I felt Harry wake up about 5 minutes before my alarm was set to go off. I only get out of bed for necessity, but if Harry is actually awake, then he'll get out of bed straight away most of the time. I don't think he knew I wasn't asleep, but he kissed me on the cheek nonetheless. I'm not sure how to feel about last night, but I'd rather avoid the thought than think about it, so that's what I'm going to do. Despite his late night, Harry actually slept for a decent amount of time, and it's comforting to know that he won't be facing dark circles today. Eventually, my alarm goes off and I force myself to find Harry in the kitchen.
The first thing I notice when I walk in is the massive pile of letters sitting on the coffee table. There has to be at least 35 in the pile, and it was definitely one of my biggest mistakes of 2020 to put so many names on that list.
I turn to the kitchen, where Harry is watching the final moments of the sun rise and finishing a bowl of some sort of cereal. He's shirtless, and his back is turned. It's an interesting contrast to see his heavily tattooed arms against his completely ink free back. I've always wondered why he chose to have it like this, but I like how it looks.
'Good morning.' I say, causing Harry to spin around and find me standing by the coffee table.
'Hi. This is for you.' He responds, holding out a steaming cup of coffee.
'Thanks. How are you feeling about your first day in the studio?' I ask, walking over to him leaning into his side. He wraps one arm around me, holding his coffee with the other free hand.
'Nervous..I think, but I'm looking forward to making music with the boys again. I think it's safe, but it's alway exciting and that's what I like about it.' He says. While I can't say I know from personal experience, I think I know what he means. Before the band broke up, Harry realised that he wanted to be able to create music more personal to him, and have the ability to sing every word of it. And he's done just that. He experienced being solo and being able to fully explore every aspect of creating an album, and now he's ready to go back to his boys.
'That makes perfect sense.' I say, smiling and turning my head to look up at him.
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When we arrive at the studio, I'm sort of shocked at its beauty. It's a massive red brick building, but with charcoal coloured doors and yellow painted podiums.
My research and the photos I saw of this place, The Village, does not do it justice. There's 4 individual studios at this particular studio, but the boys are going to be recording in studio D, and the management has rented one of the auditoriums where the team will work from. I can only imagine that this way, they might be out of sight, but never out of mind. Studio D is by far my favourite studio from what I saw on the website, and I can assume that my judgement was correct based on what it looks like in person.
It's hard to explain exactly, but the live room is almost beautiful. There are moroccan rugs on the floor and plants everywhere, with a massive piano in the middle. The roof is painted black, and the brown wooden walls curve to make an interesting shaped space. The room is dimly lit to give it a warm ambience, and microphones and other various instruments fill the whole space. There isn't much natural light either, which should be weird, but it makes everything more peaceful. There are records and albums on the walls in the entryway, displaying all the famous artists that have recorded here too.
Surrounding the live room are two isolation booths, a live echo chamber and the control room. Separated from all the recording spaces but still within the studio, is the lounge, where I can only assume will be the place where the boys go when they're not recording. There aren't many spaces to write here, but I'm sure the boys and the writers will manage to find spaces, probably utilising the isolation booths. Harry's best writing never usually happens at the studio, but I guess this is how it works in a band. I never used to know much about music or how any of the recording of music works, but after travelling the world with Harry and watching him record and write music everywhere, I've become familiar with the process.
'Fleetwood Mac recorded in here.' Harry leans down to tell me quietly, with the biggest smile on his face. I find Harry adorable when he's like this because he's friends with Stevie Nicks now, yet she's still his idol. Stevie went as far as to call Harry her 'little muse', but his eyes are gleaming looking at the room, because as he said, 'Fleetwood Mac recorded in here.' Under the layers of international music sensation, he's just a Fleetwood Mac loving 26 year old. In the noise and frenzy of the exploration of the new studio, I don't get to say anything back. Instead, I smile up at Harry, and subtly reach for his hand. Soon, Steph silences everyone in the room.
'I know everyone is really excited about this studio, but if I could just get some quiet please..' She laughs, obviously referring to Louis and Liam making a racket by the drum kit.
