It had happened again. Bruises decorated my face, deep gashes were made all across my cheeks and neck, and just about every inch of my body ached in agony. Results of the Cruciatus curse. The damn Carrow siblings don't seem to know when they go too far.
And all because Draco couldn't grow the balls and defend me. A muggle-born. A muggle-born he said he loved, no less. Damn him and his self-preserving Slytherin arse!
I drag myself up to the room of requirement and head inside for at least a little bit of sanctuary. Of peace in the midst of all this horror.
"What happened to you?" Neville asked as he came rushing up to me. He picks up my left arm and helps me over to one of the many cots. I look up at him, disgust evident on my face.
"The Carrow twins, of course. Bloodied me up pretty bad, they did. Used an unforgivable curse. The usual..." I trail off weakly. Neville helps settle me down on the bed. He crouches in front of me and looks at each wound individually.
"The usual, eh?" He asks quietly. I nod in return, damn emotions threatening to spill out if I utter another word. He sighed deeply and patted my knee before standing back up. "Well, luckily for you, we just had another round of deliveries made and I have just the right herbs to help cure what ails you," Neville says optimistically.
I raise a brow and try my best to smile. But I end up wincing from the two large splits in my lip, my hand flying to cover my mouth. I really didn't wish to bleed anymore. Neville sighs again and leaves my side in order to get the medicine.
"And what did Malfoy do about it?" Neville asked me, his back facing me as he looked through all the bottles of medicine. And yet I still look away from him, glancing down at my lap.
"Nothing..." I murmur, hoping he didn't hear me. But of course, he did, there weren't many people in here yet. Neville doesn't hold back his scoff.
"Heh, figures. For someone who says he wants to be good, he sure isn't acting like it." My gaze snaps back up to look at him as he knocks bottles over, the sound ringing in my ears and making the headache I had ten times worse.
"Oy! Lay off, Longbottom," I swipe at him, my brows furrowed tightly and my shoulders turned stiff. I could tell my form was defensive but I couldn't manage to break it. No matter how hard I tried. Neville shakes his head in disappointment but doesn't say a word in response. And I get it.
After Harry, Hermione, and Ron had left for a secret mission and left us with the promise that after this journey, they would be able to defeat Voldemort; the rest of us at school felt lost. Ginny more than anyone. But we understood; we had to. Then with Snape as headmaster and other Death Eaters flooding the once safe school we called home, things took a turn for the worst.
Everyone was miserable, we didn't know what to do. What we could do! It was Neville's idea to create a place where we could go to heal in the room of requirement. The Carrow twins made sure we never got treatment from the infirmary. We had sanctuary in the room of requirement and it's what kept all of our spirits lifted until Harry came back.
But then... Draco had dragged me into a different room of requirement. The room where he had mended the wardrobe. We had a... relationship of sorts. Never kissed, never even held hands. There was the tension of wanting to. But never taking that final step. It may have not been the final step, but Draco was moving forward as he took me into that room and gushed about all his doubts and regrets during sixth year and this year. He told me he wanted to be good. I had to believe him. After everything he's ever told me and how vulnerable he looked as he told me his regrets. I had no other option.
But... ever since then. He hasn't done much to prove his words true. I try and push him. I try and be there for him. I try to get him to better himself. He's expressed he wants to. All I can do is help guide him.
"Why do you defend him?" Neville asks quietly as he disrupts the silence we had entered as I was so deep in thought. I look up at him just as he turns around and walks back over to my cot with about nine different bottles all stuffed in his arms. He looks at me intently, and I look back. He doesn't break the contact as he sets them down next to me. "He caused this," He adds, motioning to my face. I instinctively wince. It's true, Draco had his hand in this. I wouldn't have been where I was if not for him. If I wasn't there, the twins wouldn't have even seen or been near me. And yet I couldn't really fault Draco. Not when the big picture was so muddled with different villains with their own separate yet equally vindictive motives. I look at Neville softly.
"These are terrifying times, Neville. And he's in deeper than any of us," I whisper so quietly it's almost inaudible. My heart aches for him in so many ways. Neville exhales sharply.
"You love him don't you?" He asks me, though it doesn't come out as a question. It sounds as if Neville Longbottom has never been more sure of something in his entire life. I chuckle faintly. Brokenly. I let myself fall back down onto the cot. My head hands off the other end and I simply stare at the empty portrait where Ariana usually walks through.
