don't forget to read the authors note at the bottom💖
It's warm in here. It's hazy with sweat and hot breath. It smells like cologne and cigar smoke. The music is loud and my ears bounce a bit to the familiar rhythms that I haven't heard in so long. It's been months since we came here to dance and I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss it. I love to dance.
Even at 75% capacity there are a ton of people in here, all with drinks in hand and masks in bags. We find a table easily and the seven of of us slide in kind of awkwardly.
Santana hasn't really talked to me, I just keep feeling his eyes on me and choosing to avoid them. He was the first person who introduced us to this place, he also loved to dance and he was so excited to show us this club that his friend's cousin owns.
I think that guys name was Dominic? I don't know, honestly I was already drunk when he introduced us.
Speaking of drunk, I'm gonna need to get there real quick to make it past the awkward part of this evening.
Frankie and Tommy are having a hushed disagreement in the corner over god only knows what, Nicki and Pete are browsing the menu in front of them and Santana and his date Ashley are also looking a menu.
Well Ashley is looking at the menu.
Santana is looking at me.
I am looking for a fucking waiter.
Finally I catch the attention of a stunning young woman and she quickly makes her way over to us to get started on our drink order. I set the tone for the evening by ordering myself two tequila shots and margarita on the rocks....make it a double.
Santana's eyes go wide and he quickly looks to Frankie who is smiling like the Cheshire Cat and nodding his head at me in encouragement. Santana then flicks his face to Nicki who looks completely unbothered by my order and then finally he looks to me.
This time I let him have my eyes as I raise him an accusing eyebrow, "You okay?" I ask before he quickly averts his eyes and looks down at his menu once again.
About 40 minutes later my drinks have hit me and I'm feeling very, very good. I think it's time to dance. I don't want to dance alone though, so do I pull Frankie out with me and let Tommy pout or do I pull Nicki and listen to her pout?
Hmmmmm...Nicki it is.
I gracefully get myself off the stool and slip the leather blazer off my body. I feel Santana's eyes on my skin but I also feel the eyes of others and that means tonight has potential.
I tap Nicki's arm a couple times but she ignores me while she continues her conversation with Pete. I think it's rather rude to ignore your friend so I tap her a bit harder and say her name a few times just in case she's like numb or something.
"What Jo?" She whips her beautiful curly hair in my face and gives me a look that I don't like.
"Jesus, I just wanted you to come dance with me."
She looks unbothered as per usual,"I don't wanna dance, go find somebody else." I plead with her for a few more minutes until we both start getting pissy and then I shift my focus to Frankie.
Frankie's face is currently occupied by Tommy's face so I guess that's out. I don't know where Santana and Ashley went but who cares, I can't dance with them anyways...
Fine. I'll dance by my fuckin self I guess.
I make my way to the dance floor and wiggle myself into the big group all squished together in the middle.
Very sanitary. I'm sure they've all been tested and they wash there hands, right?
The lightning is bright in pinks and reds that make my dress even prettier, the silky fabric feels so good when I run my hands over it. I have no idea what the woman singing is saying but I know it sounds sexy and it makes me want to move.
I close my eyes and the room isn't spinning so that's a good sign that I'm not too drunk yet. I let my hips relax and move to the music with the people around me.
"Oh my god, your dress is so cute." I hear a women's voice in front of me and open my eyes to thank her. We giggle and compliment each other as girls do in a club and we dance together to the song blaring around us.
A few songs later my new friend leaves to accompany her friend to the bathroom and I'm left dancing by myself again. I've had another shot and it's humming through my veins right now. I feel eyes on me again so I do a quick scan of the dance floor but don't catch anyone, I start to scan the bar area and that's when I catch him.
His eyes are dark, the lights make his caramel skin glow and his mouth is pulled up into a smirk. He's dressed like my favorite kind of devil in a black silk shirt tucked into his black pants. The gold chain on his neck glimmers in the lights and he wears a matching gold watch that catches my eye as he brings his drink to his lips.
His eyes haven't left mine since I found them, so I guess it's time for a new dance partner.
