The summer sun was becoming stronger as the weeks at Hogwarts went on but I hardly noticed, I had taken to holing myself up in the library with my Beauxbatons potions textbooks. Hogwarts had this sort of God Complex, they were the only school in Europe not to teach the Dark Arts and they took immense pride in that. However, while they were acting holier than thou we were learning about them, learning how to brew death incase we ever had to use their own practices against them. It made far more sense that way, everyone on the Dark Lord's side knew all the spells they taught here but we could be one step ahead by studying them.
Ryan had given out to me for spending so much time in the library after exams.
"There's no need to punish yourself now, Fiadh, it's over until next year."
But I couldn't tell Ryan what I was really up to of course, so I went along with the guilt charade. Truth be told, I wasn't worried about my exam results anymore now this task was on my mind. Poisoning Dumbledore had never been on my to do list before I got here, but after meeting Draco and seeing the glimpses of what a sad boy he truly was, I couldn't let him do this alone.
I had almost given up on finding a potion strong enough Dumbledore when a page fluttered out of my book. On it was a hand written potion. I grabbed it quickly out of sight of anyone who may have been watching and read it quickly. I was soon reminded of a potions class in Beauxbatons when we'd been given permission to have a look at "potions les plus mortelles," purely for research purposes. I had seen this one and hadn't hesitated to scribble it down. I had simply labelled it "for enemies."
I clutched the paper tightly in my hand, stuffing my books away and running straight to the Slytherin common room. Before I reached the common room though, I collided with Draco.
"I found it," I hissed, looking over my shoulder.
He stared at me in surprise like he hadn't actually expected me to have found one. He poked his head into the closest classroom, found it empty and ushered me in.
"I found it in my old Beauxbatons book, it's really dangerous, we weren't allowed check the book out," I explained, shoving the piece of paper into his hand.
His eyes scanned the ingredients list, nodding slowly.
"I can get these."
I raised my eyebrows at him, "planning on raiding Snape's stash?"
He ignored me and folded the potion, placing it delicately into his trouser pocket.
"You're going to have to help me brew it..."
"Yeah, fine. Where?"
"Room of Requirement, I'll have the ingredients by tonight."
Without another word, he left, leaving me wondering how on earth he was going to come by all those ingredients in one night.
The Slytherin common room took longer than usual to empty out now that exams were over and everyone was staying up late playing exploding snap or wizards chess. Around midnight Ryan and I retreated to our dorms. She was moaning about an argument her and Hermione had had over Draco earlier but I wasn't listening. As a matter of fact, I hadn't been listening to most of what she had been saying of late, my mind preoccupied with potions and Draco. I hated to admit it but the slimy bastard took up way more of my brain than I liked.
"...don't you agree?" Ryan asked me as she climbed into bed.
"Oh, yeah," I replied hoping that my answer was sufficient.
As it happened, it wasn't. Ryan raised her eyebrows at me.
"What?" I asked, faking confusion.
"I just asked you if you thought all muggle borns deserved the death penalty," she laughed, throwing her shoe at me, "I knew you weren't listening. What's going on."
I snorted, catching the shoe and tossing it to the ground beside her bed.
"Nothing," I lied, pulling my jumper off, "Just still upset with how those exams went. I think I failed them all."
This was a blatant lie, I knew I hadn't failed any, they hadn't been that bad, we'd covered all the course material in Beauxbatons last year so it really hadn't been too challenging. I could tell Ryan didn't believe me but let it go, climbing into bed and calling goodnight before pulling her curtains around her bed.
I waited until I heard her soft snores 20 minutes later before I snuck off down to the common room to meet Draco.
He was sitting in front of the fire in a black turtle neck and trousers, awfully formal for a midnight potions class.
"Took you long enough," he said, rolling his eyes. He was carrying a bag which I could tell was full of ingredients. I ignored him and we made our way to the 7th floor.
Once inside the room of requirement I saw there was a cauldron and fire already waiting there for our nefarious brewing.
"How'd you manage to get all those ingredients so quickly?" I asked, arranging the contents on the ground.
"I have connections," he stated simply, flattening out the potion method and examining the first step.
Brewing the potion proved harder than I'd anticipated. Not because it was a particularly difficult one but because Draco was an unnecessarily difficult potions partner. He kept knocking my ingredients over or telling me I was doing something wrong when I knew it to be right. More than once he'd spilled something on my skirt or jumper, causing it to burn through and sear my skin. By the time it was prepared we were no longer talking.
"This should be the perfect amount," I said coldly, taking a sample out in a dropper. Draco had procured a bird to test the potion on. I wasn't much of an animal lover but even so I refused to be the one to deliver the fatal drops. In seconds the bird was on the ground, motionless.
Draco stared at the bird for a second and then looked back at me.
"We did it," he breathed. I saw a look of relief wash over his face as he prodded the bird with his foot.
I wasn't some sick sadist that took pleasure in animal deaths but seeing some of Draco's anxiety lifted even for that glimmering moment made me inexplicably joyous. I quickly funnelled some into a test tube, careful to not let the molten liquid touch my skin.
