THE CONFESSION.
Sarawat was agitatedly shaking his leg while sitting at the campus cafeteria with his friends during lunch, hair ruffled and white shirt buttoned askance. He looked like he had not slept for days, fingers twitching and big eyes roaming around the crowded hall agitatedly.
"What the hell is eating at you?" Man asked exasperated with a sigh, looking up from his cell phone to glare at Sarawat. "Stop acting so- so-" he motioned with one hand at the other one's weird behavior. "Just stop it, whatever it is."
Sarawat only glared at his friend from under his messy bangs, bow shaped lips twisted sourly and jawline defined. Man shook his head at the silent treatment, looking heavenward. God help him. Sarawat was just impossible sometimes. His stubborn streak was a mile wide, like a dog with a bone.
"Hey, Wat," Boss piped up while eagerly looking at Sarawat and successfully breaking the rising tension between his two friends at the table. "How's it been going with your room? You look pretty deadbeat, is it still being haunted?"
Sarawat only made a noncommittal sound low in his throat and looked down, hair spilling over his ashen face, mindlessly stirring the rice around on his plate with scraping noises. Man side eyed him annoyingly.
Was Boss trying to rub salt into Sarawat's wounds? He had not been able to sleep a wink after Tine had disappeared, making such an unnecessary grandeur exit at the wee hours of the morning. Sarawat had waited and waited for him but the ghost did not come back. By lunch Sarawat felt that he had to take himself out and maybe at least eat something since he could not sustain himself by smoking cigarettes only. And surprisingly, the walk from the dorms and all the way to the campus cafeteria had cleared his thoughts well enough to make him do a split decision and text Natty. She, if anyone, should know something about what was suddenly going on with Tine.
"By the way, was the information of any help from that dude?" Boss kept asking, leaning over the table, impatient to find out more. He had recently heard from Natty that Sarawat had actually met up with her to discuss the apparent ghost sightings at his dorm room, that bastard. He was obviously sneaking around with something behind their backs, acting all weird for the past month.
"What information?" Man interjected, suddenly interested in their conversation as well, phone already placed face down on the table. He rested his elbows on the table, peering at his friends.
"Oh, I finally talked to a friend who knew the guy that had stayed in Sarawat's dorm room," Boss ranted excitedly, turning to look at Man with wide eyes. "Apparently Tine, that's his name by the way, had been in an accident and that's when all the weird shit started happening at Sarawat's dorm room." Boss wagged his dark eyebrows for emphasis.
"So?" Man asked skeptically. "Does it mean he's dead then? Why would he haunt a student dorm?"
Boss opened his mouth to reply but halted in his tracks, furrowing his brows silly.
"Uh- I never asked specifically whether he was dead," he said sheepishly, one strong hand rubbing at his pale neck.
Hey, is your friend dead? It was not like he could just ask that out of nowhere.
"I just assumed that it was implied, I guess." Boss shrugged his shoulders and splayed his arms wide in a resigned gesture. "You know, because of the paranormal stuff?"
"You only make an ass out of me and you when you assume things," Man muttered tiredly and wacked the back of his friend's head expertly. This dude, seriously.
Boss yelped indignantly and glanced at Sarawat for help, while rubbing at the back of his aching head but was only met with a piercing stare.
"Tell me exactly what that guy said about Tine," Sarawat said seriously, his heavy gaze pinning Boss down to his seat. It looked as if Sarawat was ready to spring over the table and pounce on Boss should the other make any unnecessary movements.
"He, uh-" Boss scrunched up his face, thinking back to the conversation. "Well, he said that Tine had been in an accident. Where had it been?" He snapped his fingers, remembering. "It was at that annoying pedestrian crossing with the fucked up traffic light. It's precisely same place where your-" Boss stilled, his eyes growing huge as it suddenly clicked inside his mind. "Where your brother crashed your bike..."
A chill spread along Sarawat's back, his heart skipping over a beat. What were the odds of two accidents happening at the exactly same spot within the same time frame? Well, unless it had been one and the same accident all together, his mind supplied. Fuck. Bile burned Sarawat's throat just even thinking about it, thinking of the possibility that Tine had- that he had-
"Shit, do you think Phukong had something to do with Tine's accident?" Boss whispered stupidly, covering his big mouth in outrage.
