I was terrified, genuinely petrified at the prospect of being a mother. I mean, how would I of all people raise a child?
I might accidentally break it, or forget to feed it or worse.
Legolas wasn't helping, he was completely elated by the news and couldn't stop smiling whenever he looked at me. I knew I shouldn't blame him, after all, Legolas would likely be a great father and I couldn't exactly tell him off for being happy.
"This is your fault!" I hissed at him, pointing to my stomach which likely wouldn't show signs for ages.
"I don't remember you complaining," Legolas scoffed, smirking at me, "In fact, I remember you having a hand or two in it as well."
I couldn't fault him there, no matter how much I wanted to slap that smug smile off of his face.
Thranduil, Gimli and the rest of Mirkwood were also of no help, all they did was congratulate me and treat me as though I was some fragile maiden.
I didn't want to be treated like some expensive vase which needed to be handled with care, I wanted things to be as they were, why couldn't anyone else see that?
Thranduil had canceled all my training with the royal guard that week and even though I was no where near showing signs of my pregnancy, it was likely he would cancel my sessions indefinitely.
Everyone was telling me to take care or not to strain myself. They kept insisting I sit down and rest even though I could easily still win against them in a fight anyday.
It was only the week prior, I had been running through mine and Legolas' obstacle course like we usually did.
Now I was sat on the window sill in our room, looking out at the sunset having done nothing all day. I was curled up in the blankets, a silent stream of tears falling from my cheeks.
I heard the door open and close but I didn't need to look up to know who it was.
"What do you want?" I huffed, still not looking at him.
"To ask my lovely wife if she's ok?" Legolas replied softly as he stepped closer to me, his tone gentler than the last time I had talked to him that morning, when he was gushing over the news.
"This 'lovely wife' of yours is perfectly content." I mocked, turning to him to see his face full of concern.
"Look," Legolas sighed as he sat himself opposite me on the window sill and took my hands in his, "Even I'm not so stupid as to be oblivious to what you're bottling up."
"Oh I don't know, you are pretty stupid," I chuckled lightly.
"Ok, ouch. But still, I'm sorry I've been distant lately, I've just been caught up in the happiness," he smiled softly, reaching over so he could gently pat my stomach.
"As you should be," I admitted, "You're going to be a great parent but I-"
"Hey," Legolas cooed as she shuffled closer and wiped away my fresh tears before kissing me on the forehead, "You're going to be a great mother, you wait and see."
"Will I though?" I asked weakly, "I have no idea how to raise a child! I didn't have the most normal of childhoods."
"So?" Legolas scoffed, smiling down at me, "Look at you now, the best and strongest person I know. You think something like this is going to stop you?"
I looked away in momentary embarrassment. I have never wanted to be a mother, I had only started to believe in love when Legolas had managed to cleave himself a piece of my heart.
"I understand what you're going through," he cooed softly, leaning over so he could rub circles on my leg with his thumb which always relaxed me, "Just hear me out on this ok? And for once, could you try not to go all defensive and interrupt me?"
I nodded meekly, knowing I deserved him that much.
"It's a baby, our baby," he started with a smile as he took my hands in his, "Yes, there are the blues but we will get through them together, we always do, don't we? And before you know it, you will forget what all the fuss was about when you see a mini you or a mini me in your arms, I promise."
For the first time that week, a genuine smile graced my lips as when Legolas put it that way, I was already begining to wonder why I had been crying. It all seemed so simple when he put it like that.
"You're not alone in this either. There's my father for a start, no doubt he will eager to lend his support. Then there's Gimli - who I might add has chosen to stay in Mirkwood for as long as possible to see you through this - he will also no doubt help you. Then, of course, you have me," he smiled, kissing me on the forehead again, "I'll be here for you in any way I can even if that means being a punching bag for you but to be perfectly honest, I'm used to that by now."
With that, Legolas crawled over to me and wrapped me in a hug which I held greatfully.
We retired for the night. Legolas' arms were around my waist and his hands were gently resting on my stomach as he nestled into the crook of my neck, hugging me close as we fell asleep.
***
The first few months were probably the most unpredictable. Legolas probably had quite a collection of bruises now from my raging mood swings, and if I'm being perfectly honest, I couldn't tell whether or not they were just my usual moods or if it was something to do with my pregnancy.
As much as he hated it, I managed to persuade Legolas to let me back to the royal guard, if only for an hour or two. I didn't go on the courses or into the forest with them, but I could still train them with a bow.
As an elf, I wasn't used to the sensation of nausea but it was happening more and more frequently. I would wake up feeling weak and uneasy and on occasion, I would end up throwing up.
