My parents weren't happy that I was living in Blake's apartment, but they weren't about to stop me from staying there. It was like they knew I was hanging on by a thread, and spending all my time at Blake's apartment made me feel better. That was the only reason they let me stay there.
But they had one rule. I had to spend one night a week at home, and I was able to decide which night that would be. I usually stayed on Saturday, now that school started, because Blake's apartment was closer to school so I stayed there on school nights. It also took me a lot of time to get out of bed when I stayed at my house with my parents.
It was really hard. My bed didn't smell like Blake, so it was hard to fall asleep. Even after nearly four months, the bed in Blake's apartment still smelled like him. My bed, however, smelled like me.
It was Saturday night now, and I was sitting on the couch watching TV with my dad while my mom made dinner in the kitchen. We were watching some crime show; one I really didn't care about, and I could tell that my dad really didn't care very much either. There was obviously nothing else on, which sucked considering it was a Saturday night.
"So..." my dad started, and I didn't even turn toward him. I kept my eyes glued to the TV screen, even though I had no idea what was going on. "How's school?"
"Good," I shrugged, since it wasn't exactly a lie. School had been in session for only two weeks, and even though Blake wasn't there, it wasn't exactly the worst thing ever. It actually made me feel a lot better about what was going on. All my friends surrounding me made me realize that I wasn't alone in all of this. "We're going to find out what the play is in drama on Monday."
My dad nodded. "That's good, that's good... You're going to get the lead, right?"
I laughed, not being able to help myself as I said, "I don't know yet, Dad. Auditions are on Friday. We don't even know what the play's going to be, so there's no way to know if I'll be the lead or not."
My dad shrugged, leaning back in his seat on the couch now. "Well, knowing you, you're going to get the lead.
I smiled, smiling into my knees as I pulled them up to my chin and wrapped my arms around my legs. His compliment made me feel happy, and it reminded me of Christian. He made me smile for real after four months of faking.
"I hope I get the lead," I shrugged now, just imagining how great it would be to get up on stage again after a year of taking a break. "It would be a lot of fun."
It was kind of weird, talking to my dad about this. It'd been so long since I'd had a normal conversation with one of my parents, and it was actually really... nice. It was nice talking to them about something that wasn't Blake.
"Dinner's ready!" my mother called out from the kitchen now, and my dad and I both let out sighs as we pushed ourselves up from the couch and toward the dining room. My mother always made such elaborate dinners during the nights I visited, and I just didn't have the heart to tell her that it was really unnecessary because I'd be perfectly fine with a TV dinner.
But I sat down at the table anyway, and I couldn't help but feel awkward sitting there. After living in Blake's apartment for so long, my house just didn't feel like my home anymore. It felt more like a hotel.
"So what were you two talking about in there?" my mother asked us as she spooned some macaroni and cheese onto my plate. "Neither of you sounded interested in the television at all. I'm glad to hear you talking to each other."
I shrugged. "We were just talking about school, that's all. Nothing that important."
It was always so much harder to talk to my mom than it was to talk to my dad. It must have been because of all the things my mother had done to me, since she had always been so much worse than him.
"Leah's going to be in the school play," my father explained to my mother once he saw that I wasn't going to. All I did was shovel peas onto my plate as he continued. "She'll most likely get the lead."
My mother smiled as she sat down. "That's the Burkley attitude we know and love!"
I forced a smile, and just like she always did, my mother thought that it was genuine. If only she knew I had been faking all of my smiles around her. If only she knew I'd been faking most of my smiles around everyone.
"I'm glad you decided to take drama again this year," my mother smiled at me now, and all I did was push my peas back and forth on my plate. "When you told me you decided to take a break from it last year, I knew that it was going to be an off year for you. And that's what last year was. It was... off."
I felt my eye twitch. I knew what she really meant by that. "It wasn't an off year, Mom."
She said nothing back to me, because I was sure that she was scared I'd get up and leave if she made me upset. But since I had to spend the night there, I was stuck and there was nothing I could do about it. I wouldn't be allowed to stay at Blake's if I didn't stay.
I poked at my steak now, not finding it very appetizing. I wasn't very hungry at all, but I knew I was going to have to eat or my parents would worry about me. I was pretty convinced my mother only made these huge dinners whenever I was over because she thought I was starving myself whenever I was gone.
I really wished that I was able to talk to my mother like most girls could. It had always been something I'd wanted but never had, and I probably never would get it. I was just glad that I had an older sister to talk to.
When the doorbell rang, my mother moved to go get it, but I shot up out of my seat before she could. "I'll get it," I shrugged simply before nearly sprinting off into the other room so I could get the door. Anything that would get me out of that awkward situation.
I was surprised to see that it was Morgan at the door, and she looked just as surprised as I was. But she then quickly smiled, nearly pouncing on me in a hug.
"Leah!" she shouted, her arms tightening around my neck tightly. "I didn't think you were going to be here! I was going to head over to Blake's after this, but I guess I don't have to!"
