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Let Me Explain
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"You got one son and I think you've made it crystal clear who the fuck you chose to be a father too."
- Benjiman Cartier Gotti
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Wednesday | July 3rd
"Hey Rocco! Do you mind if I take an hour instead of a thirty minute lunch today? I have a few errands to run." Layton found herself asking her manager as she waited for a response. It was around three in the afternoon and Layton had wanted to go see Benji. It had been an usual busy day for her with both school and work, so she hadn't had the chance to see him at all today, so it was in her plan too now on her lunch.
"What you gone do for me?" Rocco retorted in such a casual manner not even realizing what he'd said or how it would've seemed to Layton. A frown quickly graced her face as she gave him a weird look due to his choice of words. That had caught her off guard, which he could tell by the stunned look on her face.
"What?" Layton went on to ask, but this time with a comical frown. She knew he hadn't meant any harm by his choice of words, but it was still surprising for her. Everyone knew that he liked her, but Rocco had never just come out and boldly say anything as this.
Rocco laughed a bit, after realizing. "My fault, what I meant was .. when you gone let me take you out?" He rephrased his words for her then shot her a smile that made her crack a shy smile in return. It was like his smile was contagious, and it had spread amongst her body where she couldn't even control her lips.
"Rocco, please don't. We just had lunch on break a couple days ago." Layton explained to him, but that was quickly shut down by him shaking his head. He wanted more and Layton wasn't trying to give it up. It confused her as to why he even tried when he was aware of her being involved with someone already.
"Nah Layton, that don't count. Lunch was cool, but I wanna take you to dinner. We get dressed up, go to a nice spot downtown to have dinner, and a bottle of wine. You look good in uniform, but I wanna see yo face outside of just work some time. I know you see I been sweating you some serious for a minute now. I think we can have some but you won't even give a nigga a chance to show you what I'm about." Rocco said to her, and it had Layton feeling a type of way.
It wasn't that Rocco was an ugly dude, because that wasn't the case. He was attractive standing at a cool six foot two in his sneakers. In a way, he gave her a resemblance of Diamond from P Valley. Rocco was a very playful person, but something about him just made her want to run in the opposite direction. That could've been the fact that she knew Benji wouldn't take Rocco shooting his shot at her lightly, at all.
He took her silence as her thinking. "All I want is a chance, one date. If you still not feeling me after the date, I'll fall back." Rocco continued, causing her to stand in deep thought. She was flattered, because he was definitely a nice looking guy and every girl was after him. For some odd reason, she wondered what it was about her that made him chase behind her so.
Layton sighed. "My life is complicated right now. I don't have much time for anything else," she said in an attempt on letting him down the easy way. A part of her had felt bad because Rocco really liked her. It was the other part of her that loved her some BG, as she remained firm on her answer and had to decline.
He nodded. "I get that, and I ain't trynna make it no more complicated for you. I just wanna get to know you better. It ain't even gotta be on a romantic level, but as friends. We ain't even gotta call it a date. We can just grab some food and drinks, I got the perfect spot in mind to take you." Rocco said, keeping at it.
"I'm involved with someone already," She retorted, hoping that it would make him just back off of what he was trying to do. Layton wasn't interested in any thing that he was trying to offer her. Benji was what she wanted, and nothing he would say could change how she felt about her Benji and the love she had.
"But you not in a relationship?" Rocco asked just to confirm what he'd already known. Word wasn't that hard to come by these days. He was sweating her on another level, so of course he got word of her being single too. It was the perfect opportunity for him.
"Not exactly, but .." Layton started, but got cut off.
"So, there has to be a reason why you just involved with dude and not cuffed too. Cause if it was me, it definitely wouldn't be you out here just wearing my name around ya neck, but more than that." Rocco's words made her immediately reach for her necklace that read Benji. Layton wasn't phased by his words, because they would definitely be in a relationship if she hadn't just called it off a few days prior to now.
"It's complicated," Layton retorted quickly, letting a smooth Rocco know that he didn't know everything about her or her situation. She was single by choice. "We're not seeing other people," she followed up.
