During the first couple of advertisement and photo shoots, Gulf had been too stressed to fully register everything what was happening around him, scared that he might make mistakes. However, like everything in this foreign life, he eventually got used to it. Maybe it was his background in communication or his experience from his internship and work, but the at first foreign camera and make-up eventually became just another routine of his day. After watching many videos and constant practice, he had found out how to charm his way through any schedule. He was now at a point he couldn't help but feel proud when looking at his past jobs.
After eliminating all distractions – such as a certain hot husband of his – and instead focusing on his jobs, he had grown much confidence in his new craft. He truly had started to enjoy this life.
Today's solo photoshoot had ended a little late, so Gulf was in a hurry as he changed clothes to head towards his next schedule. The workshop had already started for most actors in the morning, but Gulf had a shoot that couldn't be replaced so he was given permission to attend later. He didn't mind, seeing as it was another excuse to avoid Mew in the morning. They barely exchanged any words at home, except for the rare moments Mew had tried to make up.
Suggestions of going out to dinner together, or watching a movie on the sofa after a day filled with tiring jobs, became an almost daily occurrence. The nong hadn't given in to any of the pleas of the older, saying he was busy with his acting tutor or meeting up with Art. In reality, he wasn't that busy, but he had decided this was for the best.
Mew often tried to initiate small skin-ship such as hugs when they came home together, but Gulf wouldn't return them, opting to stand still until it was over.
This way, he figured, Gulf could let his feelings for the older rest, and Mew would finally realize what this worlds Gulf and him meant to himself.
That was what Gulf was hoping for anyway. In reality Gulf only started to long more and more for his husband, while Mew on the other hand had stopped trying to find ways to make up as well.
It's for the best, Gulf told himself every time they shared another awkward silence. Soon he would return to his own world anyway, hopefully. With all the work and catching up he had to do, he didn't get the time to further his research about world crossing phenomena. At this point he was completely relying on fate or the initial force that brought him here to send him back to his universe.
It was 1 pm when he finally arrived at the venue. P'Best had given him some snacks to fill his grumbling belly before he left the car, since they had missed lunch break. It was routine for Gulf now, with all his busy recent schedules, so he didn't mind as he nibbled on his bar while entering the building. There were no reporters for once today, which felt like a fresh breath of air to him after this morning's shoot.
According to Mew's earlier business-like text, Gulf was expected in the upper last room. He had received some pictures from P'Mild as well, posing with Mew with a caption that he 'was being missed by his husband'. If only that was true. Gulf has rolled his eyes at first, but his heart still skipped a beat.
What could he say? His husband was handsome, and being teased like that by their best friend? Yeah, it didn't help his feelings for the older at all. Gulf had long accepted them, even if he shoved them to the back of his mind every time he got reminded of their existence.
He put his phone away after finding the right room number. Opening the wrapping of another bar, he quietly opened the door, afraid he might interrupt the workshop.
His head was still hunched down as he entered, concentrated on the wrapper. Gulf mumbled a silent, "pardon my intrusion," as he tip-toed inside.
Raising his head together with the bar to take a bite, he finally caught a glimpse of what was happening inside the room. All the actors were sitting at the side, leaning against the mirror and quietly talking about themselves. They were all wearing a shirt with 'Actor' written on the back, making them easy to recognise. A little more in the centre of the room stood a staff member -- whose shirt informed Gulf that he was an acting instructor – next to P'Jessi.
However, it was whatever was happening in the middle of the room that took Gulf's complete attention. Mew stood opposite Mai, barely any space in between them. As Gulf took another step forward, he realized that there was in fact no space whatsoever between the two. Mew's arm was around Mai, holding the woman in a tender embrace. His face was slightly tilted, so he could see that his other arm was cupping her cheek tenderly. There was no separation between the lips, and Gulf immediately felt sick as he saw them moving against each other.
He had seen this before, but it hadn't hurt this hard before. Gulf wasn't a fool, there was no doubt it was a simple movie-kiss, but the tenderness that Gulf now no longer received was now suddenly oh so present in the kiss. And wow, did it piss him off. He should be at the receiving end of that tenderness!
Before he knew it, he had continued walking up to the pair, now only standing a little more than a meter away. He would've continued approaching as well, if he didn't feel the sudden hand on his shoulder. His anger only increased at the intrusion, but when he saw it was Mild who had stopped him, he sagged his shoulders. Mild's eyes looked at him in worry, then quickly shifted into something deeper.
