***
Thursday
Kenzie
It's been a couple weeks since Trip went back to work. To say that I miss him being with me everyday is understatement. I get bored most of the time, I've had Ashton bring me lunch on days he can't make it.
I told her she needs to come over and swim with me before it gets too cold. Summer is over and fall is starting to show its face. I love sweater weather and bonfires as much as the next person but I don't like cold weather so I'm not looking forward to cold nights and I always dread winter weather.
I have found ways to keep myself from getting too stressed from not working. I told the girls I'd do inventory from home while they did everything in the store that needs to be done.
Even if all I do is inventory for now at least I feel like I'm useful in some way to them, I don't like being stuck at home. The last few weeks have been great, I get up with Trip in the morning, we eat breakfast, work out together, we shower (separately of course), he gets ready for work then leaves.
I find different things to keep me busy so I'm not just watching tv most of the day.
Since inventory is the only thing I can do now I've let them know I'll be doing it twice a week now, Mondays and Thursdays. I need something to keep me busy so I want to do it twice a week to spread out my work. They are all fine with it as long as I don't feel too overworked.
Since today is Thursday I plan on doing work I just want to swim a little first. I wait for Trip to leave and I run upstairs to change. I walk to my dresser to grab my black bikini then run to the bathroom because I need to go pee before I change.
I sit on the toilet and instantly yell.
"What the hell, are you kidding me?!?!" I'm pissed, I just started. Oh, well, I guess it was coming around sooner or later. At least he'll be gone all day so I can just lay on the couch in misery until he gets home. I might text him to let him know I'm going to run home to get a few things.
Me- 9:35
Hey, babe, I'm going to my apartment to get a few things. I should be back when you get home.
Stud- 9:36
Ok, baby doll. Just be careful please.
Me- 9:37
I will..talk to you later. ;)
Stud- 9:38
Let me know when you make it back home safe. Talk to you later. ;-*
I smile at the kissy face he sent me and send one back.
I finally get home, my home I haven't been to in a month and suddenly get the same feeling I had been getting before I met Trip. I quickly unlock my door to walk in and step on something.
Ok I step on a lot of things, there are papers in front of my door. I pick one up and recognize the handwriting, I drop the paper then suddenly pick it up because I want to know what it says.
Kenzie,
I've called and you didn't answer so I thought I'd come see you. I checked work and they all tell me to leave you alone and won't tell me where you are. I need to see you! I need to hold you! I miss you so much it hurts, Kenz. Being without you has been torture. Please call me back, text me or anything at all. I need to hear from you, I need to hear you still love me!
Love, B
There are other notes, they mostly say the same thing just in different ways. He must have been coming by the whole month I've been gone. I don't really care though, I take all the notes and throw them in the trash.
I don't want to give him the satisfaction of replying to him in any way. I won't even tell Trip about this, I'll just forget about it and act like it never happened. I get to my bedroom and lay down on my bed that I've missed so it doesn't take long before I drift off.
I wake up and look at my clock on the nightstand. 5:13 pm...oh crap I've been sleeping all day. I need to get to Trip's house, he'll be home soon. I go to move but can't because there is an arm wrapped around my stomach. Not realizing who it was I snuggled up thinking it was Trip.
"Mmmm, I knew you missed me." his voice was like venom in my ears as he brings a hand up to my throat. I quickly try to jump up away from him but his grip is too tight.
"Let go of me, Brandon!" I say with hate and anger clear in my voice.
"Oh, but, Sunshine I came all this way to see you so I am going to get what I came for." he said to me while tightening his grip, if that's even possible.
"Don't call me that." He was almost cutting off my air making it hard to breath. In a panic I force my head back as hard as I can causing his nose to crack and him scream in pain.
"Ahhh, YOU BITCH!" he lets go of me to grab his face so I quickly get away from him and run to the living room to leave.
"I don't think so." he grabs my hair pulling me forcefully, dragging me behind him.
"Ahh!" I grab his hand on my head "Let go, you're hurting me, Brandon!" I yell at him trying to get him to let go.
"No, I told you I came here for a reason and I'm not leaving without it." he starts to drag me back to the bedroom but I get his grip from my hair to loosen and I don't care how much hair he ripped out.
I twisted and turned around to kick him in the inner left thigh as hard as I could and ran to my purse. I grabbed it, ran out the door and to my car as fast as I could.
I get a few blocks away from Trips house when I feel myself going into a panic attack so I pull over and turn off my car. I start to breath in my nose, out my mouth, over and over.
I try to take my mind to happy places like Trip and the last fews weeks we've had together until suddenly everything starts to go black and I lose all control as my body tenses up.
Trip
I get home and notice Kenzie's car isn't in the driveway. I think it's odd since she never answered my text when I said I was on my way. I figured she was just asleep or something but I don't like this at all.
