worry. Tsukki only glared at me, like he was trying to tell me that it wasn't nothing, but I ignored him.
"Are you sure? Tsukishima looks pretty angry," Suga asked, taking a step back from Tsukki.
"Yeah, he's fine," I said, elbowing Tsukki in the side. He grunted, hunching over a little.
"If you say so," Suga said quietly before walking away.
"Why do you always play it off like it's no big deal?" Tsukki asked once Suga was gone.
"Because it's not that big of a deal, I have to hear it all the time at home. And technically she's not wrong," I muttered, looking down at my lap.
"Don't start that shit! You're a boy, you identify as a boy, you have a boy's name, and you look like a boy! She just can't accept that, and that's on her, not you!" Tsukki said, placing a hand on my shoulder. I could feel my chest squeezing and tears welling in my eyes.
"I'm going to use the restroom, I'll be right back," I tell him, then stand up from our spot. I started walking towards the door, but Tsukki's voice stopped me.
"Tadashi!" He called out, a faint line of worry in his voice that only I would be able to hear. I turned around and looked back at Tsukki. He was looked up at me, his eyes asking me a silent question.
"I'm fine, don't worry about me! Thank you Tsukki," I said, smiling at him, but the tightness in my chest didn't go away, and too many emotions flooded my mind.
I ran to the farthest bathroom so there was less chance of someone walking in. I leaned on the sink, looking into my face. My eyes were red, and tears streamed down my cheeks. It's been a few years since Tsukki first told me I was passing, but I could still see the feminine features that I used to hate so much. My mom constantly pointed them out to me, talking about how much of a "Beautiful lady" I looked. Either that, or calling me slurs and harsh names, telling me I was delusional.
I lifted my shirt and glared at the binder that gripped my chest. I remembered when I first got it a few years ago. I was so excited that I immediately ran over to Tsukki's house to show him. I remember his mom walking in right as I lifted my shirt to show him the binder, and then having to explain to her that I was trans and excited to be flat for the first time in my life. She accepted me immediately, and without hesitation, meanwhile, my own mother constantly shoved female pronouns down my throat and attacked me mentally.
Tsukki was right, I didn't like what she said, but there was nothing I could do about it. Tsukki already tried talking to her, which ended in him being kicked out of our house and told to never come back.
My dad didn't dare fight her on it, but when we were alone he would use male pronouns and call me his son, so I knew he was ok with it. I've only ever told Tsukki, his mom, and my parents that I was trans. I didn't have many friends before my transition, so no one really noticed the gender switch.
I also knew Tsukki was probably right about the team accepting me, but I couldn't be sure. What if the principal found out and forced me to switch? What if it caused them to look at me differently? What if someone leaked it and everyone found out? There was no way I could handle everyone finding out!
My head was getting light-headed from all my crying. I pulled my shirt down and splashed water in my face, letting the cold water wash over my hot cheeks. I tried to make it look like I hadn't been crying, but it didn't really work. My eyes were puffy and watery, and I knew it would be hard to smile naturally for a while. I took a few deep breaths, trying to get the heaviness in my chest to subside before leaving.
I wandered the halls of the building, aimlessly walking around before going back to Tsukki again. I noticed Hinata up ahead and tried to keep my head down as I passed him.
"Hi, Tadashi! What are you doing?" He asked, walking beside me.
"Just wondering around," I said quietly, glancing down at the energetic ginger.
"Cool! This place is awesome isn't it?" Hinata asked excitedly, spinning on his heel as he walked. He was like a kid on Christmas.
"Yeah, I guess it's pretty cool," I said, giving him a little smile, it being all I could muster after my emotional breakdown in the bathroom.
"Are you excited for our match against Nekoma soon?" He asked, looking up at me with his big eyes.
"Yeah, I'm sure you'll do great!" I reassured. Hinata smiled up at me.
"I've noticed you improving too! Your serves are getting better, and your receives too!" Hinata complemented.
"Thanks, I've been working hard," I smiled softly. Hinata ran ahead, leaving me in the dark hallway. I wandered the halls a little longer, liking the peace and quiet.
"Tadashi!" Someone yelled from behind me. I sighed, then turned around. I was surprised to see Tsukki running up to me.
"You took too long, I got worried," He said, his breath heavy from running all around the building.
"Oh, sorry Tsukki," I said.
"Don't apologize, do you feel better?" he asked, glancing down at me.
"What do you mean?" I responded, not looking at him, instead, examining the ground.
"Don't play coy, I know you cried, and I know that's the reason you're wondering around the halls," Tsukki said, bumping my shoulder with his.
"I can never hide anything from you, can I?" I said quietly.
"If this is still about what your mother said, I-" Tsukki started, but I cut him off.
"No, no, it's not that. I mean, it kinda is, but you don't need to do anything!" I rushed out. Tsukki gave a cautious look at me, like he was trying to read my face, which knowing him, he could probably do really well.
"I'm just thinking about a lot of different things, nothing to worry about," I told him
"Then share them with me so I could help," Tsukki hummed.
"No, its fine, it's nothing bad, you don't have to worry about me," I assured, waving my hands in front of me.
"Tadashi, you can tell me anything, you know that," Tsukki said, looking down to me again. His eyes were kind and caring, completely different from his game face. I felt my face heating up and quickly looked away.
"I know," I said in a small voice. Tsukki and I made it back to the room we were all sleeping in. Everyone was in their spots already.
"There you two are, could you turn off the light?" Daichi asked from his sleeping bag. I nodded and flipped the switch. I stumbled into Tsukki on my way to our sleeping bags. He ended up having to grab my hand in order to guide me, making my face bright red, and my stomach to twist into knots.
He finally let go when we got to our sleeping bags and I crawled in silently, wanting to forget how warm his hand made me feel.
I curled up into a ball, my mind reeling from everything that happened today. It took hours to fall asleep.