I forced out a chuckle, explaining the reason why I was there to her as she came inside and made her way to the kitchen. I knew she smelled food, and food was something Morgan loved more than anything. And my mom made a lot, so I knew there was going to be enough for all four of us.
So my parents didn't even care that Morgan decided to join us for dinner, and I couldn't help but remember when we used to eat dinner as a family when we were younger. The last time we had had a family dinner like this was when I was twelve, and it stopped after that because Morgan would always fight with our parents about Kyle. But now that she was married to him, there was no use in fighting any longer.
Morgan scarfed down as much food as her stomach would let her, while I just continued to poke at my food. It was definitely way too much for me to consume, and I wanted nothing more than to just push my plate over to her.
My mother watched me as I continued to poke and prod at my food, and I couldn't help but feel bad for wasting this food. I also felt bad for letting my mom think I had some kind of eating disorder when I really just wasn't that hungry.
"Morgan, stop eating," my mother commanded to my older sister now, taking the plate from out in front of her and making her way over to the kitchen. "I swear, it's like you're pregnant or something."
Morgan stayed silent, not denying what my mother had said like she usually would. My mother was now in the kitchen so she wouldn't have heard her if she had even said anything, but now my dad and I only stared at her with wide eyes. She had always loved food, but...
"I'm not pregnant," she assured, raising her hands up to defend herself as she let out a nervous laugh. "But... Kyle and I are trying, though."
"Oh, jeez," my dad sighed, standing up from his seat and taking his plate with him to the kitchen. "I love you, honey, but talking about this kind of thing is just too weird for me."
Morgan let out a laugh. "I kind of expected it would be."
So now it was just the two of us, and I wanted her to continue on with what she was saying before our dad left. She was trying to have a baby with Kyle. She was trying to have a baby. She was trying to get pregnant. I was going to be an aunt... eventually.
"So," Morgan started, as if she didn't know what to say. She now eyed my plate. "Are you going to eat that?"
I let out a sigh, pushing my plate toward her and let her gobble every last bit of it down. How she managed to stay her weight was beyond me. If I ate as much as her, I'd definitely get fat right away.
"You know, I just can't wait for Christmas," Morgan informed me now, and I only stared at her as if she was crazy. Actually, she might have been. "It'll be the first Christmas Kyle and I will have together as a married couple."
I just stared at her. "You are aware that it's September, right?"
She merely waved her hand in front of her face.
"Will you talk about you having a baby?" I asked her now, a little more harshly than I meant to be. "You can't just say something like that and just pretend like you didn't. I'm not Dad; I want to know."
"Well..."
"Morgan."
She let out a sigh. "There's really nothing to say. We're trying to have a baby. We haven't been successful yet."
Okay, I guess I could just leave the subject at that, then. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it, so I'd leave her alone about it for now. She was acting the same way I did whenever someone wanted to talk about Blake and I didn't want to.
Morgan left not so long after she finished eating, and when I gave my mother my plate, she looked happy that I had finished my meal. I wasn't about to tell her that I had actually given it all to Morgan, because I knew she'd probably drive me to the hospital if I did.
And I went to bed right after that, knowing I'd get to go back to Blake's apartment the quicker I went to bed. So when I laid down and pressed my face into the pillow, I tried to force myself to sleep. I found it really difficult to, considering the fact that my pillow didn't smell like Blake.
But I finally drifted off to sleep after a few hours, and when I woke up, I quickly said goodbye to my parents before leaving for Blake's apartment. Once I got there, I spent the rest of the day just watching movies and being lazy, just like I wanted to do every single day.
On Monday, school started out normally, just like it always did. It was the start of the third week of school, and I couldn't help but think that it was all going by painfully slowly. I didn't know if it was because I honestly just thought it was boring or if because Blake wasn't there.
So I just stood there, right in front of the school, looking up at it. I couldn't believe that this was actually the last year I was going to have to be here. After this, I was done. I'd get to go to college and everything would go great for me.
At least, I hoped it would.
"Tally ho!" Christian suddenly shouted from beside me, and I would have jumped if he didn't immediately put his arm around my shoulders and start dragging me toward the school.
I laughed, elbowing him in the side. "Let go of me."
"Tally ho, Leah! Tally ho!"
He hadn't thrown me over his shoulder and charged, but I was sure that was going to come sooner or later. But it really was hilarious and amusing, so I wasn't about to stop him. He did this every morning and I didn't think it would ever get old.
Christian was actually in my first period, and he sat right behind me while I sat right beside Jaz. The two of them seemed to really get along, and Christian didn't even care that she had schizophrenia. That made me feel really happy because I knew he wasn't going to judge Blake for having the same thing.
"Hi, Leah! Hi, Christian!" Jaz greeted loudly from her seat, just like she did every morning. We both greeted her back as we took our seats. "Isn't the weather great today?"
"Definitely," Christian agreed in his overly enthusiastic way. "Summer is definitely my favorite time of the year. I just love the hot weather!"
Jaz beamed. "Me, too!"
