The next day, Murad allowed me to leave my chambers and to see my children. I was really disappointed in his acts and didn't even want to talk with him before he asks me for forgivness. I could tolerate everything, except injustice. He accused me for having a lover even though I only wanted his daughter to be happy. Why would he even think I would have a lover when I married him?
I left my chambers after I had a breakfast and went to see Ismihan. I came into her chambers and she welcomed me with a hug. I saw she ie worried on her face.
- Hoşyar, I was so scared for you. My father was so angry and agressive, I was scared he would do something bad for you. - she said while she was hugging me.
- Its okay now, but I won't forget this. He accused me for having a lover. He thought Kasim-paşa is my lover. - I told her disappointedly.
- I know, and now father asked my mother if she allows my marriage with Kasim-paşa. My mother said no because she thinks Kasim is your ally. - Ismihan said sadly as she sat on sofa.
- Dont worry, I will make things work out. You will marry Kasim if you love him, I promise you. - I told her while squeezing her hand comfortly.
- Father said he will give us some important news tonight on dinner. - she said as she smiled to me.
- What dinner? - I said as I was confused, I haven't heard of any dinner.
- He invited the whole family and all children tonight in his chambers on special dinner. - she said to me with a smile.
I was confused at that moment, why haven't anyone told me that?
- Are only children invited or? - I asked her.
- No, even my mother is invited. Wait, you arent? - She asked me really surprisedly.
- I hear first words from you. - I told her and didn't want to show my sadness, but this hurted me.
- Oh, but you are surely invited. How could he call everyone but not you? I'm sure Haci-aga forgot to tell you. - she said to me.
Later, I went to my chambers and I saw my maids are getting my children ready for dinner. I chosed my most beautiful dress and I decided I will go with my children. I had a big hope that its only because Haci forgot to tell me.
We all got ready and went together there. All my children went inside, and I went inside last together with my daughter Halime.
I saw everyone there. Atike and Silahtar, Ayse was with Ismihan and Ahmed, Suleyman and Selim were there, and all my children. Murad was sitting also there.
- Halime, my daughter. Welcome. - he said giving a hug to Halime. I was surprised why he didn't say anything to me.
- Hoşyar, now you know Halime came fine. You can leave now. - he said and dissmised me. I stayed shocked at that moment. Ayse and Atike looked at eachother and smiled very happily.
- Why are you sending my mother away? - my son Iskender asked his father, which really surpised me.
- Iskender, she is not invited. Hoşyar, leave my chambers. - he said not even looking at me.
- Why are you threating our mother like this? - Huricihan asked Murad.
I could see Murad's nerves are about to explode.
- I want silence. Leave, Hoşyar. - he said which hurted me really much.
I just bowed to him looking him so hurted. I left his chambers and felt huge pain inside my heart. Everyone was there, every family member. But he didn't want to see me there. Why does he acts like this to me? I haven't done anything wrong.
I went into my chambers and I was thinking how stupid I was to think Haci forgot to tell me. He didn't tell me because I wasnt invited. I felt so broken. I just sat on my bed and started crying so much.
My head was hurting me from pain, but it was nothing how my heart was hurt. I have never felt this emotion of being not loved by person which means world to me. If I dont have his love, I dont have anything. He is everything I have and my beautiful children. It hurted me even much because they were already in age where they could realise what happened.
Tommorow in morning I woke up. I looked at myself in mirror. My eyes were so red from all the tears. I felt so unworthy at that moment, but I wanted to stay calm because of my children.
I decided to go on my terrace. I sat there and I saw Murad on his terrace standing. I went to the edge so he may see me, but he didn't even look at me. I looked at him looking at Bosphorus, from the same place we were doing it together, and happy.
- Mother... - my son Iskender told me and hugged me strongly. I hugged him.
- Father decided I will go to Sanjak in Konya. You have to go with me. - Iskender said me. I was shocked. He wasnt old enough to go in Sanjak. And how could I go with him when I had seven more children in Istanbul?
- Why are you going to Sanjak? - I asked him confusedly.
-I didn't want to, but father sent Ahmed to Manisa and Suleyman to Bursa. - he said sadly.
- Iskender, do you want to go in Sanjak? - I asked him and putted my hands on his cheeks.
- Mom, I want to be here to be with my brothers and sisters. I hate father now. - he said and burst into tears.
I kissed his cheeks and hugged him strongly.
- My beautiful son. You shouldn't hate your father. He only wants good to you. - I told him as I know Murad didn't do this because of Iskender, he did this to get rid of me.
I immediately left my chambers and went to see Murad. He couldn't do this to me. And Iskender was too young to go in Sanjak. Ahmed was almost twelve years older than him, and they are going in sanjak in same time. It wasnt fair.
I came to his chambers and I saw Silahtar there.
- Silahtar, tell Sultan I need to see him immediately. - I told him as I was nervous already.
- I am sorry I think I can't. Sultan doesn't want to see you. - Silahtar said and smiled into my face. He wanted to make fun of me.
- Its important thing, Silahtar. - I said getting really angry already.
- Hoşyar, leave right now.- Silahtar said.
- Sultana. Hoşyar Sultana. - I corrected him arrogantly. He just rolled his eyes and excepted me to go away, but I ran behind him and came into Murad's chambers.
I went to the terrace immediately.
- How you dare to not listen to my orders? - Murad asked me shockedly.
- Hunkarim, I am sorry. She ran behind me. - Silahtar said.
- Silahtar, leave us alone. - he said.
He turned his back to me.
- Why are you doing this to me, Murad? What have I done wrong? - I asked him.
- I said already everything I wanted. You will go in Konya with Iskender. - he said insensitive.
- Iskender is too young to go in Sanjak. I have seven more children here, how I am supposed to leave them all? - I asked him as I couldn't believe what he is saying.
- Here are a lot of kalfas and maids which will take care of them same as they do with Selim. - he said not caring about my words.
I stepped towards him to see his face.
- You want to separate children from mother? None of the maids and kalfas can replace mother to them. - I told him and I saw him how hurt I am. I was shocked. This wasnt Murad I knew.