It was Thursday today. I knew Thursday is a day which Sultan spends with his family. He would spend one Thursday with Ayse and their children, and the next one with Farya and their son Suleyman. I knew it's forbidden to concubines or any other woman except Ayse and Farya to spend Thursday with him. Or even go to him at Thursday night.
But, I found out I am pregnant. I couldn't keep that as a secret. I wanted to tell that to Murad. I asked for a dress which didn't have opened chests. I didn't want Murad to see what happened to me. Actually I did want, but Kosem Sultana forbidden me to say it to him.
Usually, those closed dress were for elder woman. Kosem Sultana was wearing it the whole time, because she wasn't young anymore. I knew it will seem weird to everyone to see me in this kind of a dress, but there was nothing else I could wear.
I left my room and went across the harem to Murad's chambers. I saw Melek Hatun, Farya Sultan's servant.
She looked me from head to toe and she looked directly at my chests. I knew she must know something about it, but I decided to explore it later.
- Hoşyar Hatun, where are you going? - she asked me curiously.
- I am going to see Sultan. - I told her with the biggest possible smile. I was really happy about my pregnancy and nothing could make me feel bad.
- Not so fast. Today is Thursday, Farya Sultan will go to see Sultan later. Go back to your room. - she ordered me.
- Who are you so that I should listen to you? - I told her sarcastically and left the harem.
I came in front of Murad's chambers. Silhatar-paşa was standing there.
- Tell Sultan I want to visit him. - I told him happily.
- Hatun, Sultan is excepting Farya Sultan. Go away. - he told me arrogantly.
I didn't know how such a cutie from Gevherhan could fall in love with a man like Silahtar. He seemed really arrogant to me from the first sight.
- I just need to talk to him shortly. I must tell him something important. - I tried to convince Silahtar to let me in.
- Okay, but for a short time. I don't even want that Farya Sultan sees you here. - he told me arrogantly one more time.
Aghas opened me doors of Murad's chambers. I saw him sitting on his desk while reading a book.
- Hunkarim! - I said and bowed to him.
- Hoşyar, what are you doing here? - he asked me, he must be pretty shocked to see me here now.
- You want me to go away? - I asked him in a sad tone with a sad expression of face.
- No, come here. - he smiled and showed me to sit in his lap.
- I need to tell you something really important. - I told him really happily.
- What is that? - he asked me. I just took his hand and putted it on my belly.
- Murad, we are going to get a baby. - I told him very happily. I was really excited. And he was too. He hugged me at that moment and kissed me so sensitive.
- Hoşyar, my sunshine, I can't believe. You made me so happy. - he told me very happily. I could see he is really excited about getting a baby.
- I am so happy too. I can't even express you how excited I am. - I told him and hugged him.
- Hoşyar, why are you wearing that dress? - he asked me suspiciously.
- Oh, nothing, I just.. - I didn't know what to say him. I didn't thought he would realise it.
- Tell me right now. - he said to me.
- I... I can't.. I can't tell you. - I turned my head another way and tried not to look at him. I hoped the news about the baby would distract him from that.
- Why can't you tell me? - he asked me worriedly and madly at the same time.
- Murad, its nothing. Trust me. I just wanted to dress it. - I said trying to make him forget about it.
He drew me closer and unbuttoned the buttons off my dress. He removed what nurse wrapped and saw how my chest looked like.
- Murad, dont look.. I am ashamed in front of you... - I tried to explain and get away from him, but he took me in his hands strongly.
- Hoşyar, this is the poison. Who did this to you? - he asked me very angrily. He was really upset about what happened to me.
I burst into the tears from sadness. I didn't want Murad to look at me while I look like this, I didn't want to be ugly to him.
- Murad. Dont look at me. I am ashamed. I dont want you to look at me when I'm ugly. - I barely could even say that to him from tears.
He just kissed my forehead trying to comfort me.
- You are always beautiful to me. The most beautiful woman I have ever saw. But you must tell me who did this to you, otherwise I will be angry at you. - he told me in calmly tone with a dose of anger.
- I would tell you but I don't know who did this. Kosem Sultana said she will explore that later. But she told me not to tell you. She didn't wanted me to make you sad. - I tried to explain to him. I wanted to say this about Kosem because I knew he will find out who did this to me, and Kosem would never told me who did this.
- Dont listen to my mother. She is too ambitious person. She wants to mix in everything. Next time something happens, you will tell me right then. - he told me and kissed me to comfort me.
I kept looking sadly at him.
- Why are you sad my Hoşyar? - he asked me worriedly.
- Should I go away, Murad? - I asked him while faking my sadness. I knew he is weak on my tears and on my sadness, and that was how I would get whatever I want.
- Why should you go away? Your place is here. Next to me. - he told me confusedly about my question.
- They told me its Thursday, and that you can't spend it with me... - I explained to him.
- When you are carrying my baby, you are also a part of the dynasty. I want to spend not only Thursday, but every day with you. - he said and kissed me.
We went to his terrace to look at the sky. The sky was full of stars. I had my head on his shoulder while he was hugging me, and thats how we were sitting.
- In Venice, we would go at gondola at night and would look at the stars. They teached me about astrology and stars there. - I told him while I felt really peacefully.
- I don't believe in astrology or stars. That's nonsense. - he said to me. I knew he is like that.
- Some things about it are true. You can see the fortune. The planets and stars are showing us our future. - I tried to tell him.
- I don't believe in that. - he said not even wanting to debate about that theme.
- Murad, I had a dream of you last night. - I told him and he nodded me as a signal I can explain my dream to him.
- I saw you standing with a baby in your hands. And you looked at me with anger and disappointment. You gave me the baby which couldn't stop crying, and then you stepped back from me. Then I woke up because I heard someone was in my room. - I explained to him.
- I hope you won't think I will be ever disappointed in you or our children. - he told me while he was gently touching my hair and my backs.
- What if I give a birth to a daughter? - I asked him curiously.
- I don't care what gender the baby is as long as its healthy. If you give me daughter I hope she will be beautiful as her mother. - he made me feel special then. But I knew things wouldn't be like that.
In that moment, Farya Sultan came to the terrace to see the Sultan.
- Hunkarim. - she said and bowed to him. I should have stood up to bow to her, but Murad signalised me to stay sitting.
- Farya, why did you come? - he asked her. Farya stayed shocked because of his reaction.
- Hunkarim, its Thursday, we should have spent this night together. Its a day for your family not concubines. - she told him looking very angirly at me.
- Hoşyar is also a part of family now. She is pregnant with my baby. - he said and smiled to me.
Farya looked at me so angry, I could see from her eyes that she was ready to kill me at that moment.
- But.. I am your legal wife. We are married... - Farya started to yell at him.
- Return to your chambers and dont ever again come inside while I am with my family. - he said and turned his head away from her.
She bowed for the last time and left his chambers.
- Hoşyar, I will go to Edirne in few days with my children. I would like you to go with me. - Murad told me happily.
I was really happy about that idea, but I knew his daughter Ismihan hates me now.
- I would like to go, but your daughter won't be happy about it. She is really disappointed in me. That makes me really sad. - I looked at the ground sadly.
- You will go. I will talk with Ismihan. She is a good girl, she will realise some things. - he saif trying to comfort me.
- But if Ayse and Farya are going... - I started to tell him to show my jealousy about that.
- They aren't going. Only you. - he smiled and kissed me in mouth.
I spent this night sleeping with him.