I can't sleep last night and now I'm grumpy as fuck.
I told Luke to not pick me up because my mum insists to give me a ride when in fact, I begged her to gimme one saying that Luke's not feeling well when he's all fine and alive.
The feeling in my chest and stomach still hasn't faded away yet. Truth be told, it was just increasing. His ocean-like blue eyes, pink and kissable lips, the lip ring that hangs cutely there, his boop-able nose, his soft hair, just ugh... everything about him is now haunting me.
I was in my locker putting my stuff away when someone suddenly flicked my head. I winced at the slight pain, ready to attack my attacker when seeing those blue eyes of his. I quickly look at everywhere but his eyes, feeling nervous all of a sudden.
"Are you trying to ignore me again?"
"Eh uh, it's not that... I was just zoning out, sorry," I can't even look him in the eyes, how pathetic.
"Did you get my fever? You're acting weird." Luke said as he slowly shoved his face closer to mine. My face went red at our proximity, blushing and stuttering madly.
"N- no, it's- it's not that. I-I'm fine, see! I'm well and alive and looking hella fine, you- you got nothing to- to worry about, hahaha"
"Worry? Says who I was worried?" Dead.
"It was an obligation for a pet to take care of their owner" There comes the fucking bastard! I glared at him but seems like he didn't give a fuck. Instead, he patted my hair a couple of times before speaking again,
"Go to class and stop zoning out, I'll see you at lunch," He said before walking away. Fucktard!
I didn't meet him at lunch. I ran away again and drag Michael with me.
"What now? Are you still avoiding him after spending the night at his house?"
"Eh, wait what? How could you know that!?"
"Well, Ashy, seems like you forgot that I'm Anne's second son"
"SHE TOLD YOU?"
"Well yeah, but that besides the point. You haven't answered my question,"
"Which one?" I playfully asked. He groaned and glared at me causing me to giggle not so quietly.
"Alright, alright, yeah, I'm kinda avoiding him,"
"Why?"
"You'll laugh your ass off if I tell you why,"
"No, I wouldn't."
"You would, I know you would, but anyway... you're right,"
"Uh? About what?"
"I'm falling," I solemnly said. Michael looked at me like I grew another head before he was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off. I sighed loudly, already know this is gonna happen.
"Mikeee, stop it"
"Oh god, I can't- Jesus, Ash, I know that's gonna happen, I told ya, bro, I told ya!"
"Shut up. What should I do now?"
"Why don't you tell him?"
"WHATTT!? Are you insane, mad, crazy, outta your mind, or what?"
"No, I mean... you love him, don't you? Because from what I see, it's more than 'like',"
"I guess, but this is so embarrassing!"
"Why so?"
"I always called him names and cursed here and there about his existence and now I love him, what the fuck?"
"Well... you can't choose who you fall for now, can you?"
"I know but... ughhh"
"' M telling you, dude; just follow your hearts. Do whatever it desires. Your mind and heart may not on the same page, but if you follow your mind, you'll end up torturing yourself furthermore."
"You're right..."
"I know I am, I'll support you no matter what, remember that Ash"
"Yeah, of course, I'll always remember that! But anyway... how do I do it?"
"Do what?"
"Telling him,"
"About that, I don't know, dude. You know him better than all of us so I think you have to figure that out on your own,"
Figuring it out on my own?
I don't even know how to act on my feeling, moreover confessing it. Ugh, why is feeling so complicated? I hate feeling.
I was currently in Luke's car, having no other excuse to avoid him. He was beyond rigid that I ditched him during lunch, but I said that Michael needs my help and I can't let my best friend suffering alone. I know it was actually the opposite, but whatever, he doesn't need to know that.
Michael's words keep ringing in my ear and my brain was working harder and harder to find the answer. It feels like I could hear the gear in my brain working hastily. My mind was everywhere, thinking about everything and nothing both at the same time. I don't know how's that possible, but that's what happens right now.
I didn't even realise Luke was calling me, not until he pinched my cheek in between his fingers.
"Look at meee"
"What?"
"Stop zoning out, I told you that this morning!"
"I know, I know, I'm sorry, I can't help it,"
"Anyway, you're coming with me,"
"Wait what?"
