It was probably around midnight. And I only woke up, because those counselors were so damn loud. At first, I thought they were here for me and I just thought, oh great, another trauma, but now at night? Just give a guy a break, you know? But then they went to Wendy's bed, who was a very heavy sleeper, as I had come to notice, shaking her awake. The grumpy "Huh??" she grumbled at them made me chuckle, even though I myself was also still very much half asleep and in my dreamworld of being free and with Kenneth.
"Can you follow us please? Simon has some important information" the counselor whispered, probably so he wouldn't wake me, but man, for that you'd have to not slam my door open, you know? Oh great, was really now the right time to tell Wendy that they probably just needed to expand her stay here, again? But then again, Simon did stay up late and sometimes called us, well not me, but even Kenneth once, down to his office, to let us call our parents or have a serious conversation about our behavior or shit like that.
Wendy groaned, rolling out of bed a little reluctantly and I chuckled, because she hated nothing more than getting up and getting woken up, so I knew how much she did not want to do this. But that bitch of course heard me chuckling, so she took her pillow, hitting me over the head with it and I exclaimed "Ow! Thats assault! Won't you two big guys do something about that??" But the two counselors just looked at me, before rolling their eyes and nudging their head at Wendy, signaling her to follow them. Reluctantly she got up and left the room with the two men.
I laid back down, snuggling into my pillow and blanket, ready to go back to sleep. I exhaled and started fantasizing about my future with Kenneth, if we would ever get out of here alive and how we could travel around and be free and happy and fuck a ton and be in love and happy. Normally, those fantasies gently let me fall back asleep, but now, that didn't happen. Oh great, I was wide awake and it was the middle of the night. For that alone should I be suing those counselor assholes. I was a teenager and needed my fucking sleep god damn it.
I tossed and turned and ended up groaning in frustration, since I didn't see sleep reaching me anytime soon. Great. Fucking g r e a t. Thanks Simon, once again. He didn't even want to torture me for once and he still managed to make my life hell, because I hated nothing more than not being able to fall asleep. That was hell. Ok maybe I was already in the real hell this world had to offer at the moment, but still, it was bad, give me that much. I glanced at the clock in our room and it was one am now. Ugh, I hated this. The only thing we had left in here was sleep and rest and now I couldn't even get that anymore god damn it.
I tried to sleep again, but kept glancing at the clock. 1:30 am....Wendy was now gone for over an hour and I thought about that for a while, wondering why this was taking so long. Maybe she was able to phone her dad again. She loved her dad and hadn't been able to talk to him in two months now, which was very long. She wasn't really allowed to do so, but more importantly, when she was, her dad never picked up the phone, because he was a very busy man. So maybe now they had a lot of catching up to do. Simon couldn't really prevent her from doing that, Wendy was really fairly good around here. She didn't make any trouble, it appeared as if she was a willing participant in all of this and actually listening to Simon's words so...why wouldn't he let her talk to her dad?
But then again, it was Simon, so who knows? Maybe he just wanted to have a serious talk with her about her next few years in this institute or whatever. I groaned, turning around and trying to let my eyes fall shut and drift into my little dreamland, where everything was alright and I was happy and safe and with Kenneth and my friends. And slowly, I felt the exhaustion of tossing and turning for one and a half hours take over my body, as I slowly fell unconscious and asleep. Ah, that was more like it, finally!
But right when I was about to actually fall asleep, like fully, the door to my room was slammed open and I heard the counselor call, loudly "Come on girl, go inside, I don't have all night!"
"God damn it! I was almost asleep you asshole!" I yelled at the guy, who simply called "Shut the fuck up and go to sleep kid" before slamming the door shut and surely waking everybody on this floor up. Fucktart. Great, now I was awake again. I was about to start my internal or maybe loud rant about how we didn't even get food sometimes and now they wanted to take our sleep away from us as well, when I noticed Wendy standing in the room, not having moved one bit.
