(Please enjoy! It's appreciated if you'd leave a comment or a rating. Thanks! -J)
After Tine said he would be spending Sunday studying, I figured I should do the same. The semester had only begun a week before, and I feared getting behind in my studies. I wanted to get ahead of my classwork before the soccer season got into full swing, and I needed to make sure I could spend time with Tine without worrying about my grades.
But as I sat at the desk in my apartment that Sunday afternoon, I could barely focus on anything except Tine. We had spent a crazy Friday night with our friends, and most of Saturday I was with him. I reminisced about everything that had happened between us. I constantly checked my phone to see if Tine had called or messaged me, and I had to eventually turn my phone off so that I could focus on my schoolwork. With my phone off, I managed to get four uninterrupted hours of studying done before preparing for bed at ten o'clock that night.
As I was showering, I realized that I hadn't turned my phone back on. I finished showering, quickly dried myself off, and rushed to my phone on my bed. Disappointingly, Tine hadn't reached out once during the day.
I dried my hair and got into bed, but there was no way I would fall asleep without speaking to Tine at least once. Did my nuisance study all day like he said he would?, I messaged him.
Tine's reply came a minute later. I'm still studying, he wrote, sending a picture of his bed covered with books and papers. Ohm and Fong were on the bed as well, but both of them were asleep, sitting up with their backs on the headboard and Fong's head on Ohm's shoulder. They still had books in their hands. They have taken over my bed again!, Tine added.
I took a picture of the empty space next to me in my bed and sent it to Tine. You're always welcomed in THIS bed, I wrote.
PERVERT!, Tine immediately responded. He then asked, Are you going to the meeting tomorrow for the cheerleaders and soccer players?
I had forgotten about the email Cookie and Dim sent on Friday telling us to meet them in a practice room in the Music Building on Monday afternoon. It would be the second time the two groups would be together, and I smiled to myself as I remembered kissing Tine at the first meeting.
I'm going, I texted. Are you?
Of course, he replied. He quickly added, You have to be there with me.
I smiled again. Does my nuisance miss me?!
Tine sent a picture of his middle finger raised. Who misses you?! Not me! You need to be there to protect me from Green.
Tine's text reminded that I needed to text Green as well. I hadn't spoken to him in a few days, and I needed to see what the next part of the plan would be.
I messaged Tine, Its ok to say you miss me because I miss you, too.
Another middle finger picture from Tine came immediately after I sent my message.
Do I need to come and kick Ohm and Fong out of your bed again?, I asked.
Again?
I realized that Tine couldn't have remembered Friday night when I moved Ohm and Fong out of his bed and put him in it. By that time Tine was well asleep. I wondered whether or not to tell him about it, then decided I would tell him to see if it would jog his memory to when he kissed me on the cheek before falling asleep. Friday night I moved Fong and Ohm out of your bed so you could sleep in it, I confessed.
Oh! I remembered Fong and Ohm being in my bed, but when I woke up I was in my bed and they were on the floor. Thanks! Tine sent a smiley-face emoji with his message.
No one can sleep in your bed except you, I wrote, and me.
You're such a pervert!
I sent a kissy-face emoji. Goodnight, my nuisance.
Goodnight, pervert asshole! Tine replied. He sent two smiley-face emojis.
As I fell asleep, I thought about how happy I was with Tine in my life. We seemed to have found a comfortable middle ground between us where I could flirt and playfully mock him, and he could respond with equally playful insults. He never seemed disgusted or uncomfortable with my flirting. He also seemed just as comfortable around me as I had become around him.
Monday morning right before lunch, as my World History class was ending, I received a message from Green: Meet me in Room 216 when you get out of class. We need to talk ASAP! As soon as class was dismissed, I bolted up the stairs and found Green sitting in Room 216 alone, tapping away on his phone. He motioned for me to sit in the empty desk next to him.
"What happened?" I asked as soon as I sat down.
"Phailin knows about the plan between you and Tine," Green said bluntly. "Tine told her about it."
FUCK! My stomach began feeling uneasy. "How did you find out?" I asked.
"She told her friend who happens to be my friend," Green replied. "So my friend told me, and I had to pretend as though I was upset."