"Shut up," Man instantly hissed, seeing Sarawat's face darken and his jaw pop severely when the young man clenched his teeth. This was obviously a touchy subject for Sarawat. However, Man did not quite understand why, since they had talked about this plenty of times, discussing how to help Sarawat work on his strained relationship with his little brother. So, what had changed now?
Suddenly Sarawat rose from his seat, his chair scraped over the floor with a piercing noise and then tipped over, crashing backwards onto the floor with a clamoring sound. Several students turned around, curious to find out what all the fuss was about.
Curling his hands into fists, Sarawat walked briskly out of the cafeteria and stepped out into the sun outside, ignoring his friend's worried shouts for him to come back. He fucking needed some fresh air, it was getting far too suffocating inside the crowded hall. Or maybe it was just his emotions that were suffocating him, making his throat close up. Since when had this become his reality?
Sarawat's phone buzzed annoyingly in the pocket of his jeans with an on slaughter of incoming messages. He exhaled shakily one last time and took out the device, glancing at the screen and what he saw there did not make Sarawat feel any better.
So there was no way around this whole situation, huh? Sarawat stifled a bitter urge to cry, his heart breaking apart piece by piece inside of him. However, he should not feel sad yet, no use in mourning in advance since there was still some time left, or at least one more time. Tine had promised to come back to him after all.
Natty:
What the hell are you doing? Why the fuck are you meddling with a dead soul's affairs? I'll fucking kick you in the nuts when I get back from my vacation.
Do you realize this is no joke? You could die if the evil spirit drains you!! He's obviously overstayed his welcome in the living world.
Have you found out why he's still here?
Do a good deed now and save the poor thing! Otherwise he'll be stuck in the living world and we'll have no choice but to purge his soul :(
-----
Tine was floating inside the dorm room, his form reduced to a tiny speck of dust that glided mindlessly through the pale daylight. He had a hard time forming coherent thoughts as the darkness inside of him, very much like a blotch of black ink on a wet cloth, was seeping into every fiber of his being as his soul was getting consumed by his desire for Sarawat.
Tine wanted to do the right thing while he was till able to make rational decisions. Just bouncing around like a raw ball of energy, before he became more sentient when coming in close contact with Sarawat, had nothing on what was awaiting him now – an eternity as a slave to his desire, slowly killing his loved one by his own greed. Sarawat had coughed up blood after that soul-sucking kiss and Tine severely blamed himself for it. How many years had he already taken off from Sarawat's life span while hovering around him like this? Tine could not do this anymore. He was beyond salvation and should not drag down Sarawat selfishly with him into this hellish hole that was gradually swallowing Tine from the inside.
Tine had to do what was right, as simple as that. He had to complete the circle of these events by finishing what he had once started. Yes, he had made the right decision after all.
-----
Pear slammed her food tray down on the table, making the young men stop their conversation and look up at her in surprise. The girl was standing straight with hands on her hips, her tiny chin jutting out sharply.
"Have any of you morons talked to P'Type recently?"
The guys shook their heads, eyes wide at the spitfire in front of them.
"Not since the first months after their family went away to Germany," Fong replied. "And then he went completely offline on our asses this past month too." Peuk and Ohm nodded their heads in agreement, pitiful expressions on their faces.
"Why? Do you know something?" Peuk perked up then, letting his fork clatter to the table as he eagerly looked at Pear, even Ohm seemed to come out of his sorrowful daze.
This was a very touchy subject for him since Ohm had been on the phone and then also texted with Tine just before his accident, now constantly blaming himself for not putting in more effort to find Tine at that time. Ohm had even talked to that friend of Sarawat's, feeling that he had to do something, searching for any traces of Tine, even if that had been something as weird as thinking that Tine was maybe haunting his old room. And even if it was possible, why would Tine even do that?
Pear chewed on her lower lip, fine brows scrunched up in thought. She then flopped down at the table, long hair bouncing around her face.
"He sent me a weird message the other week," she said, hands picking at the hem of her black skirt absently. "Something about finding Tine?" She looked up. "I thought that it was just a drunk text or something but then he texted again yesterday, asking to meet since he's back in Thailand."
"Shit," Fong breathed, ranking an agitated hand through his hair as Ohm looked down at his own white knuckled fists. "Why is he back?"