"What that gotta' do with me and what we got goin' on? This just two friends going out for drinks and a couple hot wings. Nothing more, nothing less. Give me your time outside of work, I'll give you an extra half hour on your break." Rocco reasoned with her.
Layton squinted. "Why me? You got plenty females that are lined up to go out with you. Why are you so stuck on a girl that might not even be interested?" It was the might for him and it made his smirk grow.
"So you might be?" He joked, which caused Layton to roll her eyes playfully as a response. "No, for real man. I can stand in here all day and tell you why I'd pick you over all them other females, but I'd rather get the opportunity to show you why I'd pick you." Rocco said smoothly. As much as she didn't want to smile at that, her lips had betrayed her and done it.
"Fine," Layton responded briefly as she prepared to clock out with her hour lunch break. She had to just get out of here, before she agreed to something else that she knew would piss Benji off completely. That was definitely what he was going to be when she let him know about this. She dreaded the conversation.
"What's that?" He asked and put his hand to his ear.
"I said fine. It can't be this week though, I'm busy. I will let you know when I'm free." She told him, her mind was on Benji and how angry he was gonna be.
"Next week is cool, we'll set it up. Enjoy yo lunch." Rocco said with a sly smirk, brushing past her as he made his way back into the showroom. He'd done it intentional, just to touch her. Layton had to admit it, he was just a little smooth with it too. He seemed to be a nice dude, too bad she wouldn't find out either.
Layton quickly clocked out, and left for lunch. That moment had her shaken up, as she cursed herself for agreeing to go. Yes, she was single, but it was still a conditional type of single. Benji would definitely be angry about it, especially after last week when they had this conversation, and he asked her not to hang around him anymore. Too late for that now, huh?
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"Ma?" Benjiman questioned in confusion once his eyes had focused in on an image of the late Brenda. It was confusing to him he kept opening and closing his eyes to make sure they weren't playing games. It looked so real, but the white clouds and bright light let him know exactly where he was, with his mother.
"Benj? What are you doing here?" Brenda asked as she noticed her baby. "Oh, boy you're all grown up, my handsome baby." Brenda smiled as she admired what she'd created. She was dressed in all white, as she stood with a halo circling above her head. This, it was confusing to Benji, but glad to see his mom.
"Ma, where am I?" He asked as he looked around. It was so bright with angelic white doves flying and clouds decorating the area. It resembled heaven, so he assumed that's where he was .. but how? Why?
"You're where you don't belong, not yet. You should be down there, not here Benji. I'm glad to see you, I am but you have to leave." Brenda said, standing in front of her baby boy. It had been nearly so long for her since she was this close to her son, it nearly got her to tears to see his grownup face up so close. She had created a handsome young man, that she did.
"Ma, I miss you." Benji said with a deep sigh. With his mother standing there, he let down his guard. It was in the presence of his mother when he was most comfortable to be in a vulnerable state. At that time, he resembled the young and lost teenage boy she'd left behind the day she died. He missed her so much that it often got him down. People rarely ever asked if he was okay, they just assumed, but he wasn't.
"I know baby, leaving you was the hardest thing for me to do. Momma is always watching over you out there, in everything that you do. I'm always looking out for you, always have and always will baby." He smiled as he looked at his beautiful mother. She had always been the most beautiful woman to him, but it had only been intensified with the glow she had.
"I met my sperm donor," he mentioned and she was able to sense the shift in his tone. Brenda knew her son had anger issues and wish there was more that she could've done as a parent to help him. Money is hard to come by, so for her she never made enough to get Benji professional help to control his anger.
"I saw. You should listen to what he has to say baby and just forgive him." Brenda said and he frowned. That was the last thing he'd expected her to say. He had grown up with her talking so ill of his dad, now she was telling him to forgive and move on now. He was shocked, but that wouldn't ever happen either.
"What? Fuck no." Benji retorted quickly.
"Boy, I may be dead and gone but don't forget who you're talking too." Brenda snapped at him, and he reprimanded himself for speaking to his mother that way. What she'd said caught him by surprise and it had made him a bit angry too. It was a no for him.
