It's a struggle to not think about how pathetic this is. At first, I thought this life would finally give me the sense of freedom I'd been longing for. Turns out it's just a whole lot of restlessness in every sense of the word.
The night always makes my skin tingle with anticipation. I get excited to grab my chance to be with the outside world. For a few minutes, I get to pretend that I'm still normal. I've grown to find comfort in the mundane: the sounds of traffic all around me, the smell of dinner being cooked and served in the restaurants and homes I walk by. But most of all, I enjoyed being around people. It never mattered that some bump into me as they rushed home from work, or yell at me for walking too slow. Just being there with them, to be connected to something, was more than enough to comfort me. For a short while, I forget just how goddamn lonely I am.
The only thing that distracted me from the wonder of it all was the regular intruder that somehow found me. I do my best to shoo away the neighborhood stray that hissed at me like it knew my secret.
"Come on, dude," I plead under my breath. "I know. Just let me get to work, okay?"
I carefully walk past the tiny guy, relieved that he let me through without me having to make a scene. Lucky for me, it was just one tonight. Often, I had to contend with two, or three, or twenty - and that was the most unfortunate. I could never make it past that many without hurting one of them, even if all I'm doing is defending myself. It always makes me feel horrible when that happens. Cats may have stopped liking me, but I still like them.
There was nothing out of the ordinary about my walk to the office that night. Well, I use the term "office" loosely. It was more like a workstation, a place to park myself for a few hours a day, other than my bed. It was a dead-end job, sure. But it's not like I'm particularly motivated to do anything with my long, drawn-out life. The life I lead now is small, and quiet, and content. My job reflects that, and I'm fine with it.
"Hey, you're early," Pharm says, as I walk through the doors, not even getting up from his seat - the same seat I would be occupying for the night.
"Yeah, I got bored. Where's P'Dean?"
"Rounds. He should be back any minute," he says. "I heard P'Pruk is sick. Will you be alright by yourself?"
"I guess."
P'Pruk being sick tonight was news to me. Our agency not sending anyone to replace him was so typical. For some reason, having just one person guarding a five-storey office building for an entire night didn't seem to bother them. Don't worry, I'm not deluded enough to think that they have that much faith in me. I know they're just too cheap to hire someone else, and I'm the one who's going to have to pick up the slack.
"Okay," Pharm says, a bit of worry registering on his face. That guy really wears his heart on his sleeve. I have no idea how he came into this line of work. "Well, get ready then... We'll start logging out when P'Dean gets back."
I shrug my shoulders, not wanting to say anything more. I learned the hard way to keep any sort of relationship to a minimum, just as a precaution. There are just too many uncontrolled variables when someone else gets involved in my life. I don't need the hassle, even if it's someone as sweet as Pharm.
"Oh! Team! You don't have to order in tonight, just eat P'Pruk's share for dinner as your second meal. I made your favorite chicken breast sandwiches tonight."
I told you he was sweet.
I threw Pharm a polite smile as I walked into our common room, which was really just an abnormally large supply closet that they repurposed for us. It was a shithole, but I didn't mind. I intend on doing everything I can to keep this job, including keeping my mouth shut about the plywood that was practically falling off the walls. The pay isn't fantastic, but it's not like I'm doing this for the money. Aside from the occasional rounds and checking of the CCTV cameras, I can pretty much do whatever I want. Plus, having to rest during the daytime gives me the perfect excuse to not engage with the world. It's perfect, at least for me. The only thing I hate about my job, really, is this room.
My rusty locker creaks as I open it, revealing my utter lack of enthusiasm for life: A couple of folded shirts, a few bottles of water, and both clean and worn versions of my work uniform. The light gray polyester button-down shirt we had to wear was as stiff as a board, no matter how much fabric softener I used. I learned to put up with the way the rough fabric scratched my skin. The light scratches were pretty much the extent of my occupational hazards. That, and the endless lovey-dovey phone calls between P'Pruk and his girlfriend Manaow. At least I had a break from that tonight.
I take the uniform and drape it over my shoulders, and that's when I catch a glimpse of myself in my small mirror.
"Fuck," I hiss when I realize that one of my contact lenses have popped off.
I instinctively cover the offending eye and check to see if anyone else is with me in the room. It must have just fallen off, otherwise, Pharm would have definitely noticed. Searching for it on the floor of this musty break room would just be a colossal waste of time. I pull out a fresh box of dark brown contact lenses, just like the ones I always have with me wherever I go. I hate having to stick a finger in my eye but there was no other way.
