JULY 11
DAKOTA
It was nearing two o'clock in the morning when I finally managed to slip outside for some fresh air. The sidewalk outside the hospital was calm and empty, a stark contrast to what was inside.
In true Washington State fashion, rain clouds had crept in to obscure the previously clear night sky. I stared up at the foggy darkness and blinked into the soft drizzle. The rain seemed to summon the fresh and salty scent of the sea further inland. For a moment, I was almost capable of forgetting the horrors of the night and all that remained unsolved.
After my brief physical evaluation, Sheriff Wakeman replaced the doctor to ask me more tedious questions. There wasn't any insightful information that I was willing to provide to her, and she eventually left me alone.
The death of Zachary Healy was the first murder investigation on Friday Island in the last thirty years. Speeding tickets and some DUI charges were more commonplace, not dead bodies. However, everything that was considered to be commonplace changed two months ago. I despised how everything bad that happened on the island linked back to Apex.
Details swam into focus inside my head. The night was beginning to make more sense in some ways, but even less in others. For starters, my mom was the one to tell me that Albert had turned himself in to the police. The guy claimed to have been coerced into killing the orca. I could only assume that Mr. Nakamura or the McGoverns informed her since she certainly hadn't received the information firshand.
Next, there was Maud. Whether she was dead, dying, or going to pull through had yet to be determined. It hurt my head to think about it.
I figured that this was the calm before the storm. The night cast a spell of uncertainty over what had happened, but the sun would rise in a few short hours, and the destruction would be on display for everyone to see. But for now, there was still some darkness left to burn before dawn.
The sliding doors whizzed open behind me, and the McGovern clan walked through. When Allix saw me, she said a few quiet words to her family and joined me on the bench beneath the awning. Droplets of rain rolled off the sloped edge and splattered on the sidewalk.
As we sat in silence for a few minutes, I noticed that Allix was no longer wearing her black jumpsuit and denim jacket. I assumed her parents had brought her clean clothes the way mine had. I also noticed that dark circles were already beginning to form beneath her blue eyes.
"Was I supposed to see it coming?" I eventually asked, a mangled laugh escaping me. "Brenna was supposed to be different from all of the other self-obsessed maniacs in Hollywood, and she's not. She's fucking not."
Allix pursed her lips and twisted a little to face me. "Brenna got backed into a corner. I think I understand why she did what she did, and I want her to know that."
I gaped at her. Her tone said that she was earnest, but she couldn't be.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked. I heard the shock in my voice, and wondered if she could too.
"She was trying to protect herself," Allix explained, her capricious nature making a sudden reappearance. It seemed I was egotistical enough to believe that things would be different after that morning at the beach. That things would be different with me.
"You know what she did to Maud," I said, my voice low and accusatory. "How can you even begin to consider defending her?"
"Because if I was in her shoes, I think I would've done something similar."
Allix's response knocked the wind out of me, and there was suddenly a faint ringing in my ears. If I wasn't in shock earlier, I sure as hell was now.
"Allix-"
"I've been lying to pretty much everyone for months now," she interrupted, her blue eyes hardening with what I recognized as conviction. "I justified it by reasoning that I was protecting myself from ridicule and rumors. That's still how I justify it. I can see both sides, Dakota."
"That's different. You're different."
"Self-preservation outweighed telling the truth every time I considered it. Brenna made a mistake, an irreversible one, but we can't shut her out. She's one of us now."
I didn't know what kind of Kumbaya bullshit Allix had suddenly become invested in, but I wasn't willing to accept it.
"Don't say that," I begged, denial crashing down onto my shoulders with the weight of a tidal wave. "Don't make a case for her."
"You care about Brenna, and that's why this hurts," Allix said, her voice surprisingly soft. "She's the person you spilled your guts to over Thai food in that Beverly Hills hotel room. Don't turn your back on her when she needs someone to lean on during what will probably be the hardest days of her life."
I started at Allix's words. I knew I'd never told her that story because I feared that I'd drunkenly complained about her disappearance to Brenna. That only left one other person who could've told her, and that conclusion only served to piss me off.
