(25th August, 2011)
I make my way into Daryl's cell with a very nerve wrecking question on my mind, and an unsettling fear of rejection. "Daryl!" I shout when he enters the cell making him jump in surprise, before smiling softly at me. "Everything okay?" He asked gently, reminding me of my little episode earlier and I nodded my head vigorously yea. "Yup. Fine. Dandy. Okay, bye." I went to leave but Daryl stopped me and we both sat down on the bed next to each other. "What's on your mind?" I gulped as I threw the question around in my head a bit, "a months ago... I called you Dad before I fell asleep." Daryl looked utterly confused why I was bringing it up, but then nodded thoughtfully as if to ask me to continue.
"I've never called someone that before... I've never really had someone in my life who made me feel secure and safe like you do. You've been with me through all the bad and good since we first met. You stepped in and made sure that I was okay, that I was eating and sleeping properly and I've never had that before." I admit shyly, playing with the hem of my shirt. "My mum pretended I didn't exist, my stepdad's were abusive alcoholics, and the only person I used to feel safe with was my Grandma but she couldn't be around all the time, she was our main source of income." I pause for a second, gathering my thoughts so that I didn't get too far off topic.
"So while I was locked up in the attic on my 6th birthday, I made a decision. That I would never call any of my stepdads by anything other than their name until they've earn the role of being my dad. I never pictured a face... it was always a knight, riding a black horse because white horses were reserved for the man I'd marry." Daryl and I both chuckled at my my childish rule. "He was strong, brave and protected me from all the people who hurt me." I let a soft smile grow on my lips at the memory flashing before my eyes.
"Daryl, the reason I called you dad because you are exactly what I dreamed up. You are strong, brave, and protective of me but you're also a little rough around the edges, just like me. I came here to ask you a question, one that terrifies me but also one that I need to ask." Daryl nodded and placed a comforting hand on my shoulder, and I felt myself relax. "If it's okay with you... I'd like to give you the title of my Dad... and maybe be like your, I don't know, adoptive daughter?" I close my eyes once I get the words out, "sounds good to me. But I'm not adopting one of ye, I'll have to take all three." I beamed brightly at Daryl's acceptance and tackled him with a hug. Noel and Naomi cheer, running in to join our little family hug.
(31st October, 2011)
It's Halloween today, also know as my favourite holiday, and I know what you're thinking. 'Surely, you don't celebrate Halloween when you're in the middle of an apocalypse and pretty much every day is Halloween' but I do because my Halloween was very different from your average kid. Halloween was the only time of year, I was allowed out of the house, which meant I did as much exploring as I could whilst also retrieving candy.
I know this year I won't be able to retrieve candy but I'd like to explore more of the prison, map out the tombs or maybe find a hangout place. I begged the council to give me this day off, since I've been working nonstop since the start of August. I explained my affiliation with Halloween which also force out the truth out my Rapunzel-esque past.
As you know I was my mother's 'young, dumb and drunken mistake' and once we moved to Georgia Mom thought a 2 year old would scare off her potential suitors. In other words once we arrived in Georgia I was erased, I was homeschooled by gran, and the only time I was allowed in public was on Sundays during my gran's brunch dates with friends. Other than that I was locked away from the rest of the world, Alex and Matthew didn't find out about me until after my mother got knocked up. I was introduced to them as my mother's adopted daughter, if it wasn't for Gran I would've died years ago.
Anyways, currently I'm braiding Naomi's hair, keeping it neat and tidy. "Hailey asked me, if you wood do her heyur too." Hailey is Naomi's new friend. Hailey arrived her two weeks ago with her older twin brothers, Dallas and Bryan, they're Noel's age. "Sure thing, send her into me." Naomi jumps off the bed excitedly, and runs out of the cell almost knocking down Carl as he tries to return to our room. "Someone's excited, is Hailey coming over?" I nod informing him that Hailey asked Naomi if I could braid her hair.
Carl sits down on the bed next to me, his thigh brushes mind causing my skin to tingle, "guess what?" Carl questions excitedly, I pretend to think of a possible guess, "umm you've got new shampoo, mint scented." One of my favourite smells was gracing my nose as I thought. "Yeah, but that's not what I'm talking about." I ask Carl what he is talking about and he tells me that Rick gave him the day off to come explore with me, I smiled brightly, it's nice to have an adventure buddy.
"Hiya Nyx, hiya Carl." Hailey waves at me excitedly, we both chuckle and greet the redhead. "Now Hails, sit here." Naomi instructed her friend to sit in front on me which Hailey does, and I start to braid her hair like Naomi's. I notice Carl was watching my hands every move, I slowed down a bit to help him take mental notes. "Bobbin." I hold out my hand and Hailey slides a green bobbin into my hand, "perfect, green's my favourite colour." Hailey looked at me confused, "why green?" Naomi raises her hand like she has to do when she wants to answer a question Carol asks, "cause it's the colour that represents life." I inform the little girl which makes Naomi huffed disappointedly. "Thanks Nyx!" Hailey chimed once I finished her hair, Naomi and Hailey linked hands before running out of the cell. "Don't leave Carol's sight!" I call after them which makes Carl laugh.
"Why were you staring so intensely when I was braiding Hailey's hair?" Carl chuckled and blushed brightly, making a comment about me being blunt. "Well when Judith's big enough I want to be able to do her hair, since mom's gone." I nod slowly, I ask Carl to sit back a bit on the bed as I sit on the floor in front of him, with my back to him. "You can practice with my hair." I plan as I take out one of my comics, "take as long as you need, and any time you're stuck just asked me." Carl gives me the okay, I hear him pick up my hair brush and he starts to gently brush my hair. Carl places a hand on the top of my head to prevent me from moving too much.
