Being home has been the best blessing since I've been shot. The recovery has been a slow road but slowly but surely, I've been making progress. I'm almost completely off the pain medication and now I only have to see my team of doctors once every other week instead of every week. I still have to use my cane for walking long distances but I don't really need to use it in the house. I also got my stitches removed finally but I'm going to have a nice long scar along my stomach. Physical therapy has been kicking my ass. Once my doctors cleared it, I started going to get some of my strength back.
Thea has had a relatively easy recovery. Her wounds healed beautifully and she has been putting in the work to get better as quickly as possible. It will still be a while before she can get cleared to go back to work though, and I very much like having her around all the time. Along with physical therapy we have been going to therapy together as well as having our own sessions alone. I didn't want to slip up and go back down the same dark hole I was just able to pull myself out of. Therapy with Doctor Blake has been a major help in preventing that.
The thing that has really bothered me right now is that it's hard to make music. Holding the guitar for long periods of time hurts my stomach. My voice is still rough from having the breathing tube in for so long. After seeing a specialist about it he told me that it will just take time for my vocal cords to heal on their own. I have another visit with him next week to see how they have been healing. I have been able to write a lot of music during this down time and I basically have the rest of my first album complete. Now I just need to track the vocals.
Another thing I have been doing in all this down time I now have; Thea and I have been planning our wedding. We are putting it off till the spring so we have more time to recover and get to enjoy our wedding night and a honeymoon. A few days after being home Thea and I went to Tiffany's and picked out our engagement rings along with our wedding bands. We went more on the simpler side of things but even at Tiffany's, simple is still very expensive. It's a good thing money is a nonissue.
Today is a special day though. Today is Grammy day. Even though my doctors cleared me to go, they thought I should still be resting at home. I didn't listen though. This is one of the biggest nights of my life and there was no way I was going to miss out on it.
Alyssa flew into Boston and drove down with us to New York. Nikki and Malia are both coming with us to the show and I was happy that the Grammy people gave us the extra tickets for them to attend. I wanted to do something nice for the couple as they have helped Thea and I so much over the past month. They haven't had a lot of time to themselves and I wanted them to have a nice night out.
So the five of us drove down to New York City. The show is at Madison Square Garden and Alyssa booked us a large suite to stay in at the Plaza Hotel. Well it was really the label that took care of the room. Toby has been checking in with me again and has given me anything I needed during my recovery. He is going to be at the awards tonight as well.
We drove in the day of so we don't have much time before the show starts to do anything. Once we got checked into the hotel we started getting ready. I'm not walking the carpet today, just going straight inside. Alyssa also hasn't booked any press which I was thankful for. I had no interest in talking to anybody yet. The public knows about the shooting and some steps in my recovery but nothing major and I want to keep it that way.
At first I proposed we all wear matching suits but Alyssa wanted to wear a dress. I don't know why she rather wear a dress but that was her decision. So the remaining four of us all just went with simple suits. We each wore a different color with the same black tie. When we were done getting ready Alyssa got us into the waiting car and we were driven to the back entrance of the Garden.
The five of us made our way backstage and we were shown to a private dressing room. This was at Alyssa request and partly mine. I didn't want to have to see too many people before the show started. That just left more time for people to bring up the shooting and that's something I'm trying to avoid like the plague.
We did pretty well hiding out in the dressing room though. When the show was about to start a stage hand came back into to get us and showed us to our seats. Once again I'm sitting right in the front row. Luckily I had the buffer of four people around me to avoid having to talk to other musicians for now.
The show started and we had fun just enjoying the performances of other artists. I already knew that half of the awards I'm up for are going to be aired on TV later in the show so I know I'm most likely going sit here full of anxiety waiting for the end of the night. As the first commercial break started I stood from my seat to stretched my legs out. Just as I was about to sit down I saw someone start to walk up to me out of the corner of my eye. It was Taylor Swift. I knew I couldn't avoid people forever so I did take the time to say hello to her and have a little bit of conversation before the show started to come back from break.
Much to my surprise as we came back from break they announced they are presenting the award for Best Rock song. I jumped a little in my seat and looked at Alyssa.
