chapter xxxiv of the death season :
" EVERYBODY WANTS A HAPPY ENDING, RIGHT? "
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" A thing isn't beautiful
because it lasts. "
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january 28th, 2023
destroyed avengers compound,
new york
THE UNIVERSE IS ENGULFED IN LIGHT .
Every villain fades away. One by one, members of the outrider army, the Black Order, and finally Thanos all slowly, finally crumble into dust. Into nothing, just as it should be.
The Avengers have won.
But not without a price.
TIME SLIPS THROUGH HER FINGERS , a kaleidoscope of memories fading in her last moments of life.
Lisa Stark-Udaku stumbles away from the battlefield, her mind lost and searching for somewhere to go, for somewhere to rest. She collapses into the rubble, body broken, decaying.
Maybe he shouldn't but it's Tony who finds her first, as he always does, as he always did.
He can tell everyone wants to pull him away, but this is his baby - his baby - and he can't.
He was hers. She was his. They were each other's. Before they were anyone else's.
"Smalls?" It's a tentative question, barely above a whisper, like he's afraid to say it, afraid to think it.
Tony's legs go limp and he slides on his metal knees to get to her, his shaking voice barely above a whisper. He takes in the sight of her, the flayed flesh, the charred arm, her burned face. It's so much. It's all too much. And this time, it's not healing. He tries to stay steady, tries to look strong for her because she needs him now.
But then he sees that tiny scar from the time Rhodey got her trapped in an ice cream tub, and he falls apart.
"Oh my, God... Baby no, what..." His chest wracks with a sob and he squeezes tighter on her hand, "What did you do, Smalls?"
Lisa's gaze is so terribly blank and her warm blue eyes look so dim and distant, like she can't even see him anymore, like it's him that's becoming a ghost in place of her. Burns have mangled the side of her delicate face, marring her beautiful gentle features and leaving her only half like herself. She's fading. She's fading so fast.
Tony knows what's about to happen. He needs to say something; if he doesn't, he'll regret it.
"Don't!" The man hoarsely whispers, his chest shaking, getting so close to hyperventilating, "Please, don't-don't-don't you leave us. You promised me-, God!" Tony's voice grows coarse and angry, "Lees, come on, get up!"
Lisa slowly forces herself to look at her father, each movement looking so painful for her, staring at his familiar features for a long moment, taking him all in, like she knows she's seeing him for the very last time.
"Please, get up..." Tony whimpers, his thumb gently stroking her deformed cheek, "Can you hear me, Smalls?"
Lisa doesn't speak.
But she uses the very last of her strength to raise two skinny fingers, pressing them to the corners of his lips and shakily trying to turn them upward just as she did for him so many years ago when she was just a little girl with bruises and scars.
Smile, her eyes plead, Keep smiling.
Tony coughs out a scared shaky laugh, nodding slowly at his daughter, telling her he understands. Lisa manages a small smile back, eyes dimming, breath slowing.
It's Peter who finds them next.
Peter, whose whole body is shaking, his eyes wide and already crying even though he doesn't realize it. He can't seem to process what he's seeing. His knees go weak and he fumbles down in front of his big sister, the one he loved so much, the one that always knew just what he was thinking, who laughed at his jokes and cried with him in his failures, the one he didn't know he needed but wanted so very badly, the first person to ever really make him feel worth something... more than just the suit, more than just Spider-Man.
"Lees?" The younger brother croaks out a whisper, "Hey Lees, can you hear me? It's Peter, it's your brother. It's me, Sis, we won!"
The girl can't quite find him in her haze, but he doesn't give up - Peter just holds her tighter.
"Lees? You won, Lees. We won. You did it, Shortstack, you did it!"
She knows he's there, and it has to be enough.
"I'm sorry..." Peter sobs as he holds his sister's hand for one last time, "Lees."
Tony holds the sobbing boy, taking him close to his side while Peter presses his mouth to his mouth to weep.
T'Challa is breathless.
It doesn't seem fair. It doesn't even seem right. The king can't feel anything as his numb legs ease him down next to her, the girl he's loved all his life, the woman he wanted to spend every last breath with.
"Lisa." Her name fights its way out of his trembling lips while he gently slides his hand behind her neck, comforting her as best he can.