"Wendy? Everything alright?" I asked, frowning, as I rubbed my eyes to see clearer and Wendy was still standing in the dark, not moving one bit. "Mhm" she simply replied, but it was a little too high pitched to sound normal and convincing. It looked straight out of a horror movie. Wendy, with her auburn blonde hair, standing in the shadow of the room, stiff as a stick and not moving at all with a high bitched voice...but I knew that I wasn't about to get murdered by Bloody Mary or shit, honestly that bitch would do me a favor, but that something was wrong with my best friend.
After a while, Wendy started walking and she sat down on the edge of her bed, her hands digging onto the mattress, as she had her head hung low and I could make out through the darkness, that she was frowning. I turned around, clipping on the light on the nightstand and letting my eyes get used to the bright light, that was suddenly blinding me, before I sat up, pulling my blanket up to my chest, to keep me warm, as I took a closer look at Wendy, who, from what I could make out through her head hung low, looked almost as if she had an encounter with Bloody Mary herself.
"What's wrong?" I asked, genuinely worried and Wendy lifted her head at that, tears shimmering in her eyes and now I was actually very fucking worried. What had those assholes done, huh?? Electricuted her?? But she was being good, she hadn't done anything wrong!! Maybe the masturbatory reconditioning? But why in the middle of the night and not during the one on one sessions?? A thousand possible torture methods ran through my head, one worse than the next. "Hey, what happened??" I asked, very worried, but still careful to give her the time and space she needed, to actually process whatever it was they had done. Maybe the talk with her dad on the phone had upset her, if that was what she had been called for and I actually hoped for that less painful option.
"I-....I think-....I just got raped" she mumbled and my blood ran as cold as ice at those words as my heart sunk into my stomach.
"What??" I asked, my voice almost getting stuck in my throat, as I hastily sat up, my arms feeling weak as the words registered in my brain. Wendy stared ahead with a frown, as a tear rolled down her cheek and I couldn't even form a better thing to say, after my dumbfounded question. I stared at Wendy even though in retrospect, that was probably not very helpful and wrong, but she didn't even look at me, she seemed to be still processing what had just happened to her. She didn't say anything and really, what could she have said to my dumb question?
I waited, letting the words sink in for a moment, because I just- I couldn't believe it or maybe I also didn't want to believe it. Not that Wendy was lying, I just did not want to imagine that happening to my best friend. But by the way she stared ahead, tears rolling down her face, I knew that this was real and not just a nightmare I was having in a world, where I had magically fallen asleep, while she was away, calling her dad. This was reality and something very bad had just happened to my best friend. Wendy didn't seem to be very present at the moment, but that was ok.
I didn't really know what to do now and then I remembered, how I had felt after James had attacked me. I remembered how good it had felt, that Kenneth was close and so I hesitantly got up and walked over to Wendy's bed, asking "Can I sit next to you?" Wendy slowly lifted her head, looking at me through the tears, before she pressed out a hint of a smile, nodding her head. Carefully, just in case she would decide otherwise, I sat down next to her, leaving some space, because I did not want to make her uncomfortable right now in the least bit.
"Do you wanna talk about it?" I asked calmly, because I knew how it felt, when your friends had found out about your trauma and were all very overly concerned. It was sweet, but as it seemed, Wendy hadn't even wrapped her own head around the whole situation yet and I did not want to intrude. Of course my immediate reaction was to ask what had happened and to go to whatever counselor thought he needed to proof that he was straight and beat that fucker, maybe with Kenneth, Eric, Brian and Leah's help, but our anger was on second place. The most important person now was Wendy and what she wanted and needed.
"I never thought he would go to this length" she mumbled and I frowned. Did a counselor already approach her before and she hadn't told us about it? Had somebody assaulted her, maybe groped her and now thought he had to go all the way? "Who?" I asked, not too sure who that somebody could be. But it probably was a counselor, right?
"Simon" she whispered and at that I think I lost it a bit. "Simon?? Simon raped you???" I said a little too loudly, but come on, that information was something to yell walls down with.
"No...Steve did" she said and now I was confused. But I didn't want to ask, bold as I was, it wasn't my place. But I just didn't make the connection between the two pieces of information, Wendy was able to give me, yet together. I tried to make sense of it, make the 'best' possible scenario out in my head, where Wendy's words made sense. But maybe I was not creative enough, because I just couldn't figure out what had happened without asking again, which I wouldn't do to my best friend, not in that situation.