"Well I thought that was obvious," I say, once again hearing the jostling of the herb bottles as Neville gets ready to heal me as much as he can.
A few hours later and I'm now only slightly limping from the pain as I exit the room of requirement. The medicine had been administered but the cuts and bruises wouldn't heal for another few hours. But the ache from the Cruciatus curse has lessened significantly. I was grateful for that, at least. I swear Neville is a miracle worker.
I slowly trudge my way out to the courtyard, my destination being the tree he always seemed to enjoy sitting in. I cling to the wall to carry me through the halls, trying not to put too much pressure on my body.
Seeing the courtyard up ahead, I peer through one of the archways, looking for a mess of platinum blonde hair. I let my body rest against the wall as I look around. He had to be here. I looked across the yard and up into the trees. Just as I was about to leave and begin my torturous way down to the black lake, my eyes catch onto a patch of blonde mixed in with the green of the trees. A sigh of relief escapes me. I wait a moment or two before I feel physically ready to stand.
When I do, I try and walk as slowly and quietly as possible. But his actions stop me as instead of trying to hide, Draco jumps down from the tree and begins staring at me. We stood a few feet away from each other. I could see his eyes flicker over each of my healing injuries. He looks me up and down, seeing my slouched form as I try and relieve some of the more painful areas that still ache.
I look over him. Physically he wasn't injured at all. Mentally, he was completely tortured. I could see the storm of thoughts whirling in his head show through his eyes. The increasing rise and fall of his chest. The clenched fists. The ticking jaw. He was being tortured. But not by the twins, not by Snape, not even by Voldemort. He was in a torture of his own design.
It seemed he had had enough of looking at the pain he partly caused me. He spun in his heel and began walking at a speeding pace away from me. His back is what broke me out of my own daze.
"Draco," I call out as I start moving to chase him. My feet fall awkwardly against the grass as I try to walk at a quicker pace, hoping to keep up with him. He doesn't stop. He keeps walking along the yard and it urges me to move faster. Even if it hurt me too. "Draco, stop! I'm not mad at you," I shout across the grassy area.
Draco stops abruptly, causing me to stop as well. He spins around and the fury in his eyes wouldn't be settled. He wanted to make sure of it.
"And that's the problem," he growls out, his breath coming out in pants and his hands clenching and unclenching, small moon shapes pierced into his skin.
"What?" I gasp out, trying to ignore the pure hatred that radiated off him. I had to convince myself it wasn't directed at me. It wasn't. It couldn't. He raises his arm and points at me.
"You're not mad at me? You don't blame me?! Look what I did to you? The pain I caused you!" He says, trying to shout through gritted teeth. I chuckled heartily, needing to look away from this ginormous git for at least a second. His eyes narrow at me.
"I'm not mad at you, Draco. And I can't blame you. No matter if I wanted to or not! You're not the one that tortured me—"
"I'm the one that got you caught. If it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been there and those blasted twins wouldn't have seen you and made up an excuse to hurt you like this!" He argued, motioning to all of me as he moved his arm up and down.
"You didn't torture me!" I shout, overpowering his voice and forcing him to listen to me. His mouth snaps shut and he goes lax. His shoulders fall, his hands go limp, his mouth gapes. I take that chance and step forward and I try to explain to him. "You did not take a knife and swipe it across my face. You did not cut deep. You did not knock me back and around over and over with spells. You did not put your hands around my throat till I almost fainted. And you did not perform the Cruciatus curse on me," I hiss at him, trying to fuse these words into his head and make him understand why he isn't to blame.
I finally make it up close to him. He hadn't moved or tried to leave or attempted to talk. He stood and listened. For once. With my close proximity, I could see how badly he was shaking. I couldn't figure out the look in his eyes but knowing him, truly knowing him, it wasn't anything good.
I smile lightly and place my hands on each of his cheeks. "You see? You didn't do anything, Draco. So I can't be mad at you, I can't blame you. Because you didn't do this to me," I whisper out forcefully, the pain and pressure in my chest ever-growing. The sinking feeling in my gut intensifying.
Draco's jaw tightens. His hands shaking, practically vibrating, he places them on top of mine. I can feel the shake within my body, adding to the displeasing feeling.
"Stop that," Draco spoke so quietly, even in our close embrace do I barely manage to hear him.
"What?" I ask him. He squeezes his eyes tightly and jerks his head side-to-side.
"Just stop it!" He shouts, pushing my hands off his face and forcing me to stagger backwards. I catch my feet, instinctively groaning at the pain that shot through my back.
