Fox's Anthology
The Closet
"Who the hell is that?" I asked, knowing full well who that was. I knew him better than I would ever admit.
He was someone I never expected to see again; a fantasy I indulged in for one night, knowing I could never do it again. At least not for a long time.
"I think that's Josh's step brother," Ryan answered in a light tone. "Josh mentioned he'd be coming to school with us this year.
The weight of his words pounded on me like a beating.
I had slept with Josh's step brother.
The implications of this weren't lost on me. He could've told him about us, about me. So when I saw Josh walk up to him and say something before pointing over at us, my teeth were grinding together and my mind overly focused on what was said between them.
"We should probably go say hi," Ryan said, starting to walk over to the two of them before I pulled on the back of his shirt to stop him.
"No, we shouldn't," I quickly let out, earning myself a strange look from Ryan. "We shouldn't overwhelm the kid with a bunch of introductions."
Ryan seemed to buy my words and decided against introducing himself, instead stating that he was going off to find Jude. I kept my eyes on Elijah and Josh for a while longer. Their words together were brief, Elijah seeming to only give short answers which I knew would drive Josh up a wall.
As soon as Josh walked away, I rushed over to Elijah and quickly dragged him into the nearest janitor's closet, hoping we hadn't been seen.
His eyes were wide and his body tense as he looked at me. He seemed to relax slightly when he realized he recognized me, and his expression filled with confusion.
I grasped his shirt in my hands, bringing my face close to his. Just seeing him here put me on edge. This could ruin me if he opened his mouth about us.
"What the hell are you doing here?" I seethed, looking into his wide eyes. At first he seemed startled, but he calmed down after a few moments. His stare looking more or less annoyed than anything else.
"I go to school here?" he said, though it came out more like a question, clearly showing me that I was inconveniencing him by pulling him in here but I couldn't let myself care about that. He was the only person in this school, besides Claudia, that knew my secret. He needed to be put in his place before he could jeopardize anything for me.
I rolled my eyes. "Obviously. But why? I though you were from a few towns over?"
"I moved in with my dad," he explained as my grip tightened on the front of his shirt. Elijah backed up, trying to create some distance between us, but I didn't budge.
"Great," I spat, narrowing my eyes at him as my face heated with anger. "If you tell anyone about what happened between us, I will end you."
Elijah narrowed his eyes at me, obviously getting more annoyed the longer I kept him in here spitting out threats. He couldn't possibly understand that I had to do this. He was the only other person at this school who knew my sexuality and I didn't trust him with it. I had to make sure he kept quiet about it. It made sense to me. I didn't expect it to make sense to him.
He shoved my shoulders, effectively distancing us. My hands were in fists at my side as his expression grew angrier.
"Chill, I'm not going to out you," he said. Unfortunately, I couldn't trust his words.
"As far as everyone in this school is concerned, we don't know each other," I asserted with a hard stare, pointing at him.
I turned and left the closet before Elijah could say anything else. The last thing I needed was to be seen leaving the closet with him and I could only hope that no one saw us go in there.
My senior year just got a lot more complicated.
***
The Balcony
"Are you waiting for Elijah?" Josh asked, opening up the balcony door and sticking his head out to speak to me.
I turned in my chair to face him, my eyebrows raising as he waited for my answer.
"What?" I asked in confusion.
"He's taking a shower and we're going down for dinner," he told me, pointing his thumb back toward the room.
I shook my head. "I'm not going to dinner."
"You good?" Josh asked.
I nodded at him before turning around again to face the lights of the city in front of me. I heard the door slide shut, Josh leaving me alone on the balcony.
My capacity for socialization was burning out for the day. It was exhausting being surrounded by my teammates for hours on end. It was exhausting being around Elijah. His presence stressed me out. Although that wasn't his fault, I couldn't help but resent him for it.
The sound of the sliding door opening and shutting caught my attention, but I didn't turn around. Whoever stepped outside didn't say anything for a few moments.
"Aren't you coming to dinner?" Elijah asked from behind me.
"No," was all I replied, keeping my eyes forward.
I just wanted to be left alone for a little while, but of course, Elijah had to ruin that as he sat down in the chair beside mine.
"You can leave now," I spat, sending a nasty glare his way.
"I still don't understand why you have such a huge problem with me," Elijah spat, returning a matching glare.
My eyes narrowed as I stared back at him. I didn't have a problem with him exactly, it was more the way he made me feel. He made me on-edge, like he could spill my deepest secret at any time. I didn't like that he made me feel so vulnerable. The feeling wasn't one I was used to and it made me feel weak.
"I don't have a problem with you," I plainly replied.
"That's bullshit."
I didn't bother answering him. He could think what he wanted for all I cared.
Elijah sent me an irritated look before standing up from the chair and heading back to the balcony door. I looked back out at the city, willing him to leave the balcony faster so I could have some peace.
"Uh... Fox?" Elijah trailed, causing me to let out a sigh.
"What?" I snapped, turning my head toward him.
