He would never forget what she had said.
"Lots of people care about you, Keefe," She had told him, her eyes large with concern. And the emotions he had felt had told him that she wasn't lying. She believed what she had said.
He tried to remember that. He'd even drawn it. He was about to flip through to find it when his imparter went off.
Keefe checked who it was. It was Fitz.
The dreaded conversation was going to start now.
Keefe made sure his eyes were perfectly normal and there were no tears or redness before answering.
"Hey, Fitzy!" he said with a cheer he did not feel. "You called to have The Talk? Well, here it is. When two people love each other very much, they-"
"Ugh, Keefe!" Fitz stopped him before he could get to the good part. "Does everything have to be a joke with you?"
The words echoed something Cassius had said earlier that week, and Keefe forced a smile. "Who said that I was joking?"
"Seriously, Keefe. I actually need to talk to you."
Keefe sighed. "Fine."
"Okay, so stuff is happening." Fitz looked as uncomfortable as Keefe felt. At least that was something.
"Yup. It is," Keefe agreed, concentrating on a particularly colorful flower.
"And things are changing."
"Uh huh."
"Including dating and stuff," Fitz said unsubtly.
"Right." Keefe was determined to make him say the words.
"Like... me and Sophie."
"Yes, I know who you are," Keefe said, just to be annoying.
"I just wanted to ask you... um, how do you feel about it?" Fitz said the last bit in a whisper, almost as though he didn't want Keefe to respond. So of course he had to. And, to make it as awkward as possible, he said,
"Why do you think I'd have a problem with it?" Keefe blinked innocently.
"Because... you know... I just wouldn't be completely okay without asking you how you felt about it." Fitz mumbled.
"Um, what? What, are you... asking for my permission, or something? Little too late for that, I think."
"No! No, I'm not asking for permission. We don't need that."
That stung a little, but it was true.
"No, I just want to tell you to back off." Fitz said the last bit with determination. It was obviously what he had wanted to hail him about.
"Excuse me?" Keefe was shocked. Did Fitz really think he was trying to make a move on his girlfriend?
"Yeah," Fitz said, growing confident. "I know your... feelings. And you always tease her, and you were over at her house yesterday..."
"Dude, are you serious? I was helping her with her mimicking!"
"Right, and that's the only reason you went."
It wasn't, but Keefe wasn't gonna admit that to Fitz.
"I went to help my friend with her midterms, which she has trouble with. There was nothing going on." Keefe made sure Fitz heard the annoyance in his tone.
"Uh-huh," Fitz grunted, unconvinced.
"Fitz, are you seriously jealous?" For once, Keefe was serious with his friend. "Do you seriously not trust me? Do you not trust Sophie?"
"Of course I trust her!" Fitz noticeably didn't say that he trusted Keefe. Keefe tried not to feel the sting of hurt. Why should he feel hurt, anyway? Why shouldn't Fitz trust his new girlfriend over the best friend he's known since Level One?
"Then trust her," Keefe told him.
"I do! I just want to make sure you aren't gonna..."
"Try to steal her away from you?" Keefe finished. The words hurt like a melder blast, but they had to be said. "Trust me, Fitz. she doesn't like me. She likes you."
Those words were worse. They dug under Keefe's skin like splinters, but ones made of fire, that burned and burned and burned.
"But that doesn't mean she might not start liking you if you try to win her over!" Fitz looked like he regretted the outburst, and Keefe tried not to feel the hope the words gave him.
"Fitz, listen to me," Keefe said, waiting until Fitz's head bobbed up and down in the imparter. "You should start trusting her. Right now, you are acting as though she's a toy that we can fight over, as though one of us deserves her, and it's you. But she can make her own choices, and she's chosen you. Don't mess that up. No, let me talk," he stopped Fitz's mouth from letting out the protest that was forming on it. "If you think that she would leave you for me, then you obviously don't believe that she likes you. And, can't you trust me? I'm your best friend. Why would I steal your girlfriend?
"I told Alden, and I'll tell you. I want you to be happy."
"Then dad already told you?" Fitz asked, shocked. Then he slapped his hands over his mouth, dropping the imparter in the process.
"Wait, what? You knew about Alden's visit?" Had Alden lied to him?