"I meant no ma. That nigga left you and me to die. I can't forgive him for that. He left us ma and went to make him another family like he hadn't. I can't let it go just like that. I wanna kill him." Benji expressed his anger to his mother, who only shook her head.
"You don't mean that. You're gonna forgive him and move on Benji. I'm not there anymore baby and that eats me up inside. Regardless of what he did to us a long time ago, he's in your life now and he cares for you. Please baby, just let him make up for it. Let his story he heard." Brenda explained and he frowned.
"He don't get a chance to explain, he missed it over the past months he been in my face and didn't say it. I don't care anymore." He told his mom who sighed in response. There was no getting through to him.
"Benji, you're grown now. I can't make your choices for you, but you should at least listen to what he has to say. I may not have told you everything as a child that may be worth hearing now. We're all human, it takes us making mistakes, to learn from them too. I just want you to be happy baby and don't let all the anger you have towards your father get in the way."
"I know ma and all I wanted as the same for you. I wanted to make you happy always. I know I failed, but I'm trying to make up for it now. I wish you was here to see it." He said to his mother in a soft tone, wishing that he could talk to her much more often.
"I'm happy. I have no worries and no regrets. I lost my life and ended up here in the best place I've ever been so that you could live your life. That's why you gotta get out of here. I didn't die for you to come up here and join me so soon. We'll meet again, but not right now. Go and live your life baby, I'm fine here. Momma is okay." She smiled and he could see that sad smile and the tears that fills her eyes too.
"I love you ma, more than anything." He said as he took a step closer to her. Brenda stepped closer and pulled her baby into the biggest hug. It was what he hadn't known he needed. The motherly hug was that comforting feeling mother's face their lost child. He held onto her so tight, he wished he could just bring her on back down to planet earth with him too.
"I know and I love you that much more. My baby, I want you to go back out there and keep making me proud. I don't want to see you here again. I birthed a legend, and legends never die. I'm already proud of the man I created, so keep making me happy."
Before Benji could even get the chance to respond, he found the bright lights fading from the after life, and being replaced with those of his hospital room. He had so many questions as he rubbed at his eyes, trying to make sense of what he'd just experienced. It was strange, but Benji sat up on the bed and went to look around. His eyes landing right on the devil.
"Get out," he mumbled coldly. Jerome hadn't even noticed him wake up, but once he heard Benji speak he immediately stood to his feet, and grew nervous.
"Please son, just let me explain." Jerome said with a sense of urgency. He'd been here for the past couple days, desperately trying to explain himself to BG. It was just as hard as he'd imagined it to be, it not that much worse. BG was stubborn and he had the rights to be after what Jerome had done, which is why the death threats and sly remarks had been looked over.
"Are you fuckin' stupid? I ain't yo fuckin' son. Jace is yo son and he a bitch ass nigga, just like you. I'm mad cause I should've known some shit was up, the minute we met. You took a strange interest in me so quick and now I know why. Yo, you can get the hell out of my room. You got one son and I think you've made it crystal clear who the fuck you chose to be a father too." Benji spat, venom lacing every word.
Jerome sighed. "Jace is your brother and you're my son, no matter how much you hate me." He explain to Benji, only making matters worse. Jerome was at most trying to calm Benji before trying to explain.
"Jace ain't shit to me, just like you ain't. Matter fact man, I quit. I can't work for a nigga like you. If you hadn't left my mother to die, then I prolly' wouldn't even be in this shit now. I blame you for everything that's ever happened to me. If you had been real ass man and handled your responsibilities, we wouldn't be here today. I blame you for everything. I'm just a fucked up dude because of you. I missed out on my whole fucking life because of you." Benji shouted.
"Listen to me kid, I swear your mom didn't tell you the whole truth man. I know you're upset, but-" BG cut him off before he was even able to finish that.
"So you calling my mother a liar?" BG had frowned at him. Jerome just stood there, looking back at him with eggshells under his feet. That was a loaded one and the wrong answer would turn into much worse.
"Son, I just-" Jerome started again, but was cut off.
"I swear if you call me that shit one mo time."
"I just want a chance to explain." Jerome spoke.