I raise an eyebrow at him, challenging him to take the bait, and he does. He tosses back the rest of the drink and pushes off the bar. He's taller than I thought and his silk shirt is unbuttoned enough to show a sinful amount of skin. My mouth is watering by the time he gets to me, but I have a very good poker face.
He holds his hand out for me and take it quickly, letting him pull me in for a dance.
God is there anything better than being led around a dance floor by a sexy man? I don't think so.
He knows what he's doing. He is in perfect time with the music and his hands are firm on my body as he presses me to him, I have no choice but to follow his lead which is normally hard, but with a buzz it's so easy to let go and let someone else be in control.
I know some basic salsa steps so it's easy enough to keep up with him but I can't help the gasp that comes out of my mouth when he spins me out and then immediately pulls me back into his chest, his long arms wrap around my torso, one hand splayed on my stomach and the other sliding down the arm he just put around his neck. His body is still pressed against mine, moving us to the music while his soft lips find my ear.
"Hi, I'm Adrian." My breathing is heavy but I'm hoping he thinks it's from the dancing.
"Josephine." I manage to whisper out while his lips brush my ear and neck. I lean back into him and hear myself whimper as his lips press onto the spot where my neck meets my shoulder.
Ooh that's playing dirty, but I like this game. I'm good at this game.
The song comes to an end and a faster pace starts to flood my ears. More couples make it out on the floor for the upbeat number and I use it to my full advantage. I wrap my arm around his neck a little tighter and circle my hips, pressing my ass back into him of course.
I use the strong drum beat and swivel my hips harshly against him in tiny figure 8 patterns. His hand presses me back against him even tighter and he spins me out away from him again. When he pulls me back he's repositioned us so that his leg is between mine. I whimper again at the feel of his hard thigh pressed between mine.
He grips my hip tightly when I lean forward to grind my ass back against him again. I can feel how much he wants me too, and It's only pushing me further over the edge. I Lean back into him again, taking the hand on my hip and guiding it up my body. I run it across my stomach and back up my side until I run it over my breast. I hear a low hum leave his chest when he feels my nipple harden under his palm.
He spins me around quickly and this time he brings me back in facing him. His leg still planted between mine as we sway and step to the music. He has one hand pressed to my lower back and the other is currently holding the side of my face. His thumb is low, practically on my neck and his grip tightens just a hair when I slide my hands up his bare chest. He groans and leans his head down so our foreheads are resting together while we finish the dance.
" Feel free to kick me in the balls if I'm being too forward, but I know the owner and I can get a key to the back room." He whispers into my ear just before we part.
I kiss up his bare collar bone and then his neck before I reach his ear. "Hurry up or I'm finishing without you."
His hands grip my waist tighter again and he points his face toward a dark hallway. "Green door on the left, I'll be there in two minutes."
He kisses my cheek and we part, both flushed. A thin layer of sweat making our skin sticky in the best way.
~
Twenty minutes later I walk through a green door and squint at the the bright ass lights assaulting my eyes. Adrians chest meets my back and thumps me forward but he quickly reaches out to catch me.
"Oh shit sorry, I want expecting to be blinded." We laugh about the lights together and he takes my hand as we make our way out of the hallway. "Come on, I'll get us some water."
He starts to lead me to the bar when I stop him quickly, "I'll meet you over there in a minute, I just have to check in with my friends really quick." He nods and I break away to try to figure out my way back to the booth.
I see Frankies messy hair and squeeze through strangers to make my way back. When I approach the table Frankie is beaming at me while Nicki laughs and shakes her head before returning to Pete's conversation.
"Where have you been young lady? We lost you out on that dance floor oh I'd say about 20 minutes ago...about the time you walked off with that gorgeous man..." Frankie gives me a knowing look.
"Oh shove it. I just wanted to make sure you all knew I wasn't dead and also make sure you didn't abandon me. So I'll be going back to the bar now, bye." I leave quickly before Frankie can question me any further and make a b-line for the bar.
What I find at the bar is unexpected to say the least. Adrian is sitting on a stool, very relaxed, talking to Santana. In fact they aren't just talking, they're laughing. Ashley is sat on the other side of Santy and he's just kind of ignoring her really while he laughs with Adrian. They do that guy handshake thing and lean in for a quick back slap that is supposed to be a hug I guess and that's when I start to panic.