I walk in the house just to make sure she is indeed not here. I hollar all throughout the house looking in every room and she's not here. I run out to my truck and roar it back to life quickly and speed down the road to her house knowing it was the last place she said she'd be.
I'm a few blocks away from my house when I see her car pulled over on the side of the road. Weird, this wasn't here on my way by, she must've been close behind me and needed to pull over.
I drive past her car notices something isn't right then flip around to park behind her. I get down from my truck and run to hers to see if she's ok. I notice she is locked up in a panic attack so I call 911.
"911, what's your emergency?" the dispatcher says
"Yes, my name is Trip Alexander. I found my girlfriend MacKenzie Sinclair pulled over on the side of the highway on my way home just now. She seems to be in the middle of a panic attack. I need help, please!" I tell her desperately
"Ok, sir, can you please tell me where you are located?" I tell her my address and that we're only a few blocks away on the side of the road.
"Ok, sir, help is on the way. Can you tell me if she is in a full panic attack or in the beginning of one?" I look and she seems to be locked up and shaking.
"Yes ma'am. She is in a full panic attack." I say quickly and frantically
"Ok, first you need to calm down, sir. Is she sitting up in her seat or do you have her laying down?"
"She's still in her seat, I have her door open so I can talk to her." I tell her, trying to calm down.
"Ok, sir, please carefully try to unbuckle her and get her in your lap so you can comfort her. She needs to calm down." she tells me patiently, I wish I was as calm as her right now.
"Ok." I get her unbuckled and in my lap finally. "Now I just talk to her to calm her down, right?"
"Yes, sir, just tell her you are there and help is on the way. Anything that may calm her attack."
Thankfully by this point I hear the ambulance coming down the road and I tell her help is coming.
By the time the paramedics get there I have her calm enough she's coming out of it. They check her and ask questions, like what caused her attack in the first place. A story which I almost don't buy but brush it off for now, I'll ask her more about it later.
She's been doing so well lately not having random panic attacks but with her therapy sessions she could've had a memory that caused it like she said. I want to believe that but something just felt off about the way she talked about it, like she was trying to cover something up.
"Are you sure you're ok to go home, ma'am?" one of the paramedics asks after she insists on going home to rest.
"Yes, please, I just want to go home and rest." she says clearly worn out and tired from the panic attack.
"Ok, just call again if you need assistance." he nods and waves goodbye.
"Thank you, have a good evening." I tell him as he waves goodbye.
"Ok, let's get you home and in bed." I tell her as we walk to my truck.
"What about my car?" she protests as I help her in.
"Well, clearly no one is letting you drive tonight so we'll get it tomorrow." I told her once I get back in while helping her buckle up. Well...tried anyway.
"I can buckle myself, you know." she rolls her eyes at me but I ignore it.
"Your welcome for the help, no need to thank me so much!" I tell her with a little sarcasm and a smile.
"Oh, yes, I'm sorry. Where are my manners? Thank you kind sir for everything you do!" she says sarcastically but I feel like there was a little attitude as well.
"Wait a minute, are you upset or something?" I say as we pull onto the road.
"No." she says looking out the side window.
"If you say so, I don't believe you but I'll drop it for now because I know you're tired. Don't think I'm letting this go though, I can tell you were hiding something when they questioned you about why you had the panic attack. I can tell now that something is bothering you but I don't want to push it. I just hope you know you can tell me anything." I say with sympathy and concern on my face. She just looks away and nods.
I wake up in the middle of the night and notice she isn't in bed with me. I look at the clock and it reads 3:27 am. I climb out of bed and head to the stairs to see where she is until I hear crying.
I stop at the top of the stairs to see if I can figure out where the sound is coming from. I think it's coming from the spare room her stuff is in. I walk closer and peek through the door to see her body sprawled out on the bed and her face in a pillow crying.
I'm at a loss for words, I don't know what to do so I just let my body do what I can't stop it from doing.
I quietly open the door enough to walk in, I walk to the bed and lay down next to her. When she notices me I just reach out for her and she instantly comes to me.
I wrap her in my arms and hold her until she falls asleep, no words, no noise, just her tears and peaceful silence. As soon as I know she's out it doesn't take me long to drift off to dreamland myself.
Waking up the next morning was a vision, even though her eyes were puffy from crying she was just the most beautiful woman I've ever seen. She was laying on her back with her face to me, one arm above her head with a hand hanging just above her forehead.
Her other hand was in mine under the blanket and one of her legs was intertwined with mine. I didn't want to move because I was enjoying the view but I really needed to pee. I mean like 'don't look now or my morning wood will probably scare you' need to pee.
I carefully try to move without waking her and I succeed until I trip over my shirt on the floor almost landing on my face.
"Oof!" I say when I catch myself.