"Ion give a fuck bout nunna' dat shit. Wanna' know why? Cause when I met you months ago, that was a perfect time to fuckin' explain. And if not then, over the past seven months would've been cool, but your fraudulent ass sat in my face for months with an act.
All this fucking time you been playing me and your ass been the nigga that I've held so much hate for. I blame you. You the reason and if I had a gun on me, I would put a fuckin' bullet in between ya eyes." He told his father ruthlessly. Benji was a savage and the amount of fucks he gave was at an all time low.
"BG, please kid. I'm begging here. I know I fucked up, but I wanna make it right. I never meant to hurt you, I swear. I just didn't know how to come to you because of this shit right here. I was afraid of how I would cause you to react. So you're right, I kept all of this in for months because I was finally happy to know and have a relationship with both of my sons. I made a mistake as a kid and I'm paying for it. So, the minute I saw you I knew you were my first son. I wanted to tell you, but just to know you clouded a lot of my judgement and I messed up. I'm sorry kid, I am. I just wanna move past this and to be apart of your life." Jerome explained. Any other kid maybe would've forgiven him and fell for it, not Benji.
"That's bullshit. You a grown ass man and you out here feeding me bullshit. Ion' want a relationship. I don't want shit to do wit you, cause when I wanted a relationship with you, you was busy being a good father to Jace and Jada like I didn't exist. I missed a lot of my life that I shouldn't have. While you doing it big in the suburbs, eating good I'm out here in the slums struggling. You can leave now," he said, with a bunch of hostility as he dismissed his father out.
Jerome sighed. "Fine, I'll leave. I'm not giving up, I swear. I want to be the father that I wasn't to you. It is twenty one years late but I'd like the chance from you to make it right." Jerome said hopefully as he'd made a move to leave. He bypassed Layton who sat along the bench outside his room, waiting for them to finish talking before she went inside to see him.
As soon as Lay entered his room, she already knew that he had an attitude and was in a bad mood. Once he caught eye of her, he simply looked away toward the window. He'd been really down lately, and she'd tried her best to understand. She tried to uplift him a lot, but Benji was very mean and stubborn so it was hard to get through to him most times that she tried.
"Hey, how are you feeling?" Layton asked as she'd gone to kiss his lips, but he quickly turned his head away from her, so that she caught his cheek instead. Any other time that would've bothered her, but that was a small thing compared to all that he had going on with him right now. Patience was definitely what anyone had to have when dealing with this Benji.
"Straight." Benji said briefly, not caring to explain a million and one things he had running ramped in his head. There had been so much that he wanted to tell her, his best friend, but he couldn't bring himself to even speak on it now. Layton didn't push it with his mood, instead she nodded her head and took a seat.
"Why do you have a hat on?" She inquired as she'd taken note of the Atlanta Hawks hat he wore. It was her attempt at making small talk, hopefully it was a move to bring him out of his sunken spirits lately.
"I need a haircut," he said briefly.
Finally, Layton couldn't take it. "Are you good? It's a lot going on with you lately and I know that Benji but are you really okay?" She asked cautiously, that caused him to look at her. His eyes were cold and it was an empty stare. She couldn't recognize him and he sat right in front of her. It was a very scary sight.
"Why you didn't tell me about dude." BG spoke. It was more so of a statement than a question. This is what it came back too. He was upset about his boss being his dad and felt some type of way that Layton didn't tell him when she'd come to see him. This is what he wanted to bring up now, of all things this.
"Benji, It wasn't my place. I figured that it would be better coming from him. If you'd let him explain it, then maybe you wouldn't feel the way you do now. I did what I thought was best, besides he came right in and you found out anyway." Layton said with her slight frown. This was not what she wanted to have an extra half hour for. If she knew he'd act like this, she could've just stayed at work without the stress.
"Well, it wasn't." He scoffed. She could tell that this was only upsetting him more, but she wasn't for it.
"Can you calm down, please?" Layton questioned.
"I'm good." He retorted.
"No you're not,"
"You really gone tell me how I feel?" He frowned.