Gulf could hear a 'cut' coming from director Lee.
Right, they're only acting.
He had been so close to pulling them apart right then. Mild's intrusion had stopped him from - from what exactly? What had he even planned on doing? Go and stand in between them? Slap Mew? Mai? What then?
Fuck.
Taking a deep breath, Gulf turned around again and instead started walking towards the corner of the room. He actually wanted to leave again, feeling something prickling in his eyes, but that was no option. People would suspect something if he did that.
Mild followed the younger, pushing them to some other actors who hadn't noticed Gulf's entrance. Only after he finally sat down did he notice the now-squashed bar he was gripping in his hand. No way he was going to be able to eat that anymore, not that Gulf felt hungry anymore anyway. There was another feeling occupying his stomach now, and it made him feel sick.
Maybe it had been a bad idea to switch the main actress to Mai in the end, but nothing he could do against that anymore. He had dug his own grave.
For a second Gulf was scared that everyone had seen his awkward actions just now, his almost outburst, but Mild seemed to be the only one with an actual reaction. The Phi started to gently pat his back as he sat down next to Gulf. The action was meant to calm him down, but it had the opposite effect. The nong actually felt like puking right now.
However, there was one person for sure who had noticed the younger. One person, who was now looking at Gulf with those expressive eyes he liked so much. Mew had seen the younger approaching, and was now staring at him instead of focussing on whatever Mai was telling him. Eventually their staring match was interrupted when she tapped Mew on the shoulder, both of them deciding that's their queue to divert their eyes.
A staff member walked up to Gulf, handing him a shirt to change into and some more papers with today's schedule. He shrugged his shirt off, pulling the other over his head. He was happy with the sudden distraction as the staff member and P'Mild were both updating him on where they were. Turns out most of the getting-to-know-each-other games had already passed, which he was rather happy about. Gulf had never been the best in forced social interactions, preferring to stay at the side line. He had Mild to talk to anyway, the other option already occupied.
Half an hour later Mild and Gulf were standing in the middle of the room this time. The actor instructor had told Gulf to think about how he was going to separate Dee's masks. To make it easy, they had suggested to first perform a scene between Dee and his confident, James. According to the script, Dee was able to be his flirty counterpart more whenever he was with James, so their dynamic was very important. After all, James was the first one who got to know this side of Dee.
It wasn't exactly a scene in the script, instead they had to improvise on what the instructor told them.
"First you talk to James as Dee the best friend, then he will confront you to stop pretending, and then you will turn into the Dee who is more confident and flirtier. Can you do that?"
Gulf really wanted to say no to that, but just nodded. "Is this before or after James knows of Dee's love for Wai?" he said instead.
The instructor smiled at him, "whatever you feel best."
"After then," he turned to P'Mild as he said this, asking his permission. The latter winked at him excitement apparent on his face.
"Let's do this!"
They hadn't talked about any of the specifics, but Gulf decided then and there that they were at Dee's condo, relaxing after a long day of work. He sagged his shoulders a little, stretching his neck with his hand. Acting, his teacher had said, is all about confidence. He yawned a little.
"Thanks for coming over James! Sorry it became so late, one of my clients was especially grumpy today," he shot his friend an apologetic smile.
Mild smiled at him, walking over to him and throwing his arm over the younger. "No problem, Dee, I know you like to work hard."
"That's because my job is fun, normally at least," the two laughed at each other. They both sat down on two chairs that were placed in the middle, Gulf pretending to pick up something and pointing it at the non-existent tv. He could hear giggles at the action from the corner of the room.
"Talking about work, Wai didn't show up today," James suddenly said, voice whiny. Wai and James were co-workers, although Wai had a higher position than James, so that made Wai his semi annoying boss. Dee uses it to ask James to spy on Wai for him later in the script, out of 'concern'.
Gulf sighed in reply, a sad smile playing on his lips. "Typical Wai for you, our friend probably slept over at N'Lisa's place," he tried to sound happy, but with a weird undertone in his voice. Gulf was almost surprised how easily he could summon the jealousy. Although, with what happened earlier, he guessed it was logical.
He kept seeing the kiss he walked into between Mew and Mai whenever he closed his eyes. He tried shaking his head, wanting to ban it from his thoughts, but Dee's and his own feelings wouldn't disappear.