"Wow and to think I almost missed that!" she says with a sleepy smile.
"Haha, very funny. I almost rearranged my face with the floor." I say laughing as I pick myself up and walk toward the bathroom being careful not to show her what I'm hiding.
"At least you could live with yourself knowing I didn't fall for your good looks and charm, they're just an added bonus." she winks at me when I look at her before I turn the corner to the bathroom
"You, woman, are somethin' else!" I yell from the bathroom laughing at her choice of words
"So I've heard." she yells back but then I could've sworn I heard her whine.
"Is everything, ok?" I hurry and use the bathroom and wash my hands.
"Yeah," I hear her whine, "I'm ok." she sounds like she's in pain.
"I don't buy it!" I say coming out of the bathroom. "What's wrong?"
"Ughhh..." she rolls around the bed whining. "Shark Week!" she grabs her stomach.
"Shark week?" I ask confused
"Yeah, you know, the bloody massacre I have to deal with once a month. That 'Shark Week'." she tells me with an attitude.
"Oh, ok. Well..." I look around not knowing what to say. "Can I get anything for you?" I shrug not knowing what she usually likes or doesn't like during this time of the month.
It takes me about an hour to get everything she requested considering I had to go to three different stores to get what she needed. Thankfully she already had her female stuff she needed; she just wanted stuff like cravings.
I had a box of Cheez It crackers, a box of Wheat Thins, two boxes of Junior Mint candy, Cooler Ranch Doritos, a half gallon of chocolate milk, and her favorite ice cream Cookies and Cream. I wonder if she plans on eating all of this today or if this is for the week?
I don't think I want to ask that question, it may be dangerous territory to walk into. I pull into the driveway and pull around to the back door to my usual spot. I grab the bags and walk to the house.
"Hey, baby, I'm back!" I hollar out so she can hear me.
"Ok, I'll be right there." I hear her from the living room
"Hey beautiful." I say as she walks in the kitchen
"Ugh, I don't feel like it." She makes a face at me and walks to the bags on the counter and passes right by me.
"Excuse me, what am I? Chop liver?" I say with a small smile trying to pick on her.
"I'm sorry." she says almost crying and walking back to me to give me a hug.
"Oh no, don't cry. I was just picking on you, baby doll." I say rocking her back and forth.
"Are you still hurting?" she just nods her head and grabs the Junior Mints.
"I wish I had a heating pad for you." I tell her trying to think of something else I could use.
"I have one at home I was going to get it but forgot when I woke up and realized what time it was." she says walking toward the living room.
"If you tell me I'm sure I can find it. I could even call you when I get there so you can tell me where to find it." she nods ok and says she's going to get her keys.
I get to her house and open the door...weird. Shouldn't it be locked? I find a piece of paper on the kitchen counter.
Kenzie,
I see you like to play hard to get now! Don't think I'll be forgetting what happened between us yesterday. Having you snuggled up to me will be something I'll be replaying over and over until I see your beautiful face again. I said I came over for a reason and I won't stop until I get it. I'll be seeing you.
Love, B
What the hell? Is this from Brandon? What is he talking about them being snuggled up? Did she meet him here yesterday and just said she was coming to get some stuff? I guess that would explain why she forgot the heating pad and why she was here all day.
I bet that's why she had a panic attack because she couldn't face me to say she wanted to move back home and now she's just going to forget about telling me and play with my heart some more. Well, hell no! I'm not letting her do this to me. I decide to grab what she needs anyway and just talk to her when I get there.
After I grab what she needs including the note so I can confront her the drive home was quiet. I usually listen to music but I had too much going through my head for me to worry about anything else.
I get home, grab the stuff from her apartment and walk to the back door ready to have this conversation with her. I walk to the living room but stop when I hear her on the phone.
"..I know I need to but I don't know how to tell him. I don't want to make him upset or mad or anything, Ashton." so she's talking to her best friend, probably needs advice on which guy to keep and which one to get rid of.
"NO! I would never even consider it! He's just using me for what he wants then he'll just dispose of me when he's done. I just wish he would move on and make it easy for me." she laughs it off like it's a joke.
Seriously she thinks that low of me? Have I not done everything to prove to her I am here no matter what? I don't understand what's happening right now.
"I think you're right, sis. I just need to talk to Trip and tell him the truth, even if I'm afraid of his response. I love you so much! Thank you for talking to me." she says
"Ok, talk to you later, love you bye." then she hangs up and looks at the tv.
I try to quietly walk back to the kitchen before she can notice me and close the door saying I was home. She walks into the kitchen holding her stomach since she's still cramping.
"Hey, babe. Thank you for getting this for me." She takes the heating pad from me and hugs me. I guess she noticed I didn't hug her back because she pulled back and frowned at me.
"What's wrong?" she asks confused
"You tell me!" I took the note I found and slammed it on the counter making her flinch.