A/N: Big fat trigger warning for assault/ rape (Wendy will describe what happened, no Flashbacks or anything but just a warning, if you wanna skip, go to the next A/N)
"I-....Howard brought me downstairs into Simon's o-office and I...he just talked to me about how he noticed that I hadn't changed my 'masculine' behavior and stuff...How he thought, that I was willing to change and how I was such a pleasure to work with...but how he knew that only the drastic measurements would work now and then he asked me, if I was willing to try anything and I-I don't know, I felt like I was on the spot, so I said yes, because no wasn't really a possible answer...and then they brought me to the nurses quarters...I thought they would sew up my vagina or shit...I don't know, but there, they brought me into the....the basement" she said and at that word shivers rolled down my spine.
It seemed like a basement wasn't such a great place for people like me and Wendy. I thought back to the time I got to visit the nursing quarters and how they had carried me up the stairs and down the hall and I tried to remember the stairway that lead to a basement, I don't even know why it was so important to me to have a picture of the place that brought my friend more pain than I could ever imagine and had yet to find out more about, but it just was. "I-....I didn't see a basement" I said, almost as if I was blaming myself. As if I could have stopped it, if I had known that there was a basement and then I could have jumped off the stretcher and shovelled some dirt down that stairway to seal it forever and ever, so nobody could go down there.
"One of the doors lead to it" Wendy said and somehow at that, her hand went to grab mine and I let her, holding her hand between mine and letting her dig her nails into my skin, because that bit of pain was nothing in comparison to what she was feeling on the inside in that very moment. I could feel the tears burning in my eyes, as the realizatdion of what had happened to Wendy set in more and more with every passing second and I couldn't help but want to scream, want to cry and hurt somebody, and everybody who could have stopped it, but I didn't let my own emotions out, as this was not my time and place to do so.
"The room was small...probably so I wouldn't have much options to hide. I couldn't have done it anyway, because the second I entered the room and I saw Steve, who was barely able to make eye contact with me, the counselors held me down on the table. Nobody tied me up, nobody wrestled me to the ground, it was almost as if I was a participant that had asked them to do so, since I didn't trust my own body to not react the way it was natural in that moment, which was to follow my instincts and run. And I-I didn't-...I didn't fight back... They were three grown men and would do it anyway. But at that point I didn't even realize, what would happen, I just thought they were going to shock me and Steve was next or stuff like that...not...I..." Wendy said and her voice started to crack at that. She took a moment to lower her head and let her eyes fall shut, as the grief and memories overwhelmed her and I just gently held onto her hand, so she knew I was here, but so she could pull away at any given moment.
I didn't rush her, that would have been the single most cruelest thing I could have done in that moment, to not give her the time and space she needed to recover. It was cruel to think that some people had to function right after something like that happened to them. That woman had to go to the police, their clothes still half ripped off their body and the blood covering their thighs, the mud of the ground touching their skins and they had no time to recover. That they had to go back to work or their families and be a functioning human and that if they were too well, people didn't believe them and if they were too depressed, they would get upset. No, Wendy needed a moment and she could have eternity if she pleased.
"They held me down a-and Simon told Steve to go ahead....He looked so angry...almost as if he was angry at me and then he...he opened his pants and they took off my...my uhm...my underwear under the skirt and then he got on top of me and...did it" Wendy quickly finished and I felt guilty that she was telling me this. Because I wasn't sure, if she actually wanted and needed to tell me this, in which case I was very much fine, or if she just did it because she thought I wanted to know and therefor did me a favor even if she wasn't ready yet, in which case, I would feel like the biggest jerk of not doing my job properly and helping her.
"I will kill him. I will go over there right now and beat Steve, I don't care if he is bigger than me and much stronger, I have more brain and I will punch him-" I rambled, totally forgetting what I should be doing in this situation and letting my anger get the best of me.