And she sees him, she can truly honestly see him.
"Oh, my love, I knew you were going to get yourself into trouble." T'Challa tries to smile but he can't quite manage it, instead breaking into a throaty sob while he stares at her withering face.
He wants to tease her, he wants to push her buttons, he wants her to stick out her tongue and act childish, her wants her to laugh or make a bad joke, do something, do anything.
T'Challa just wants Lisa. He's always just wanted her.
It's such a struggle for her, but Lisa forces the raspy words out just the same, just so he could know, "'M sorry T-,"
"Don't." T'Challa sharply shakes his head and with every breath, it gets harder to breathe, "Do not apologize. You did well, my love, you did so well."
What could've been passes her dying eyes. The beautiful, beautiful life they could've lived. They would've gone home. They would've taken their two beautiful children into their arms and would've never let them go. Maria and Kwezi would have their mother to love them, to guide them, to protect them. Lisa would've seen them grow. She would be there for their graduations, their weddings, their children, as they found their places in the world. Two more children would've followed, another boy and another girl. Wakanda would finally have their king and their queen. Morgan would have her big sister to tell everything to, to see her off to prom, to college. Tony and Pepper would see their oldest daughter be happy, for the first time, in a long time.
And yes, there would have been trials and there would have been struggles and there would have been pain, but they would be together and all that mattered was that they were by each other's side.
They would've grown old together.
And now that will never happen.
But she doesn't feel scared. Not for even a second. She danced around death for so long, since the moment of her birth, it's been waiting for her. She truly was born to die.
And now it's time to go.
"Hey..." Pepper whispers, crouching just before them.
"Mama-," Lisa breathes the name of the only mother who's ever loved her.
"I'm here, baby." Her mom reassures as gently and softly as she's always done, stroking a hand down her head and then kneeling down beside them, "FRIDAY?"
"Life functions critical." FRIDAY quietly replies.
Tony so badly wants to be selfish. He wants to scream and shake his fists at the sky, but he can't take his eyes off his baby girl. His daughter, his very first everything. He wants to tell her that the kids still need her, that he still needs her. He wants to tell her that he made her a promise so long ago when she was still a little kid who needed protection. He promised. He promised that he would keep her safe, that no one would ever hurt her, that they would always be together whatever it takes.
And he's failed.
He's made the biggest sacrifice of all. Not of death, no, but sacrificing his own child.
And he realizes that this is it. Losing her... will be the most pain he will ever feel.
But Tony will take it. He'll take it all for her. So she won't be in pain anymore. So she can finally take that burden off her shoulders and get some sleep.
"Smalls..." Tony's chest convulses and he desperately shakes his head, not even knowing if she can hear him now, "I-I'm not ready, I just-I have so much I wanna say, so much I wanted you to experience, I-I-you're..." His voice dies in his throat, "I love you, Smalls."
And he thinks she isn't going to answer.
In a tragic twist of fate, Tony thinks this time it'll finally be the other way around. He'll finally say 'I love you', only to get painful silence in response. He thinks it'll be like all those other times when she was growing up and he couldn't get himself to say those three little words. Why didn't he say just it? Why couldn't he ever get himself to say it?! Because he was scared, because he was a coward, there are so many days wasted, so many times he left her to wonder if she was even worth love at all.
But this isn't like those other times.
He thinks she isn't going to answer not because she won't say it, but because she physically can't.
But she speaks one last time, quiet thin words just meant for him, for no one else to hear, words no one will ever know about, but so that he will never doubt, so he will always know, Lisa Stark whispers,
"I love you, Daddy."
T'Challa knows that she needs to be at peace, that she's fought so hard for so long. She's tired. She's so tired. But she's hanging on for just another moment. Just until she is sure, until she hears this last quiet soft reassurance that her beautiful family is going to be safe without her.
"My love. Look at me." So, T'Challa gently strokes her cheek and he gives her his permission, "It's my turn now, it's my turn to keep them safe."
He smiles ever so slightly, whispering to the woman who just needs peace, "You can rest now."
Lisa's eyes drift to her father, her hand tightening just so slightly, like she's gotten permission from one love, now she needs it from the other. She's so close to being gone. Tony can see how painful it is for her. With each and every breath, new waves of agony course through her body but Lisa holds on. For him. Until she knows that he will be alright.