"And you're really gone lie to me when I'm looking at your heart monitor?" Layton retorted, referring to the loud beeping of the machine monitoring him. At those words, he sucked his teeth and didn't even say anything more. The room grew quiet again, both the two not bothering to say anything until she did. "So, Rocco asked me out for drinks." Layton continued.
Benji scoffed, but didn't bother to look at her. As if he needed to hear anymore bad news right now. He looked over at the wall and then finally spoke. "Oh yeah, and what you say?" He questioned her again.
Layton sighed. "I said that I would, but it only since he agreed to give me an extra half hour on break, to come out here to see you." She finished, hoping that it would ease the tension she knew was coming. His reaction was actually one that she didn't expect, but he was rather calm after being told about her date.
"So, you goin out with niggas now." He voiced.
"I already told him I was involved with somebody. I literally wear your name around my neck every day, he knows I'm not going for the dating shit with him. It's just drinks," Layton explained, causing a frown.
"You hear yo self right? That's got to be the wildest shit I ever heard. So you thought I'd be cool wit' the shirt just cause you came to see me? Fuck outta hea' Layton. He know you involved, and he don't give a fuck either. You wild," he explained, trying his best.
"It's just drinks. Plus, I know how to handle myself. I'm not checking for nobody else, so what's the big deal Benji?" Layton questioned with another frown. In her mind it wasn't a big deal, but had it been that other way around she would've felt where his view.
"What's the big deal? The big fuckin' deal is that up ass would even bring some shit like this to me, then think I'd be okay wit the shit. It's a respect thing for me, but I see you don't get that." He shook his head and even found himself laughing sarcastically. "I'm done with all this shit cause you obviously tripping, and tryna piss me off." He announced and laid back on the bed with his eyes closed. He was over this.
"I'm not," she retorted.
"You definitely is, but fuck it. Do ya thing man. I'm not gone stop you. I got so much shit on my mind at this point, I can't even think straight. I'm in a fuckin hospital bed after my third surgery. My pops wanna' pop out like Casper and now this shit? Yo, I can't be dealing wit all this right now. I can't. So if you want to go out with dude, by all means do that. Ion' even got the energy to try and stop you or argue about the shit no more." He told her honestly letting her know just how he felt. "Matter fact go with that square ass nigga if you want too. That's all ima say." BG said.
It was Layton's turn to give him a weird look. That statement wasn't in efforts to give her permission or a farewell, but was more along the lines of do it and see what happens type of vibe. Benji laid back onto the bed casually not giving the situation anymore of his attention. He was over all the bullshit for today.
"Are you threatening me?"
"Take it how you want too, but don't come lookin at me when ya lil' sneaker head ass boyfriend, all over CNN with a bullet in his fuckin' brain." He told her.
"You wouldn't," she challenged.
He sucked his teeth. "You already know what type of time I'm on. Act high if you want too." He said. Oddly, it made her smile as she neared his bed. She reached out to touch him, but he pushed her hands. Layton took a seat at the edge of his bed, watching him as he watched her closely, clocked her moves.
"I love you," she smiled.
"Nah. Go love that square ass nigga you tryna go on a date with." Benji retorted as he pushed her hands.
"Look, you can be mad at me all you want but I am still gonna lay right here next to you in this bed. So, move over." Layton instructed, as she gave him that stern look. Benji gave her a blank stare, but still his body shifted over on the bed to give her more room.
"Has your brother or sister been by?" Layton asked, snuggling into his side once he'd finally made room for her on the bed. She laid closely next to him, and rubbed her hand over his soothingly. They'd started off rocky, so now she was attempting to take off the edge and just relax with the both of them, calmly.
"Who?" He retorted sarcastically, then scoffed.
"Benji, don't be like that."
"Like what? Like a person that's angry. Well, that's not exactly what I am." Benji said to her quickly.
"Babe, it's not his fault. Your dad lied to every one, not just you. They just want a relationship with you. If you don't give your dad the chance to right all of his wrongs, don't take that out on them. They didn't have anything to do with his decisions." Lay said to him, but he kept quiet. He was tired of talking about this shit with her. As of now he felt how he felt with his dad and siblings, she couldn't change his mind.
"So you're gonna ignore me?" Layton continued.