Then, just when I wanted to have a few well earned home comforts like a glass of wine in the evening, Legolas wouldn't let me, complaining it wasn't good for me.
The first time he had attempted to do that, I had splashed the wine in his face and ran away with the bottle.
The second time, the kitchen staff refused to give me any bottles. They were wincing at every word I said because I knew they were probably scared I would lash out at being denied but I knew for a fact, Legolas had probably commanded then not to give me any.
No matter, I wasn't a simpleton, I knew where the wine cellar was.
I got away with my little trick for an entire week before Legolas caught me trying to smuggle a bottle of sweet red wine one night.
I knew Legolas only wanted what was best for me and the baby but I was a stubborn, and now pregnant, elf so I had stormed off in a strop like a little child.
Legolas had brought me a tray of my favourite fresh pastries from the kitchen as an apology. I had to admit, he was quite sweet when he wanted to be.
The first few months were definitely a maelstrom of emotions and I definitely put Legolas through a lot.
When I finally started to show, I was forced to ditch the corset, not that I had liked them in the first place but it was as though, the more I wore them, the less real the baby was? I had still not fully accepted my pregnancy, even after the last few months of torcher, but having a noticeable baby bump just sort of solidified it now.
Along with my corsets, I was told to ditch my tunics and trousers in favour of loose dresses. Though I was more used to wearing dresses than I was over a century ago, I was still sour at the command.
Don't get me wrong, the dresses were comfortable but they were not ideal for combat and besides, since I had started to show, I was told I would soon be advised to stop training the royal guard anyway. And the dresses weren't my favourite ranger gear, the clothes I was accustomed to.
I had given Legolas his fair share of grief over the few prior months but now that my nausea was getting under control and my mood swings were less erratic, I at least tried not to be so much of a pain to him. After all, he had been attending to me at any and every occasion he could.
He spent as much time with me as he could. He would bring me food or drink on a whim if I had the slightest of cravings. And, he kept a smile on his face, even if I broke down and used him as a punching bag. I really didn't deserve him.
As I got bigger, I was forced to stop training with the royal guard. It had been hard for me to accept that this was what it would be like for the next few months but I stuck through it.
Legolas would take me out riding once a week, taking a horse through the forest of Mirkwood, at least the part of the forest which was safest. For the first few weeks, I tried my best to sit in the saddle properly but after a while, I found it painful.
Legolas had found a rather nice solution to that. He sat in the saddle as usual but I rode side-saddle. Essentially, while he was sat normally, I was side face and he had his hands wrapped around me so I wouldn't fall. It looked like he was carrying me bridal style on the saddle.
It wasn't ideal but at least I was comfortable and it meant I could get out of the city once a week.
Surprisingly, even in the huge city that was Mirkwood, there was a lack of other pregnant women. You would think that a city so big as the great Mirkwood, would be bustling with would-be parents.
When I inquired as to why this was not the case, I was given a rather simple but embarrassing answer.
Simply put, elven women rarely fall pregnant. Being an immortal race which can live indefinitely if not slain, there would have been overpopulation issues centuries back if elves could conceive as easily as the race of men.
In fact, some elven couples could spend centuries together without conceiving children.
Then there's the embarrassing part. Not only are there certain biological reasons for the fact there is a small number of mothers, there is also the issue of decency.
Shortly put, elves are much less reserved when it comes to sharing a marital bed than the race of men. Even for the wild woodland elves of Mirkwood, physical love making isn't common. Apparently, most elven couples share a marital bed on the night of consummation and then can be content with not sharing one for months or years at a time.
And that was why I was embarrassed when I had asked the healers why there were few mothers in Mirkwood.
Apparently, me and Legolas were different, and by that I mean we were intimate quite often. A rather embarrassing revelation but a revelation nonetheless.
***
Gimli had refused to journey to the undying lands even though he grew older by the day and both me and Legolas were concerned for him.
Before I had known I was pregnant, we had planned to give Gimli the fondest fairwell and let him sail to Valinor. He would be the first Dwarf ever to set foot on the shores of the undying lands and grace it's view. He deserved it after all, having been a brother to both me and Legolas for the past hundred and twenty years, he deserved to be given that honour.
However, once I fell pregnant, Gimli refused to speak anymore of ships and the sea. He said he could hold out a little longer, Valinor would still be waiting for him, but he wanted so badly to wait and see when my baby was born. He wanted to be able to hold the 'little tyke' as he put it, before he even considered leaving.
It was sweet and I wished he could stay forever and get to see my child grow up but I knew that as every mortal being must, he time with us would be cut short.
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