"Could it be that Tine-" Peuk started but got instantly shut down by the sharp gazes from his friends.
"Don't you dare even finishing that thought," Pear lectured and reached over, slapping the back of his head. Her hand was small but nonetheless did pack some raw power. "Let's all meet P'Type and see what he wants," she decided curtly, picking up her cell phone from a hidden pocket inside her skirt and then typed away on the device, a concentrated expression on her face as her thumbs flew over the screen.
The guys shared a solemn look over her head. Type being back could only mean one thing, really.
-----
Sarawat felt a gentle hand in his hair, long fingers combing through the messy locks. A small smile curled at the ends of his lips at the warm touch. He enjoyed the gentle caress for a couple of more seconds before letting his eyes flutter open, pupils dark and heavy in the shadowy room. Sarawat found himself instantly looking straight into a pair of bright, brown orbs not too far away in front of him on the bed.
"Tine?" He mumbled while blinking sleepily, not quite comprehending whether this was a dream or reality, being woken up in the dead of the night, thoughts floating sluggishly inside his head. A couple of agonizing days had already passed since he last saw Tine. "What's going on?"
A bright smile spread over the other one's pink lips, eyes crinkling into pleasant, crescent moons at seeing Sarawat's grumpily disheveled state. Tine patted Sarawat's head one last time and slid his hand down to cup his sharp cheek, one thumb stroking carefully just at the corner of Sarawat's sultry, kissable mouth. Tine really liked that mouth.
"Everything's fine, I just wanted to be close to you," he whispered, sweet fondness evident in his voice. His bold words suddenly too loud in the quiet night.
Sarawat just blinked owlishly, almost stupidly at Tine. This had to be a dream. Tine was touching him and his touch was warm and soft, so human like. No menacing shadows lurking around him. Was Sarawat's yearning for Tine so grand that he was now even having lucid dreams about the ghost?
"S'good then," Sarawat mumbled dazedly while shuffling closer to Tine. The cool bed sheets rustled soothingly as he came face to face with the ghost, their noses almost touching. "C'mere." He wiggled his fingers, making grabby hands at the ghost. Might as well make use of this dream, right?
Sarawat swiftly placed one tanned hand on Tine's lithe waist, feeling the splay of muscles underneath and then the narrow hipbone as his hand slid lower, making Tine squirm a little against the sheets under his wandering touch. Nimble fingers clutched around the jutting bone as Sarawat pulled the other one closer, finally drawing Tine into his warm embrace.
A breath was knocked out of Tine as he was suddenly squished against Sarawat's very naked chest. He blinked his doe eyes rapidly, breath ghosting over the other one's golden skin. Well, that had not really been a part of Tine's plan but it was undoubtedly a pleasant side effect. Tine tried to steer his thoughts away from the gutter as he swallowed dryly. His fingertips skimmed over the smooth skin of Sarawat's back as he hesitated for a tiny moment, not fully sure if he was allowed to touch. But then, throwing all precaution to the wind, his hands clutched greedily at Sarawat's shoulder blades and even wandered to his lower back, enjoying the very real feeling of the other man close to him.
"This is nice," Tine mumbled into Sarawat's chest, lips grazing at the smooth skin there. He was tempted to lick it, to get a taste of the guitarist.
Sarawat's heart beat faster inside his chest, pumping sweet delight through his veins and making his fingers tingle. He hummed contently somewhere above Tine, breath rustling his fine hair.
"I really like this," Tine added with more punctuation in his words, squeezing the other one closer while nestling further into the drowsy hug. "And do you know what else that I like?" He asked teasingly, knocking his head back and looking up at Sarawat, hair getting slightly static as the loose strands slid over the smooth fabric of the pillowcase.
"What?" Sarawat rasped against his forehead, nuzzling into Tine's warm skin, still not quite awake enough to realize what was actually going on. He was obviously stuck inside a dream, what other explanation was there for his heart to be so clear of any fears?
"I like you," Tine whispered and instantly felt how the sturdy arms around him tightened, Sarawat's heart pounding strong and alive against Tine's chest.
"I like you too," Sarawat replied without any hesitation and looked down, gaze warm and teasing, even if a little bleary on Tine's blushing face. Tine was surprised to find that he had actually been worried that Sarawat would not reciprocate his feelings even now, when it was so obvious how whipped Sarawat had become for him.