'So as you know, we've got this space and the auditorium for 3 months, meaning we need this album written and recorded in 3 months. Ultimately, we've come to the decision that this record is going to be themed and marketed as family friendly.' She announces, and I watch Louis whisper something to Liam.
'No more Strip That Down mate, it's gotta be fucking family friendly now.' He mumbles, laughing.
'Louis, don't make me ask you to be quiet like I would a fourth grader.' Leslie remarks, and Louis instantly stops talking with a dirty look. At Louis's silence, Steph continues.
'We're wanting to explore radio friendly themes of being young and having fun, as well as some upbeat tracks about love.' She finishes.
'I feel like this is a lot like what we've done in the past. Are we not able to explore past the realms of what we've written in the band previously? I just know that we've all really explored much more personal songwriting since then.' Liam genuinely asks, nodding and gesturing to all the boys.
'Uh..well..' Steph stammers, obviously at a loss for an answer. To nobody's surprise, and to my personal distaste, Leslie jumps in to save the day.
'I think you forget how successful this band was previously. I was there, and I watched it happen. In order to make a strong comeback, we need to make music that we know works for this band and the One Direction brand. I'm sure that once this album is released we could discuss exploring more.' She says, seeming as though the last line was more of an afterthought. I can't help but feel like this isn't right, and that the boys need to create music they want to create seeing as they'll be the ones singing it. But, I wasn't involved in the music industry before working for Harry, who for as long as I've known him, has been a solo artist. I guess it's just different in a band. It seems as though I justify a lot of these things that confuse me by assuming it's different in a band, but that's the only thing that makes logical sense.
'Yeah, so these guys here are our writers. You should all know them, you've worked with them in the past.' Steph continues, gesturing to a group of about 5 different guys. All the boys clearly do remember these writers, each greeting them with a friendly gesture from various spots in the room.
The boys begin writing, each choosing to find a place in the studio to sit alone or with writers to come up with the music pegged to take the world by a storm when it's released. It turns out the writers had already been working on music for the band, and there's already songs written. I feel slightly out of place in the studio surrounded by music's biggest talents, and resort to the auditorium space to get some work done. The auditorium has a similar look to a highschool gym, and tables and chairs have been set up all over the space to create makeshift desks. I watch Leslie put signs up all over the doors of the studio and auditorium to indicate the presence of One Direction and their team. Oli and I both agree it's definite overkill, but bite our tongues nonetheless.
Eventually, I get tired of the cold hall and retreat back to the ambience of studio D. When I return, I watch Harry find a guitar and sit in an isolation booth with his black notebook, brow furrowed and deep in thought. He almost looks stressed, but I can't tell if he's just focused. I'm used to seeing him write surrounded by his team of writer friend hybrids in various places all over the world, often doing mushrooms. When that happened and he was writing, I'd get a call at any time during the day or night if I wasn't already with him. He'd tell me how he'd had a creative outpouring and would ask me to come to wherever he was so he could play me a demo. Sometimes, he didn't even have a demo to show me. That songwriting Harry was freer and less in his head than the Harry in the isolation booth. I guess it's just a shocking shift in environment from writing in Jamaica and Tokyo to writing in a booth in a studio in L.A., regardless of how warmly lit and nicely decorated that room may be. I'm sure he'll fall into his old rhythm.
Like it always does, my pull to Harry draws me to him before I know what I'm doing. As I step over the cables, avoiding walking right into one of the microphones or instruments, I watch someone from management enter the room with Harry. They clearly don't notice my attempt to get to the same place, and leave the door slightly ajar. The woman is speaking quietly, but just loud enough for me to hear from my spot on the edge of the wall.
'What have you got?' She queries.
'It's not much..just the skeletons of a song. A few lines.' Harry replies.
'Can I read it?' The woman asks. I think he must pass her the notebook, because the room momentarily silences.
'Well it's good, don't get me wrong, but it's too raw for this album, I think.' She says, almost sounding uncomfortable with her own answer.