"I thought you said they aren't presenting this award on air?" I asked trying to remember our conversation back at the hotel as the announcers read off the list of nominees.
"They told me they weren't." Alyssa said as we watched the announcers open the envelope.
"And the winner is Ash Monroe." The announcer said.
The crowd started to cheer and I looked at Alyssa. She nodded and pointed towards the stage. Right I needed to get up there. I stood from my seat and looked at Nikki.
"Help me up the stairs please." I asked quickly. Nikki got right up from her chair and hugged me before she took my arm in hers and escorted me up the stairs.
Once we got up the stairs I took the award from the announcer and held onto it for a few seconds before I passed it to Nikki. It was too heavy for me to hold for long.
"Before you start your speech Ash we just want to let you know that you also won the Grammy for Best Rock Performance for My Heart." The announcer said and presented me with another award.
I took the award from her and held onto it for a moment. I took a deep breath and Nikki offered to take the second one from me as well. I gave it to her and faced the crowd.
"I'm not still high right? This is really happened?" I asked and looked at Nikki. She faced me wearing a bright smile.
"This is real Ash; you're not making this up." Nikki offered before taking a step back to let me have the spotlight.
"These past few months have been rough. From being constantly in pain to have to ask everyone for help to do normal everyday things I couldn't do for myself anymore. This song is so important to me. I wrote it a long time ago with my brother and only recently found it again. I didn't know how it would do because it's very different from my old sound and still a bit heavy from my new sound but I knew that the fans needed to hear this song. I want to thank the academy for putting me up for this award and for all of the voters who thought it was a song worthy of this Grammy award. Asher this one if for you." I said.
Two stage hands came out and took the awards from Nikki so she could help me get back to my seat. We walked all the way around from back stage and when we got my back to my seat I was happy to sit back down. Thea gave me a kiss once we got there and I held onto her hand.
The show picked back up with some more performances and it was nice just to sit back and watch. Malia and Nikki were up dancing around to their favorite artists while Alyssa mingled with other managers. Thea and I mainly stayed in our seats watching everyone. I ended up switching seats with Alyssa after I got back from winning the first two awards to sit next to Taylor Swift. We talked a lot about music during the show. A few other artists came up and spoke to us while we were talking just to see how I was doing. One thing that put me at ease was that they didn't push for details about the shooting.
As the show started to get closer to the end I knew the big awards were coming up. I sat up a bit straighter and paid attention to what award they were calling next. The announcers came up to the mic and started to list the nominees for Best Pop Solo Performance. Beyoncé, Billie Eilish, Ariana Grande, Taylor Swift and myself. The envelope was opened and I heard them call my name as the winner.
I stood from the chair and gave Taylor Swift a hug before I turned to Thea and gave her a kiss on the cheek. I gave Nikki a quick hug before I looped my arm through Malia's. She looked worried but I nodded my head towards the stage. Malia got the hint and we walked up the stairs together. I took the award and held onto it for a second before I gave it to Malia to hold.
"I just won an award when I was up against Beyoncé, it's going to take me a while to wrap my head around." I said and smiled.
"The amount of love Tell Her You Love Her got blew me out of the water. The continued support of this song just shows that love always wins in the end. Don't even lose sight of that." The crowd started to cheer loudly and I saw I had a few more second before I had to wrap it up.
"Before I get off this stage I just want to give a quick shout out to the lovely woman standing next to me. Without her quick actions that day I don't think I would be standing here with all of you right now. I also want to send my thanks to all the doctors and nurses at Beverly General Hospital and to my team of doctors helping me recover and get stronger every day. Thank you." I said and turned away from the mic.
The stage hand came and took the award back from Malia but before he could direct us to go backstage I pulled Malia towards the stairs I just came up. It's easier than having to go all the way around backstage and return to my seat.
"You really didn't have to do that Ash." Malia said after we got down the last step.
"I know but I wanted too." I said and gave Malia a kiss on the cheek before I returned to Thea.
Before I could sit down Taylor stopped me by putting her hand on my arm. I looked up at her and before I could even say anything I looked next to her and saw that Beyoncé is standing next to her.