"Stop what?!" I shout back, ignoring everything. Everything but him.
"Stop trying to fix me!" He screams, face red, hands clutching his hair as if prepared to rip it out.
Silence spreads between us. His breath being the only noise. I don't even truly believe I am breathing. Not in this moment. In this moment where in an instant, I feel nothing. I was numb in disbelief. I— I couldn't comprehend.
After a few moments of silence, I brush my fingers through my hair and try and calm my racing heart.
"We're both broken, Malfoy," I say clearly. He flinches back at my use of his last name. I look between him and my own hands. "I'm not glue. I can't fix you," I say honestly. It wasn't my job. It wasn't what I was trying to do. Draco gapes at me, his entire demeanor changing. I step closer to him. "I don't want to fix you!" I shout, marching up to him, forgetting the pain coursing through my body and marching up to him with a determination that floods adrenaline through my veins. "And you can't fix me," I whisper brokenly.
Draco brings one of his hands to the nape of my neck and he buries the other one in my hair. He leans down and rests his forehead against mine. We simply stare at each other, letting our breathing calm down until our chests rise and fall in sync.
"We're just broken China trying to push our pieces together to make it look like we're whole," I say through the cracks in my voice. A sob wracks through my chest, tears of stress and heartache fall down my cheeks causing Draco's hand in my hair to tighten. "We're nice to look at... but as soon as someone picks us up, we crumble," I croak out. A small gasp escapes Draco. But instead of looking back into his eyes, I opt for closing them. I focus on his touch. How it grounds me.
But then suddenly it's gone. My eyes snap open and I stumble forward as Draco takes steps away from me. His gaze is empty and drifting off to I don't know where. He doesn't look at me but rather decides to stare down at the ground. He slowly backs away from me, shaking his head.
"I-I have to go," he says, his voice sounding small. My arms wrap around my body as tears continue to fall down my cheeks. But he ignores them, he just turns around and walks out of the courtyard at a quick space.
"Draco, please," I whimper, the sound of his name hurting to hear. "Don't go," I add; as if he could hear me. As if he would come back and comfort me after all I had been through today. I drop to my knees and cry, watching his retreating form get smaller and smaller. Smaller until he makes a turn and disappears from my sight. And the most terrifying feeling is not knowing when I was going to see him again.
By the time I managed to stop crying and actually stand, it was well into dinner. I didn't want to go. Not only was dinner an unpleasant affair; Snape, the twins, all the Death Eaters prancing around... but I highly doubted I could stomach anything at the time.
So I forced myself to walk and head down to the lake. The lake was often Draco's safe place. He liked the water and how it pushed and pulled. He liked seeing the squid and the merpeople. He liked the quietness of the lake. The serenity.
I look around the areas he usually sits to relax. I exhale sharply after realizing he must've known I would come right here to look for him. So I cross my legs and sit down on the ground. Waiting. I sit against one of the large trees that sit around the lake. I shift in order to not feel the pain as much.
I stare and watch the water move, the creatures that live in the water splash around on the surface. I listen to the sounds. The calming sounds that somehow make every sore muscle and every ache, relax.
After awhile I inhale deeply and move closer to the water. I take off my shoes and place my feet in the water. I splash my toes through the cool lake and smile. I sit like this for I don't know how long. I sit there until the sun sets and the stars twinkle. I can see the lighting of the merpeople under the water. It brightens the entire lake and the land surrounding it.
I jump as arms circle around my waist. I snap my head to look over my shoulder and I see Draco move closer to me. He doesn't look at me as he hugs me from behind and buries his head in my neck. I sigh and bring a hand up into his hair before I turn back around to the lake. I feel his shoulders begin to shake and his tears fall onto my neck. I nuzzle into the side of his head and fall into his embrace.
"I don't want to be broken," he cried, his tears and shaking increasing. "I-I don't want to be or act like this... but I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to fix what I've done or who I am," he says through sobs and gritted teeth. I let my own tears fall down silently.
"I know," I say, my voice wobbling. I soothingly brush my nails against his scalp. His grip tightens on me and he digs his face further into my neck, so much that I can feel his nose pressed into my skin. "And I'll be there for you until you figure it out," I add with a fierce determination; clutching at his hair. He's silent for a few moments before he lifts his head and lays his forehead against the side of my head, my hand falling to the nape of his neck.
"We'll be there for each other," he whispers into my ear, sending a chill through my entire body.