It had been a long day at school. Parents of one of the children forgot the time, therefore forgot to pick him up. He didn't seem to mind, he liked having all of the toys to himself, not having to fight over it. He played, but interrupted me when I was trying to check tests of the other children. Stories all over the place, with faulty English and a loud voice- I couldn't concentrate, which resulted into not having finished my work. Meant that I had schoolwork to do after dinner time.
After six, his father finally showed up. He hadn't apologised and I felt irritated, but knew time was something important to the English society, and not to their culture and the way they lived. So, I had swallowed my thoughts and feelings away and waved them off with a smile. When finally in the car, my mind drifted off to the letter I had held before I went to sleep last night.
With my mind somewhere in Italy at the lake house, I couldn't help but feel the strong, longing feeling to be there. To smell the water of the lake, to hear the early, raw singing voice of Oprapa, the smell of cooked food, the feeling of Aurora's skin on mine. The thought of knowing that you were alone, with the person you loved most, at a place that was stunning, out of my mind.
A new home. A new life.
A past life.
I missed the house. I missed the memories that belonged to the house. I hadn't been there ever since Aurora had passed. I wondered what Papà Matteo and Mamma Giulia had done with it. Had they sold it to someone else, knowing Aurora and I wouldn't live there anymore, now Aurora was gone? Had they abandoned it, or did they use it as a second home when they wanted to be away from their first one?
With my thoughts in deep, gloomy clouds, I parked the car and wanted to enter the house, but before I could, I felt my phone vibrating in the pocket of my trousers. Fishing them out, I picked up by seeing Daniels name. "Daniel, what up."
No hello's. No Zev's. No greetings at all. "Can you come over with Benjamin?" His voice was monotoned, to the edge of sounding a little cold.
"Uh.." I held my phone by pressing my cheek to my shoulder, sticking the key through the lock. "I guess. Why's that?"
"I'll see you in an hour or so." He hung up. An uneasy feeling erupted in my stomach, making me feel nauseous. The unanswered questions appeared in my mind and I wondered if it had something to do with that. Taking off my coat and shoes, I made my way into the living room, where I found Benjamin lying on the couch with the cat on his stomach.
He put no effort in looking up. He kept staring at the place he was already staring at. I sat down beside him on the couch. Then only, noticed the trace of dried up tears on his cheeks, the snot running down his nose, stopping when it reached his upper lip.
"Hey, campione." I mumbled out with a frown, concern lacing my features. I glanced at the coffee table. No milk. No Oreos. The familiar feeling of guilt made its way into my throat, forming a lump. "What is up?"
Benjamin didn't answer. He quietly stroked Casey's fur. I retrieved a handkerchief out of my trousers, gently pressed it to his face as I wiped the tears and snot away. He whimpered, turned his face away and moved his gaze to Casey.
I kissed his nose. "What is it, Benji?"
"I'm hungry." His voice was hoarse, like he had been crying for hours. And for all I could know, he may had done that. I shot a question to God, a question that contained the words; why did that parent have to come so late today, when my son needed me?
"What do you want to eat?" I asked, knowing soon or later, I could get the proper reason out of him.
"Loads of focaccia bread and tiramisu." He seemed miserable. And no matter how tired I was, I pushed through that barrier and walked over to the freezer, where I got the dough. It'd take a while, but if it could lighten Benjamin's mood, it was all I wanted to do. Thank goodness, I had made the dough a while ago and had put it in the freezer so I could bake it another time. Which was today.
As I was a man of less words, so was Benjamin. We could survive just fine through silence, however, it was loaded with heaviness this time. Something was definitely up, and when I received a text of Daniel asking if I was coming over, I knew I had to get it out of him before Daniel could.
With a plate of warm focaccia bread and a bowl of tiramisu waiting on the other side of the table, we prayed for our food and ate silently. Benjamin kept squeezing his eyes closed. Something he did when he was tired, or when he felt the need to cry. I figured it was the latter now.
"I'm sorry for being home so late. A child's father decided to come three hours later."
Benjamin swallowed his mouthful, glanced at me. "That's late."
I hummed. "Too late." Sipping my water, I couldn't remove my gaze off his face. "Did you manage to entertain yourself for the afternoon?"
"I cuddled with Casey."
"Only that?"
Wetness glazed his eyes. He silently chewed onto his food.
A thought struck to me. I had never been so open about my own feelings, and maybe, ever since Aurora had passed, I became more closed off than ever. I was his father, his adult role model and if he'd not speak- why would Benjamin speak about his feelings and emotions? Had I caused him to close off too, because of my own behaviour? Or was it the child slowly, but surely growing into a pre-teenager?
"Daniel asked if I could come over with you after dinner time." That was the final straw.
Slouched back against the chair, Benjamin started to cry. He hid his face in his arms, let out subdued sobs. I watched him, but he couldn't regain a grip onto his emotions. Whether this would be about something that happened at school, I could tell the situation was different this time. I couldn't exactly put my finger on it, but I was willing to hear him out.
"Did something happen today?"
Benjamin waved his hand my direction. He hiccuped because of the tears. His voice was barely audible by the long pauses of his sobs, but eventually, I could put the words together. "Daniel.. Daniel will tell. Blame me. Just blame it on me."
"If it's unfairly, I will not." I frowned, crouched down next to the chair he was sitting on. He turned away from me, cried softly while his eyes gazed the gloomy sky. "What happened?"
"It was a joke, but it was not funny." Benjamin shoved his plate away, his appetite having faded fully. "I was so mad. I didn't know.. didn't know it was not him."