"The door won't open."
I instantly stood up from my chair and pushed Elijah away from the door, tugging on it as hard as I could and willing it to open. I pulled and pulled like I would somehow be able to tear open the jammed door with my strength alone.
"Call Josh," I snapped at Elijah, who was just standing off to the side and watching me.
I pulled on the door again, knowing it was no use. Elijah was one of the last people on the planet I wanted to be stuck out here with, no matter how attractive I found him. It wasn't like I could act on it. The least he could do was call Josh.
"Um, can you call Josh?" he asked me, his voice quiet and timid.
"My phone is inside charging. Just call him," I replied, looking inside through the balcony door.
"My phone is inside."
I slowly turned to face him, the heat of my anger flowing through my veins. My stomach dropped in a panic as my eyes widened at the boy standing in front of me. The frightened look on his face told me that he was being completely serious.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" I hissed, pulling on my hair in frustration. "This would have happened if you didn't come out here!"
"Don't blame this on me," he said in an argumentative tone. "How was I supposed to know the door wouldn't open?"
Every logical part of me knew he was right. It wasn't his fault the door was stuck, or that we were stuck out here together. But that didn't stop me from being absolutely pissed off.
"You shouldn't have even come out here," I argued.
"Yeah, then you'd be stuck out here by yourself."
"I'd rather be stuck out here alone than with you," I spat, returning to my seat and crossing my arms over my chest.
"That makes it sound like you have a problem with me," Elijah retorted, reclaiming his seat beside me.
I just shook my head at that, letting out a frustrated sigh as I scowled over at him.
"You know I would never out you right?" Elijah asked after a few moments of silence, his expression serious. "Like no matter how you treat me, I won't do it."
His words instantly made me feel guilty and I let my scowl fall. All this pent up hatred I had for him was based off the fact that he knew something about me that I didn't want anyone knowing. And here he was, telling me that the reason I hated and distanced myself from him was never going to happen. It did little to calm my nerves, but I could feel his sincerity through his gaze.
"Do you regret it?" I quietly asked, almost quiet enough where I didn't hear myself.
"Regret what?"
"Coming out," I said. "You've had to take a ton of shit for it." Some from me.
He took a moment to answer before shaking his head and looking out at the city in front of us.
"No."
"Seriously?" I wondered, my voice louder this time, sounding more like myself.
I watched him as he crossed his legs in front of him before moving his gaze back to my waiting expression.
"I mean, it sucks sometimes, having everyone know," he continued, clearing his throat. "But it was tiring hiding that part of me. I couldn't do it anymore. Even if it meant losing everything, it was worth it."
The boy across from me was a lot stronger than I had originally given him credit for. He had much more to lose than I did by coming out, yet he did it and lived by it. It took guts.
The piercing wind blew against my skin, leaving a harsh bite of wind across my cheeks. I pulled my jacket closer to me and looked over at Elijah who sat in his chair with short sleeves, rubbing his hands up his arms to generate warmth against the harsh autumn air.
Before I could stop myself, I was standing up and snaking my arms out of my jacket, then throwing it toward Elijah. I had to do something to keep the guy warm, it would be pinned on me if he ended up freezing to death.
I would be lying if I said I didn't view this as an olive branch. I had given him hell before, and now we were hopefully turning the page.
"Thanks," he said as I sat back in my seat.
He smiled lightly down at the jacket as he zipped it up and the sight sent an indescribable feeling down my spine.
"I'm sorry for what I said the other day," I said suddenly before I could bite my tongue. "I know you don't have it easy."
"It's alright." He sent me that damn smile that made me feel happy and guilty at the same time.
"And I'm sorry for treating you like shit since you got here," I continued with a sigh. The look on his face just kept making me feel bad for being such an ass. My throat dried at the amount of apologizing I was doing. It wasn't something I was used to doing.
"What's with the change of heart?" he asked in a teasing tone.
"I don't know," I admitted. I couldn't figure out why I suddenly started feeling so guilty. "Maybe I just realize that you have enough shit to deal with without me making it any worse. I'm supposed to be the captain and that means for looking out for all of you."
Elijah's smile got wider at my confession.
"Does this mean we can be friends?" he asked teasingly.
I scoffed. "Friends?"
Elijah just nodded at me, waiting for an answer.
"I'll think about it," I responded to which I was met with an irritated look.
Though, I knew it wouldn't take much thought.
***
The Decision
"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" I paced my room, my fingers pulling roughly at my hair.
I fumbled with my phone, tapping on Ian's name and impatiently waiting for him to answer. I placed my hand on my hip and looked up at the ceiling.
"Hello?" Ian finally answered.
"I need you to come over," I rushed out, biting the inside of my cheek. I had never felt so uneasy.
"Are you serious, Fox?" he asked. "I literally just got home. What the fuck."
"I did something that was possibly very stupid," I told him, starting to pace the room again.
Ian let out a long sigh before agreeing to come over.