"Do you have something to disguise it in?" I asked him as he pocketed it.
Nodding he produced a bottle of oak matured mead from a cupboard, "from my father's collection," he explained as he poured the liquid swiftly from one vessel to the other.
It was only then that the reality of what I was doing hit me. I was helping Draco Malfoy kill the greatest wizard of our time. A feeling I'm embarrassed to admit washed over me. It was a mixture of a sick glee and terrible guilt. I wanted to smash the bottle of wine and deliver it immediately to Dumbledore simultaneously. My heart and head clashed and I physically felt it. My morals which I had once thought had been clear and good had been compromised by a tall blonde nightmare of a human who extracted pity and longing from me. I, of course, didn't vocalise any of this. If Draco had thought I for one moment regretted any of my actions I knew he wouldn't hesitate to obliviate me and leave me here for the rats to find.
Instead, I asked, "What now?"
If I'd been paying any attention to the boy in front of me I would've noticed he had shed a single tear which he wiped away before I saw.
"We give it to Slughorn."
Thinking I must've heard him wrong I shook my head, "Slughorn? But I thought this was for Dumbledore."
Draco sighed, "We can't just drop it at Dumbledore's door. It can't be traced back to us."
I nodded, understanding the logic, "And how do you suggest we get this to him?"
"That's what I need you to do next," he said, handing the bottle to me.
I stared at him, "Me?"
"I need you to curse Rosmerta down in The Three Broomsticks," he said simply as if it was no big deal to bewitch a woman to give poisoned mead to a teacher.
"Why me?" I scowled.
"Potter already suspects me, if he spots me in Hogmeade again and if something goes wrong, he'll know he's right," Draco explained.
"What do you mean 'if something goes wrong'?"
He looked at me with exhaustion, "If Slughorn drinks the mead himself, if he gives it to someone other than Dumbledore, there's variables and risks, Rose."
"And how is this supposed to get past Filch? He'll sense it with that stupid scanner of his."
"I heard that mudblood Casey's with mention it a few months ago, the squib can't detect poisons."
"And what if he gives it to someone other than Dumbledore or Slughorn drinks it? Is that not murder?" I hissed, horrified that I hadn't thought of this.
He raised his eyebrows, "Rose, you do know I'm not sending Dumbledore a threat when I mean this mead to go to him right? I want him dead. It's too late to back out now. Either way there will be blood on both of our hands."
I knew he was right but it really seemed a great pity if someone else was to die other than the intended victim. Looking back I realised I sounded crazy. At least if I was on Draco's side I wasn't the only crazy one.
The next Hogsmeade trip was conveniently the following weekend. I had been actively avoiding Ryan once more but this time she had had enough. Just as I was darting out of transfiguration in hopes of getting a seat beside Pansy in potions Ryan grabbed me by the robes. To my surprise her face was full of anger. I had never seen her freckled face so contorted.
"Fiadh Rose what the hell is up with you!" she hissed, her Irish accent stronger with her anger.
I blinked at her, not really knowing how to react. Sure she'd screamed at 2nd years to move out of her way and had cursed at Draco for being a dickhead but this wasn't like Ryan at all.
"I don't know what you mean-"
"Cut the crap Fiadh you've been avoiding me for weeks, you never listen when I speak and don't think I haven't noticed you sneaking out in the middle of the night!"
With a falling sensation in my stomach I realised I was the one bringing such raw emotion to my friend. I had caused the usually easy going girl so much upset that she was acting so out of character. As much as I wanted to tell her everything, I couldn't and instead I improvised.
"Listen, Ryan, I've other things going on in my life, ok? I love you, but I don't feel the need to inform you of every little thing that may cause me to act differently," I snapped.
Ryan took a step back, furrowing her brows.
"You're not the same person I became friends with," she hissed, clutching her books to her chest, " What the hell changed?"
I needed a defence and to be fair, I really was taking the lowest shots in that moment.
"Oh I wonder!" I cried, "You get a girlfriend and go all mushy and soft and hang around with the boy who used me and won't stop babbling on about your girlfriend like I actually care what you guys do!"
I honestly had no clue where any of that came from but after I had said it I realised it was mainly truth. It was all she talked about and she did hang out with Harry all the time like he'd done nothing wrong. This was actually a very good cover.
Ryan's face fell, "Fiadh, I'm sorry, I didn't realise."
This was my chance to get her off my back, even for a little while.
"Of course you didn't. Maybe if you weren't so self absorbed maybe you'd think about how your actions effect other people." I turned on my heel and headed towards potions.
"Fiadh, wait-"
"Just leave me alone, Ryan, okay? For once just think of anyone but yourself."
I knew I was being cruel but I had no other choice. I knew she would've dragged me along with her and Hermione at Hogsmeade like some poor lost puppy dog and I wouldn't have a chance to carry out the second part of the plan. A twisted sense of relief washed over me as I heard Ryan's footsteps stop.