I've only ever harbored feelings for two other guys before, minus Trevor. But none of them could compare to what I felt for Ryan.
To me, there has always been a difference between like and love. I liked the other two guys I've dated, but I'm in love with Ryan.
There are nights I would sit on my bed and fantasize about what it would be like to tell him I love him and for him to tell me he felt the same way. And then we would get married, live in a nice place in town and have two kids. A boy and a girl. But all those were fantasies that I had made-up in my head.
But right now, at this moment, in the driveway of Ryan's home, me standing in the middle of it and Ryan holding me close with my elbow, the wind blowing through our hairs, I was living one of my fantasies.
I don't know if I should pinch myself to wake up from this dream, or if I should live in the moment, stretch up, and have a taste of his lips. But it all felt so surreal.
I mean, who could have thought that after everything that had happened, Ryan actually loved me the way I do him. We've fought a lot since I came back. Heck, I even attacked him once when I had been drunk. He'd told me he likes me, but I didn't know he loves me. At least I hope he did.
"Wh...What did you say?" I asked, searching his eyes for the truth.
"Do I have to say it again?" He groaned, running his fingers nervously through his hair, bringing a smile to my lips.
Nodding my head, I bit my lip to keep myself from smiling like a little kid offered her favorite candy.
"I said, I think..." He paused, making my heart bang against my ribcage in fear of rejection. "Ah, fuck it. I don't think. I know I'm in love with you..." I didn't let him finish before pulling him down by his hood and attacking his lips with mine.
I felt him go rigid, maybe in shock, but later recovered and started to move his soft lips with mine.
I could feel his heartbeat against the palms on my hand where they lay on his chest, and suddenly it felt like no one else in the world existed. Like it was just him and I in a quiet world of our own.
Something was different about this kiss. It wasn't like the others we've had. Maybe it was because we had both accepted what we felt for each other. It didn't even last for a minute, but to me, it felt longer than that. And as we parted, we laid our foreheads against the other and stared into each other's eyes, not being able to look away, our breaths coming out in pants.
"So, does this mean you two are a thing now?" Kira's high pitched voice rang out in the silent driveway, startling me once more. She was standing by the door with a teddy bear in hand.
I heard Ryan grunt in annoyance before turning to yell at her,
"Do you ever shut up? Get back inside."
She pulled her tongue out at him again, before slamming the door shut behind her as she walked in.
I couldn't stop the giggling from bursting out when I remember all that had happened this night. I didn't know if I was laughing because I was happy or because of Kira's worst timings.
Ryan looked to me with an eyebrow cocked, but that didn't stop me from still giggling more. Two seconds later, I heard a chuckle from him, and it was the most beautiful sound I've ever heard.
And there we were, two teenagers, laughing as if they've lost it on a warm autumn night. And I couldn't be any happier.
When Ryan dropped me off at home, he left a lingering kiss on my cheek that made a stupid smile appear on my face till I went into the house. I probably looked like an idiot, but I cared less because right then, it felt like I was on cloud nine.
I found mum and dad cuddling on the couch, watching TV with a large-sized pizza on the table, which was already half-eaten.
"Hey, dad." I went over to hug him first since he wasn't around when I first left. "How was work?"
"Sunshine." He kissed me on my forehead. "Work is tiring, as always."
I sat beside mum and reached for a slice of pizza.
"I love you guys," I said with a mouthful. I don't know why, but suddenly I felt like letting everyone know that. Tonight, I felt so full of life and energy.
They looked stunned for a second, looking at me without saying anything before dad broke the silence.
"We love you too, dear." My dad smiled at me while my mum looked suspiciously at me. What's their problem? I know I don't say it very often, I only do when they do something nice for me, but they shouldn't look so surprised.
"I'm going upstairs now." I dropped the half-eaten pizza and dashed upstairs, leaving my confused parents behind.
Why don't I call everyone I know and tell them how much I love them. Yeah, that's a great idea.
So I started with grandma, then Anna; it's been long I called her, then Jaxon, even Jane, and finally Alex. I kept telling them how much I love them and mostly got surprised reactions, but that didn't deter me.
"Look, I know I'm cool and all, but you should know I'm straight. Besides, I have a thing for Josh now." Alex quickly said when the first thing she heard after picking my call was, 'I love you.'
"Shut up, Alex." I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see me. "I just wanted to let you know. Wait, did you just say you have a thing for Josh? He only took you out for one date! What happened to your crush, for quiet Brad?"
"It died the moment I found out Josh loves zombie movies as I do, video games, and most important of all." She made a dramatic pause, "Fried chicken!" She squealed like a little girl, and I had to distance the phone from my ear.
"Yeah, he sounds like a real keeper." My voice laced with sarcasm.
"What's up with you. It's rare to receive a phone call from a girl telling me she loves me." I could feel her crunching on something as she talked.
"Oh, nothing serious." I bit my lip, remembering the events of the night. I still was a little bit confused. Was Ryan my boyfriend now, or are we supposed to talk about that?
Usually, a boy asks me on a date, and then after that, we naturally start being a relationship if we both liked each other. But with Ryan, it felt different. Like I wanted to hear him say it.
"I think I have a boyfriend," I said, unsure.
She was silent for a second, and all I heard was a crunching sound.
"What do you mean by you think you have a boyfriend?" She asked. So I narrated to her a little bit of what happened tonight while she listened attentively, still making that crunchy sound. "And what the hell are you eating?"
"Chocolate chips. Well since you both confessed your feelings to each other and kissed, I guess you're both in a relationship now." She deduced.
"Yeah. I guess you're right. See you at school tomorrow?" I asked while drawing lines on my bed with my forefinger.
"You bet you will." She answered before I hung up.
Lying on my bed, I suddenly didn't feel so excited anymore. Ryan and I did have a great time tonight, but we never talked about what we really were. What if I get to school tomorrow and I see him with Jenny, again? Or what if he didn't think of us to be more than just friends, then what? Or maybe I'm just stupid. He did tell me he loves me, so all should work out just fine, right?
The next day, I wore a black T-shirt dress, that had bugs bunny drawn on the chest, to school. I had on my favorite pink lip gloss, my hair in a loose French braid, and knee-high boot on my feet. Alex said I looked sassy before running off to God knows where.
I was rummaging through my locker when I felt someone's breath on my neck raising goosebumps on my skin.
"Hey, cupcake." A smile immediately made a way across my lips when I heard that familiar voice. The one that I hear in my dreams every time.
Turning around, I leaned on my locker before resting my book on my hand and sent a smile his way.
He looked delicious in a pair of brown pants and his grey shirt peeking under his football jacket, with his hair tousled to one side.
"Good morning," I said to him. He raised his hand, which had a red tulip between us, surprising me.
A cocky smirk on his face, he stepped even close to me.
"Would you like to be my girlfriend, Samantha Kendall?" He suddenly asked, still holding the tulip up to me.
Kids in the hallway were already staring at us in curiosity, leaving whatever they had been doing.
I slowly plucked the flower from his hand, staring at it awe. I know it's small and might even seem cliche to some, but it was just what I wanted. Him asking me to be his.
"Only if you be my boyfriend," I answered while biting my lip to stop myself from grinning like an idiot.
"Deal." He replied while I wrapped my arm around his neck and lightly kissed him.
"Aww, how cute." I heard someone gush beside us and turned to see Alex hanging onto Josh's arm with knowing smiles on their faces. So that's where she went.
"Shut up," I muttered before closing my locker shut.