The glare from the mirror was blinding. After all these years, I'm still not used to having them. The only way I could describe it was luminescent. If you stared into my eyes long enough, it would start to resemble the night sky, like it was somehow peppered with the brightest stars. Every move I made would catch the light differently, and give off a different shine. It was impossible to hide them no matter what time of day it was, but these dark contact lenses seemed to do the trick.
The door to the room opened suddenly, and I almost scratched my eye with my fingernail in surprise.
"Hey, Nong Team," P'Dean says, sticking his head in the room. "You can come out anytime you're done. Sorry to rush you, I just need to get home to my brother and sister as soon as I can."
"Uh, sure, I'll be right out," I say, my eyes blinking faster than normal to welcome the covering I just re-introduced to it.
I put myself together as quickly as I can, not wanting them to wait any longer than they already have. Flashlight, nametag, keys... Everything had to be double-checked before I started my shift. I would hate to have to come back here for something and leave everything unmanned, especially since I would have to work alone tonight.
"I'm here," I say, not at all eager to take over Pharm's spot by the CCTV monitors. "Anything noteworthy tonight?"
"Not unless finding a new spiderweb interests you. It's always just the same old boring shit," Dean says, as he got up from the chair and collected his things. "You don't need Pruk. You got this."
I smile politely at P'Dean's sweet attempt to put me at ease. They both wish me a safe shift as they walk back to the common room. It wasn't long before they were back out in the lobby with me, saying their goodbyes.
"Oh, there is one thing," Pharm says, quickly turning to face me. "I think there's something wrong with the way the monitors are hooked up or something. The video gets a bit streaky sometimes, I have no idea why."
"I'll check. Thanks," I say, cleaning off the desk so that I could put my feet up once I was alone. The rest of the night would probably just be me and my mobile games, but I didn't really mind.
"Good night, Team," Pharm says. "See you in the morning!"
Just like that, I was alone.
The first few hours were just like any other shift: catching up on local reports to see if there were any crimes to look out for in the neighborhood, rounds on all floors every couple of hours, glancing at the CCTV monitors from time to time... That's when I remembered Pharm's comment about the monitors.
These things are so old, that I wasn't even surprised when he said that they were starting to have issues. To be honest, I've been waiting a long time for them to give up. But when I inspected them, there was nothing wrong with the wires, or with the power source. Maybe Pharm was just tired and started to see things.
And then I saw the streak, too. It was like a quick flash of light that darted across the second-floor corridor, dashing from one room to another. Crouching down directly in front of the monitors gave me a better vantage point as I watched the white streak flash to and fro. When it exhausted all the rooms on the second floor, it moved on to the third.
"What the hell...?" I mutter to myself. My heart was beating faster than I wanted to admit. I'm not so easily scared, but the one thing that's sure to get me is always the threat of an unknown. I remind myself that confronting whatever this was is part of my job, and muster all my courage to head up there and see for myself what was going on.
The police have always been on my speed dial, and I made sure that they still were, just in case. With a flashlight in one hand and my phone in the other, I headed to the elevators and made my way to the third floor.
You know that feeling you get when you instinctively know that you aren't alone, even if you can't see anything? I got that feeling immediately as I stepped off the elevators. Quickly, I shone my flashlight through the corridor. If that streak of light was there, I would be sure to catch it even if it meant that I couldn't blink for the next couple of minutes.
As if it heard my thoughts, there it was... A flash of light moving across the corridor I was standing in. I clutched my flashlight harder as my hand started to shake, and I saw it again - this time, I could hear it, too. It was unmistakable. Footsteps.
"Stop!" I shout out. "Whoever you are, I can see you! Just come out with your hands in the air. I won't hurt you!"
The tension in the air was so thick that it bore down on my chest like a force that made it hard to breathe. But I was breathing... My breath was the only sound I could hear.
"Hello? The police are on their way," I say, hoping that the lie wouldn't be so obvious with my shaky voice. "You should come out and not make things worse."
Still nothing.
"There's nothing here, man. Even the computers in this place are so old. I can tell you right now, robbing this place isn't worth it. Come on, man. I just want to keep my job, ok? Tell me what you're looking for and I can maybe help you."
The previously racing footsteps I heard from the intruder were now replaced with slower ones, and once the person came into the light, I didn't know what to do with myself. His presence was overwhelming. My heart fell to my stomach and I had the air knocked out of me all at the same time. The flashlight slipped out of my hand and hit the floor with a loud clang, leaving us both in the pitch black of the night.
The only thing I could see clearly in this cloak of darkness were his eyes, and it caught me completely off-guard. They were exactly like mine.
"What I'm looking for?" he echoes, in a strangely cold and familiar voice. "You."