'It's just the skeletons. I..um..need to work with writers and flesh it out and stuff.' Harry says, and I can tell he's dejected and my heart breaks.
'It's not that, I like the writing. I'd just say it's really..emotional and that's not really what we want on the album. Think more Take Me Home style music.' She says, and I watch her exit the room. I know how Harry can get so in his head when he writes, constantly worrying if what he's writing is good enough, so I quickly enter the room after she leaves. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do to make it better, but I just want to be there for him.
'Hi.' I say, walking into the room and feeling like I'm walking on eggshells. The guitar now sits on the floor, resting against the stool he's sitting on. His legs are spread as though the guitar is still resting on them, so I go to stand in between them. I'm uncomfortably aware of the windows that allow anyone to see in the booth, but ignore that fact. I hope that by standing near to him I can take some of the hurt away.
'Hi.' He responds, eyes not fully meeting mine. I reach out to hold his hands, and he turns my hand around to look at the butterfly. Part of me wonders if he likes it more than I do, because he spends a lot of time looking at it.
'Are you okay?' I ask, feeling suddenly quite awkward.
'Yeah, it's just quick..like 3 months. The last two albums I've had years to create, and now I feel like I'm on this countdown.' He says. That explains his furrowed brow from earlier, but I don't think he knows I overheard the conversation with the woman and I think that's part of it too. While I wish he would tell me, I'm not going to rub salt into the wound by bringing it up if he hasn't mentioned it.
'Yeah, I understand. Don't let the time worry you. Focus on writing beautiful music because in the end, that's all that matters. The writers are here to help you too, and in all honesty, I don't think you're going to get kicked out of the band if it's not done in 3 months.' I say, and watch his frown turn to a small smile and his eyes lift slightly just so they meet mine.
'Yeah, I know. I just..like, get in my head with this stuff.' He replies.
'I know you do. Remember that it's the first day, you don't have to be ready to explore every depth of yourself to draw out music just yet.' I respond, speaking softly as though someone was outside the door listening like I was. I know how personal the music Harry creates is to him, and he digs really deep when it comes to writing. Sometimes he puts so much pressure on himself to get the perfect words on his own that he loses sight of everything else. I know part of his worry is because the song he already had was just turned down, but I don't want him to think I was eavesdropping on his conversation if I bring it up. I mean, I was, but it wasn't intentional.
'Thank you' he smiles. I can tell he means it, but his smile isn't bright like it usually is. At least it's something. I spot a clock behind Harry on the wall, and notice it's nearly 1 and we haven't eaten since this morning.
'Do you want me to get lunch? I can grab food for everyone.' I ask, realising that if I get food for Harry, I'm going to have to get it for everyone. For the most part, a lot of the time at the studio will be catered for, but the rush of everything else with the reunion meant catering organisation was left to the last minute, and there won't be anything provided for the next few days.
'You don't have to do that.' He offers a small smile with his response, still holding onto my hands. It's often like this when he's working. Concealed little touches or small gestures of affection as a compromise for the fact we're supposed to be professional.
'What if I said I wanted to?' I say, attempting to lighten the mood.
'Then I'd have to let you and your determined little mind go.' He smiles, a little bit brighter this time.
'What do you want? Everyone can eat from wherever you choose for all I care.' I laugh. Today, I'm not treating anyone but Harry with kindness.
'I'm gonna choose Subway. Is that going to work for everyone?' He laughs.
'I don't really care if it works for them or not.' I half joke, and he lets go of his grip on my hands as I walk out of the room before he can say another word. Of course I care about people here other than just Harry, but I can't promise that I can say the same for the management. After their early wake up calls, demeaning words and unscheduled events, they're not the first people I'd invite to my birthday party. As I walk, I have to remind myself to not be too extreme and completely irrational. Their actions have surely just been a result of the craziness of the reunion, and they can't be as bad as the picture I've formed in my head. Just as I settle on a conclusion, I realise I'm about to walk into Jett.
'Oh..uh..hi, sorry. I wasn't paying attention.' I laugh, putting to use my new, more positive, emotions towards the management.