I was hit with an epiphany that tore at my heart: Tine told Phailin about the plan because he believes she is interested in him, and he's probably interested in her. I plopped my head on the desk and groaned. "Fuck!"
Green patted me on the back. "But," he said slowly, "there's more." He sighed deeply. "Dim also knows about the plan. My friend also told him."
"FUCK!" I yelled. "What are we gonna do?"
"I already have a plan," Green assured me, "but you have to do exactly what I tell you to do."
I looked up from the desk. "Ok."
"Tonight at the meeting," Green began, "Cookie will announce that you and Tine are going to star together in a commercial for the open house." I opened my mouth to speak, but Green placed a finger over my lips. "I'm not finished, honey. Don't interrupt." I was like a child that had just been scolded. I waited patiently for Green to continue. "Cookie is going to ask you and Tine to practice introducing yourselves in front of everyone. So you've got to do or say something to convince people that you are interested in Tine."
"Can I kiss him again?" I asked excitedly.
Green rolled his eyes at me. "Whatever works," he replied. "When the meeting is over, do not walk Tine home. Let him walk by himself. I am going to follow him to his dorm, and you follow me, ok?"
I squinted in confusion. "Why?"
"Just do as I say!" Green demanded. "Stay out of sight until you see me hug Tine. When I hug Tine, you come out and separate us." He paused. "And no matter what I say to you or to Tine, you've got to convince Tine that you have genuine feelings for him, ok?"
I nodded again. "What are you going to say?"
"Doesn't matter," Green quickly replied. "I will storm off, but no matter what, do not force yourself up to Tine's room. In fact, if he offers, just make up an excuse and leave."
My eyes bulged. "What?! Why?" Turning down an invitation from Tine was inconceivable to me.
"Just do as I say!" Green screamed again.
"Ok, ok," I said. "I'll do as you say." I paused. "But what about Dim?"
"Don't worry about him," Green answered. "I know what he will do next, and I am prepared."
I looked at Green and sighed. "What if all of this doesn't work?"
Green turned to me, and for the second time since we had become friends, his face seemed to melt into a soft, almost motherly gaze. "Honey," he said, "when you're dealing with the heart, there will always be some blood. Some of it will be your blood, some of it will be blood from the other person." When Green saw my frown, he put his hand on my shoulder. "Tonight is going to be a big night," he said, "and there might be moments you will bleed, metaphorically speaking of course. But just trust me."
Green stood up, gathered his belongings, and walked out of the room.
That afternoon, there was nothing in my International Relations class that could keep my attention. The tiny seed of doubt I had tried to keep hidden in my mind suddenly took root and began sprouting leaves. Am I fighting a losing battle against Phailin? Am I selfishly standing in the way of Tine and Phailin being together? Is there even a real change of Tine and I dating? What happens if all this scheming falls apart? Now that Tine was in my life, I couldn't imagine a day without him. I thought I would be able to handle a platonic friendship, but the thought of Tine with someone else enraged me as much as it depressed me.
I don't remember walking from the Political Science Building to the Music Building. My mind was in a fog, and my stomach was twisted into knots. But somehow I found myself at the door of the practice room. I took a deep breath, which didn't help at all to calm me down, and walked in.
The room was full of soccer players and most of the cheerleaders, and there were some casual greetings exchanged between everyone there. I didn't see Tine, but Green was standing in the front of the room near Cookie, whispering into her ear. Dim stood next to them, his eyes watching Green's every move. I sat on the floor next to Boss and Mann, and a few seconds later Tine and Phailin walked into the practice room together. Her face was red, as if Tine had just said something that had made her laugh, but still feel shy. Tine was all smiles, his face beaming.
I folded my arms across my chest and huffed loudly. The anger I felt towards Phailin was barely containing itself, and I rolled my eyes in disgust. Tine bumped me with his shoulders playfully when he sat down beside me. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye dismissively, and I didn't even acknowledge Phailin.