"It's okay, Smalls." Tony shakily whispers, a bitter pained smile splitting onto his face, "You can leave me."
Her lips form a ghost of a smile.
And her grip on their hands loosen.
The lights in her hands fade.
And then, Lisa May Stark-Udaku breathes her last.
It's Rhodey, Steve, and Thor that stand behind them, tears of grief in their eyes while they stare at their fallen niece and friend.
Lisa's eyes stare blankly to where her father sits beside her, resting just there with her mouth slightly open and blood staining down the side of her chin. A tear slips down T'Challa's cheek when he leans in to gently kiss her forehead. The terrifyingly still coldness beneath his lips wrenches a cry up from his throat and his head collapses on her limp shoulder.
Because she's gone, there's no life left in her.
But Tony doesn't give into it yet. He holds firm, his lips still slightly smiling and his chest jerking from the sobs he tries to hold at bay. He gently runs his hand over his daughter's still open eyes, allowing her eyes to finally close, to finally get some sleep. And once her dull eyes are closed, once he's sure she can't see him anymore, a pained hitched breath exits his quivering lips.
Tony drops his head between his shoulders, letting out a loud and aching sob. His hoarse and pained cries echo around the barren wasteland that was once the place that they created together. The whole war has come to a stop so that they can stare at a father mourning his daughter, a husband mourning his wife, the girl who sacrificed everything.
It's unbearable, each and every passing second hurting more and more than the last.
And it doesn't let it up. It doesn't go away. It doesn't make them stronger. It just hurts.
And Tony turns to Pepper, not even having to look to know she's there. She wraps her safe arms around him and holds him close as he screams into oblivion, his heart aching so much that it's like he can't even breathe.
And slowly, all around the battlefield, everyone gets onto one knee, to thank her, to honor her, to remember her.
Θ
" EVERYBODY WANTS A HAPPY ENDING , RIGHT ? "
Fireworks explode over the skyline of San Francisco.
"Sorry to say, it doesn't always roll that way."
On the Lang-Paxton porch, a pair of best friends sit side-by-side, Laurie holding tight to Gordo's hand when he kisses her cheek. Under the bright flashing lights of fireworks, Cassie rests her head on their father's knee while Scott keeps his arm around Hope's shoulders.
"Maybe this time, though. Maybe you'll still find a way."
Holding a box of their things - some new and some so very old, Bucky follows his daughter up the staircase of their new apartment, grinning when Svetlana spins around to stick her tongue out at him.
"If you're playing this, if you're listening to this, then I guess that means... well, you know what it means."
Dropping her own box onto their cluttered kitchen table, Svet slowly pulls a picture frame from her belongings, dusts off the smooth thick glass, and smiles sadly down at the photo from their days on the run of a mother and her daughter sleeping soundly side-by-side.
"I hope our fathers, our husbands, our brothers and our sisters have come home again..."
When the sleek black car pulls up in front of the lake house, T'Challa realizes it isn't a happy moment. It can't be. Because the moment he steps out onto the gravel driveway with a silent Tony, Pepper, and Peter in tow, he realizes that he will have to tell his children the truth.
"I hope we've won..."
Dragging Kwezi behind her, Maria throws open the screen door and leaps off the wraparound porch with a smile like he's never seen before. Looking so grown and so big, his daughter yells his name and jumps into his waiting arms. Long skinny arms wind around his neck while he holds her close and buries his face into her neck.
"I hope the world we lost becomes home again."
But then Maria pulls back, her little hands on his shoulders, her feet on its tiptoes. Her peach lips part and her eyes dart over his shoulder, obviously searching for someone, obviously waiting for her to appear. And when he meets his son, his four year old son, their beautiful boy; he forms a silent question with his small mocha hands, and T'Challa somehow already knows who he's asking for.
"God, what a world. A whole universe now, isn't it?"
The world mourns.
They have to make plans.
T'Challa doesn't have much to say about the proceedings. Silent and thin, he sits at the Stark's busy kitchen table, simply nodding along to whatever anyone has to say. Pepper wipes her tears and offers to take care of all of it, if he wants her to. She's never seen so much gratitude in anyone's face until that moment T'Challa looked at her.