I didn't understand it. He seemed too upset to explain it properly. When I proposed to visit Daniel and talk it through, he had, reluctantly, agreed to it. With the tiramisu quickly stuffed into the fridge, we drove off towards their house.
The café was still open, but not many customers were seen. Daniel didn't smile at me when he saw us arriving. That's when I knew something was really wrong. With my hand resting on Benjamin's neck, my eyes widened when I saw Nolan. His head hung low, but the trace of blood on his shirt couldn't be denied. His nose was swollen, bruised, with red liquid dripping down still.
I glanced at Benjamin. Benjamin stared at the floor.
"What happened?" I glanced between Daniel and Amanda, when both of them just stared at me for minutes long, no words leaving their mouth. All the things I had done wrong in life crossed my mind, blaming me, bursting out feelings I didn't want to feel.
"I suppose that's the question you need to ask your son." Daniel looked tired. Not necessarily angry, but surely not pleased. Amanda, however, had a melancholic expression as she stared at Benjamin. She had her arms wrapped around Nolan, who pressed a thoroughly red soaked tissue to his nose. He cried, couldn't look us into the eyes. "Nolan came home, telling us that Benjamin hit him in his face. And that, purposefully."
Yes, Benjamin had his Italian tempers that could get a bit uncontrolled at times, a little out of hand, but never like this. Therefore, I couldn't believe what I'd just heard. "I'm sure that's a misunderstanding-"
"When will you stop being so blind, Zev?" Amanda's face turned red, she was trying to hold back her emotions. "Look at him. Look at him!" She lifted up Nolan's chin, who cried as it put pressure on his sore face. "You call this a misunderstanding? Zev, I've tried to tell you so many times, Poppy has tried telling you, whoever, but it's not going well with Benjamin. When will you finally realise, and do something about it? How are you going to accept what he has done and go on? It started with comments and now it's getting physically too. Violent. Do you want it to get even worse?" Nolan's elder sister entered by all the commotion, and my thoughts led to Eden. My emotions got ahead of me.
"Okay, wait a minute." I held up my hands, pulled Benjamin closer to me. "You can blame me all that you want, but we haven't heard both sides of the story, let alone, the whole story. Can we just talk it through first? And can you not talk about my son like he's not here? He's eleven. You can talk to him, too."
"Right." Daniel pushed Amanda to the back, whispered something to her. "Let's just talk this through, boys. What really happened?"
Nolan didn't dare speaking up, even pressed his lips together as he glanced at Benjamin. What had become of them? They were so close once, and now it seemed as if he was afraid of my son. Was I really the one who'd let it come this far? Had I really been this blind?
When both of the boys didn't speak, I gave Benjamin a warning tap against the back of his head. "I'm sorry, Nolan." He cried out, pulling his fingers as he tried to control his nerves.
Nolan simply nodded, then ran away. Daniel couldn't stop him, so he let him go. When I looked into his eyes, I could see nothing, but disappointment. "I don't think Aurora would have liked to see you the way you are right now. Take care of that little boy. And yourself. This cannot go on any longer."
Fed up, I reached for Benjamins' hand and dragged him over to the car. His comment had hurt me so much that I couldn't speak for a long time. I felt like crying, but I knew better than that. When we had arrived home, I sat down onto the couch and stared out of the window, wondering what had happened today and why nothing seemed to go better in my life.
Benjamin tapped onto my shoulder. I looked up at him. Silent tears rolled down his rosy cheeks. He couldn't speak when I kept looking at him. "What is it, Benji." The exhaustion was audible in my voice, but I couldn't hide it anymore.
"Papà.." Benjamin unbuttoned his trousers. "I didn't do it on purpose. I'm not trying to talk it good, but.." He pulled down the side of his trousers and underwear, revealing a large, fresh bruise on his hip. "They made a joke but it hurt.. and I didn't know.."
I rested my hand onto his skin. It was swollen, warm. Painful. "Who joked around?" Benjamin pulled up his underwear and trousers, carefully sat down onto the sofa.
"Arthur and Eric. First one of them pulled up my underwear and when I wanted to sit down they pulled the chair away and I hit my head and hip and when I stood up, I saw Nolan first so I thought he did it." Benjamin hid his face in my arm. "And I was so angry because it hurt so much that I hit Nolan. I thought Nolan did it, I'm sorry. I know I cannot hit anyone but it just happened, I couldn't think straight."
I felt bad for him. "Why didn't you tell Daniel that?"
"Because I always do things wrong, why would they believe me, Papà." Benjamin lied down on the couch. Pushing him a bit to the side to make space, I copied his action and took him in my arms. "I was the one who hit him still even when I didn't mean it."
With his back pressed against my chest, I kissed his hair. Once. Then twice. Benjamin turned around. I kissed his face. When I saw the thousand tears streaming down his face, I knew his behaviour wasn't like that, purposefully. He just didn't know how to express his emotions properly. And I knew that he needed help, no matter how much I did not want to admit it.
So when I lay Benjamin in bed to sleep, Poppy took the opportunity to watch him and I went outside for a walk to think things through. To try and empty my heart on my own. But that was difficult.
And somehow, my feet took me to Salomé's house.
•
Poor campione :(
Do you think Nolan and Benjamins behaviour caused their friendship to be broken now?
Benjamins reaction to those boys, out of the context or understandable?
Tired Zev?
Votes and comments would be so appreciated!! <3 tomorrow is my birthday, it would be a great gift :')