As Green had said, Cookie and Dim announced that there would be a short commercial to advertise the open house around campus and around town. Cookie had decided that Tine should represent the cheerleaders, as he was clearly becoming the most popular cheerleader. He also had charm and stage presence, Cookie said. The cheerleaders giggled and nodded in agreement. Dim asked me if I would represent the soccer team as I was the highest scorer on the team, and equally as popular as Tine. I shrugged nonchalantly. Even when Tine bumped me again with his shoulder, smiling that we would be working together, I pretended to be uninterested.
Suddenly Phailin raised her hand. When Cookie acknowledged her, Phailin said softly, "I think we should also have a girl in the commercial. Another cheerleader."
I wanted the Earth to open in the spot where she sat, and swallow her whole. Is she really gonna try to get into this commercial?, I wondered angrily.
"We thought about that," Cookie responded, "but with the time allotted for the commercial, we can only fit two people in. There's really only enough time for them to say their names, their major, their affiliation, and then to invite people to come to the open house."
"But," Phailin began, "why can't we just have another cheerleader next to Tine, or the two of us – I mean, the two of them – surrounding Sarawat? The other cheerleader doesn't even have to speak." Then she added, "Or maybe Sarawat can help on another task and we can just have the cheerleaders on the commercial."
Before I could curse at her, Green snapped. "Cookie just said we don't have time for anyone else. It's gonna be Sarawat and Tine, although it should be me and Tine, since I love him so much!" Tine's face reddened as Green blew him a kiss.
Green's snarky response seemed to have quieted Phailin down, or destroyed her hopes of changing the commercial. She shrugged as if unbothered by the dismissal of her idea, but I could tell she wasn't happy by the way she squinted at Green.
"Can you two come up and introduce yourselves?" Cookie asked of me and Tine. "Just say your name, your major, whether you're a soccer player or cheerleader. And then I want you both to say 'See you at the campus open house on September 30th,' ok?" She added, "And it doesn't matter who goes first. Just say something like, 'And this is...', and the other person introduces themselves."
At the front of the practice room were two chairs, one slightly in front of and to the left of the other. There was a guitar on both chairs, and as I sat in the chair that was further back, I put the guitar in my lap. Tine, being a fan of guitars, placed his on his lap as if he was about to play.
When Cookie gave us a signal, Tine spoke first. "Hi. My name is Tine Teepagorn, and I'm a law student and cheerleader." He paused and turned towards me. "And this is..."
Staring directly in Phailin's eyes I said "Tine's boyfriend."
The room erupted in giggles and whistles. I knew Tine was infuriated at me; I could feel his intense stare. But I kept my eyes locked on Phailin. One corner of her mouth raised slightly in a smirk, but I could see the annoyance in her eyes.
Cookie calmed the room down. "Let's try again," she grinned, looking as entertained at my response as the other people in the room.
Tine introduced himself again. "Hi! My name is Tine Teepagorn, and I'm a law student and cheerleader. And this is..."
"Tine's future husband." I said briskly, still locked in a staring contest with Phailin.
Again the room filled with laughter. I crossed my arms on my chest and leaned back into the chair. Phailin turned her gaze to Tine, and she smiled brightly at him. Green stomped his feet in anger, then sat on the floor and fumed at me and Tine on stage. Dim kept his eyes on Green, and seeing Green looking upset seemed to make Dim happy.
Cookie calmed the room again. "I am sure you two will do great," she smiled, "but when we film, please don't refer to yourself as 'Time's boyfriend' or 'Tine's husband'." She grinned at me, and I smiled back.
Tine and I practiced a few more times standing without the guitars in our hands, and I introduced myself properly those times. But each time Tine started his introduction, I would grab his hand to hold. He would try to say his line without reacting, but he never once told me to stop. Every time we finished our introductions, he'd snatch his hand away and look at me angrily. Sorry, Tine, I thought to myself, I've got to show Phailin that you are mine.
The meeting was uneventful after Tine and I left the stage. Although we had just shared the stage together, for the rest of the meeting, we said nothing to each other. I could say that Tine and I were together on stage in front of everyone, but once we were done he sat on the opposite side of Phailin, away from me. They continued to whisper and giggle with each other, as I gritted my teeth and pretended to not be bothered.