Do they know each other? What the fuck is going on? I can't go over there.
I turn quickly to go back to the booth and beg my friends to leave but not quick enough because as soon as I'm faced away I here "Josephine!" Bellowed across the bar. I close my eyes for a second debating on running anyways but the grown up part of my brain reminds me that I did nothing wrong and have no reason to run away when I was having a good time.
Having a great time actually...twice. The first time was so great he couldn't even wait to move me off the door so we had a great time while I was pressed against it. We were having such a great time he had to keep his hand over my mouth to keep me quiet while he whispered filthy things to me in that sexy accent and drilled me into the door in front of me.
I smile at him and make my way over to the bar. I try not to watch as I see Santana frantically look between me and Adrian. I approach them and Adrian holds an arm out for me to walk into, which I do, grabbing the glass of water he ordered me and taking a gulp before I face this.
Adrian is quick to the introductions before I have time to stop him. "Yeah, I know Santana, we're friends, we all came here in a group together. I didn't know you guys knew each other, small world huh?" I try to catch Santana's eyes to show him that I genuinely didn't know and wouldn't have done this to hurt him but he's avoiding me.
It only takes a few more seconds before all hell breaks loose.
"ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME JO!?" Santana yells and bangs his hand on the counter, making me jump. Adrian stands quickly and looks to me for some kind of explanation.
"YOU FUCKED HIM IN A STORAGE ROOM!? COULDN'T EVEN MAKE IT TO A BED?" He breaks a glass against the bar and the bartender starts shouting at him to get out. I knew he'd be hurt but I didn't expect him to act like this.
"Santy please, stop. I didn't know you knew him! I would have never intentionally hurt you. You're here with Ashley! Don't ruin the night over this. It's nothing."
"What the hell is going on here? Are you guys like a thing?" Adrian asks from behind me.
"No" we both reply but mine sounds exhausted, and Santana's sounds sinister.
"No, you made damn sure of that didn't you? We would have been great together, fucking perfect really. I would have given you everything! But I wouldn't touch you now even if you begged for it like the whore you are. I didn't think you'd stoop so low as to fuck a stranger in a storage room but I guess people surprise you everyday." He sneers the words at me and for some reason my brain isn't shutting down yet.
I'm not self destructive yet, I'm just pissed.
I pull away from Adrian and get in Santana's face, "Listen here, you don't fucking know me at all. You have no idea what I'm capable of or the levels I have stooped to. Who I fuck and where I fuck is none of your fucking business because with have no interest in fucking you. Get it through your thick skull, I DONT WANNA FUCK YOU AGAIN AND I NEVER WANTED TO FUCKING DATE YOU." I cup my hands around my mouth to hell that last bit in his face as loudly as possible.
"Go to hell, Santana."
I walk away from the bar, leaving Adrian looking dumbfounded and Santana steaming with anger. I try to maintain my badass act but my brain starts to catch up with what my mouth just did and my hands are shaking by the time I get to the table.
Frankie jumps up as soon as he sees me and tells Nicki he'll take me home since she was planning on going to Pete's. I let Frankie guide me out of the bar and we hear another glass break just before we make it out.
~
It's Saturday now. I don't remember falling asleep or changing into this sweatshirt. I just remember the yelling. It plays over and over again like a broken record in my head.
I never thought Santana was capable of being so cruel. I certainly never thought he was capable of doing it publicly but I guess he was right, you never really know somebody.
I knew I could be cruel though. I knew I was capable of hurting someone like that, I've done it before. In the moments before I shut down, when rage licks through my veins I know exactly how cruel I can be, how sharp my tongue can be and the damage it can do.
I know he was very drunk and also hurting so I'm trying not to hold it against him too much, but I wasn't that drunk so I suppose I don't have a good excuse. It doesn't matter though, he'll never want to lay eyes on me again.
You shouldn't want to lay eyes on him either, what he said and did was wrong and he doesn't deserve your pity or forgiveness. Fuck him.
I hear the part of my brain that backs me up, but right now I'm that girl in the mirror again.