'No worries. What are you up to?' He smiles back. Obviously I have been overreacting, and Jett's friendly response is evidence of that.
'I was actually going to grab lunch for everyone seeing as there's no catering.' I supply.
'Oh..well that's nice of you. Did you want me to grab you the company card? Its job is to pay for these things.' He offers, and I realise that if it wasn't for this encounter, I probably would've had to have paid for the entirety of everyone's lunch.
'That would be good actually..oh, and I should take orders shouldn't I?' I laugh, coming to the realisation that I had not planned this out at all.
I make my way around every room in the studio and the auditorium, noting down everyone's orders. Jett manages to source the card from somewhere, and delivers it to me just as I finish getting the orders. I watch Harry's eyes follow me around the studio while I interact with each person, and I laugh to myself that he finds solace from his stressful songwriting by watching me play waitress.
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'Thank you so much!' I smile, grabbing the massive box of at least 20 footlong or 6-inch Subway sandwiches. I obviously look like I'm catering for a zoo, and I might as well be. The workers were obviously shocked when I appeared in the store and ordered half the store's stock for the day, so I find a $20 bill in my jacket pocket and slip it in the tip jar.
As I walk out of the store, the massive Subway branded cardboard box in hand, I spot a man holding a camera across the road. As soon as he notices me watching him, his face lights up and he practically sprints across the road without looking either way to get to me. The only faces that light up like that when they see me are Harry if I'm half clothed, or one of his fans if I'm lucky. I don't know why he's holding a camera, but I can only assume he's one of Harry's fans because he's certainly not Harry and I'm fully clothed.
'Sophie, Sophie, hey!' He smiles, turning his camera on and focusing it on me. The second he opens his mouth, I know exactly who this man is. The fucking Hollywood Fix guy! Charlotte used to always make fun of his videos, spending endless amounts of time laughing over them on tour. How awkward every person looked, and how all they seemed to want to do was run away. Now I'm about to become one of the subjects. I have no out in this situation and I can't make myself, Harry or the band look bad by being rude. So, I plaster on my best smile and greet the man with a smile.
'Sophie, what's up? How's it going? So good to meet you, you're everywhere online at the moment.' He says. I was not aware that I am 'everywhere online', so this is already off to a great start.
'Hi, nice to meet you too.' I smile, lying through my teeth. It is absolutely not nice to meet Mr Hollywood Fix.
'Okay, alright, so are you still working for Harry, even though you two are together now?' He starts, eager for an answer.
'Wow! You jump right in with the hard hitting questions.' I nervously laugh, trying to postpone an answer about us being together for as long as possible. I'm one question in and I already know that this is going to go terribly for me.
'Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. So you're still his assistant now you're together?' He pushes, and I realise I have no option but to respond.
'Yeah..yep, still his assistant.' I reply, fastening my pace. Shit! Now I've just totally confirmed we're together by not denying it. I'm obviously not cut out for this.
'Okay, okay, so you're together. Nothing different for Styles and his work either? Do you find yourself acting differently at work now that you're together?' He laughs, bringing the camera impossibly closer to my face.
'Nope, not really.' I laugh, adding in a smile for good measure. I wait, assuming he's going to hit me with the next question, but he doesn't. Great..he's waiting for me to extend on my answer. I've never been subjected to such an awkward situation in my life. I'm surprised he hasn't asked me about the box of Subway sandwiches in my hands, but obviously there's more pressing questions about my love life to be answered.
'I just do things with..more love now.' I say, instantly regretting it. Fuck fuck fuck! I've just gone and exposed the fact I love him. No surprises there, but Hollywood Fix didn't need to know that. I might as well just go on and expose Harry's home address since I'm clearly on a roll with exposing personal information.
'Wow, wow, so you'd say you love him? Does he love you?' He asks, sounding way too enthusiastic.
'I didn't say that exactly.' I laugh, doing my very best to avoid answering, despite the fact this conversation is already way too far gone to save. Today must be my lucky day, because he completely disregards my answer, moving onto the next line of questioning.