"Stop making this about her."
"I'm not. I just want us to stick together."
In a desperate attempt to get through to her, I took her hands in mine. "We are the us. Syd, Maud, and Nicki too. Those are the people who matter."
A shadow crossed Allix's features. "You wanted me to get off the moral high ground. That's what I'm doing here."
I eased my hold on her hands, and she took that opportunity to pull away from me entirely. There was hardly any distance between us, but I'd never felt so far away from her.
I was scrambling for something persuasive to say when Nicki materialized out of the dark shadows of the parking lot. We both jumped to our feet. Allix's shoulders fell as she sighed in relief, and I frowned.
"I got your text after I dropped off Brenna and Syd," Nicki said, handing Allix her car keys. "What else do we know?"
"Not much," Allix admitted, and as Nicki swallowed hard, she embraced him. "We tried, okay? You did everything you could've done to help her. Maybe that won't be enough, but you can't change that. None of us can."
"Okay," Nicki murmured, his eyes pinched shut.
When they broke apart, Allix met my gaze, but she quickly refocused on Nicki. Something had shifted between us again and not in a direction I liked.
"Rowena is waiting for me," she said with a sigh. "My parents refused to let me drive myself home because they're under the impression that my driving becomes impaired when I'm stressed. I'll call you tomorrow."
It was very clear that the you applied to Nicki and I felt a pang of dejection in my chest. I looked down at my sandy tennis shoes.
"Okay," Nicki repeated, sniffing a little.
When I was sure that Allix had turned her back on us, I lifted my gaze and watched her join Rowena at the other end of the sidewalk. Rowena put an arm around Allix, and they walked over to where Nicki parked the Subaru.
Nicki fixed me with a dubious look. "What was that all about?"
I inhaled a deep breath, but my lungs still somehow felt void of oxygen. "Allix wants us to stick together. Brenna included."
Nicki nodded like he already knew that this was Allix's opinion, and I felt another pang of dejection. Deep down, I knew it was irrational and selfish, but I wished she'd told me first.
"Sure," he answered. "That's one idea."
I worked my jaw. "What do you think?"
"I don't know." He raked a hand through his blond hair as he blew out a hard breath. "I want to believe that Allix is right."
"Believing isn't enough for me."
Allix had proved that point herself.
Nicki buried his hands in the front pockets of his khakis. "We've really gone and fucked everything up this time."
I barked out a bitter laugh. "Yeah. Yeah, I think we have."
"Before Allix left to find you at Cape Blue, Conrad called Brenna. Did she tell you?"
"No."
Nothing Nicki could say about Allix's actions tonight would surprise me. I expected her unpredictability.
"Conrad asked about you...where you were. Brenna seemed to believe that he already knew what had happened."
I had a good fucking idea of where Nicki was going with this, but even though I wasn't in the mood to have to defend Apex or Conrad, I knew I would if Nicki didn't back off.
"News travels fast," I said with what I hoped was an impassive shrug. "Bad news travels even faster."
Nicki scowled, clearly unsatisfied by my response. "You're an executive producer, Dakota. Stop fucking pretending that there isn't something you can do to help stop this. Hell, I bet you could call the whole thing off if you wanted to."
"It's not that simple," I protested.
"I never said that it was," Nicki fired back and jabbed a finger at my chest. "Just figure out how you want this to end, and if it's worth whatever glory or shiny award you want to win."
There wasn't anything else I wanted to say to Nicki, nothing that would change tonight's outcome. I also didn't trust myself enough to avoid saying something that I would regret later. He could have the last word, not that it was worth anything.
Appearing to accept my silence as my answer, Nicki sent me one last hard look before marching over to a car that had just pulled into the parking lot.
As I slumped back down onto the bench, I doubted any of us would get any sleep, even after the night was over. There was no end or beginning in sight, just the fallout.
✘ ✘ ✘
YES OR NO: Should Brenna be forgiven?
There's no right answer, but I'm needy and intrigued to hear opinions that may differ from my charted outline.