She backs away slowly in fear. "W-where did that come from?" she says quietly.
"Your apartment. I found it when I went to get what you needed. The door was also unlocked." I tell her a little more pissed off then I meant to sound.
"I can explain this." she says when she picks it up. "Wait, this is a different one." she says with fear shaking.
"What do you mean, a different one? He's left you other notes?" I am a little more pissed off now.
Silence...all I get is silence. I run my hands through my hair in frustration.
"I think it may be best if you go back to your house tomorrow. If you would rather be with him then you probably shouldn't stay here anymore." I tell her without looking at her.
"Wait, no, I don't think you understand, you don't know the whole story!" she reached for my arm to stop me but I was faster and pulled away before she could.
"I understand and know enough to see I've been wasting my time with you. I really was falling in love with you, MacKenzie." That was the last thing I said before I walked outside so she didn't see the tears threatening to spill over.
"Trip, wait, no! Let me explain, please!" I didn't turn around or let her catch up to me as I took off running into the woods behind my house.
Kenzie
Oh no, no, no! What am I going to do? Did he really just kick me out? I can't go back there knowing Brandon will be coming back for me. Where will I go? I can't stay here tonight knowing he doesn't want me here so I run upstairs.
I'm trying to pack my bag but it's hard to see when all I can do is cry and my body is against me during this time of the month. I don't understand why he wouldn't listen to me. I should've just been honest with him when it happened and this wouldn't have happened.
He would already know Brandon tried to attack me and he wouldn't let me leave. I know he cares about me still, it just hurt him to see that note. STUPID Brandon, for making him think I was willingly there with him yesterday.
I bet he thought I met up with him because I said I wanted to go there and came home late. I can't imagine what's going through his head right now.
I'll let him calm down tonight and I'll come back tomorrow to talk to him. It's late so I guess I'll just go home for the night and lock everything up. I was stupid earlier and never locked my door which only made it easy for Brandon to get in.
I need to get a taser for safety reasons, I don't like not having any protection now that I have to watch my back again. I get a bag of what I'll need for the night, get my purse so I can get my keys...oh crap, my car. I look out the window to see if my car is out there.
Oh thank god, he must've gone to get it earlier. Where are my keys though? I look around in the kitchen finally finding them on the table by the door. Before I leave I write him a quick note.
Trip,
I need you to let me explain what happened. I can only imagine how betrayed you feel right now but I promise this is all a misunderstanding. I will give you your space for tonight so you can cool off. Just know I will be back tomorrow to talk to you because you deserve the truth. I hope this one little bump in the road hasn't ruined for you what we have. I know I feel strong enough about my feelings for you that I'm not giving up without a fight, I will never give up what we have without trying everything to keep us together.
Love, Kenzie
I go back out and put everything in my car, turning the key I hear the ignition come to life. Just as I'm about to pull away I notice Trip standing in the woods behind his house just standing there watching me.
I thought I saw him wipe his face but I wasn't too sure from this distance. Oh no, is he crying? Oh God, what just happened to us? I hope he'll be ok for the night.
I get home as quickly as I can and run to my apartment making sure to lock every lock. I don't know if or when Brandon will be back so I wanted to be as quick as possible. I would just keep the lights off so he doesn't know I'm home even though I'm pretty sure my car being here is a dead give away.
I check all the windows to make sure they are locked too then I walk to the kitchen. Luckily I still have bottled water in the fridge and gulp one of them down. I don't know how I kept my emotions controlled this long but I guess my body finally realized what just happened and I broke down suddenly on the kitchen floor.
I dropped to my knees then just curled up on the cold tile floor and started crying. Not just because of my fight with Trip just now but because of what Brandon had tried to do to me the night before just a few feet away. I don't think he was taking me in there to cuddle..... I snap out of the nightmare that almost happened when I finally blink.
I'm thankful my instincts kicked in and I was able to get away, I don't even want to think about what he would've done to me if I didn't fight back. He seems more evil than he was before, almost like he has nothing to lose now or something.
I wonder what happened to make him change so much in the last few years. Oh, well, not my problem, well...kinda. It seems as if it's getting to be my problem again. I need to find somewhere else to stay tomorrow, I don't know if Trip will even talk to me so I can't guarantee he'll let me back.
I may have to see if I can stay at Ashton's, I did tell her about Brandon attacking me and having a panic attack and not knowing how to tell Trip. She told me to just rip the bandaid and get it over with.
I have so many thoughts running through my mind while I pick myself up off the kitchen floor and make my way to my bed. I think about everything from years of molestation from my step dad, years of abuse from Brandon to ending with the way it looked like Trip might have been crying when I drove away.
The last thought brought a tear to my eye and the last thing I remember before I fell asleep was Trip's sad face when I pulled out of the driveway.