"I just wanted to come over and say congratulations. Your song touched a lot of people and it deserves every award you are up for tonight." Beyoncé said.
"I uhm, thank you." I said and gave her a smile.
We got to talk for a few more minutes before the stage hands made us sit in our seats. Before I sat down Alyssa managed to get a picture of Taylor, Beyoncé and myself. I think that is going to be my new favorite picture. When I sat down Thea told me how much Nikki started to freak out when she saw Beyoncé walk up to me.
There was another performance and the next announcer came up to present the next award, Song of the Year. This was another heavy stacked category. As the presenters announced the nominees I turned to Thea.
"If I win this you're coming up there with me." I said in her ear as the announcer popped open the envelope.
"Ash Monroe." I couldn't help the smile on my face. I stood from my seat and held my hand out for Thea. She smiled at me and took it before we looped our arms together and walked up the stairs to the stage.
I accepted the award from the presenter and held onto it for a moment before handing it to a waiting stage hand. Before I started speaking I turned Thea so I was mainly talking to her.
"This song wouldn't exist without the woman standing next to me. This award really belongs to her. Themis, you're my muse and I don't know where I would be without you in my life. I can't wait to marry you." I kept the acceptant speech short and we walked off stage back to our seats. Thea was red like a tomato by the time we got back to our seats.
"You need to do a little press after the show, how are you feeling?" Alyssa asked once I got settled again.
"I'm okay for now. I will let you know if that changes." I said and patted Alyssa's hand.
There was one more performance of the show before they announced record of the year. So we got to sit back and watch. After they were off the stage I talked with Billie Eilish for a few minutes during the commercial break. She had a huge year in music bursting on the scene. Apparently she was a fan of mine and I told her I was a fan of hers. We bonded for another few minutes before the announcers came on the stage for the final time tonight to present the award for Record of the Year.
I wasn't surprised to hear my name again. This time I walked up the stairs by myself. I wanted to do this one myself. I didn't even bother taking the award this time around. I put my hands in my pant pockets and looked out at the crowd.
"I'm just a girl from Salem Massachusetts. I never thought I would ever make it this big in my wildest dreams. With all the setbacks in my life, I never thought I could achieve this award and now I'm going home with 5 of them. Thank you again to the academy for even considering me for these awards and all of my peers who actually took the time to vote for me.
"Let me be an example of no matter how many times you get knocked down to stand right back up. It may be hard, it may be painful, you may have people telling you it's easier to stay down and just give up but don't listen to them. Listen to yourself and always, stand back up. I got back up and here I am. Just because I hit a bump in the road doesn't mean I'm giving up. The album is coming, hopefully sooner than later. Thank you again everyone and goodnight." I said and gave the crowd a wave before I walked back down the stairs.
Alyssa was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs and looped her arm around mine once I got there. Before we started walking away Thea stood in front of me and planted a hard kiss to my lips. When we pulled away Thea pressed another kiss to my cheek and looped her arm through my other. Nikki and Malia brought up the rear as we walked towards the press room.
Before we could make it all the way there, we were stopped by one of the show producers her told me I also won the Grammy for Best Music Video for Tell Her You Love Her. I didn't know what to say as Alyssa brought me to the press room. There were at least 25 new outlets all waiting for me once I got to the microphones. Alyssa fielded some questions for me and I ignored all of the ones asking for details about the shooting.
We didn't stay long as I was starting to feel really tired from the long day. Alyssa pulled me right out of the line of fire and we got into our car to return to the hotel. It didn't take long to get undressed and ready for bed with how tired I am. Just as I settled into the blankets I felt Thea reach out to grab my hand. I looked at my fiancé and moved closer to her so we were laying shoulder to shoulder.
"I'm so proud of you." Thea said and brought her other hand up to my face and cupped my cheek.
"Thank you for standing by my side during all of this." I said and draped my arm over her stomach.
"Hon, that ring on your finger means I'm always going to stand right by your side. Through thick and thin, forever." Thea said quietly.
I gave her a watery smile and leaned in to give her a kiss. I'm still wrapping my head around the fact that I get to kiss this woman for the rest of my life.