I have to get up. If I don't, I will lay here all day and hate myself and I can't do that. I roll away from Frankie and grab my phone off the floor, which was a mistake.
HARRY STYLES'S RUMORED GIRLFRIEND SHARES AN INTIMATE DAY AND A WILD NIGHT OUT WITH ANOTHER MAN.
"You've got to be fucking kidding me." I roll back over to Frankie and shake him awake.
"Frankie. FRANKIE. Look at this shit!" Frankie rolls slowly, grumbling something about me being a bitch and blinks slowly at the bright screen. I watch his face as he starts to register what the screen says.
"Fucking idiots," He scoffs and grabs my phone. We sit up quickly and scroll through the article which states that Frankie and I were seen leaving a hair appointment, holding hands and sharing a passionate goodbye before meeting up the next day for a wild night of clubbing.
"Apparently Styles isn't the only man she's wronged, witnesses say there was a heated argument inside the club between the mystery woman, who we now know to be named Josephine McArthur, and a different man. The argument got so heated the man broke several glasses, even after McArthur left with her new beau."
There are pictures of Frankie and I's hug in the parking lot and photos of us walking together as well as photos of him leading me out of the club and us driving away. Tommy had gone to get the car so it was just me and Frankie in the photos. Thank god for that or they'd probably say I was leaving with two gentlemen suitors or some shit.
There's 4 swift knocks at the door and Frankie crawls over me to answer it. "Oh shit, oh my god hi." Frankie fumbles over his words as they pour quickly from his mouth.
I can't see who's in the doorway but I know who it is as soon as I hear him. "Hi, Frankie right? I'm Harry. Is Jo here? Is she okay?" I sigh heavily, my eyes pricking with tears and get myself out of bed, padding my way over to the door.
Frankie moves and lets Harry into the apartment and I notice that he obviously didn't want to be recognized on his trip over here. He's wearing long black joggers with his old grey hoodie, all of his hair is hidden in a beanie and he has bandana around his neck that I'm assuming he was wearing as a mask. He has normal glasses on too instead of sunglasses which make him look more like a " regular guy."
His eyes do a quick one over of me, assessing the state that I'm in, before meeting my eyes. I'm sure I look as bad as I feel, I'm wearing cut off sweat shorts and a sweatshirt that I'm pretty sure Frankie has had in his trunk for like 6 months.
When I meet his eyes his arms open and pull me toward him until my chest meets his and his long arms wrap around my back tightly. He doesn't say anything. Just hugs.
I feel Frankie slide a hand down the back of my head while he talks, "You gonna be okay here babe? I'm gonna go do damage control with Tommy and my mother. She'll be crushed that we aren't actually madly in love you know."
I chuckle lightly and move to hug Frankie tightly "I'm good, go. I'm sorry. I love you." He gives me a tight squeeze and kisses my forehead.
"Nothin to be sorry about. I love you more." He lets go and nods at Harry "Take good care of our girl, okay?"
Harry gives him a small smile and shakes Frankies hand, whispering something to him too low for me to hear.
When the door closes Harry takes his hood off and slips his shoes off and wraps me in a hug again. This time one his hands strokes down the back of my head. The tears I've been holding back start to leak down my face and Harry says nothing about it as I sniffle and cry into his shoulder. He just rests his head on mine and continues to pet my hair while we stand in my doorway.
After a few moments the tears have settled and the hiccups set in which makes us both smile a bit. I meet Harry's eyes as I pull away from a little bit and a small smirk has taken over his face. It only takes me a second to realize that this whole time he's been standing here, holding me, and looking directly across the room at the poster of him naked that's framed on our wall.
"We're both gonna pretend that you haven't seen that, k?" I say to his smug face.
He momentarily replaces the smirk with a look of innocent confusion, "Seen what?"
I laugh weakly and follow him to our small couch, snuggling into his open arm.
When I look up, the smirk is back.
___________________
Hey, hi, hello
I told y'all some drama was coming.
How do we feel? What are our feelings so far?
Also it's World Mental Health Day so please never feel like you're alone in your struggles. If you ever want to talk I would love to listen💖
Thanks for being here, I love you all bunches. - Mo💖