"Dee?" James voice was suddenly worried, staring at the younger's sudden weird antics. "Are you okay?"
Gulf wanted to open his mouth, say yes, of course he is, but he was interrupted by Mild again.
"You can drop the act you know; I can see it in your eyes. You don't have to pretend with me."
"I don't have to pretend to be the perfect best friend who is totally not jealous of his new lover?" Gulf's tone had suddenly completely changed, less soft and words filled with fire. "Gee thanks James, for reminding me," he said sarcastically.
James only rolled his eyes, earlier worry completely gone.
"He'll come back to you anyway, Wai wouldn't survive a week without his caring best friend to save his ass," Mild said truthfully. Gulf only shrugged in response. He thought that at first as well, but Mew had already stopped his attempts to make up. Maybe he really had found a new flame.
"That means I'll just have to continue pretending, it's not like he'll come back to me and suddenly I'll be his boyfriend. I have to continue this pathetic role of his best friend," Gulf put his one leg over the other and leaned on one of his hands, eyes narrow as he stared at James. It was an action he had decided that would define Dee's lover mask. "Like I don't want to kiss him and touch him every second I see him," he said the words confidently. Then he added; "Like I don't want to claim him whenever we are in public."
He really wanted to. Claim Mew right then and right there, when he had been kissing another person. That kiss was supposed to be his. Fuck, he was so close to standing up right there. Mew was in the corner of the room, only a couple of meters away.
The chair scraped as he stood up.
"Cut"
Acting, I'm only acting, this isn't reality!
Some people starting clapping softly, Mew being one of them. Director Lee approached them, visibly happy with their performance.
"That was almost perfect!' he praised them. "If It was in the script, I would've filmed it right here right now. Mild, I love how you made James more daring, please continue having that sass." He turned to Gulf. "Gulf, I'm so happy you are our Dee!" was the only thing he said.
Gulf wasn't sure what that exactly meant, but thanked him nevertheless.
The rest of the day continued in similar fashion, mostly improv between two or three actors to define everyone personality and actions. Gulf was surprised to find that many actors got more comments than he did, it seemed the staff was content with his performance of Dee.
This performance overflows with my own emotions though, I'm cheating.
According to the schedule, Mew and him had to stay last for their 'chemistry test' – as it said on the paper – but Gulf was surprised that the whole cast stayed as well. Somewhere he wondered if the cast was just as anxious and excited to see their performance as he was himself. Chemistry test... He guessed it must mean a kiss or something? He tried to ask Mild about it, but he was already in conversation with another male actor.
His guess had been right.
"Because Dee and Wai's faces are covered when they kiss most of the time, we will put a lot of empathise on body language while acting out NC scenes for this movie. That's why I want you two to it out first," director Lee explained. The pair nodded, they were seated on the same chairs Mild and him had sat earlier, only a little closer. This time there was a table placed in front of them. Gulf's hand rested in Mew's, the older sweetly rubbing circles with his thumb on his palm.
Gulf knew it was meant as encouragement. He wished it meant more than that.
They were handed a couple of simple masks to wear.
"You two are at the party where you meet, let's say you're seated at the bar," the acting instructor set up the scene for them this time. "You've both flirted a lot, and are gradually leaning it. You can decide for yourselves if you want to add dialogue, it doesn't have to come from the script."
The husbands nodded, both separating their hands as they mentally prepared for the scene.
Gulf crossed his legs again, leaning one arm on the table, head on his knuckles and gaze directed towards Mew. Bedroom eyes, he likes to call it in the mirror whenever he practiced. He hoped the mask didn't hide his eyes, ruining all his effort.
In comparison, Mew's pose as Wai was less directed. Just one of a man who was enjoying his drinks at the bar, not one who was clearly flirting with the other. Although, there was an edge of his stance which clearly leaned towards Gulf. As if some unknown attracting pulled them towards each other. Mew was a good actor indeed.
The nong decided now was as good as any time to start the scene.
"Really, a handsome man like you shouldn't waste his night at a stupid party like this," Gulf started, creating an air around them they had been conversing for a while.
Mew laughed a little in response, but decided to indulge in Gulf's act as Dee. "And what would you suggest in its place?" he flirted back, leaning forward a little towards Gulf.