"Yea. Ion' wanna talk about this shit Layton. At this point, I'm liable to say anything and ion wanna hurt your feelings so I'm just gone let it be." BG spoke.
Layton shrugged. "Fine, but you have to learn to be forgiving. That's something you have to be ready to do on your own though, but Jace is a great start."
"You right and I ain't. Cause while my moms out at night selling herself for money and we struggling to keep the lights on, that nigga living good with dude that knocked my mom up and left her. I'm good." It was how he felt and he stood ten toes on that too.
"And again that's not his fault. You have every right to blame your dad and feel how you feel, but Jace is not your dad, and he has nothing to do with it. Your dad is a grown and can handle his own faults. It's so unfair for him to be blamed for his father's wrongs. That's like blaming me for my mom being on drugs like she is. That's not my fault, like it's not Jace's."
"Stop sayin' that shit, that's not my dad. That nigga ain't shit to me, not now or ever." He said with that angry expression on his face that made her angry as he was. At this point, they both were upset at this.
"Benji do you hear yourself? You're selfish."
"I'm selfish? Me? Cause a nigga left my mom to be a woman at fourteen and raise me? Cause I'm angry at this man because he's been in my fuckin' face for months and didn't think to say shit. A nigga that had me thinking that he was just my boss all this time? I get to be the selfish one out of all that? Fuck that. If anything, I'm being generous cause he's still alive." Benji voiced loudly, only growing more angry. That had struck a nerve. He moved to get out of bed with the quickness. Physical therapy had been paying off or the fact that he'd been pushing himself so hard.
Layton stood out from that bed, at the opposite side. She continued to speak her peace, trying to reason a way that would get him to listen. "I understand that, I do. It's just that everyone makes mistakes, nothing or no one is perfect. Forgiving is a powerful thing, I think you should try it. Do you know how many out there, wishing they had a dad? Me. I'm one of them Benji. I never knew a dad or had the chance. You do and I just don't want you to take it for granted. Your dad is still here. He obviously cares about you to try and fix what he knows he broke. You just have to be willing to forgive and move past things for yourself, it will only make you a better person in the end."
It was Benji's turn to talk, he sucked his teeth. "You might but right, but don't make me feel guilty for it. Plus, you sound real hypocritical right now. You say I should try and mend shit with him, huh? You got a mom out here somewhere, that you ain't tried fixing shit with either. I'd kill to have my mom back, but I see yours out here walking the streets and you don't even seem to care." Benji retorted, and this one hit a soft nerve in Layton that caused her to cry, angrily.
"I do fucking care!" Layton yelled, loudly at him. "I do care, so don't ever try to tell me that I don't care. I always do." She said, controlling her breathing. "I love that woman, but at some point you have to just realize what's holding you back. I can't keep letting my mom bring me down, I won't. I've tried so hard to be there and help my mom get better. Ask me the number of times I've tried. I've given everything to help her. Working two jobs to support myself and to get her into rehab, it never worked. I've been saving for college, since I graduated school at seventeen. I have had to start over three times, because I've tried to help her get well. So don't ever say I didn't try or that I don't care, because I've cared too much." She told him, and it made him feel bad for saying that.
Benji made his way around to her side, slowly but it was the fact that he made it. He pulled her into him, kissing her forehead. "Don't cry, I'm sorry." Benji's apology had a double meaning behind it. A part was genuinely being sorry and the other just not wanting her to cry. It had been a hard enough day for him, so the tears would only stress him out more, mentally.
Layton sighed, hugging his body gently. "I just need you to give them a chance. It could be good for you, maybe them too. Free yourself of some of the anger and hatred you have in you, forgiveness is the way." She explained to him, still attempting to get through to him with her act of forgiving and moving past it.
Benji nodded. "I hear you, but can we save this for another time. I just wanna' be at peace right now. I don't have the energy to argue or go back and forth about dude nomore. My fuckin' head is killing me." He complained as he got back into the hospital bed, closing his eyes to relieve them of the bright lights. This was just becoming too much for him to bear.