"I don't think it was Steve's idea...I don't think he actually wanted it either. He looked miserable Tommy...I-...I feel so sick...so violated and I- don't even know what to do with this fucking body anymore right now, I mean fuck...It just happened. But I don't think it was Steve who wanted this. He almost cried...He didn't even look at me. But I mean he...finished so I guess he-...I don't know....Was this even rape? Because I think I kind of gave my consent when Simon asked me, if I would do anything to become straight and I said yes" she cried, not yet allowing herself to sob and I stared at her in disbelieve, tears leaving my eyes.
"Of fucking course it was rape Wendy! Did you ever, at any point say, that you wanted to...that you wanted to have sex with Steve?? No! If a month ago, Leah would have asked me, if I wanted to die a virgin and I said no and then she would have pinned me to the ground and had sex with me, I would have also not given my consent, therefore it would have been rape! This is not even up for debate Wendy! They held you down! They held you down and yes Steve is the fucking bad guy here, because he did it too! Maybe he didn't really have a choice, but still! He fucking raped you, there must have been another way! Why...Why would Simon even do that?? This is fucking insane, even for him!!" I yelled, not even caring that there was a knock at the door and a counselor, shouting through it, telling us to go to bed.
"I don't know...I think this is his last resource. He thinks that sex can turn us straight, but if anything this just showed me why I never ever want to even look at a man sexually ever again. It hurt...why did it hurt? Is that normal? I- I have so many questions, that I do not want an answer to...if that makes any sense" she said, clinging onto my hand, as she stared ahead, frowning again. It seemed like she couldn't wrap her head around the whole thing herself yet and in all honesty, so couldn't I...
"It makes sense...everything you say and feel right now makes sense Wendy...F-Fuck I-....I'm so sorry" was the only thing I was able to breath with a shaky voice and Wendy nodded, her bottom lip wobbling, as she tried not to cry, even if she could have done exactly that and I would have never judged her for one second.
A/N: Worst is over
We sat there together on her bed, holding hands for hours, until the morning came and warmed our dried tears. We didn't hug, I don't think she wanted that, because she knew she could have simply hugged me at any given moment in that situation and I would have held her. But she didn't feel comfortable doing so and that was fine. Neither one of us said anything the whole night we sat there, because really, there was nothing to say. Life was shit and that was just how it was. I wanted to assure Wendy, that she would get her revenge, that I would never let this happen again and that one day her pain would stop, but really, I could promise none of that.
Because I didn't know if the pain she was feeling right now and which would only intensify over the next few days, would ever go away. I didn't know if she would get her revenge, because we couldn't really beat other inmates up in here without the counselors stopping us, since it wouldn't be good advertising for the parents and I didn't think that something bad would happen in the next few days to Simon or Steve, since that also wasn't very possible to plan in here.
And as for, that I would never let it happen again...I couldn't promise that in here. I could try, even if they would send me down to the basement again. But in the end they would just do it anyway. I would rebel and then they would put me in the basement and Wendy and Steve together. That was just how things were around here and me, a slim redhead with the muscles of a five year old boy with asthma, could not change that. And even if Eric, Kenneth, Brian and Leah all worked together with me, even then would we manage nothing as we were outnumbered and in the eyes of the law the bad guys.
What really scared me though, was the fact that now Simon had introduced rape to his plan of turning us straight. What if he wouldn't just do it to Wendy again, but the rest of us as well? What if he made one of us guys rape Leah, which nobody would do, but he could try. What if he hired hookers for the guys to rape us? What if he just continued doing this, until he thought we were straight enough? After what had happened with Wendy, I was more scared then ever, even more than after the electric shocks. I was scared for my friends, my boyfriend and even myself. I was scared and I knew that all my fears would come true.
Because these weren't wild speculations anymore. This was reality, this was happening and Simon was loosing it. No, he had already lost his mind and now he was having his fun with us. Wendy was allowed to stay in bed the next day and she did just that. I brought her food and love throughout the day and had hinted with the others, what had happened last night. I didn't tell them the whole story, it was Wendy's to tell, but the parts that affected all of us I couldn't hold back and they were more than shocked and angry to say the least. Especially Kenneth was about to beat Simon up and we had to hold him back, since it was no use at all doing that now and getting himself in danger. Steve wasn't there, he stayed in his room, but if he had been there, Kenneth would have knocked him out cold.
