28/6/2020
Fred gave me, mum, Teddy and Alex a ride to the train station. It took ages on the train to get to Skye we kept having to switch trains. Teddy went online and bought plane tickets for our journey back his treat.
There were three bedroom in the cottage so we would be okay room wise. When we got to our destination there was a bit of a panic when the lady on reception said.
"Ah the Adams it's nice to meet you both", before giving Alex the room key.
My mum was about to say we weren't the Adam's family when Teddy decided to ask her about her ideas for colours for the refit of the pub. Thankfully that changed the subject matter.
When we arrived at the cottage it' was gorgeous it was decorated in all white it was so nice. The living room looks over the road outside and a fence and just beyond it you can see the beach and sea. I'm beginning to realise how much I truly love Scotland.
After we unpack we decided to explore the town. There were several food shops so we bought food to last us for the week. Alex made us dinner it was salmon and pasta with peas and sweetcorn. We settled in for the night watching a Scottish chat show then we said goodnight and went up to bed.
29/6/2020
Alex and I spent a long time just walking today and talking. With the affair out in the open and people knowing about us and me confessing about Steve. We could really be truly honest about things Alex wanted to tell people about our marriage.
He tells me he was scared about his father knowing the truth. Then he tells me how when he was younger Elliot caught him kissing the daughter of someone he truly hates and beat him up for doing it.
Alex no longer cared about what Elliot thought because he doesn't think he will ever change. It was sad to hear and see him cry as he wonders why even though he was a doctor his father couldn't be proud of him.
Then he felt bad for talking about his dad with what I'm dealing with, with mine. I tell him that we can't allow our father's to take our current happiness away from us. They have already taken and destroy so much of our childhood.
"What about Amy she will be furious when she finds out we are married", I remind him.
"What was that you were saying about not letting people steal our happiness Cassie".
I realise he's right the road ahead with Steve will be hard especially if everything goes to trial. It's best people find out now about us and I was happy I get to wear my wedding ring. The ring my husband picked out for me and the world getting to see I'm taken.
Alex arrange for me and him to go on a fishing boat to see if we could catch some for dinner. He knows I love watching deadliest catch on the Discovery Channel.
It was an amazing experience being out to sea like that with nothing to see but water for miles. I got to help drag a net of fish in and when it was over we got a selection of fish to take home.
It was an amazing experience I made a Caribbean stew with some of the fish my mate Leroy's mum taught me to make. When I was younger I would go round his house a lot and she would teach me and Leroy to cook. So we didn't grow up not knowing how to.
I can cook loads of English food but I can cook Caribbean food as well. As Gloria, Leroy mum would say, "You wouldn't know I wasn't Caribbean when you taste my food".
While we were eating Alex and I told mum we are married, to say she was stunned would be a understatement.
"So why the hell were you with that woman you know I heard her planning her wedding Alex. That's sick when all the while you knew she wasn't going to get her happiness".
"What we did was wrong Meg I can't and won't defend it and I apologised to Amy for the affair. We both agreed to keep it quiet for her to save face and she told everyone about it on Friday. Then she tried to hurt your brother's wife to try to get back at Cassie", Alex says to mum.
Mum starts eating again,"No woman deserves what you two did to her and her finding out about your marriage won't be good. Just know I got your back maybe they will leave the village".
"We should throw you guys a party when we get back to celebrate your marriage", says Teddy.
"That's a bit cruel Teddy they'll be rubbing salt in the wound for Amy", says my mum.
"She'll get over it she has a son to take care of besides right now Cassie's well being and happiness is the only thing that matters". Mum looks at me when Teddy says that deep in thought.
"Did something happened that I don't know about?"
I look at her, "I tried to commit suicide last weekend".
She starts to cry at my words, "And here I'm telling you how you did Amy wrong. Did her outing the affair so publicly make you do it Cassie?"
"There was lots of factors but I felt humiliated and Steve was there and some other stuff happened. I was wrong to have an affair with Alex mum and Amy was entitled to get mad but we made an agreement. Which she broke and don't forget Alex did breakup with her by the time news of the past affair spread".
Mum just kept crying then she comes over to my chair and hugs me while stroking my hair, "I can't believe I almost lost you. You were in so much pain that you thought ending your life was the only option".
"He's still here Meg let's focus on that yeah", says Alex to her.
"I think a party is a great idea my husband deserves to have some fun Peterson style".
Mum stops hugging me then she kiss me on the top of my head and ask Teddy to go for a walk with her.
"You okay Cassie?"
I nod and realise I will be. My phone pings there is a text from Nick saying congratulations and what flavour should the wedding cake be. Alex and I smile at each other even in the mids of a meltdown my mother found time to let the others know what was happening.
4/7/2020
We're back from Scotland and I had my first session with a counsellor. Thank god Alex well we have the money to go private. I'm wearing my wedding ring and people haven't really noticed. Alex is wearing his as well and our party is this Friday. The Stammers are away from the village thank god.
I'm home alone while Alex is at work when the doorbell rings. I open it to see Natalie and Jamie Smith, Alex's brother and sister on his mother side. I hug them, "What are you guys doing here?"
"Alex told us about the party and we wanted to see if you were okay after everything that happened recently", Jamie says to me.
I know Alex is incredibly close to them and the Adams don't know that yet. I also knows he tells them about everything going on in his life. Which I'm okay with he needs an outlet as well. I know they know about my suicide attempt.
In the three years I've been with Alex we saw them a lot sometimes once or twice a week. With us moving here it's been more phone conversations than visiting. They were in Vegas for my wedding which I loved.
"We've bought Manor House", Jamie tells me.
"It's not for sale", I tell him.
He smiles at me, "Everyone has a price and I didn't want my brother to have to see them now the village knows you're together. Plus that family is no good".
I say nothing because I don't understand what he means by the last sentence. "It's going to be nice having you guys here and there is enough room in Manor Farm for your two families".
I made tea and we talk some more I thought it would be interesting when they see Elliot Adams again.
Friday
I woke up and went for a jog I started my couch to 5k app today I did a bit of walking and some jogging. I think this will be a good stress reliever for me over the next couple of months. After showering and changing I started looking through some things I had to learn for my job. There was a safeguarding course I had to go on.
The party that night was at the pub because Alex and I didn't want people in our home that wasn't family. The pub was decorated with a congratulations banner and surprisingly a table with presents.
There was everyone from Carol the village gossip to John the village handyman to Teddy there. Mum put a closed for a private party sign on the door. Alex and I got a round of applause when we walked into the pub hand in hand. I didn't understand it I thought a lot of these people hated me for what I did to Amy.
Teddy come up to me and hugs me,"Cassie I watched you struggle to come out of your shell when you first moved here. You convince yourself you could never live a happy life. I watched as you went from an angry youth to the women you're today. Standing here secure in who you're with your husband by your side. I couldn't be more proud of you you may not be mine by blood but I'll always be proud to call you my daughter".
When Teddy finished his speech I realised why so many villagers were here. They were here when it got out I was cutting myself, I was very angry and they were concern I could have done something stupid to myself back then. When it became public knowledge I was self harming.
They were there at the beginning of my journey and many of them like Carol thought it would be a short life for me. They were genuinely happy for me a young woman they once thought might take her life. For the simple reason she felt she was different.
The party was in full swing when Elliot walked in.