"Do you want the nurse?" Layton asked, with a look of concern etched on her face. To see him with so much pain made her feel bad. Benji didn't let the world know that he was hurting, ever, her included. It was rare to see him so vulnerable like this, so she did everything she could to keep him in good spirit.
"Yea. Tell her get me some more pain meds,"
Layton nodded. "Okay, I have to go. I'll call you. I hope you feel better." She kissed at the side of BG's face, him not even feeling up to move away from it.
"You know you ain't gotta go back there, right?" He asked her, just to ensure that she knew. Layton liked to be independent, which meant her working for her own money. Despite Benji practically taking care of her, that was his choice. Like it was her choice to be the smart woman she was and to work and stack her own money. Benji wasn't like that, but if something ever happened where he wouldn't pay her bills, then she would still be straight because she kept saving.
"Are you crazy?" Layton frowned quickly. That was not something she had planned on doing, ever in the lifetime she'd live. Maybe her perspective would up and change if and when she was married, but now it was a no for her. If her mother hadn't taught her any thing else, it was to never fully depend on any man.
"Yea, insane if I recall right." He retorted, playing a bit off of her statement to him not that long ago.
Layton smirked. "I'm not quitting my job. I love the way you spoil me, I appreciate everything. My bills, plus tuition is enough on your part. It's still a lot for me to get used too, so yes, I do have to go back."
"You gone come back when you get off?"
"I don't know, it depends. I still have my therapy on schedule for tonight. I'm not sure how long it'll be. I'll call to let you know if I do though." She said as she prepared to leave the room. At the rate she was going, she was already late getting back to work.
"C'mere." He demanded. With a small sigh, Layton made her way back over to the bed. Quickly, he had pulled her into a big hug and kissed her lips. "If you think I'm jokin' when I say I'll kill that nigga, this a warning that I'm not. Remember what type of nigga you fuckin' wit when you tell him you can't go." He said to her and that had only made her laugh more.
"Bye Benjiman," Layton dismissed.
After Layton left, he was alone for a while. He went in and out of sleep, flipped through channels, Don's assistant had brought him some stuff by. He was the ultimate definition of bored but he was popular with the visitors today, yet another soft knock came from his hospital door. Benji looked up to find Jada there, with puffy eyes. He could tell she'd been crying.
"Wassup." Benji mentioned, trying not to be mean.
"Look BG, I'm sorry for what my dad did to you, to all of us. I know it couldn't have been easy and how I wish things had been different. I'm trying here and I really want to be here. I want to know you, despite how you feel about dad. Jace is too stubborn to do it so I'm being the bigger person." Jada said quickly.
BG sighed deeply before speaking to his baby sister he'd just met not too long ago. "Listen Jada, I'm not the person you want as a brother. I'm fucked up and I say a lot of bullshit I might regret. I'm a fucked up person, thanks to ya' dad. It ain't the best thing to be or to say, but shit that's what it is. I'm tryna work on myself, but honestly I'm not ready to mend shit with him right now, or maybe ever. I know all of this shit not y'all fault. He painted a fake picture for y'all, as he did for me. I get that, well I'm tryin too. It's just, it's hard for me to sit here and look in yo face and I remember the life that I had." He felt himself being stubborn, but also becoming angry all over again.
"Just knowing that you and Jace both had a life that I could have had growin up spoon fed in a mansion for most of ya life, while I'm living up in the slums. Y'all only worries was the next toys you would get, while I'm worried about the next meal I'm gone get is hard for me. Don't get me wrong my mom busted her ass, day in and day out to make sure that I never went without, but just the fact that all this time dude was in the same city as me being a father to you and yo brother like I didn't exist is some I can't get over. Not right now. And like I said, it ain't shit against yo brother or you cause y'all was in the blind too, but it ain't just some shit I can get over within a matter of hours." Benji explained to his sister. He'd opened an old wound, and it pained him to even talk about it.
It was weird how men were suppose to be so hard at all times and were never granted a moment of being human or vulnerable. Benji was just that with all of what he was going through. He wouldn't consider it to be a depression, but that's what it felt like. Every time he got closer to happiness it left just as quickly and it was depressing and upsetting. Benji longed a mental break from all of this, it was very necessary.