"Um... no..." Fitz looked away.
"You did! Why did he lie?" Keefe felt betrayed. Alden had always been like a father to him.
"Because... I asked him to?" Fitz looked guilty, at least. That was something.
"Why would you ask him to? Wait, did you ask him to come over?"
Fitz hesitated, and then finally whispered, "...Yes?"
"I- how- why?" Keefe finally whispered. The Vackers had been the one constant positive thing in his life. When his dad shouted, and his mom ignored him, Alden and Della had been his parents. When he needed to talk, Biana was there. When he needed a distraction from his worries, Fitz would help him out of his funk. But now?
"How could you? How could he?" Keefe's betrayal was morphing into anger.
"Keefe, try seeing it my way. I have a new girlfriend, and my best friend has a crush on her. Immediately after we start dating, you're over at her house, talking and laughing. See how I might get nervous?" Fitz explained.
"Sure, I might understand... if that made any sense!" Keefe shouted. He was reminded uncomfortably of his dad. "What is there to get nervous about? WE. ARE. FRIENDS. Let me ask you this way... if it had been Biana with Sophie, helping her with homework. Biana was being a good friend and helping her with mimicking. They were talking and laughing, as friends do. Would you get nervous?"
"No." Fitz glared angrily at Keefe. "Because they're both straight, and Biana doesn't have a crush on Sophie!"
"Fine, then. What if Linh was over? If Linh was helping Sophie with her mimicking. Sure, Sophie doesn't like girls, so she wouldn't like Linh, but she doesn't like me, does she? Would you feel nervous? Would you feel threatened? Would you ask Alden to talk to Linh?" Keefe glared back, but he was suddenly afraid of the answer.
"I- we're not talking about hypotheticals! None of that happened, so it doesn't matter!"
But the look and Fitz's face and the refusal to answer the question was enough. Fitz wouldn't have cared that Linh was there. Either because Sophie was straight, or he just wouldn't have even thought of two girls becoming romantically involved, or maybe just because it wasn't Keefe, so there was no reason to worry, to quote Alden.
Fitz always had to have everything, didn't he.
Fitz must have caught the anger on Keefe's face, because he said, "Okay, I think my mom's calling me. I have to go! Bye!"
Right before he clicked off, because he was like that, he said, "Are you going to tell Sophie?"
"We'll see." Keefe hoped Fitz didn't hear the lie in his voice. He wasn't going to tell Sophie anything. Not only would that mean telling her about his crush, but it would also destroy Keefe's friendship with Fitz. This conversation had fractured it; he didn't want to turn it to dust.
Keefe set down his imparter.
He took one deep breath.
Another.
He tried to sort through the confusing mess in his mind.
It was impossible.
He replayed every bit of the conversation, searching through his photographic memory for details. At least he hadn't freaked out in front of Fitz like he had Alden.
Although the father-son team had probably told each other about their conversations.
There was only one person Keefe could talk to, and it certainly wasn't Sophie.
He hailed Biana.
"What?" she asked, finally picking up.
"No hello? No, I missed you so much? No, you are the most beautiful person in the entire world?" Keefe reconsidered. "Actually, change beautiful, to devastatingly handsome. That's more accurate."
"Oh, hello, my darling Keefipoo. I missed you so much during your journey from school to wherever you are now." Biana rolled her eyes. "Is that better?"
"Hmm... Keefipoo?" Keefe asked. "I should get dad to start calling me that. In fact, Biana, that is my new name. I will change it as soon as I am old enough. To get in practice, I suggest you start calling me that now."
"No. I am NOT calling you Keefipoo. Now, what did you hail me about? Is this about your talk with Fitz?"
"Wait, you knew about that? Did you know about Alden's little talk too?" Keefe narrowed his eyes.
"Alden's little talk? What are you talking about?" Biana was obviously confused. She didn't look like she was faking, either. "I only knew about Fitz's because during Gym he told you that he would hail you later, and then when I walked past his room I heard shouting."
"Oh. Alden came recently and talked to me on behalf of his son. And I didn't know that Fitz sent him until like, a couple minutes ago."
"Keefe, what did my dad and brother say to you?" Biana's eyes narrowed, her lips squeezed together, and her eyebrows pinched together, twisting her face together into an ugly scowl.
