CHAPTER FIFTEEN
ᴛʜʀᴇᴀᴛs
From the moment I'd asked her about her evening in Port Angeles that morning, a blush had never left Bella's face. She talked about it all through English, carefully dodging Jessica's gaze each time she darted our way, eager to join the conversation. And even after that, it seemed that I wasn't the only one with a Cullen stuck in their thoughts.
I tried not to think of her. Alice herself had said to be wary of my thoughts, though for what reason I didn't know, and couldn't possibly begin to guess. But either way, I knew better than to ignore the warning. And as hard as I tried, she wouldn't leave my head.
The Cullens were aware of my knowledge to the fact that they were vampires. How that was possible, I wasn't entirely sure, but the idea of them realising my own identity would soon become more real that a mere bad dream.
Be careful of your thoughts. They're more revealing than you think.
Perhaps I was being paranoid in coming up with meanings behind her ominous warning. Or perhaps I was entirely sane. They were vampires, what was stopping them from having gifts far more obscure than mine? What was stopping them from being able to read my thoughts?
The single idea of it- of the intrusiveness -made me feel as if I'd suddenly been bound with rope, a string tugging at my mind each time I even thought about something revealing. But each time I looked their way, to the table by the window, the untouched food on the bench, Alice's gentle voice that drifted my way, or toward the table in the corner where Edward sat with Bella, it was all I could picture. If it was true, if one of the Cullens could read my mind... then there was no possibility of my truth being exactly what I thought it was- a secret.
But that lead to the question of Alice's confrontation from the evening before. She'd asked what I was. And if they could read my thoughts, then surely they would already know. They would have acted by now. Or perhaps she was testing me, probing me with a stick to see if I'd spill the truth. I knew I had to tell them sometime, but how and when, I wasn't brave enough to think of the answers.
The thoughts streamed through my mind as I walked away from the cafeteria, leaving Jess and Mike mid conversation. It was biology next, the dreaded lesson. I stepped outside, taking an early shortcut, but as I left the door, something blurred my way, pale skin clear in my eyesight.
I spun out of the way quick enough for Edward's hand to skim past me. I landed neatly against the wall, staring back at him as he stood still, eyes staring questioningly. While there was no malice in his gaze, no reveal of hidden intent, there was a doubtfulness, a sense unease as he stared me down.
"What are you doing?" I asked, clenching my fists against the wall.
"You're one of us," he said, teeth clenched. "You hid it. And I know why."
I ignored the accusation. "How?" I said. "How do you know?"
"I know what you're doing.," Edward said, but he didn't seem so sure of it.
"I'm not doing anything," I said, gaining my courage and stepping toward him.
Alice appeared by his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed, a frown on her rosy lips. It was the first time I'd ever seen her so sullen, her cheeks thinned from worry. She glanced between us, but said nothing.
"How do you know?"
His shoulders squared, and for a moment, I was sure he wouldn't reply.
But then he spoke, the name coming out in his raspy voice. "Alice."
I glanced past him again, at the girl who stood behind him. Her eyes widened. But still, she said nothing.
"You don't know a thing about me," I said.
Edward chuckled briefly and humourlessly. "You can deny it, but we're the same. You may look different, but you're a vampire. Like us."
"I'll say it again. You don't know me," I hissed back.
The statement held no meaning, had no power behind it, but I let it be the closure to our conversation, as I shrugged past them, stalking toward the biology lab. They didn't follow.
The Cullens had left before the rest of the afternoon and returned the day after, leaving very little time for me to think clearly. I walked to the forest again, after school, too riled by my failed conversation with Edward to even think of facing Mrs Rochester and her judging personality.
I sat by the tree, leaning my head against the mossy bark. Alice was there seconds later when I glanced down again, as if my final ability to think again had conjured her up.
"You're avoiding us," she said, a smirk playing on her soft face.
I watched each movement as she started to slide her way around the tree, finger tips trailing the branches as she went, her steps as light as a feather. Alice stopped in front of me, her head tilting.
"Isn't that what you wanted?"
Her lips twitched upward. "You're ignoring me."
"It's not like I've ever really talked to you, is it?" I said, frowning. "Now that the secret is out, I have even less reason to speak to you."
The lightness of her step disappeared the moment the words left my mouth. Alice's liveliness dissolved as her expression mirrored mine. She kneeled in front of where I sat.
"If I'd had a choice, I wouldn't have told him," she said seriously.
"Don't worry, I don't blame you anymore than I blame him," I said.
"Why are you so bitter?" She exclaimed.
"I'm not exactly angry that you know who I am. I'm angry that you all think you're better than me for some reason," I forced out, avoiding her targeted gaze. That look always brought me back. "Don't deny it. Edward might not have said it, but it's obvious."
My jaw hardened. I was being mean- I knew it, and Alice deserved it least of all. But I pushed myself to say it all. It was easier to ask for forgiveness than permission.
"Bella is my friend. I don't have family like you. You think I'm going to lose it and attack her? Just because I didn't feel like telling you what I am? I owe your family nothing. And what makes her blood any different?" I burst out, shaking my head.
The look on Alice's face calmed me immediately. So optimistic. So ethereal, with the shimmering of her eyes and skin, like a silver thread.
"It's Edward. He doesn't want us to talk to you. Doesn't want us to risk it. He loves her, you know. More than his own self." She glanced away. "He would never hurt her."
I shook my head. "Neither would I."
She reached forward, before drawing her hand back swiftly.
"I know," she said desperately. "But don't you see? He loves her. He would do anything to keep her safe. And while I know you're her friend, I can't blame him."
Edward loved her. Perhaps I couldn't understand. I hated myself for being so bitter for the fact that I had never felt the kind of protectiveness that Edward felt for Bella.
Alice smirked again. "And you're not entirely blameless, Elide. You must understand how this looks to us? A vampire who doesn't even look like a vampire suddenly appears at our school and doesn't think to confront us?"
"I know," I said, my voice dejected. "It's no excuse, but I've never met another vampire that didn't have red eyes. Past experiences haven't exactly made it easy to trust my own kind."
I sat still. Her presence was comforting and familiar. It felt as if I'd sat here before, sensing my surroundings, grounding myself in her company. We'd both said our part, had our bite, and now there was nothing but peace, a need to keep the silence in fear of falling apart.
"Help me," I finally blurted out.
"What?"
"Help me," I whispered.
"With what?"
"Help me be more like you, Alice. Like your family," I said it before I even knew what I meant. "I know nothing more than what I am myself. I want to trust you."
I reached forward, taking her pleadingly by the hands. It was my fault they didn't trust me. It was my fault they feared for Bella with me. And I had to make it up.
"No one will know," I said softly, eyebrows raising hopefully. "Please. Then he may trust me."
"Answer me this:" Alice began. "Why couldn't we see what you are?"
"It's my gift," I said. "To stay hidden."
Her eyes widened as if it all suddenly made sense. I didn't dare question her.
"This weekend, Edward is taking Bella to Seattle. I'll help you," she said, her voice returning to the warm tone that reminded me of honey.
"Thank you," I breathed, hands clutching tight to her wrists. "Thank you."
She pulled away, sliding from my touch and onto her feet.
"Be here," she said lastly, before hurrying away.
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