A/N: Trigger warning for attempted suicide
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Over the next few weeks, I tried to drown it out.
The dreams only got more constant. If I was sad or angry, I would have just the first part. Just the pain. If I had been bullied, I saw the next part, when I killed every one of the villagers. I knew there was a third part, one I only saw during the crash so it was a bit fuzzy. But I couldn't remember it and I didn't see it.
Until the day I first argued with Dream.
It was two weeks since Aiden and Lilith and injured me. Everything was healed but my heart. I was sitting under the Tree of Feelings, not moving, fighting a battle I didn't know if I could win. Half of me wanted to reach up and grab one of the golden apples above me, the other knew what would happen and wouldn't let me reach for one. I sat there, trying to not reach for a golden apple when I hear footsteps.
"Hey Night. Are... Are you okay?"
I look up, trying not to cry or get angry or let Dream see I'm struggling.
"Yeah. I'm fine."
"You don't look fine."
"What makes you say that?"
Dream sat down next to me, but not as close as normal. I saw him reach for my hand, hesitate, then pull it away.
"Well, ever since you got attacked by the villagers, you've been a bit reclusive. You don't want to hang out with anyone, even me. And you're sad or angry all the time. More so than normal. And you're scared too. That's the main thing I'm feeling."
I look at him.
"I don't need my emotion sensing to tell that. I saw your face when you woke up from that dream. You never seem to sleep peacefully too. You know, if there's something wrong, you can tell me."
"Heh... I wish I could."
"Why can't you?"
"You wouldn't understand."
"Yes I would. I don't want you to go through all this alone. Please tell me, or someone else, anything so I can see you smile again."
"How do you know?" I said, something hard creeping into my voice. "It's not like you've ever had problems with people hating you for something you didn't do."
"Well, maybe if you actually tried to be positive, they would like you more!"
"Dream, I've tried. But I'm the Guardian of Negativity. I can't be happy."
"YES YOU CAN! Just because you're the Guardian of Negativity doesn't mean you can only feel negative feelings!"
"Oh really? You think so? Let me guess why, because you're the goody-good Guardian of Positivity that everyone loves and you always see the bright side. Well, newsflash, not everyone can be happy!"
"No. That's not why." Dream said quietly.
"Oh? Then why?" I responded, voice cold and mocking.
"Because... Because if I can feel negative feelings, you can feel positive."
"You just proved my point. You've never been negative." I say, full of jealousy.
"Yes I have."
"You haven't."
"YES I HAVE!" Dream yelled. "I MAY BE THE GUARDIAN OF POSITIVITY BUT I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE TO FEEL SAD!"
I rolled my eyelights. "Yeah, totally."
"Because for the two weeks you crashed I spent the whole time unable to feel positivity." He turned around. "I couldn't smile, or laugh, or even think positively for two weeks."
"That was once."
"There was a second time too."
"And it was?"
Dream turned around and faced me, and I noticed two things different. One, his normally gold heart locket had turned a dark red. Two, there were tears in his eyes. "IT WAS WHEN MY BROTHER WAS BEING TO MUCH OF AN IDIOT TO REALIZE PEOPLE CARE ABOUT HIM!" He shouted. "AND HE WOULDN'T TALK TO ANYONE OR TRY TO BE HAPPY!"
Silence as tears streamed down Dream's face. "And it made me think, maybe it's because he doesn't want anyone. Maybe he wants to be negative. Maybe...Maybe he doesn't want me. So go ahead. Be sad. Don't talk to anyone. And see..." He gulped. "SEE IF I CARE WHEN YOU NEED MY HELP!"
With that, he turned around and ran away sobbing towards the village. Oh god... I thought. Now the villagers are going to hear what happened and get mad at me again. I wasn't quite sure what to do, but as I stood there, Dream's words sunk in. Did I not want him? It would be nice to have someone like him, but part of me said I should distance myself. To make sure the dreams didn't come true.
I layed down by the tree. I was tired, I barely slept last night. My eyes flutter closed.
It was the same dream as always, but something was a bit worse. The pain was a little harder, the shouts and screams of the villagers were a bit louder, the blood on the ground was a bit more, I was more there. Not the normal lucid dreams, but it was like it was real.
I managed to get through the dream, expecting myself to wake up, but I didn't. Something was holding me there. Then I saw the new part. Dream stood up from his fallen position. He got a weapon. We fought.
And you know what I did in the end? What happened when he hesitated?
I stabbed him too.
Right through the chest.
I turned him to stone, and all I felt was a mild annoyance. Like that wasn't supposed to happen. But in the end, I rolled my eyes and muttered, "Well, that will have to wait."
That's when I woke up. I was still beneath the tree, but it wasn't quite right. I sat up and looked around, feeling a bit surprised Dream wasn't next to me. He normally likes to hold my hand and cuddle up next to me, trying to keep me happy. Then I remembering the argument with Dream. That explains why he wasn't here. I still think it's better if I pull away. The less attached he is to me, the less he'll get hurt when the dreams come true.
No, you're overreacting, they won't come true.
Stop lying.
They won't.
You know they will.
Then I'll stop them. No matter what it takes.
A thought slid into my mind. It would stop everything from happening, and I doubt anyone will try to stop me. The villagers don't care about me, and with Dream mad at me now, I bet he wouldn't care very much. I certainly don't.
I stood up and ran for the forest.
-------
I got to the forest and walked through, my mind set on what I was going to do. I looked for tall trees, nice big ones, preferably farther into the forest when a bit of dust wouldn't look so out of place. I eventually find the perfect tree and climb up as high as I can. I've never been so high in a tree before, and now I never will be.
I find myself rethinking this. Maybe it isn't the best idea. My life is tied to the negative side of the Tree of Feelings, so if I go, all the negative feelings do too.
But maybe that's for the better. Everyone will be happy now, no more bad feelings. It will stop what's going to happen too, and Dream...
I close my eyes and feel a smile. Dream will be safe now. He won't have to go through the hell I would put him through.
I jump.
-------
"I'm here. What's wrong?"
"It's Night! I can't find him!"
He mutters something under his breath. "Where did you last see him?"
"Sleeping under the tree. He seemed to be in a nightmare."
"I would say ironic but this is worse than I thought..."
"Do you know where he is?"
"I think so. And if I'm right I have to leave now. It could be too late already."
"Okay, go then!"
He nods and disappears.
"Night... I hope you're okay..." I say.
"I just want to say sorry."