"With a secret like that,
at some point the secret itself
becomes irrelevant.
The fact that you kept it does not."
-Sara Gruen
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"Why didn't you tell me?"
"Huh?" Lisa had to steady herself; this was the first conversation she'd have with Jennie after a month.
"You- Lisa... be honest with me." Jennie inhaled sharply. "Do you like boys? Or...?"
Lisa chuckled. "I'm assuming you found out."
She was laughing. Lisa found this funny. Jennie gritted her teeth, fists clenching. "I had to find out through my parents. Of all people. I can't believe this. I thought we were closer than that."
"Key-word: were." The blonde sighed. "Didn't you say that you wanted nothing to do with me?"
Jennie faltered. "B-but before that! How come you never told me that you were a... you know."
"I don't know. Jennie, enlighten me. What am I?"
"You know what I'm saying." The brunette huffed. Lisa didn't budge, and Jennie felt her temper rising. "A lesbian! Okay? I said it. Lisa, why didn't you tell me that you were a le-"
Lisa held her hand up, signalling Jennie to stop. She heaved a sigh. "It's South Korea, Jennie. Not Canada. I can't exactly walk around declaring my sexuality."
"Yeah but- we're bestfriends. Don't you trust me?" Jennie pouted.
The blonde hesitantly pulled Jennie into a hug. "You know the answer to that, Nini."
Heat coursed through Jennie's body. 'She called me Nini again.'
"S-So then why didn't you tell me?"
"It had nothing to do with trust, Jennie, because if that was the case then I would've told you a long time ago."
"But you told Jisoo..." Jennie whined.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you. Forgive me?" Lisa asked with puppy eyes, and Jennie couldn't find it in her heart to say no.
"Okay..."
Lisa grinned, patting the shorter girl on the head.
Now that issue was solved, but Jennie had another question. Another far more pressing question. She steadied her breathing. "Lili... is there a girl that you like right now?"
The blonde was taken aback by Jennie's boldness. "Getting straight to the point today, aren't we, Jennie?"
Jennie giggled. "Well... not exactly straight."
Lisa playfully rolled her eyes, chuckling as she found Jennie's joke way funnier than it should've been. "I do."
The brunette gulped, her laughter suddenly dying in her throat. "Oh. W-was she the one who... gave you those?" Jennie shyly pointed towards the marks on the taller's neck.
The Thai blushed. "I wish." She glanced down at her watch, before looking back up at Jennie with a smile. "Class is starting soon. It was nice catching up with you, Jennie."
Jennie almost let out a pathetic whimper when Lisa left. "I... missed you." She whispered as she watched the blonde's retreating figure.
'I wanted to tell you, Nini. Trust me, I did. But I can't risk you knowing that I have feelings for you. I'd rather be friends, than be nothing at all.'
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"I don't understandddd" Lisa groaned as she face-planted onto the table.
Rosé giggled. "You did miss a month's worth of classes after all. Which brings me to ask, why did you?"
"Oh, umm... it's complicated. I was only planning on taking a day off, but one thing led to another... and it just kinda happened."
The Australian wasn't blind; she could clearly see the marks on Lisa's neck. The sight hurt her more than it should. They're only friends, after all.
"I see. Well, that's okay. But just know that if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm all ears."
Lisa smiled fondly. "Thank you, Rosé. You're my favourite person." She said with a playful wink.
Rosé blushed. "You're also m-"
"I thought I was your favourite."
The blonde gulped as she heard the chilly voice of Jennie Kim.
"J-Jennie- What are you doing here?" Lisa squeaked.
The look on Jennie's face sent shivers down Lisa's spine. "The library is a public space. I can come whenever I want. Why must there be a reason, darling?"
Rosé furrowed her brows at the endearment. 'Isn't Jennie dating Kai?' The Aussie shook her head; she was probably just overthinking. Friends can call each other that. Plus, Jennie is straight.
"But you never come to the library..." Lisa replied, confused by the brunette's sudden appearance.
"Things change." Jennie clicked her tongue. "You would know that, wouldn't you Lili?" She added in a sickeningly sweet tone.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Lisa's brows twitched in annoyance.
"You're well aware of what I mean. Who gave you those?" Jennie pointed to the hickeys.
"That's none of your concern." Lisa mockingly stated, imitating what Jennie had previously told her.
Jennie rolled her eyes. "You're gonna use that against me now? Real mature, Lisa."
"Must we fight every time we speak? Because if so, then you can excuse me because Rosé and I are leaving." Lisa coldly stated before dragging Rosé out of the library.
The brunette groaned. "Great. Just great."
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"I don't mean to pry, but what's going on between you and Jennie?" Rosé asked softly, careful not to piss off the Thai, who was clearly in a bad mood.
Lisa sighed. "I'm not sure... but I guess I'm at fault here. I haven't exactly been... stable since Kai entered the picture."
Rosé furrowed her brows in confusion. "What does Kai have to do with-"
"Do you think I'm desirable?" Lisa cut her off by asking.
The Aussie nearly choked. "W-What?"
"...what does he have that I don't?" Lisa whispered helplessly.
Now Rosé was more confused than ever. "Who? Kai?"
Lisa ruffled her blonde locks. "I'm good at dancing too. I also have good grades. I guess I do like cats more than dogs- but I still like dogs..."
"I'm so lost. What are you saying?"