Gulf leaned back in turn, shuffling closer and leaning his head to the side. He wasn't going to let Wai out-flirt Dee. "I'm told to be quite fun," he almost whispered, "you could spend it together with me." Feeling a little awkward at his line but not wanting to show it, Gulf but his lip against the upcoming smile.
Wai seemed to be at loss of words for a second, but then he met Dee's eyes full on. "Doing what exactly," his tone wasn't that of a question, but Gulf answered anyway.
Finally lifting his head off his arm, he instead put it on Mew's knee. Then, closing the gap still between him, he lifted his other hand and caressed the elder's cheek. "This", he said in front of the others lips, words full of air, and leaned in.
Mew's lips were hard and dry as they met, and Gulf immediately made it his mission to change this. Their kiss didn't even start with a peck, something like that would be uncharacteristic for Dee, instead the younger immediately went to capture the husband's upper lip between his. He had been waiting for this kiss for a long time, and he planning to fully enjoy it. Even with all the eyes watching the pair, Gulf only felt more encouraged to make the best of it. This is his moment.
Mew was slow in answering, only leaning in a bit more. Gulf made a sound of content nevertheless. Soon he let go of his upper lip, capturing both of them with less than second of hesitation of his part. Once again, Mew was way slower in reacting. He raised his hand to touch Gulf's nape, but the nong barely felt anything. Gulf tried to keep in mind the director's words, focussing on his body language as well as his husband's lips. He pushed a little closer, wanting the older to answer his enthusiasm.
But there was no answer. Mew kept kissing him softly and slowly, not even opening his lips wide enough so Gulf could slip something in between. He could feel Mew's body moving around him, mirroring them himself, but every touch was light as if it wasn't there at all.
The contrast was striking with the last kiss they had shared.
Eventually it was time to let go. There were no remaining feelings present on Mew's face as they separated, only a clear ending of the scene present. Gulf felt annoyed at that. Briefly he wondered what would happen if he captured his lips again right then, but the moment passed as he heard the director end the scene.
There were more claps than ever, but they didn't feel deserved at all. He could see it on the directors' face as well, and Mild's in the corner, something hadn't been right.
Gulf felt so frustrated as Mew patted his shoulder, leaving him to converse with the director. He stood up himself, ignoring any compliments as he made his way over to sit next to Mild. The workshop would end after this anyway, he could hear the director's comments another day. Another day when he didn't feel so angry and pissed off.
This was supposed to be his moment. Their moment! Even if everything was fake between Gulf and Mew, one thing had never been, and that had been their chemistry. But there had been none of that! Gulf had expected the same tingly feeling in his stomach like last time, the same heat and electricity between the two of them like that first day! But there had been nothing of that! Worst of all, he knew he wasn't the only one who noticed it, and he felt like he failed them all. What hurt the most, was that he failed himself. He was no different as Mew's other co-actor now. Just another partner sharing a fake love for the viewers' pleasure.
Guess it was time to admit it, Mew had no feelings for him or this world's Gulf. It had all been an act.
It was Mild who took him out of his thoughts. "I've seen you and Mew kissing so many times," he mumbled, and Gulf wondered if the other was even aware what he was saying. "Nong Gulf," Mild lowered his voice, grabbing the youngers arm. "Your kisses are never like this, your chemistry was suddenly plain," his eyes were large as he said this. "What is up with you two?"
Gulf felt his heart thumb in his chest. He knew what was up, but he couldn't just say that to Mild. After all, Mild was Mew's friends before his, he had no right in badmouthing the older husband in front of him. Mild might leave him and take Mew's side instead if he explained what was going on. At least, that was what Gulf was afraid off. And he couldn't afford to lose his only friend in here.
"I don't know, Phi," Gulf said, voice far away.
I guess we're just not meant to be after all, however much I want us to be.
"Well, you better fix it soon!" Mild scolded him in a soft tone, "you two better not fight for too long."
Gulf nodded. "I'm sorry."
His Phi shook his head. "Don't worry about it, knowing your husband, he will come and reconcile soon anyway," Mild patted him on the back again, just like when he arrived. It still made Gulf feel sick. Maybe he really needed to puke this time.
"I'm sure he will," Gulf said, the lie easily left him.
Mew had tried many times to reconcile, yet Gulf had always ignored him. And now, it was too late. Mew had given up on Gulf.
He wasn't ready to give up on Mew. He didn't know what he'll do without Mew.