I sit there peacefully for ten minutes, reading my comic as Carl did my hair, I hand him my bobbin and he ties the end of my braid. "Is it okay?" I pick up the small mirror taking a look at my reflection, the braid was actually pretty good. "It's good, and with more practice you'll be the best braider in this cell block." Carl chuckles as I spot Noel and Lena walking past holding hands. "I swear he gets a girlfriend and it's like I don't exist anymore."
Over the last few months Noel's been very distant, I only see him during meal times and before going to bed and even then he's with Lena. "You'd be the same if you had a boyfriend." I roll my eyes at Carl's statement, "if I ever get a boyfriend, he'll have to understand that I'm a package deal. Noel and Naomi will always be my responsibility until I lose them or I die." Carl nods informing me that he gets it, and how it's the same with him and Judith.
"Do you wanna go spend some time with her before we go exploring?" I question Carl, I know how much he loves spending his mornings with her, "would that be okay?" I smile and nod, "is it okay if I join you both today?" "It's definitely okay with me." I smile and follow Carl to his Dad and Judith's cell. Rick hands Carl Judith like it's a part of his routine, "Nyx, I thought you'd be exploring already." I shook my head no, telling him how Carl is joining me and that we wanted to spend some time with Judith before heading off.
"She's actually due her breakfast now, do you want to feed her?" Rick questions me, and to the Grimes' surprise I shook my head no, "this is Carl's time to spend with his sister, I'm just here for some company and moral support." The two nod understanding what I meant. Rick handed Carl a bowl of orange food. Carl sits down on the bed, rests Judith against his chest and starts spooning food towards her mouth. Judith accepts the food, "nom, nom" she babbles and I just watch her with a small smile on my face. Judith looks back at me, I let her take a hold of my finger in her fist.
"I'll leave you be." Rick spoke up making his way out of the cell block. "She's so beautiful... just like Lori." I smile down at the baby, who just watches me and Carl curiously. I look at Carl noticing how close we were, and that he was looking back at me. "What do I have something on my face?" I start to rub my cheek making Carl laugh as he shakes his head no, informing me that there was nothing on my face. "Jeez, it feels like she was born yesterday, not 5 months ago." I admit looking back down at Judith as she pushes the spoon away.
"Can you burp her? I'm always afraid I'll drop her when I do it." I smile nodding. I pick up the spew up towel throwing it on to cover my shoulder. I hold Judith up to it while lightly patting and rubbing her back as I walk out of the cell. I hear a belch, and I hear Carl chuckling as he walks behind me, "stop laughing and clean the sick off my back." I scolding him playfully, whilst I continue to burp Judith, Carl informs me the towel caught it all just as Judith let's out a loud fart followed by a giggle.
I hold Judith in front of me forcing her to look at me, "Judy, did you really have to fart in my face?" I ask her, Judith nods still giggling, which made Carl laugh before a stink bombed filled our nostrils. I pull Judith closer smelling her nappy, "that toot was a poop." I inform Carl, who waving a hand over his nose to block the smell. "You wanna change her?" Carl asks as if it was a once in a lifetime when really he just didn't want to do it. I roll my eyes walking into the cell and laying her changing blanket onto the bed. "Judy, I'mma need 100% corporation, okay?" Carl laughs as I open her baby vest, getting closer to her nappy. "Wipes please."
Once Judith was freshly changed and feed fully, Carl sat down on the bed cradling her. I lean against the doorway, just observing the sight, it was incredibly adorable. A smile plays on my lips as I watch Carl talk to his baby sister, and just then I realise how deep I'm in. I pick up Carl's Polaroid camera and take a quick picture of the pair which causes Carl to look up at me.
"What are you doing?" I smile as I watch the picture develop, "capturing a perfect moment in time." I pass Carl the picture, he looks down at it and a smile grows on his lips as he thanks me for taking the picture. I remind him how they don't stay little forever just as Naomi and Hailey appear behind me. Hailey whispers something to Naomi, which my loud mouth sister responds, "no that's Carl. Nyx is too pwetty to have a boyfren." Sometimes I love a bit of an ego boost, but not at Carl's expense.
"I'm not too pretty for a boyfriend Naomi, I'm just not what boys generally think as girlfriend material." Hailey shook her head no, "Dallas and Bryan said yew wood be the purrfect girlfren but they are too wittle for yew." I shake my head knowing that I'm gonna lose this disagreement, "Carl should be yewr boyfren. He's big ike yew." Hailey exclaims which causing me to blush brightly, and Naomi to notice how uncomfortable I am, "mon Hailey, Carol said we were gonna draw today." Naomi held out her hand for her bestie and the two little girls leave.
"I don't understand why everyone is trying to convince me to get into a relationship." I admit to Carl, still not looking at him afraid he'd see my blush, "everyone?" Carl questions, "yeah, Glenn, Maggie, Beth, Zach, Rick, even my Dad and Michonne have said it to me that it would be good for me to see someone romantically." I inform Carl, finally turning to face him but his back was to me as he tried to pick up Judith's cow teddy. I tell him to let me get it for him, which I did. As I passed it to Carl, his fingers brushed mine causing tingles to light up my skin and a blush on my cheeks.
"Why not ask out the guy you have a crush on?" I shook my head no violently, "nope, he's my safe place, I can't screw that up if he doesn't feel the same way." Carl looks at me confused on what I meant, but decided to drop the conversation, but my curiosity got the best of it. "Has anyone said anything to you about getting into a relationship?" Carl nods and informs me that it was the same people that has been saying it to me with the exemption of Zach. "oh."