They both turned toward me now, and I just stared at them for a moment. Were they really talking about the weather, or was I just hearing things? Did anyone ever really talk about the weather?
"Um, I like winter," I shrugged, even though it wasn't exactly the truth. I honestly didn't like any type of weather, and I would have much rather been indoors. But I knew I'd sound like a freak if I said something like that.
Both of them continued to talk about who knows what once class started, and I tried my hardest to actually concentrate and listen to what our teacher was saying. But no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't pay attention. I just couldn't stop thinking about Blake, which only made me want to hit myself over the head.
I wondered if he'd ever wake up. He had to, right? I didn't know what I'd do if he didn't. I'd been telling myself that he was, and I honestly believed it. I was just going to have to wait a little bit longer...
The rest of the day went by just as slow as it always did, and I was really excited when I realized that I was going to get to go to drama for the last part of the day. After that class, I'd get to go back to Blake's apartment and do absolutely nothing.
I sat right in the middle of Christian and Cassie, just like I always did. But today, I was a lot more jittery than usual. It had to have been because I was finding out what the play was going to be.
"I'm really anxious to know what the play's going to be," I informed the two of them honestly, my knee bouncing up and down over and over again.
Christian grinned at me. "You have nothing to worry about. The two of us are definitely going to get the leads."
Cassie giggled from her spot. "He's right, you know."
I merely shrugged, not going to say anything to jinx it. I really did want to get the lead, and I knew my chances were really high. I also knew Blake would have been proud of me if I got the lead.
"Too bad Mona's not here today," Cassie shrugged as she slumped down in her seat a little. "She was really excited about finding out what the play is, and she's not even here on the day they announce what it is."
I was the one to shrug now. "Well, she can find out tomorrow, can't she?"
Cassie nodded. "I guess you're right."
"Alright, everyone!" Mr. Summer clapped from the front of the auditorium. "I'm glad to see that most of you are here today, since I'm going to be announcing what the school play is going to be and hand out pieces to audition from."
"I think we should do Beauty and the Beast," a junior girl nearly shrieked from the front row. I could already tell who the teacher's pet was. "I think I'd be perfect for Belle!"
Cassie leaned over and whispered in my ear, "More like the Beast."
Mr. Summers laughed, but he was laughing at the junior girl because there was no way he heard what Cassie had said. At least, I didn't think he could have heard what she had said.
"The school play that I've chosen," our teacher started dramatically, and I found my fingers tapping against my knee now, "is Grease."
The room went silent, and I didn't know if that was good or bad. Grease was a musical, which meant there would be singing. To be the lead, that meant I had to sing. And the last time I checked, I wasn't the most fantastic singer.
Christian didn't look bothered at all, so I knew musicals weren't something that discouraged him. I, however, hoped that this was some kind of joke. Couldn't we have just done Romeo and Juliet instead?
I looked around now to see everyone else's reactions, and none of them seemed to be thinking the same thing I was. Were they all expecting it to be a musical? Was I really the only one that was out of the loop?
"Earth to Leah!" was what I heard when I suddenly zoned back in, and I blinked when I realized that Cassie was waving her hand in front of my face. "Why are you so out of it? It's worse than usual."
"I'm just..." I blinked again, looking around now to make sure no one else was staring at me as if I was some sort of freak. "I'm just really excited for the play."
I wished that she could have told that I was lying. I wasn't excited for this at all; not one bit. I didn't want to do it. But since I was in the class, I had to or I was going to fail. But being in the ensemble was not acceptable. If I didn't have a big part, I didn't know how I'd get through it. I'd be bored out of my mind. I didn't even care about getting the lead anymore!
Cassie laughed, wrapping her arm around my shoulders and squeezing tightly. "So am I, so am I! Doesn't it sound like it'll be a lot of fun? I've always been a fan of Grease!"
I laughed nervously, finding my fingertips tapping on my knee again. I always did this when I was nervous; it was something I started sometime after Blake's accident. I usually did it without even noticing it.
The thought of doing a musical scared me, and I didn't like the feeling. Usually I was confident when it came to this stuff, but now everything was different. After everything that had happened with Blake, I had gotten so much weaker. And I really hated it so much.
When I felt a hand cover mine, I nearly jumped. I then turned to see that it was Christian, whose hand was still placed over mine as they both rested on my knee. We just stared at each other for a second before Cassie finally cleared her throat.
"Sorry," Christian apologized, looking away from me. "You just... seemed anxious. Is everything okay?"
I never knew how to answer that question. Was anything okay? I really didn't know anymore.
But before I could answer, the door to the auditorium suddenly burst open, causing everyone in the room to jump in surprise. "Leah!" I heard a familiar voice shout, and I turned toward it and was nearly knocked right over by Jane. "Leah, Leah! Blake's awake! He's awake!"
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Blake's in the next chapter. <3 I can't wait!
I'm sorry this chapter's so late! I've just been so busy lately. :( I'm going to be trying to update soon now, though!
Please COMMENT, VOTE, and FAN! :)