The meeting ended, and like a procession, Tine left when Phailin went to talk to Cookie and Dim. Immediately after, Green left to follow Tine. Then I excused myself from the group, and followed Green. It seemed that things were moving in the direction Green had said they would. Still, I hated feeling so vulnerable and unsure. But, if being with Tine meant that I had to put myself in uncomfortable situations, I had to be prepared to do just that.
I saw Green and Tine near the front door of the Tine's dorm, and I ducked behind a pillar. I could clearly see and hear Green and Tine's conversation. I peeked around the corner to see what would happen.
"Tine," Green called.
Tine turned around, and his face lost color when he saw Green standing there. "W-what are you doing here?" he stammered.
I noticed two people walking from the parking lot, but they seemed to have sensed something was wrong because they moved quickly around the corner of the building. I wondered if they were going through another entrance, or just two nosy passers-by.
My eyes quickly darted back to Green. He took a step closer to Tine, then huffed, "I know everything. I know about Sarawat pretending to like you."
I knew Green would be confronting Tine about the fake relationship, but actually hearing Green tell Tine he knew about the scheme made me uneasy.
"W-what are you talking about?" Tine asked.
I know it's a lie," Green cried. "I know it's fake."
I could see that Green's eyes were becoming red with tears. He looked genuinely hurt. My emotions were already on edge, but I found myself in a full-on panic. In my mind suddenly scary thoughts arose: What if Green is setting me up? What if he is sacrificing my relationship with Tine to get back with Dim? Or worse, what if Green is actually interested in Tine after all? It had never dawned on me that Green could have been setting me up so that he could be with Tine. Green had insisted in the beginning that he wasn't interested in Tine, and up until that Monday morning, Green still seemed interested in Dim's reaction to everything. But seeing Green in tears in front of Tine put my brain into overdrive.
"Tine, why did you have to do something so cruel?" Green cried.
I was dizzy with fear and anxiousness.
"I-I didn't mean to be cruel," Tine responded. "I really didn't. I just... I didn't-"
Suddenly Green took two quick steps and embraced Tine tightly. The hug! I knew this was my signal to pretend to confront Green, but what Green said to Tine next caused me to hesitate. "I know I'm not good enough for you, Tine... but please... please give me another chance."
Oh my God, I thought, is Green about to set me up? He couldn't be, right? He said I needed to convince Tine of my real feelings, right? Is this all a test? I couldn't let my brain get carried away, so I took a deep breath and tried to clear my mind. This is it, I told myself.
The way Tine and Green stood, Tine couldn't see me as I walked towards them quickly. Green did see me, and he flashed a very quick smile before wailing on Tine's shoulder again. "Please, Tine, don't hurt me like this!"
I pulled Tine away from Green, who pretended to be surprised to see me. Tine was definitely surprised. He looked at me, his face like a deer caught in headlights. Before he could speak, Green screamed at me.
"I know it's fake!" he cried loudly.
"Who said this is fake?" I asked.
"You are pretending!" Green continued crying.
I took a deep breath. "Ok, yes, maybe in the beginning I was pretending. But now... now I have feelings for Tine." I paused and swallowed the lump in my throat. "I care for Tine, and I want to be with him. I... I'm in love with him."
Tine's mouth dropped and his eyes bulged, but before he could say anything, Green yelled, "I don't believe it!"
I grabbed Tine's wrist and pulled him close to me. "Fine," I said to Green, "I'll just kiss him until you believe it."
I turned Tine by his shoulders, and grabbed his shirt to pull his body close to mine. Staring in his eyes, I slowly moved in to kiss him. I could feel his racing heartbeat against my hands, and his quick breaths on my lips. He seemed catatonic from my confession, his eyes staring at my lips.
"Stop!" Green cried, just before my lips were to touch Tine's lips. "I believe you," he groaned. He turned to Tine and said dejectedly, "I believe Sarawat likes you and you like him." Green's shoulders drooped and he gave a soft whimper. He turned around slowly, then began walking away quickly. I could hear his moaning cry as he walked.
