The continuation of the last chapter.
I was very upset about Ismihan Sultan. I saw disappointment in her eyes.
- But, Sultana. I'm not with your father because I want attention and power. I truly love him with all my heart. - I told her she knelt in front of her. Tears went down my eyes.
- Any woman would say that if I were you, i don't trust you anymore. - Ismihan replied, not even looking at me. She didn't want to look at me.
- Sultana. Is it my sin to feel love? - I told her as the tears went down my face. Ismhan didn't say anything, she just moved her head away from me.
- Is it a sin that I've felt love for the first time in my life? I didn't want to talk about my love and I tried to stop the love because I didn't want to hurt you. - I told her in tears. At that moment, she looked at me. She looked insensitive.
- It must have been more important for you not to hurt me than to sleep with the Master. - she said sarcastically. I felt really bad. All the women in the harem could have been against me, but I didn't want Ismihan Sultana to hate me. I was very hurt by it all.
- When I first got off the boat in Istanbul, he was right next to me. Right after talking to him, I fell in love with him. I've never felt anything like it for a man. I don't care about his title or his position. The only thing I want in this life is love. The first time I turned Sultan Murad down in his mind, because I didn't want you to be hurt. - I said and looked at the floor. Tears were in my eyes.
- Why didn't you tell me about it right away? - She asked me, Ismhan. It was the first time she looked at me again.
- I tried to tell you yesterday, but all you were saying was that you were going to destroy the woman who went to him. I was scared. - I told her i looked at her.
- Next time we'll talk, I can't hear any more on this subject. - Ismihan said sadly and signaled me to leave her chambers.
I went to sleep that night. For the next few weeks nothing special happened in harem. Sultan Murad was busy because of state problems, I barely could see him. I went to spend night with him few more times. Ayse and Farya Sultan found out about my relationship with Sultan, and they were really angry at me.
I heard gossips in the palace that for the first time in years, Ayse and Farya became good. They had one reason - they had the same enemy. And that enemy was me. In meanwhile, Kosem Sultan really appericated how I am making Murad happy. She treated me well because of it. I acted nice towards her, but I knew she will soonly find new concubines which she will send to her beloved son.
Kosem Sultan wasn't in good relations with neither Ayse nor Farya. She loved them both when they came first time to the Palace, especially Ayse. Kosem was supporting Ayse for years, because she gave a birth to the eldest son of Sultan. When Farya came, Kosem started to hate her because Murad had a wedding with her. She didn't want that to happen, even if she was also married to Sultan Ahmed. When Farya married with Murad, Ayse fell in depression. She tried to poison her and her children, but thankfully, the poison didn't work. Kosem Sultan hated her from that moment because she tried to kill the children of the Ottoman Dynasty.
In those few weeks I learned a lot about things in harem and how they work. Haci-aga and Lalezar Kalfa taught me of everything. Besides Ayse and Farya, woman which also couldn't stand me was Atike Sultana. I have never done anything to her, but she has been bitchy to me. There was no particular reason why. I guess it is because she supported Ayse Sultan.
Atike always tried to arrange Ayse to go to Murad, but he always refused it. He was angry at Ayse because she took more care of his son Ahmed, only because of his gender. Ayse was never good to Ismihan, she didn't even care about her.
On the other hand, Sultan had one more sister. Her name is Gevherhan. I saw that Sultana only few times, and she acted nice towards me. That thing shocked me, because she was a good friend of Farya Sultan. But Gevherhan Sultan was nice to everyone, she never wanted to mix into relations of her brother with women. While Atike enjoyed doing that. Whole harem knew Gevherhan is in love with Silahtar-paşa, one of the viziers of Sultan Murad.
I was really sad when I saw Ismihan Sultan on the hallway. She pretended I'm not there and she looked at me like I did something really bad to her.
One night, I went to sleep into my room. I fell asleep really soon and had a really weird dream. I saw Murad in dreams with a baby in his hand. He gave me a baby and looked at me very angrily, like he was really disappointed in me. Baby couldn't stop crying, and Murad was stepping back from me whole time.
Something woke me up from the dream. I heard someone closed the doors of my room. I was scared at that moment, but I thought it might just be some kalfa that came to close the windows I left open.
I felt weird about my dream. I was curious what does my dream mean. But, as I realised it was still the night, I went back to sleep.
I woke up in the morning with awful pain on my chest. I felt like my chest was burning and bleeding, I felt a lot of heat on them. I was in a lot of pain.
I got out of bed and unzipped my nightgown. I saw red wounds and blisters on my chest. I started yelling and shaking with fear of what I felt.
Haci-aga instantly came to my chambers. He saw at the first second what happened to me.
- Haci-aga, please call the doctors. I feel such a pain. - I told him and I barely could breath from the pain it caused me.
- Hoşyar Hatun, are you fine? - he asked me but he could see I'm not fine. He went right then to call the nurse to see me.
After few minutes nurse came and her face expression could tell me this is not okay. She seemed really worried when she saw my chest.
- Hatun, what were you putting on your chest? - she asked me disgusted.
- I didn't do anything, I just woke up like this. - I responded by soothing from the pain.
- Someone smeared poison over your chest. I need to clean it up and wrap it up before it goes any stronger. - she said worriedly she was going to follow it. She took some grease and smeared it all over my chest.
Whatever she was putting on my chest made me feel pain and hurt. I cried and screamed how much I couldn't stand the pain.
- Calm down, you're just making my job harder. - nurse said trying to calm me down, but without any success.
- Who could poison her? How is that possible? She's the Sultan's favorite. - said Haci-aga furiously.
- I don't know, but the poison was recently put up. If we were a little late, she'd be out of it. This poison quickly erodes the skin and spreads. - nurse said.
- Haci-aga, I woke up last night. I heard someone slam the door on my room and get out. - I told Haci worriedly, only then it all made sense to me. I feared Ayse, Farya or Atike poisoned me. They were my enemies. One of them surely did that.
At that moment, I was very starting to get dizzy. My eyesight was blurring and I saw it getting weaker and weaker.
- Hatun, are you all right? - she asked me very concerned. I tried to talk her out of it, but at that moment I passed out.
I woke up all lost. There was no more visionaries next to me, just Haci-aga and Kosem Sultan. I was surprised what Kosem Sultana was working in my room.
- Hoşyar, you didn't disappoint me. - Kosem Sultana said to me. I was really confused. Firstly, what is she doing here. She is a Valide Sultan, why would she visit me. If she wanted to see me she would call for me. Secondly, why did she tell me that I did not disappoint her?
- Sultana, excuse me. I dont understand what is happening... - I tried to say to her confusedly. I saw the nurse wrapped my chests and putted the towel on it.
Kosem Sultana just smiled to me.
- Hatun, you are pregnant. You will have a baby with my lion Murad! - she told me proudly. I couldn't believe. I am pregnant. Last night I had a dream of a baby, and now I hear I am carrying a baby. I felt so happy.
- But, you need to do something for me. - Kosem said and had calm face already, her smile disappeared.
- Whatever you want, Sultana. - I smiled her.
- Murad won't know that someone poisoned you. I dont want you to make him sad. He must know only about your pregnancy. - she told me calmly, but I knew she is threatening me.
- Sultana, but.. - I tried to say but she signalised me to shut up.
- I will take care that this does not happen again and I will find out who is guilty, but Murad must not know about this. - she said and left my room.
I felt so happy. I touched my belly with such a happines. Inside me there was a small creature that is only mine and Murad's. I couldn't believe soon I would be mother of his child. I was so happy about that. I even forgot someone poisoned me. Nothing mattered now, I decided I have to take care and protect my children.