Kissing Elijah had been something I wanted to do for a while now, I just didn't expect it to happen the way it did. It was rash and sudden and it could have just ruined any chance I had with Elijah.
I wasn't one to get worked up about things like this, but when it involved Elijah, I couldn't control the way I reacted. I couldn't bring myself to sit down as I waited for Ian to arrive.
The kiss replayed in my head. The fluttering in my stomach I had never felt before tonight came back as I thought back on the memory. I would have been reveling in the feeling if I hadn't thought I just possibly fucked up my relationship with Elijah.
"What the fuck is so important that you had to force me to come over here?" Ian asked as he barged into my room, and expectant look on his face as he let the door slam shut.
"I fucked up," I admitted to him, finally allowing myself to fall down onto my bed.
I laid back and covered my face with my hands.
"What exactly did you fuck up?" Ian asked, standing over me. "I didn't come over here for you to be vague as shit."
I pulled my hands away from my face to give him a glare. Before I called Ian over here, I hadn't thought about the fact that he had no idea about any of my history with Elijah. I was just freaking out and needed someone to talk to.
Now that he was here, I wasn't sure I was ready to fully open up about this. But Ian's impatient expression told me I had no choice if I didn't want him to end up punching me in the face. I had to make the decision to tell him.
"I kissed Elijah," I muttered, looking away from him and up at the ceiling once again.
I didn't want to see his reaction. Ian stayed silent for a few moments and then sat next to me on the bed. The two of us stayed in silence for a little while longer but I could feel the heat of Ian's stare every second of it.
"Are you going to elaborate or what?" he finally spoke up.
I turned my head to meet his eyes.
"You kissed him and..." Ian trailed, gesturing for me to continue.
I groaned and sat up to face him completely.
"I kissed him and he probably hates me now," I continued, crossing my arms over my chest.
He gave me a strange look. "Why the fuck would he hate you for kissing him?"
I raised my eyebrows, narrowing my eyes and looking at him as if he was crazy.
"Why wouldn't he?" I asked. "I could have just ruined our friendship!"
Ian rolled his eyes and smacked me in the shoulder.
"Well why did you kiss him if you didn't want to ruin your friendship?"
"What the fuck does that even mean?"
Ian let out a frustrated groan and shook his head at me.
"You don't kiss someone you want to be just friends with," he explained with a knowing look.
I let out a huff and covered my face with my hands again.
"What if I'm just like Trevor to him?" I mumbled, my words muffled by my hands.
The thought had occurred to me just after I had left Elijah's house. I could just be another guy that had fallen for him like he wasn't already used to that.
Ian chuckled. "You're so dumb."
I pulled my hands away from my face to shove him with a scowl on my face.
"I'm gonna be honest, I think he likes you," Ian told me, holding his hands out in front of him like he was preventing me from shoving him again. "I wasn't going to say anything because I didn't know how you'd feel about it."
"How I'd feel about it?"
"Fox, I literally didn't know you were into dudes until right now," Ian replied.
Right. I called my friend to vent to him and I hadn't even told him I was gay.
"I'm gay," I told him.
"Glad that's cleared up," Ian sarcastically responded. "So you're into Elijah but you think he hates you?"
"I just sort of kissed him while we were arguing," I confessed with a light flush on my cheeks. "It was a stupid way to do it. I basically threw myself at him."
Ian laughed at me and my eyes settled on his face in a glare.
"Always so graceful," Ian chuckled. "Did he just find out you're gay when you kissed him?"
I let a smirk creep onto my face at Ian's question and he looked at me with wide eyes.
"You told him before me," Ian accused, giving me a hard shove. I could tell he wasn't actually angry with me, but the thought annoyed him.
"I didn't technically tell him."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
The grin on my face widened. "We hooked up over the summer. Before I knew he was Josh's step brother."
"Honestly, I'm not even surprised," he replied with a sigh. "The sexual tension between you two is palpable."
I scoffed. "No, it's not."
"You're such an idiot. You've literally had sex with the dude and you think he's going to hate you over some kiss?"
"It's not just a kiss, Ian," I tried to reason, giving him a serious look. "A kiss like that is not like trying to hook up. It had feelings and shit."
"Feelings from you or feelings from him?"
I took a moment to think. "Both maybe? Maybe just me? I like him, Ian."
Ian rolled his eyes. "I'm telling you, I think he has a thing for you. Just by how he is around you."
"What if he doesn't though?"
"Just talk to him and be your confident, asshole self," Ian said in an almost monotone voice. "I'm sure he'll swoon."
"You're the asshole," I told him.
Ian laughed and let his usual hard expression fall as he nudged my side with his elbow.
"So how did you two end up hooking up?"
I let out a loud laugh. "You're not going to believe me."
**
Welcome to the first bonus chapter! As you can see this is all snippets of Fox's POV and I hope it's not confusing about what the scene is.
**I'm going to continue Fox's Anthology in the second bonus chapter with more snippets of scenes that take place after the events of the book, so be on the look out for that!**
Sorry it took me so long to get out!