"Yeah, I'm going to the shelter and you're coming with me,"
"Why should I?"
"You know, a kitten has to meet their colony every once in a while so they won't be a loner, and I think you keep zoning out like that because you miss your family" I slapped his arms harshly, shooting dagger from my eyes as he chuckled at my weak attempt to hurt him.
"Stop being an asshole, will you?"
"Stop zoning out on me then, kitten"
"Fine, whatever"
The rest of the ride was silent as I tried so hard to not zone out again just for the sake of Luke not being an asshole. He stopped the car in front of a blue building which I think was the shelter before he turned off the engine. Both of us get outta the car and I followed him timidly.
He greeted the lady with a big smile of his before engulfing her in a hug.
"Who's this cutie, sweetie?"
"His name is Ashton. Ashton, this is Mrs Twist, she's the owner of this shelter."
"Nice to meet you, Mrs Twist," I said, extending my hand out awkwardly. She pulled me in a hug and embracing me tightly.
"I'm a hugger, sweetie,"
"Oh, hahaha, sorry,"
"It's fine. Are you guys here to play with the kittens? Luke usually do that," She asked and I looked up at Luke.
"Yeah, is Daisy okay now?"
"Awe, dear... I'm sorry to tell you this, but she passed three days ago. I know you love her," I watched Luke's face fell, a prominent pout formed on his face.
"She's in a better place now," Mrs Twist said reassuringly.
"Ye-yeah, you're right, sorry,"
"The others are fine though. You can go play with them while I tidy up some more,"
"Thank you, Mrs Twist"
"It's okay, sweetie," Luke excitedly hurried to the backside while I stood there dumbstruck.
"He's a good boy, you know. Take care of him for me, yeah?"
"Eh uh, yeah... will do,"
"Thank you. I see you're a good one as well, you match perfectly,"
"Uh..." I chuckled awkwardly, not knowing how to answer that kind of question.
"Go after him, he'll probably be wondering,"
"O- okay... I'll see you later Mrs Twist,"
I went to the backside and instantly met with the rarest sight ever.
Luke was sitting in the middle of the room, kittens and cats surrounding him. The biggest smile I've ever seen was permanently plastered on his face as a soft giggle and quick chuckle passing his lips every so often. Oh god, can't he stay like this 24/7?
"Why are you still there? C'mere," Luke said in the softest voice he had ever used with me.
"No, thank you. I'm allergic to them,"
"Really? Saddd..." He pouted for a few seconds before the same soft giggle left his lips again as a black kitten tried to crawl onto his lap but fail miserably.
I felt a fond smiled crawled onto my face, resting peacefully as I watched the scene in front of me. I'm glad I could see this scene unfolding right in front of my eyes, Luke barely showed this side of him to anyone, let alone someone like me.
"Stop staring, do you want me to pet you too?"
"Whattt? Of course not,"
"Just thought you would want that, you look like you want it,"
"Ehhh?" Do I really look like that?
"Let's go home,"
"You're done already?" I asked, tilting my head in confusion.
"Yeah, I've talked with all of them and that's enough,"
"O- oh, okay..."
We walked back to the front side, seeing Mrs Twist reading a newspaper with glasses perched on her nose.
"Leave so early?"
"Yeah, this cutie's mum is waiting at home," Luke said, hand ruffling my hair slightly. I groaned at him which caused him to chuckle. That sounds so pure and not faked at all.
"Oh, alright then, feel free to come back whenever,"
"Of course, Mrs Twist,"
"Ashton, remember what I said, yeah?"
"Oh uh, yeah, will do. Mrs Twist."
Luke guided me back to his car and he even opened the door for me. I slipped inside and buckled up, waiting for him before speaking again,
"Why don't you just take one?"
"Take what?"
"Kitten,"
"I can't, I've told you before,"
"Why can't you?"
"Because,"
"Lukeee..."
"I have a bigger kitten now and that's what matters," Luke said, reaching out and petted my hair again.
"Stop messing with my hair," I said, blushing madly.
I truly need to tell him the truth.
I want a real boyfriend, a real relationship.
I want him to feel what I feel. I want him to understand.
I gotta have to do that.
Sooner or later, I have to.