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I spent the entire week locked in my apartment. I wasn't trying to act like an overreacting teenager, but I didn't have anywhere to go. I couldn't return to work until the end of the month, and the only reason I left was to refill my own fridge, which had been neglected for quite some time. I hardly spent any time in my own apartment the last few months.
I didn't respond to any of his calls or texts, all of which were some form of an apology. I knew what I said might have been crossing a line, I knew what his father was like when he was a kid, but I wasn't about to watch him turn into his father. I'd been in a relationship like that before, where I was the verbal and physical punching bag. I might have been okay with it at the time, but I was grown now and I know my worth.
I talked to Penelope on and off most the week, leaving out the details of what happened, just mentioning we had a bad fight. At some point she showed up at my apartment, threatening to go down the hall and give him a piece of her mind. I managed to talk her off the ledge as we stayed in, drinking wine and having a girls night. We woke up with killer hangovers the next morning and stumbled out into the living room, both freezing at the man stretched out on my couch.
"Is that...?"
"Yeah... What happened last night?"
"You two got incredibly drunk and called me, saying something about how all men are trash and that you needed more wine. I stayed to make sure neither of you hurt yourselves."
"Right... That sounds like us. I'll go ahead and apologize for everything. Thanks for keeping at eye on us, Derek. " I looked down and realized I was only wearing a shirt of Aaron's and she was wearing a long nightgown, "Um... I'm gonna..." I waved in the general direction of the bedrooms and walked away. I could hear him laugh and Penelope tell him to quiet down.
When I returned, fully dressed, they were sitting on the couch talking, "Morning, pretty girl."
"Mmm, no, nope. I need something greasy and full of calories. You're driving."
"Yeah, yes, what she said." Penelope nodded then flinched. He laughed again but walked over to the front door, allowing us to walk out first.
We spent the better part of the morning at a local diner, easing our hangovers. Derek filled us in on our drunken shenanigans, unintentionally informing me that we didn't let slip the specifics of why we were drinking so much. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had accidentally told him about Aaron and I... If there was an Aaron and I anymore.
We returned to my apartment around one, running into the one person I was hoping not to see. Penelope tried to march towards him, but I reminded her that Derek was with us and that was enough to calm her down.
"Hey, Hotch!" Derek waved, looking at Penelope curiously.
"Hey, guys. Um, Alex, can we talk."
"No, absolutely not." Penelope shoved me into my apartment before I could respond, a confused Derek trailing behind us.
"Okay, what was that?" She pulled me down onto the couch, holding my hands between hers as I held back tears. All I could think about was how angry he was at me before I left, "Alex?" He timidly sat on the coffee table in front of me.
"Derek, not now." Penelope hushed him, "Hey, hey, come on, no more tears!" She ran a thumb over my cheek, wiping away a few that had escaped.
"Holy shit, it's true, isn't it? You and Hotch?"
"Derek! Shut up."
"Pen, it's alright," I inhaled and exhaled slowly, "Yeah, it is. Was. I don't know. We had this stupid fight over Jack... He had a nightmare and I didn't tell Aaron, so he was mad at me. It's silly, really, but Jack had called me mom the other day and Aaron... He made a point during the fight to point out that Jack is his son." I took my hands from Penelope and roughly wiped off my cheeks, "Jesus, look at me, I'm thirty-three years old acting like a sixteen year old."
Penelope got worked up again, threatening to go say a few choice words to him while Derek tried to calm her down. Their interaction was enough to send me into a fit of laughter, which in turn got them laughing with me. Every time we settled down, one of us started laughing again and we all lost it. We were brought out of our bubble as Derek's phone rang.
"Morgan... Uh, I don't think so." He tone turned serious, "No." He hung up, shoving his phone back in his pocket. Penelope and I stared at him expectantly, "Don't worry about it." Moments later someone was knocking at my door. Anger flashed in his eyes as he stood up.
"Derek, it's fine, just let me deal with it, okay?" I pushed past him as I opened the door, staring up at the man in front of me.
"Alex, can we please talk?" I looked over him quickly. His hair was a tangled mess, but the rest of him was put together. I wasn't surprised, even on his worst days he always found the energy to make himself look presentable.
"Five minutes." I looked to the side, glaring at Derek as he retreated back into the living room. I stepped out into the hallway, closing the door behind me.
"You told them?" His voice was flat, devoid of emotion. He was shutting himself away again.
"Garcia guessed, Derek put it together this morning." I crossed my arms, shielding myself from him, "Have you figured out what you want, or do you just want to get your point across? 'Cause it was loud and clear Monday night."
"Lex..." His voice broke, "That's not fair, I didn't mean it, okay? God, can't you see how much I love you? How much I need you?"
"All I see is a man who is building up his walls so that no one can see him or get near him." I wanted to hug him, to kiss him, but I kept my guard up. I needed him to realize that he's either in it for the long-haul or not.
"This is me, standing on your doorstep, doing everything I can not to breakdown. Is that what you want? I'm begging. I'm sorry, I never wanted to hurt you."
"Seriously, Aaron?" I threw my arms up, flinching back at the pain in my chest. He reached out but I took a step back, "What I want is for you to realize that we're either in this together or not. We're too damn old for the game of cat and mouse. When I told you I was all in, I meant it. I knew what I was signing up for- the long hours, the distance, the baggage, all of it. I'm willing to put in the effort, but if you aren't, then please, just tell me." We stood in silence, the tension in the air thick.
"You. I want you. Whatever it takes. I can't imagine life without you, Alex, I can't. And Jack, Jack loves you almost as much as I do. He keeps asking when you're going to come home. I'm willing to throw out every rule in the book if it means I get to be with you. Hell, I'll tell Cruz and risk it all if it means I get to be with you." I watched in shock as the tears escaped his eyes.
"KISS HIM ALREADY!" Penelope yelled from behind the door. I shook my head, but stood up on my toes, wrapped my arms around his neck, and pulled him down to me. I captured his lips with mine, lacing my fingers together at the back of his neck as he wrapped his arms around my waist, pulling me to him. I hesitantly pulled back, my need to breathe taking control. I dropped back down onto my feet, laying my head on his chest.
He held me tightly, burying his face in my hair, "Never leave me again."
"Never be an ass again, then." I titled my head back and giggled, "I'm kidding, we're only human, we're bound to have fights... They always say the worst fight is the first."
He rolled his eyes and leaned down, kissing me again. "You should go back inside, the peeping toms are starting to creep me out." We both laughed.
I turned around and swung the door open, hearing a loud thump and "ow!" come from behind it. I squeezed through the gap and looked over at Penelope, who was holding her head and Derek who was trying not to laugh.
"You two are ridiculous." I laughed, going to the kitchen to grab an ice pack for her head. I tossed it to her, and by some miracle, she caught it. We all sat on the couch, both of them staring at me, "What, what?! You were both watching and listening, don't act like you don't know everything that just happened."
"Well, why are you still here? Go get your mans!" Garcia hit my arm, "Oh god! I'm sorry!"
"That's her good arm, baby girl, relax."
"Oh, oh good. Now go!"
I shook my head at her, leaning back into the couch, "Sure, as soon as you two leave. I don't need you ransacking my apartment." They both feigned shock, but stood up anyway.
Penelope pulled me in for a hug, "You two are perfect for each other." She whispered in my ear. I hugged Derek and stood by the door, checking to make sure they actually left and didn't plan to stand outside Aaron's door stalking us.
I locked my door and walked down the hall. I threw his door open and smirked at him, "Honey, I'm home."