He looks so much younger than Tony remembers him being. T'Challa always seemed so serious to Tony, and he had always secretly wondered how his goofy little girl could be drawn to such a mature young man. She would always tell him it was a front, a defense mechanism to keep his sense of humor and his good heart safe.
They were never really able to connect; Tony and T'Challa. If anything, beyond the mutual respect and niceties, things between them were always strained. T'Challa was always going to be the man that wanted to take Tony's little girl away from him.
But now they both lost her.
Now, they have something in common.
"If someone told me all those years ago, that there was life out there, let alone to this extent, I really wouldn't've been surprised but please! Who'd have thought? I guess that goes to show we're never really alone, are we?"
Pepper insists that Lisa would've wanted a bright funeral, a memorial that celebrated the light she radiated during life. Tony doesn't see much point. He can't help but think it doesn't matter what Lisa would or would not have wanted.
She's still gone.
His baby, his everything, is gone.
Besides, it's been raining since the day she left him. Though, Tony suspects that has more to do with the grieving God of Thunder than anything else.
Everyone knew Tony's relationship with Lisa would always be different. Special. Like a piece of him. Like another appendage to his own flesh and bone. An attachment of his soul that he knew as well as his own. And now that she's gone, now that a piece of him is missing, those feelings come back; those demons that remind Tony that he's a failure, a fraud, a father without a purpose or a reason to fight.
After all, what is a father without his daughter? And then he comes back to his senses only to feel guilty all over again because his title remains this time. He's still a father. But Smalls is gone.
And without his permission, life somehow goes on with or without her.
"This big beautiful mess is the universe our Maria, Morgan, and Kwezi are gonna grow up in."
Lisa Stark-Udaku sighs while she paces around their living room, bright blue and not really here at all.
"So...."
She suddenly swivels around to her audience, giving a knowing smirk like she already knows who's there. Staring at the hologram projecting from the Iron Man mask, her whole family - dressed in black - watch together.
"Daddio's in the next room over, making his own sappy goodbye message. Truth be told, I thought it was kind of pessimistic, kind of like admitting defeat because I know we're going to do this, I know we can. Together." Lisa bites her bottom lip and glances off to the side, where she can still hear her dad talking so close by, "But then I realized... it always comes back to the endgame, doesn't it? Who makes it out, who gets to say goodbye..."
Maria refuses to leave the safety of Tony's somehow both strong yet shaking arms, wanting his certain brand of comfort, one that feels so much like her mother's. Morgan stays tucked away and bundled up against Pepper's chest, silent in her weeping. T'Challa stands rigid behind the couch with Kwezi against his chest, the boy finally able to stop shaking when in his baba's arms. Still, his son isn't used to him yet, he's far too confused and scared to understand the sudden changes in his home.
The everlasting exchange.
One parent for another.
A trade they hadn't asked for.
Tears run freely down Rhodey's face while Happy struggles to keep a brave face, squeezing little Maria's hand tight within his own. Aunt May stands beside Peter who sits on the armrest of the couch, his head ducked and his eyes unable to even look at his big sister now. Steve, Bruce, Thor, and Clint all stand not far behind the rest of their large family, each man standing as supports within the Stark household.
"Though that's what I rather unwittingly signed up for, isn't it? Our hero gig." Laughing to herself, her warm blue eyes look so sad yet so content at the same time, "God, I loved every second of it. But what does Dad always say?"
A tear burns down Tony's cheek.
"Part of the journey is the end."
With a sigh, she strides closer to the mask, looking nearly ready to turn off the footage when the hologram suddenly freezes. Lisa slowly lifts her head and somehow it's like she truly sees them watching her. For almost a moment, only for a moment, she looks so real. So vivid and nearly alive for all of them to touch and to hold. She smiles that signature smile, gentle and heartfelt and real, the one she always reserved just for them.
And it's like she knows, all of their doubts, all of their fears, all of their guilt.
And then she says, "It was worth it."
The hologram fades and Lisa does too.
Pepper slowly takes Tony's hand, and as the father looks up at his children's mother, they both slowly sadly smile, knowing that she's okay, that she's at peace, that she's not in pain anymore.