"I understand and I respect your choice," Jada said with a sigh, trying to hold in her tears. "I hate how it all happened BG, I do. Just don't let what he did to you, affect your decision when it comes to us. It may take some time and I'm fine with that, but BG I want to be here. You're my brother, and I want to have a relationship with you. So, when you feel as if you're ready to be a brother to me. Don't hesitate to call." She gave him a weak smile as she dropped a piece of paper on his bed with her phone number.
He nodded his head and remained silent. Jada took that as he was done speaking, so with a weak smile she left her brother's room feeling even more torn. Despite it being the worse for him, it was bad for a young Jada too. Her father had painted this picture, a perfect picture for her and Jace like he was every thing they'd imagined. Now, it was like the picture was ruined and the father they'd thought they knew was a lie and it fucked with them one in the same.
Once Jada had left, he was left by his lonesome yet again to ponder on his own thoughts. He finally had the thought to go through the things Don's assistant had brought by for him. As he flipped through all of his mail, his eyes landed on the envelope he'd been searching for since the day he went for the paternity test. He sat the rest of the mail to the side, and took a moment to just stare at the envelope addressed to him. After thinking for a moment, he finally tore in to the envelope to find out if he was indeed a dad.
As he took the papers out, he flipped through them to find the answer he was looking for. His eyes ran over the many words quickly. "Hey!" Layton said, announcing herself as she came back into his room. A broad grin covered her face, as she made her way in closer to his bed. Benji released the breath he had been holding as he looked up to see her fine ass.
As he caught eye of Layton, he closed the paper up and sat it on the nightstand. "Wassup. You back real early, how that therapy shit go?" Benji questioned.
Layton smiled. "It went well. My therapist was nice and he took me slow for this first session. He called this one the ice-breaker to get me comfortable with him before we get further into stuff. What have you been doing since I left?" She went on to ask him.
"Shit. Bored as hell."
"Oh. Tiffany says I only have about an hour, before I will have to leave. So, you gone make some room on this bed for me or what?" She questioned him.
Benji sighed as he moved over on the bed. Once she had climbed in next to him, he wrapped his arms all around her and then kissed her forehead. One of his hands rested on her waist, she grabbed the other. A comfortable silence had taken the room. Neither of them bothered to speak as they both indulged in so many thoughts within their own mind. It was quiet for a moment, until Layton decided to break it.
"What are you thinking about?" Layton asked him. Her small hands was locked with his as she played with his fingers. It was weird, but it was something she did when she was bored. He didn't object to it, so it had become an unbeknownst habit of hers.
"All the dumb ass mistakes I've made," he retorted. His mind was all over the place, but it kept going to what he could've ... should've done differently with all the mistakes that he had made. It started from his thirteenth birthday when his mom got murdered and continued up until now. He wish he could go back.
"Why?" Layton inquired as she looked up at him.
Benji sighed and reached for the envelope that he'd sat in the nightstand and sat it on her lap. "The baby is mine." He voiced, causing Layton's heart to drop. Her eyes scanned over the paper once she'd opened it to view the results. As much as she wanted to say that she wasn't upset, hurt, or angry, she couldn't. It felt like every single one of those emotions ran over her body like they had the first time he had told her, but only this time it was ten times worse now that it was confirmed to be true. This was too much.
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Hope you all enjoyed.
Excuse any minor errors.
Tell a friend to tell a friend.
Questions. Comments. Concerns.
I have a few questions of my own.
1.Do you feel Benji's reasons for not being able or wanting to accept Jace and Jada are valid reasons or should he forgive and move on with his siblings?
2. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. lol. This story was pre-written, and as much as I wanted to change it to please you all that hate Maleah, I couldn't. Anywho, baby names? Come on y'all, don't be mean. lol.
3. So, do y'all think my sis should go on this date with Rocco? I mean she's single single, but Benji is a whole other level of crazy. How y'all feeling? Is it worth a shot or should she focus on her and BG?
4. Benji blames his father for everything that is wrong is his life, from the way he grew up to why he is such an asshole. Do you think his father is to blame for everything or does Benji hold blame too?
xoxo Vanessa