I had never felt so separate from my own body before. I had known that I would eventually reveal my feelings for Tine at some point, but I didn't think it would come so soon. Plus, I wasn't confident at all that Tine had feelings for me. Again, my mind was reeling. What if Green just ruined my chances with Tine? Another thought struck me: Why didn't Green confront me in front of Dim?
I knew that if I was confused, Tine was probably beyond baffled at everything that had just happened. We were shoulder to shoulder, both looking out to where Green had walked away. I didn't know if I would be able to look at Tine again. When we could no longer see Green, Tine asked, "How... how did you know he'd be here?"
"I saw him follow you after the meeting," I lied. "I knew he was mad about what I said, when I called you my boyfriend and future husband."
"Oh," Tine replied.
"Yeah."
We were still shoulder to shoulder, still avoiding each other's eyes. I could not think of anything to say. What the hell am I supposed to say after all of this?! As if on cue, my phone vibrated in my pocket. I knew it was Green, and I needed to talk to him ASAP! He had told me not to go to Tine's room even if I was invited, but there was no chance that I was going to go with Tine until I talked to Green.
"I, uh... I guess I can go," I said, turning to Tine.
Tine looked at me, and our eyes locked like they had when I was about to kiss him. He didn't move; he just stared at me. I wondered what he was thinking, and not knowing his thoughts made me anxious. Because his face was expressionless, I didn't know what to say or do now that he knew how I felt about him.
"Oh, yeah," Tine said. "Uh, thanks for being here." He looked down at his shoes, then back up to me. "You wanna maybe go to lunch tomorrow?"
Okay," I replied shyly.
Tine smiled, his rosy cheeks standing out against his pale skin. "I'll see you tomorrow." As I turned to walk away, Tine said, "Text me when you get home, ok?" I smiled at him over my shoulder.
I tried to casually walk away, but as soon as I was around a corner and away from Tine's eyes, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and called Green.
"What the hell was that?" I yelled into the phone as soon as Green answered. "What did you just do?!"
Green laughed on the other end. "Oh, Sarawat," he purred, "you really can't see the forest for the trees, huh?" (forest for the trees is a saying that means a person is too focused on the minor details so they miss the big picture).
"What?" I was a mix of anger and nervousness.
Green sighed. "Guess I'll have to walk you through all of this, huh?" When I didn't respond, he asked, "Did you happen to notice the audience we had?"
"Audience?" I asked. "What audience?"
"Oh, you didn't notice our audience?" Green laughed. "We had an audience of two: Dim and Phailin."
"WHAT?!" Quickly I remembered the two figures I had seen earlier. I assumed they were students heading back to the dorms. Were they really Dim and Phailin? How could Green have seen them both when I barely saw them, I thought to myself.
"I was only expecting Dim, to be honest," Green said nonchalantly, "but Phailin was an added bonus, right?"
"Green!" I yelled. "What the hell is going on?!"
Green giggled. "I made it pretty obvious at the meeting that I was going to follow behind Tine. And you followed me. I knew Dim would follow because he thought I would be upset at Tine for lying, and that I would be crushed when I confronted Tine about it. He probably brought Phailin along so she could see me confronting the both of you."
I stopped and sat on a bench. "So that's why you planned to confront Tine tonight?"
"Yes, honey, keep up!" Green giggled again. "Why do you think I acted so hurt when I already knew the truth? When you came out and confronted us, you basically gave Dim what he wanted. He believes he saw me get my heart broken by Tine." Green paused. "And, on top of that, Phailin got to see that you have feelings for Tine."
My mouth dropped. Green was absolutely right. His confrontation with Tine and I had probably given Dim a false sense of hope that Green would return to him, and it had shown Phailin that although Tine had told her the flirting was fake, I actually had real feelings for Tine.
"But wait," I said as I tried to wrap my mind around everything, "you just told Tine you believed that I had feelings for him. He's not going to keep me around if you've given up."
"Oh, did I say I was giving up?" Green questioned me. "I'm pretty sure I said no such thing."
My mind was racing. "You said-"
"I said I believed you had feelings for Tine, and that Tine had feelings for you, but I never said I was going to stop pursuing Tine."
"I am still confused," I admitted.
"Right now Dim believes that I am going to give up pursing Tine because you told me that you had feelings for Tine, right?"