'Okay, okay, so I saw those photos of you and Harry come out online, the tattoo parlor ones? Any new ink for Styles? Is that a new butterfly on your wrist?' Shit! This couldn't get any worse! Now everyone is going to know about the tattoo. For a minute I consider sawing my arm off and giving him my wrist with the tattoo, and running, but I think better of it when I realise I'm back at Harry's car.
'It was great meeting you, but I've got to go now. Can't let these sandwiches get warm in the sun!' I laugh, attempting a miserable joke. The only thing that could make this worse is me tripping over in my heels right now.
'Yeah, yeah for sure. Are those for One Direction? Any new songs in the works? The fans wanna know!' He continues, gesturing to the Subway box, finally recognising its presence. I absolutely know that whatever I do, I cannot expose anything about the band or I'm royally fucked.
'They're all for me.' I blurt out, pulling the door closed and placing the box on the seat beside me. What the fuck was that! At least 20 Subway sandwiches for me? This is going to be all over Twitter and I'll be lucky if Harry doesn't fire and break up with me in the same sentence after this comes out. I don't think I could've answered a single question worse than I just did. Obviously I'm going to need some serious media training if I have any more run-ins with this guy.
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'You told him an entire box was for you?' Niall asks, doubling over in laughter. Obviously my return from the lunch run from hell has resulted in, if nothing else, a laugh for Niall. Harry's stress was back when I gave him his sandwich, and I felt like he wanted space so I gave it to him. I hate to admit it, but I feel so much more relaxed talking to Niall right now.
'Give me a break! I was put on the spot!' I defend, while he sits down on the couch beside me, eating the sandwich I had just delivered to him.
'Louis got followed one time by the Hollywood Fix guy and he stole his phone and gave it to this guy who was driving by. Did you see the video?' Niall laughs, smiling at the memory.
'I can't say I've seen it, no..' I laugh back.
'..did he get his phone back?' I add in.
'He did, yeah.' Niall nods, taking a bite of his sandwich.
'Oh that's good, I was worried.' I joke, and a silence fills the lounge space of the studio. It's only him and I in here but his personality makes up for the lack of bodies, so to cut through the silence I decide to pull my own Hollywood Fix on Niall.
'What was your life like before all this?' I ask, gesturing to the air around us.
'Geez, big question Soph.' He smiles.
'Sorry, too personal?' I laugh.
'Maybe, but I'll answer..' He sarcastically replies.
'..I guess it was just a typical Mullingar childhood.'
'Well I grew up in New York, so I don't know what a typical Mullingar childhood looks like. Hence, why I'm asking.' I tease.
'You don't say? You are the picture of a New York girl.' He teases, playfully elbowing my arm.
'Oh get out! I am not! Might I remind you I've travelled the world twice with Harry, I'm actually very worldly.' I laugh. Compared to the amount of times Niall has travelled the world, there was probably no point in me even making that comment.
'You're so New York. Everything about you exudes New York. The friendly personality, helpful nature. Kind, but sort of have an attitude. You're just basically a walking talking New York. The fashion, the way you speak. The 'I'm incredibly intelligent and have an esteemed academic history but I wouldn't ever tell you that' type way about you. New York looks one way on the outside, but there's much more than meets the eye, and you're probably the same. You like being busy like the New York atmosphere, but just the perfect amount of busy because too much will drive you insane. It's pretty diverse and accepting there, and you seem the type to be the same. I noticed people in New York adapt to change well since the city is so fast paced. Like, if there's an issue, solve it and move on, and that's you for the most part. I get this feel you're sort of old-timey, like New York, but not like 'you're my nan' old-timey. Not like lacking skills in the modern world, but having aspects of you that are kinda old soul-ish. Like being able to take in your surroundings and not being lost in a phone screen. Basically, you're just a walking talking New York.' He says it between bites of his lunch as though it's just another day in the office for Dr. Niall, but I feel like I've just had an incredibly accurate psychological evaluation. I think Niall might know me better than I thought.