"Biana, please don't get mad at them for me. I'm not worth it," Keefe pleaded.
"Then why did you call me?"
"I-" That was a good question. "I guess you're just good to talk to. Plus, you know everything that's happening anyway."
Biana rolled her eyes. "Fine, but believe me, my father and I will be having a talk later. Fitz can do what he wants with his business, but dad can not butt his head in like that."
"Like you're doing?" Keefe smirked, but his heart twisted into pieces. She shouldn't fight with her dad over him.
"Nope! This is my business too. My friends, my brother, my business. Plus, you hailed me," Biana pointed out.
"I guess I did. But seriously, Biana, don't waste time on me. Don't fight with your family because of me!"
"Are you kidding me? This isn't just for you. This is so I get to punch some sense into my brother, and slightly more gently into my dad. They have no right to be like this."
Keefe appreciated it, but it was because of him.
"No, Keefe, actually," Biana said, catching his disbelieving look. "Remember, Sophie is also my friend. And I'm not gonna let her be shadowed from the games people are playing around her."
"What, are you going to tell her?" Keefe asked, suddenly panicked.
"No. I'll keep my promise. But I will try to stop the games. Trust me, Keefe."
"Um, I think you mean Keefipoo," Keefe corrected her.
Biana laughed. "Sure, fine. Bye, Keefipoo!"
She clicked away, and Keefe was left staring at the empty screen of his imparter., his mood much improved from before the conversation.
Now, all he had to do was figure out how to survive school. Next week was midterms, and Sophie would probably need help with her mimicking. But she would have to do without his help, because no way was he going over there again.
Avoidance was going to have to be the answer. Avoid Fitz, avoid Alden, avoid Sophie.
No matter how much it hurt him.
...
The week passed.
Keefe didn't go to Havenfield. He went to Everglen because Biana continued to bug him, but only when Alden wasn't home.
Fitz wasn't around much, and Keefe was glad. Even if it meant Fitz was probably hanging out with Sophie.
Keefe missed her.
He missed her hair, and the way it glowed in the afternoon sun.
He missed her laugh, the way it rose up and spun, dancing with the breeze.
He missed her hands, the way they tangled with his.
He missed her eyes, the turquoise sparkling every time she smiled.
He missed her jokes, one of the only things that made him laugh anymore.
He missed her more than anything else.
But his life didn't revolve around her. He didn't want it to revolve around her, either.
Keefe missed Alden's smiles and laughs and hugs. He missed Fitz's jokes and games and laughter.
But he hadn't talked or played games with either of them in a week.
It passed in a haze, where Keefe went to the meadow as much as possible. He never had the talk with his dad, for Cassius was gone when Keefe had been forced to go back home. But Candle shade was still miserable, and without Havenfield or Everglen to go to every day, Keefe had to find other places to go.
Every day was the same. Wake, eat, school, meadow, dinner, shower, sleep.
Until the day before midterms, when Sophie came up to him and asked him where he'd been.
Keefe tried to step around her to get to the leapmaster, but she blocked his escape. To be honest, he hadn't tried that hard. It was too good to hear her voice, to see her face up close again. But he couldn't break his word.
He held his home crystal up to the light and concentrated, but before he could step into the beam Sophie grabbed the crystal, hiding it behind her back.
"Stop!" she shouted. "Just- stop."
He slumped, resigned, as his halfhearted attempt to get the crystal failed.
"Are you mad at me?" Sophie asked, her beautiful eyes wide with concern.
"What? No!" Keefe did not expect those words to come out of her mouth.
"Then why were those the only two words you've spoken to me all week?" Sophie was obviously determined to get an answer. Fitz had already headed home, but the prodigies would spread gossip around the school in no time.
"Look, not here, okay?" Keefe looked cautiously at the prodigies headed to the leapmaster. Most of them were staring. He wasn't sure exactly how many knew about the situation, but rumors had started flying after Fitz started dating Sophie.
"Then where?" She had that cute little scrunch between her eyebrows.
"Anywhere not public?" Keefe didn't care where, as long as Fitz didn't hear about it.
"Fine." Before he could react, Sophie took hold of his hand (he had missed that feeling) and leaped them to Havenfield. She pushed him up to her room and sat him down. "Now tell me. Spill."