"Yeah..."
"But if I continue to pursue Tine..."
"Dim will think you're really interested in Tine," I said, "because you're still pursuing Tine despite knowing that I have feelings for him." I was surprised that I had figured that part out.
"Now you're learning!" Green laughed.
"But what about Tine?" I asked. "I don't know what he's thinking. I'm more confused than before."
"Honey," Green sighed, "I need you to focus on the big picture. Tine knows you are interested in him and have feelings for him, right?"
"Yeah."
"When I left, what did you two talk about?"
"Uh, I told him I followed you, and then I said I was gonna go home, and then... then he asked me to lunch tomorrow."
So," Green asked, "even though he knows you have feelings for him and he doesn't think of me as a threat anymore, he still invited you to hang out?"
"To pay me back for helping him with you," I replied. "I don't think there's anything more than that... right?" Green's words were overloading my brain and causing me to start doubting everything I thought I knew.
Green laughed. "Sarawat," he said, "I don't know if Tine is interested in you romantically. But I do know he's at least curious. He knows you have feelings for him, so tonight he's going to be thinking about all the times you two spent together, and things are going to start falling into place in his mind. And that will influence how he acts towards you in the next few days."
"Green," I said slowly, "I understand, but then I don't understand. How... how did you know all of this would happen this way?"
"I didn't," Green admitted. "But I am a gay man trying to get into politics in this fucking conservative country. I'm also very out and proud. You think I don't know how to maneuver through difficult situations? You think I'm not always a few steps ahead of my opponents? Honey, I can get myself out of any situation because I focus on the light at the end of the tunnel, not on the darkness within it."
"I guess."
"So tonight was a success, I'd say. You told Tine you had feelings for him, you showed Phailin that you weren't pretending with Tine, and you gave Dim hope that I will crawl back to him. Plus, as an added bonus, you're going to learn how Tine really feels about you."
"Green..." I said, my voice trailing off. "I think you might be a supervillain." Only a supervillain could have risk creating a total catastrophe for everyone involved simply to get the results he wanted, I thought. While Dim, Phailin, and I were playing checkers, Green was playing chess and still beating us at checkers! Again, through his actions, he had flipped the game back into his favor, while giving his opponent, Dim, a false sense of victory.
Green laughed loudly. "I don't know about me being a supervillian, but I will take it as a compliment!"
I stood up from the bench. I was still in shock, but now that I was able to start connecting the dots, I could continue walking home.
"Ok, honey, I've got to get my beauty rest," Green said. "Don't think too much about tonight. Just go to bed, and in the morning we will talk, ok?"
"Ok, bye."
I hung up from our call and put my phone back in my pocket. I walked home slowly, and the fogginess in my mind faded away. There was a lot of information, emotions, and questions buzzing in my head, but I needed to take Green's advice and not worry too much about what had happened.
Still, as soon as I got home, I had to text Tine. I needed to know that he was at least okay, or that he wouldn't start acting funny around me. I texted him, Are you ok?
He responded quickly. Yeah. What a crazy night!
I sent him a smiling emoji. Tine had at least responded to me, which made me feel a little less anxious about how our relationship would now be. I tossed my phone on my desk and took a shower to prepare for bed. When I was done, I saw that Tine had sent a message. If Green hadn't stopped you, would you have kissed me for real?
I sat on the edge of the bed. I was afraid of answering him. However, I felt that if Tine wasn't interested in the truth, he wouldn't be asking the question. Of course. I meant everything I said, I replied.
For the next five minutes I stared at my phone, waiting for a response from Tine. There was definitely no going back in our relationship from this point. Whatever happened next, I would have to deal with.
Tine finally responded with a simple Ok.
As I got into bed, I messaged him. Did you want me to kiss you?
Pervert! Tine replied. A few seconds later he asked, Don't you think it's weird to kiss a guy?
I sat up in bed. Not if it's a guy you like or love. You can't choose who you will like or love. It just happens.
Ok, he wrote back. See you tomorrow.
Good night, my nuisance, I messaged him. I sent him two kissy-faced emojis.
Good night, pervert, he responded before sending a smiley face emoji.