~Season 6~
The rain that had been tearing through Toronto today had behaved decently enough to cease its loud smatter against the Studio A windows by this early afternoon hour, meaning Richelle won't have to jog through downpour on her way to the bus. She silently thanks the universe for this as she's buttoning her dark blue coat all the way up at her cubby.
Rain and humidity makes her hair crazily frizzy, and she has no time right now for a two hour reluctant session of straightening and brushing it out. With everything that's been going wrong for her in the last few months, she deserves this minimal victory. Michelle and Emily got fired (which was almost definitely her fault and the reason she didn't have a lift home), their new Studio Head is nothing like them, and what happened at the hospital with Noah... she can't stop thinking about it.
A part of her knows the kisses were probably just for sympathy - a part she wants desperately to push down - wishes they weren't, and at this point it's making her go crazy. She can't avoid seeing him at dance, she can't avoid talking to him, and for every trivial question about a team-related issue the flutters of the butterflies in her stomach are growing so intense she's nauseous.
They still haven't had a chance to talk about what happened. Considering she's leaving rehearsal to go home now, it won't be happening today. If they ignore it for long enough, maybe they won't ever have to discuss what's repeating a thousand times over and over in her head. "You know when you told me you thought I was emotionally stiff, and never properly apologised? And then six months later I ended up in hospital and when you visited we kissed multiple times and I liked it so much more than I should have? Do you want to talk about that?" Yeah, Richelle can think of less awkward conversation starters.
She's stepping into the elevator as she hears a loud "Wait!" and someone dashes through the doors in the last second before they close.
Noah. Exactly what she needs right now. Not.
"I'm leaving, too." His grey hoodie is still unzipped and his dance bag is open, as if he just grabbed everything and started running after her. For all she knows, he might have.
"You want to catch a ride, by any chance?"
There is no way she's saying yes to this.
Nothing about it is remotely close to a good idea. She wants to go home and drink a nice cup of hot chocolate and read a book and forget every single detail on her personal life and Noah and that stupid goddamn kiss...
"Sure. Why not?" She ends up mumbling, realising there's not an excuse for her to be walking home in the rain when he has a perfectly warm car.
"Great." He shoots her one of those dorky yet confident smiles and she instantly hates herself for saying yes. Too late now.
The parking lot is as crowded with cars as always. She walks a few steps behind Noah as he strolls towards his car, trying her very best to focus on anything that isn't him. She's failing miserably. Every time she tries to divert her attention to the sound of a car driving away or the sensation of an ever so slight drizzle staining her coat, her eyes return to him and her thoughts run to how good his characteristically tidy hair looks from behind even in this humid weather.
"My car," he states as he unlocks the vehicle, Richelle remembers once promising to herself when she was in B-Troupe that she would never be one of those girls he picks up in here. "Care to join me for a ride?"
"Only if that ride goes home to my place where I leave this car without you." she says in a resentful tone as she gets in, wishing she really felt as bitter about sitting here as she tries to appear.
"Cold, Richie." He laughs, and the sheer effortlessness of it makes Richelle's heart skip a beat. Nothing can ever happen for real between the two of them, she reminds herself as she presses her nails into her palm. There are so many reasons why not. Focused, just-recovered-from-an-injury Richelle shouldn't even be considering it. So why is her brain picturing them both leaning across the seats in that very car, kissing?
~~~
"What do you think about Miss Angela?" she asks in an attempt to steer the conversation an acceptable route before they have the chance to start somewhere else.
"She's... different. I'm hoping it's temporary. Theres no way I'm gonna stay Dance Captain for long with her around, and there's no way we're getting any time for joking around."
"A strong leader can have other qualities."
"So you think Angela's a good Studio Head?"
"Absolutely not!" Her words come out a little too loud, causing Noah to flinch. "Sorry. No. I hate her, I just want Michelle and Emily back."
"You need to stop feeling bad about that, you know. You're way to focused on it." There's another smile of assurance on his lips.
"Well, you're not wrong." She has to look away, staring at the raindrops making their way down the car window to avoid him seeing her smile.
"I'm going to count that as the one time you've ever admitted I'm right about something." Somehow he looks even more pleased now, letting out an effortless laugh that is unmistakably adorable. She prays Noah can't see her blush.
"If that helps your self-confidence."
"It does, thanks." They stop at a red light.
She can't help but wonder what would happen if she brought up the incident right here and now, if she admitted straightforwardly that those kisses were the most magical ones she's ever had in her life and that right now she would do anything to repeat them. Noah's expression is unusually inscrutable, his fingers drumming against the steering wheel before he runs one hand through his perfectly groomed hair. He doesn't notice it, but that very action forces Richelle to bite her lip to stop herself from almost moaning out loud. Stupid. It's absurd how attracted she is to him right now.
Richelle's mind spins as quick as always, taking her from the silence between the two of them in this car to an imaginative reality where they're a couple.