Without missing a beat and full of excitement, Tine darted upwards, pressing his soft lips warmly against Sarawat's. Tine then opened his round mouth invitingly, hot tongue probing impatiently at the seam of the guitarist's mouth and then slipping finally inside. The hand on Tine's hip tightened painfully as Sarawat dug his fingers into the pale slice of skin between Tine's white t-shirt and jeans.
Sarawat moaned low in his throat, feeling delirious as they kissed deeply, Tine's smooth tongue sliding over his own. It was as if Tine was trying to map out Sarawat's whole being with his tongue alone as the ghost kissed him with no abandon. Sarawat did not want this moment to end, ever. At least in this dream, for one tiny moment, Tine was actually his.
Except, why did it feel so real? Sarawat was feeling highly confused, furrowing his brow. Something was not adding up.
Tine ripped himself away from their racy kiss and panted wetly into the hollow of Sarawat's throat, trying to regain his bearings. The fingers of Sarawat's other hand curled in the sweaty hairs at the base of his neck and caused a tiny shiver run through Tine's body.
Tine liked this far too much but it was getting hard to control himself. He was pouring all of his stored energy into this embrace, into his final confession, while being careful not to steal any of Sarawat's own life essence. He was toeing the fine line between something good and something evil. Tine's love for this man was bound to hurt one of them and he would rather give himself up than jeopardize Sarawat's life.
"Sarawat, listen to me," Tine tried again, looping his arms fully around the other man and squeezing him tighter. "I remember everything now," he spoke into his warm skin, not daring to look him in the eyes but eager to feel Sarawat's rapid pulse against his own lips. "I have liked you since the freshman year and I tried to talk to you several times, especially when I picked up the guitar pick that you forgot at the music room, trying to return it back to you but I just got so nervous each time. But you've got it now, so I guess that I did manage to return it back, huh?" He ranted, chuckling sadly and clutching at Sarawat's warm skin. "You have to understand, that it has always been you."
Silence.
Sarawat was getting dizzy. Tine's warm body pressed against him was overwhelming. His fresh, sunny scent filling Sarawat's senses was overwhelming. His confession was overwhelming too.
"Tine, please don't joke around," he pleaded, snuffling into the soft hair and cradling the broad frame together with him on the bed closer to his chest.
This was everything that Sarawat had wished for. What kind of cruel dream was this? Tine too, he was just too cruel, sneaking this up on him.
"I'm not joking," Tine replied shyly, ears flushing as his hands curled into nervous fists at Sarawat's back. "I think I love you."
Sarawat leaned away slightly, hands instantly raised to sandwich Tine's face between them as his dark eyes roamed around the pale, sharp face that was rapidly growing pinker by the second. A smile then slowly curled on Sarawat's wide lips, stretching his sultry cupid's bow, finding Tine's shyness endearing.
"So all those sappy Instagram posts...?"
"About you."
"And joining the music club?"
"For you."
"Haunting me?"
"Because I had to confess to you."
"H-"
"Will you stop?" Tine interrupted, whispering harshly, his cheeks rosy and hair mussed while looking all flustered, staring boldly into the dark orbs of his crush.
Smirking fondly, Sarawat ducked down and planted a soft kiss just at the corner of one of Tine's round eyes, lips trailing lower until they finally slotted into place over Tine's pink mouth. Sarawat was not even going to try and understand how any of this was even possible. He would not try to rationalize this gift.
"This is not a dream, is it?" He murmured against Tine's soft skin, trying not to let the simmering panic rise to the surface. Instead he should try to enjoy this splendid moment with Tine to the fullest, without any regrets.
"No," Tine whispered. "This is a goodbye."
Sarawat inhaled wetly, squeezing his furiously blinking eyes and pressed his lips harder against Tine's once more, silencing him with a longing kiss that pierced deeply through Tine's undead heart. Life was just a dream for the dead.
They fell asleep in each other's embrace and come morning there were no lingering traces of Tine anywhere, even the tiny dorm room felt somehow different.
No buzzing, mysterious energy between the folds in time and space.
Empty.
*·.
Note:
Seems like I'm having some separation issues with this fic (╥_╥)
But the mystery is slowly coming around, the next chapter should be where everything is finally put into light.
I'm feeling a bit nervous ꈍ .̮ ꈍ