EVERYONE COMES TO HONOR HER .
A wreath of African flowers floats away, the detached dials of Lisa's thrusters floating along with it, the very things that she thought made her a monster but made her a hero instead.
With Kwezi still in their baba's arms, Maria holds tight to T'Challa's hand while she stands beside Morgan and Pepper who keeps Tony upright with an arm around his back. Peter tries to be strong, his jaw set and eyes red while Aunt May rests a shaking hand on his shoulder. Of course Happy and Rhodey stand with them, having known and loved that girl just as long as the rest of them.
They'll always remember her and the hurt won't ever leave, but kingdoms will thrive, brothers will find love, fathers will rest, and children will grow and Happy will get them all the cheeseburgers they want. They'll be okay. They have to be.
And just as much her family as the others, the rest of the Avengers stand for her too; Thor, Steve, Bruce, and even Loki too.
In space, on Earth, or otherwise, they'll keep fighting as they always do. The Avengers won't stop, they can't. They're her legacy.
Stephen Strange has come along with Wong too, while Scott, Hope, Laurie, Gordo, Hank, and Janet all stand together as well.
The world changes fast, but Laurie and Gordo stay the same. With futures so bright they're hard to look at, they will save the world again and again through more than just fighting. With family all around them, no one will be left behind again.
The Guardians stand a few feet away with Nebula doing everything she can not to cry for one of the first friends she's ever had.
With Thor and a begrudging Loki in tow, the Guardians will do what they do best. They'll save the galaxy as many times as it takes for them to love themselves and each other all the bit more, always searching the stars for wherever Gamora may be.
Okoye and a weeping Shuri stand next, all dressed in black while the Bartons are behind them.
With missions of home in mind, they'll honor her in the only way they can: by living.
Svetlana can't help her tears while she stands tucked between her father and her uncle Sam as Wanda wipes her stoic red face at their right.
Their stories aren't over yet, not even close. They will live, and they won't ever be alone again.
Harley Keener stands behind, not bothering to hide his crying as he keeps his hands in his pockets and drops his head.
With a mind so bright and brilliant, he will honor the girl who broke into his shed and his heart by joining her company as soon as he graduates from the college she paid for.
Maria Hill, Carol Danvers, even Secretary Ross.
Each and every one alive and well because of her sacrifice.
And then Nick Fury, the man that helped the Starks start it all, slowly walks across the porch and nods slowly, giving the girl the respect she deserves.
As the man who quietly thought of her almost like a granddaughter, he'll always miss her more than he can say. And with a heavy heart, he will give away the title he so long ago prepared to give her when the time was right: the Director of New SHIELD.
Because she meant something to someone, because she helped someone, and was loved by someone, because at least one single person out there in the world remembers her, maybe Lisa Stark never really died at all.
And so, her journey has reached its end.
LISA STARK WILL NOT RETURN
[ At the end of the world
Or the last thing I see
You are never coming home ]
xxxiv. the ghost of you my chemical romance
wow.
i can't believe we made it.
this whole journey started with Lisa, and it feels somehow right that it kind of ends with her too. she has meant so, so much to me, and she has honestly helped me get through some very rough times and i'm so grateful you all came on the journey and loved her just as much as i did. i hope, as cheesy as it sounds, she made an impact on you as much as she did me.
now, onto business, DON'T KILL ME JUST YET — we still some story left! i'm sure some of you may be angry (which is fair) and while this has been the plan since forever it's always been about lisa's pure true love for tony and the best way for her to show that would be to die for him, it was still super difficult to really follow through with it but i hope i did well.... tbh, i am low key distraught rn, but it's fine. i'm fine. please don't hate me?? 😬😬
now back to the whole "don't kill me" thing. we have TWO more chapters left (i know, only two, it's craziness!). while next chapter centers around svet and transitions us into revival game (which i am desperately excited for and desperately want your support on), the very last chapter acts as an epilogue of sorts which will better close up tony and lisa's story. i had soooo much written about tony's grief, but for the sake of the plot, it had to be shortened BUT the epilogue should close it up nicely.
please stick around and leave some comments?? i love you 💕
PS: ready for one more plot twist?