It's the same fantasies that kept her up last night. Although they're not new, they're a thousand times stronger now, so evident to her. The two of them on an actual date, walking around the city at night-time holding hands and laughing. Him next to her on the couch in his room, her head leaning on his shoulder. Making out that starts sweet and casual but ends with the two of them in bed together. Waking up in the morning and finding Noah there.
A billion of these fantasies are constantly re-playing in her head repeatedly and yet she's not sick of them. She only wishes they were true, and then she wishes she didn't wish they were true. They're Best Friends. They shouldn't be dating. The prospect of ignoring a rule in that way gives her anxiety and dating Noah would mean breaking at least seven of her self-written rules of dating.
"Deep in your thoughts there, Nolet?" He asks as the light changes, interrupting her train of thought.
"No!" The blushing worsens, making her feel as if her face is burning.
"Hmm. If you say so."
~~~
Toronto traffic isn't known for being the most manageable at this hour, and it doesn't disappoint in delivering what it's famous for. Noah's car is moving only a few feet at a time with at least a minute of standing still in between. Richelle is in hell, the only alternative to looking at Noah being the same car surrounding her and the old candy wrappers beneath her feet. Eventually she gives in.
He's still drumming his fingers, muttering under his breath about how awful traffic is today. Even though she's more than used to observing him, seeing his nervous ticks and hearing him mutter to himself throughout the day when they're dancing, it's like she's noticing them for the first time. She could write pages in her notepad about all his odd habits and personal quirks, but she never used to care about them earlier. Now only the quiet humming of what she assumes is a Taylor Swift song is enough to make the corners of her mouth move reluctantly upwards.
"You didn't have anything important after dance, did you? Sorry about keeping you stuck in traffic."
"No." She looks over at him only to find him meeting her gaze. "And it's not your fault. So no need be sorry."
"Well, I know how much you hate being late, and I figured you'd kill me if I was the reason you were late for your super important plans, so I thought I'd at least apologize before you murder me."
"Noah, it's fine." Before she's able to stop herself she's smiling right at him, laughing just a little.
"Okay, good." There's something in his eyes as he returns her smile, a soft and innocent gleam of genuine happiness and pride she recognizes from the other times she's made him laugh.
Suddenly she wishes this moment could last forever. She never wants him to stop looking at her like that.
What if he looked at her like that every single day? What if she could get to wake up to those eyes every morning? What if the kisses in the hospital could be a reality for them?
It is a ludicrous idea. She missed her chance with him a while ago, she's sure he's moved on by now. Surely there are tons of girls out there whose hearts melt over his eyes, she could've sworn Jacquie liked him back on TNS East. Surely Noah would prefer to be with her.
Richelle has to keep telling herself that because if she doesn't she knows she'll start hoping for another reality, one where they're dancing around in her living room laughing as two teenagers in love for the first time. She shouldn't be hoping for that. It's not realistic. It's wanting too much, it's being naïve, and she was raised to never be naïve. Life is full of disappointments if you hope for too much.
There's too much fear to dare hope.
~~~
She's so lost in thought she fails to notice when they start driving again, jolting awake from her daydreams only when they eventually arrive outside her house, Noah having walked her to the door.
"So." His voice has a serious tone to it she rarely hears. "We should probably... talk. About the other week. If you want to. It kind of feels like we're avoiding it now, and I don't want to bring it up if you don't want to, and it doesn't have to mean anything, and it's all fine and I'm okay with being friends and I'll respect your decision and..."
"Noah." She interrupts his spiraling by putting a hand on his shoulder, her pulse speeding up as he looks at her with that gleam once again. Perhaps her catastrophic thoughts aren't right after all? "It was... well, it was nice. Really nice."
"Really? Because you've been avoiding me all day. You kind of seemed like you'd rather be somewhere else that entire car ride. And I know I'm stupid to think those kisses meant something and I know you were in a vulnerable position..."
"Noah, please stop talking." He goes silent, watching her with equal parts confusion and expectation. "That day when you visited was the happiest I've been in a long time. I just... don't know how we go from here."
"Well, I know you don't date people from the studio."
"Yeah. It's a bad idea."
"Like, really bad."
"Ridiculous."
"Completely."
Without noticing how it happened, she realizes they're standing closer together, and he's pulling her even closer and their lips are meeting and nobody's in a hospital bed. She's kissing Noah out of sheer free will and it's as if a weight has fallen off her shoulders. She's a thousand pounds lighter, and the action is simple and she's kissed guys before but this is something else. This is new and exciting and Noah is great at kissing and she never wants to stop.
"Let's count that as our first kiss." she says when they part, both out of breath and neither of them sure about what just happened.
"Agreed."
It's a stupid decision, yet she can't help but think that it may not be all bad.
~~~
I seem to like going with season six huh