"I like Jennie." Lisa blurted, turning to face the other girl with watery eyes.
Rosé swallowed. Hard. Surely Lisa doesn't mean... "T-That's normal." She forcefully chuckled. "She's your bestfriend. It would be weird not to like her."
Lisa looked like she was on the verge of breaking down, her shoulders slightly tremblingly as she tried to steady her breathing. "I like Jennie. Like, I really really REALLY like Jennie. I like her so much that it breaks my heart whenever I see her with him in class. It hurts me to even think about her in his arms, laughing at his jokes, kissing him..."
The blonde's hands balled into tight fists. "I hate that I like her. I hate myself for letting me fall for her. I wish I could just move on and forget about her... but I can't. Everytime I see her cute gummy smile and sparkling eyes... I want to give her the world. My all. Because she... she's all I've ever wanted. She means everything to me. Even if she wants nothing to do with me... I'll always be there for her. Unconditionally. Forever and always."
Tears trickled down Rosé's cheeks before she could even try to stop them.
"And I- why are you crying?"
Lisa's soft, concerned voice only knocked Rosé even further down. The Aussie felt weak. It was hard to look at Lisa. Hard to open her mouth and answer the question. It was even harder to breathe.
She can't remember when she started liking Lisa, or why, or how; all she knows is that she does. She really does.
"I-It's nothing... I'm just- you deserve better. I'm sad for you. She has someone so... perfect. Others would kill to have you, really. She doesn't know what she's missing out on." Rosé forced a tight-lipped smile.
Something seemed off. Rosé's smile didn't reach her eyes. She seemed... broken. And hurt. And so many other emotions that Lisa couldn't even begin to decipher. "Thanks, Chaeng."
"Who are the 'others' you speak of? Because I'd really like to move on and fiND tHe oTHeR fiSH iN tHe sEa." Lisa tried to joke.
Rosé didn't laugh. "You wouldn't be interested in them. They're not nearly as pretty as Jennie unnie..." She mumbled defeatedly.
"That's not true. I'd still give them a chance. It's not like Jennie would ever return my feelings anyway." Lisa shrugged, feigning indifference.
Don't give me hope, Lisa. The Aussie lifted her head up, gazing deeply into Lisa's eyes. "What if... this girl was a close friend of yours? Would you still give her a chance?"
Lisa furrowed her brows before chuckling in amusement. "You're not talking about Jisoo unnie, are you? Because she'd easily trade me for a bucket of chicken."
Rosé finally smiled again, but it was a sad one. "Forget I said anything. Let's continue studying." She said before wiping the tears off of her cheek.
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"Yah! Kim Jisoo! You said that you didn't want fries!"
"Yeah well that was before. Now I decided that I want fries."
"But-"
"Respect your elders." The purple-haired girl smugly said before Lisa could further protest.
Lisa huffed. "You literally- ugh. You always say that you're not hungry, but then five minutes later you're stealing all my fucking food. These fries are my dinner." She stated with a pout.
"Sucks to suck." Jisoo said, sticking her tongue out before stealing another one.
The Thai shook her head. Sometimes she questions why she still invites Jisoo over to her house.
"On another note, how are things with you and Jennie? She was sulking earlier in Chem."
"Well, there's your answer." Lisa sighed.
Jisoo clicked her tongue. "Why are you two even fighting? It's seriously confusing."
"Trust me. I'm just as confused as you. I don't even know what she's thinking half the time. One moment she's telling me that she wants nothing to do with me, the next moment she's showing up to the library, staking her claim as 'my favourite'. She makes no sense."
Jisoo chuckled. "Women."
"Yeah, and now she knows too."
The Korean turned to her blonde friend, shocked. "You mean she..."
"Yup. She full on confronted me. It wasn't subtle in the slightest. Plus she knows you know too, which probably upset her even more."
Jisoo smiled nervously. Oops. "Welp, she was gonna find out eventually- What did she say?"
"She asked me if there were any girls that I liked right now." Lisa shrugged. "And I said yes."
Jisoo widened her eyes. "Did you-"
"Of course not. She can't ever find out. Her parents are literally the most judgemental people I've ever met, and are probably very homophobic. She also has a crush on a dude. AKA she's straight and also not into me."
"Umm... I'm not sure how to tell you this..." Jisoo sighed. "But Jennie and Kai are together now. He asked her to be his girlfriend a week ago, while you were gone, and she said yes."
That felt like a punch to the gut for Lisa. Yeah, she knew that Jennie had a little crush on Kai. Yeah, she knew that Kai also liked Jennie. Yeah, they've been on a couple of dates here and there. And yeah, they're both hot and have similar interests- but fuck.
The truth always hurts.
This whole time, Lisa had been deluding herself. She held on to the tiny sparks of hope. She took Jennie out on an adventure to try and "beat Kai"... when she was never really a contestant in the first place.
Reality slapped her across the face, and said "wake the hell up."
"That's nice... I'm happy for them." The blonde forced a tight-lipped smile, though her eyes betrayed her.
"No you're not. And that's ok." Jisoo scrambled to think of an idea; the sad atmosphere was, well, sad. "Let's go get some chicken! The bill's on me." Jisoo suggested in an attempt to lift Lisa's spirits.
This time, the Thai genuinely smiled. "I'd like that. Thank you, Chu."