"What makes you so sure something's wrong?" Keefe tried his trick. It sometimes worked...
"Don't even try answering a question with a question. It will not work on me."
Keefe sighed. There went that idea. "It's nothing."
"No, it isn't." Sophie's hand moved towards his but he pulled away. This was not a problem she could solve by holding hands. In fact, that would probably make things worse. "Please, Keefe, tell me! Did I do something wrong? Is it me?"
"No! You didn't do anything wrong!" He tried, "I thought I was the only one who could be perfect, but here you are, showing me up."
She didn't know how much he meant it.
Well, not the part about him being perfect. How could such a mess ever be perfect? Or even close to it?
Keefe watched a wave of red work its way up Sophie's face.
"Why won't you talk to me?" she pleaded. "Please. Tell me!"
I miss you.
I need you.
The words echoed in his head. And her emotions believed the words.
But he didn't.
"I said I wouldn't tell, okay?" Keefe avoided her eyes. If he looked at them, he would break. "I'm trying to be a good friend."
"What does that mean?" Sophie demanded.
"I can't tell you." Telling her would ruin everything.
"Why?" Sophie begged. "Tell me!"
"I can't!" Keefe shouted. "I just can't!" As much as he wished he could. The desperation wafting off Sophie made things worse.
"Okay," Sophie took a deep breath. "First; who made you promise?"
"Um. I don't know if I can tell you that," Keefe admitted. Fitz or Alden had never mentioned that... but it would lead to other things. Questions he couldn't explain.
"Fine, then why can't you tell me?"
Because you will never understand, Keefe wanted to say.
"Because I want to be a good friend," he muttered instead.
"That's not an answer!"
"That's the only answer I have!"
"FINE! FINE! BUT WHY ARE YOU AVOIDING ME?"
"I can't tell you!" Keefe rubbed his face. This was getting out of control.
"But I need you. I want you back. The real Keefe. The one I know. The one I..."
Keefe held his breath. Was she...
"The one you..." Keefe tried.
"Need." Sophie finished.
Keefe sighed again and tore his fingers through his hair. He didn't care that he messed up his hairdo. It wasn't up to standard anyway.
"Whatever. Whatever!" He was done.
"So you'll tell me?" Sophie asked. The hope streaming off her almost made Keefe cry.
"No. But what if I promise to tell you eventually?" After all, Biana had made him promise as well. "And in the meantime, I'll not ignore you, and I'll continue being your friend like usual."
"I can agree to that." Sophie accepted.
Keefe spit on his hand and held out to her with a smirk. "Wanna seal the deal?"
Sophie wrinkled her nose. She grabbed his other hand, the non-spitted one, and shook that.
Keefe laughed. "Ruewen, don't tell me you don't like spit! After all, I bet you and Fitzy exchange a lot these days, huh?" The jokes helped him hide what he really thought. And he couldn't deny that he really was wondering if they had kissed. Plus, it was fun making Ruewen blush.
Sophie turned bright red. "Eew, Keefe! Stop it!" The embarrassment wafting off her told Keefe all he needed to know.
And now her mood was changing in really weird ways...
"Those are some interesting mood swings right there, Ruewen. Might I ask what's causing them?"
"Nope!" Sophie refused to answer.
"Fine, be like that. I see how it is." Keefe wrenched his head dramatically away from her.
Sophie flung a pillow at his head.
He caught it and tossed it right back.
"Okay, okay," Sophie said. Her feelings turned fluttery, which Keefe took to mean Fitz was coming over.
"Oh. I guess I should go, then." Keefe clambered to his feet. "Can I have my leaping crystal, please?"
Sophie blushed. For some reason.
"Don't make me tackle you to get it back," Keefe warned. "I will."
"Will you be okay?" she felt the need to clarify.
"Sure," Keefe reassured her. "I'm me, after all." What a horrible lie. But he couldn't deny that he was feeling a little better. Less... confused.
Sophie laughed and handed him the crystal. He held it up to the light streaming through the windows in her room, but before he stepped into the light, he said,
"And, Ruewen? I missed you too."
Then he stepped into the light and glittered away.
Fitz is annoying in this, hmmm...
Might have to fix that-