Remember me || Patrick Stump

Chapter Eight

It wasn't until three days later, when I realized What I'd done, and what'd it'd cost me.
I'd hurt him. I don't know how, but I did. And now I lost him.
He was my best friend, and he was literally the only one there for me.
Now there was no one. I mean if course, there was the other three guys, but no one would really get me the way patrick did.
No one would care for me the way patrick did. Even if it was just a misunderstanding, even if it was just a spur of the moment thing, that moment when we looked at eachother, that moment when we crossed our boundary... That moment was special. No matter what he said, no matter what anyone ever said, that moment never was, and never will be just "a mistake". It was something to him, and it was something to me. The only thing I didn't understand, was why he would deny it.
And still three days later, on Friday, as I sit in my car in the parking lot to my school, I was just as confused when I heard the door to my Volvo open.
Patrick just sat down in the passenger seat and stared straight ahead of him.
I didn't know what to say, and it was obvious didn't either. So I just started off with what seemed right.
"Listen I'm real-"
"No you listen."
Apparently I was wrong.
Patricks voice was sharp and harsh, in a way I've never heard him speak to me before.
"O-ok."
He didn't seem to be fazed at all by my shaking voice. He just kept going, and he turned to face me. As a reflex, I turned away from him, avoiding my eyes.
"You still can't look at me? What the hell did I do? I said I'm sorry. If I say it I fucking mean it."
I didn't say anything, but I turned in my place, and fragilely faced him, trying to force back my tears.
I've known patrick for years, and yet I've never been this scared if him in my life. In fact I've never been scared of him at all.
"Alright.." He said, his voice a little more steady now. I let myself relax, as I felt a little more safe.
"I just don't... I don't understand. I don't know how it's fair that I can tell you everything, and you keep yourself completely locked in."
For the second time, his words triggered something in me.
"Maybe you just don't need to know everything.."
"The thing is I do! I need to know because how else am I supposed to help you?"
There it was. The harshness in his voice that reminded me that our friendship was over. Reminded me that if he actually cared, he wouldn't be treating me like this.
"You don't need to know everything about me!" I yelled slightly as I said this, but he didn't seem to be aware of this.
"You're my friend! That's what I'm supposed to do! I'm supposed to look out for you, and care for you and just... I need to know!"
"Why the fuck do you need to know so much about me, why the fuck do you have to care... Just leave me alone alright.."
I didn't mean the words I said, but they just came out. It was g what I wanted, but maybe it was for the best...
These words changed something in him too, because his voice lowered as he said his next words.
"I just.."
"You just what patrick? You need to know because you're my friend? No I'm sick of this bullshit and I'm Si-"
"ITS BECAUSE I FUCKING LOVE YOU OKAY?"
I jumped in response, and put my hands infront of my face as if he was going to hit me.
I know to say it would be an understatement, but this was probably the most scared if been in my entire life.
"I'm in love with you, Annabel, and you're just too damn stupid to notice it..."
Shh, Annabel.. It's just me.
He couldn't.... He didn't love me. This wasn't possible.
Patrick said the kiss was a mistake... It was just some misunderstanding. He was just in the moment... He knew that. And now he thought he was just in love with me.
"No... Y-you can't be.." I hardly managed ringer the words out, but when I did they came out in a shakey stutter.
"Jesus Annabel, what the fuck happened to you?"
Patrick's words shot through me like a knife.
He was talking about brendon. He was talking about that night at the party.
I stayed silent, and tears started to overflow my eyes, and stain my shirt.
"What did he do to make you so screwed up?"
Screwed up? He didn't even know what had happened, and he was already accusing me of being screwed up?
By now, all of the cars I'm the parking lot had left, and we were almost the only ones there.
"What?" He asked, obviously taken aback.
"Get out!" I yelled this time, pointing to the door.
"Annabel I-"
"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CAR!"
And with that, he was gone.
When patrick was out of sight, I slammed my hand against the steering wheel, and began to sob uncontrollably.
I knew what I needed to do.