They all argued on what to do now and how to stop them and how to revenge Wendy, but I just focussed on the fact, that things were getting really dangerous in here. We were all in a small pond of water, locked in with a big white shark and he was getting closer and closer. Not just I needed to leave now, Wendy did too and the rest as well...this wasn't just abuse and torture anymore, this was getting serious and the last straw would be murder, but I would not let that happen!
So in the lunch break, when I excused myself to go to the bathroom, I snuck down the empty hallway, past Simon's office and the door to the basement, before pulling out Kenneth's key, that he had gotten himself from James a few months ago and that he had given me the day we had snuck into the front office to steal my weed, unlocking the door to the common room, which was empty, of course, due to them all being in the dining hall, eating that awful food.
I carefully closed the door behind me, before sneaking to the telephone, typing in the code to unlock the phone, that I had memorized back when James had let me call Julie. I quickly dialed the number I knew by heart, waiting as it started ringing. I glanced at the door, but it appeared that nobody had followed me, so I waited, until finally somebody picked up.
"Edward Davis speaking, hello?" I heard the voice of my dad. And I was taken aback by that. I did not expect him. Normally, a maid would pick up and he was in the office at this time a day anyway...why was he home? I hadn't heard his voice in so long...
"Dad?" I asked, almost choking on the tears, that I hadn't even realized until now, because I hadn't talked to my father, since the day he had brought me to this god awful camp with my mother and sister. Its been so long...
"Tommy?? Is that you?" he asked and it was a bit unlike him to sound so happy, when talking to me, but it had been a few months now, hadn't it?
"Yes! Yes Dad I- please don't hang up now, I really need to talk to somebody!" I whispered, glancing at the door again, but still, it stayed closed. I knew I didn't have much time, at some point they would start looking for me or one of the counsellors might walk inside and I was willing to take that risk for my friends, my boyfriend and me...I couldn't stand by and watch them torture us anymore! I had to do something, even if they would punish me for it. But after last night, after seeing how they broke Wendy, the only sane one around here, I knew I had to put an end to all of this insanity.
"....Ok I-...yes I will listen" he said and I was a little surprised, that my father was willing to listen to me, especially since he knew that my call must have been not very allowed and I had secretly called him and therefore disobeyed Simon, which wasn't something my father normally approved of. And it wasn't like he had ever really talked to me before. He was always working and when he came home, he was a very quiet man and my mother did all the talking and complaining. I don't think he actually cared for me or Julie, he just didn't have that strong of an opinion on anything, but I hoped that I could change that now.
"Please dad, you have to find a way to get me out of here! And not just me, all of us here! They are not as nice and helpful as you guys think they are! They are hurting us, really badly and it's not for our own good, it's not to change us anymore! Simon is just abusing us, all of us and I can't take it anymore dad I-I know you want me straight and normal and all of that, but this is not helping me, this is killing me! I almost killed myself the other day, because it had gotten so bad and my friend just got raped! I-I'm scared and this is not legal anymore, this is really bad and somebody has to shut this place down, before more people get hurt and die and maybe I'm next and I don't want to die yet dad! I-I just started living and please, if you ever so much as cared about me or Julie, don't let them get this far and-" I pleaded, feeling myself tear up and suddenly, the door opened.
"Shit! Dad please call Jesse, please file a lawsuit, please don't let them kill me I-" I said quickly as Howard stormed into the room.
"God damn it kid!! Get the fuck away from the phone right now!! Didn't you hear me??" he yelled and I clung onto the phone, quickly saying "Please Dad! Please, if not for me, then for all the other kids in here, that might die and I-"
The next thing I knew, Howard had hit me right in the face and my slim body was so not used to the impact of that hit, that I yelped and fell to the ground, the phone hanging on the cord and Howard quickly hung it up.
"Fucking hell kid! Oh man you are in big trouble" he grumbled, stressed himself, since he knew this was very very bad for them.
But I had taken my chance and now the consequences may come.
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...Don't hate me!! Especially my fellow Wendy lovers! I- don't even know what to say, really, just remember, that there are three more Chapters (I think) and then basically two epilogues or like one epilogue and one bonus I'm not sure yet.
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