You make efforts to deal with your feelings and not let them take over you. You eat with Ande even when you don't feel like it. You get closer to Kakashi and don't let each other fall too deep into the darkness. He's still the quieter one but you've learned to enjoy the silence. It's never embarrassing, it's never missing something. You stop walking behind Ande and Shisui and start entering the conversations. Nothing has changed between them, you must have misread the situation, because nothing romantic was happening, just two friends sharing dessert. In spite of all this effort you're making to feel alive, the pain is still there. It never goes away, you just learn to live with it.
Shisui is trying to break through your shell but you've built it well. On your way home, if you lag behind or don't answer him or seem lost in thought, he will grab your hand and hold it for the rest of the way, or put a hand around your shoulders and forget it there. You're afraid to respond the same way. You don't dare hope anymore. You accept it and thank him when you reach home. He's disheartened and watches your window for a few good minutes before going home. You start hanging out with Minato's team again and you can sense that there's something still broken between them. Obito was the glue keeping them together, but they're making efforts to be there for each other, especially Rin, asking about how you are, making sure Kakashi is alright. He responds to her openly and plainly, she understands him better than I do? But you don't let those thoughts get too deep she should, she's someone forever encrusted in his soul now.
You're getting taller, stronger, more muscular, curvier, no more missing teeth, but no matter how hard you try, you're still slightly behind both Kakashi and Shisui. You no longer care about it, you don't even bring up the hokage title anymore. That dream is no longer yours. It never was, that dream was only there as an excuse to tie your destiny with Obito's.
One day, Kakashi comes to your house like a storm. He doesn't say a word, gets you up on his back and runs with you to the hospital in a frenzy.
"What happened?"
He doesn't answer, he's running as fast as he can. You don't push, it scares you. Something happened. Thank God Kakashi is alright, I don't know what I'd do if...
When you arrive, you see Obito on the bed, sleeping, half of his body white and deformed. You stand in the doorway for a while. You don't dare enter and you don't dare blink. Could it really be... You collapse on the floor, forehead touching the cold tiles, crying your heart out. You're wailing. Kakashi is watching you calmly, rubbing your back gently. He knows you needed to let all of that out, he feels sorry he couldn't help you get it out sooner, it would have helped both of you. When your sobs become rarer and turn into hiccups, Kakashi helps you get up and hugs you for a long time. He hates touching. You can't remember feeling his touch accidentally, it was always in intense moments. It feels like you've been in a nightmare for the last few months and now you've just woken up to real life, to a life you didn't dare hope for, a reality so sweet you're scared you might be dreaming. You hold Kakashi's hand tight and sit on a chair next to Obito's bed, you only let go of his hand when you fall asleep and it happens involuntarily.
You ignore his requests for food or bathroom. He doesn't insist.
"What happened to Rin?" you ask, embarrassed you didn't notice sooner that she's missing.
"She tried to kill herself, I almost killed her, Obito came out of nowhere, shoved her away, I made a hole in him instead but it was hollow, not sure what that half of his body is made of. She has the two-tail inside, it came out and brought ravage around it, but we sealed it back inside her, she's in a coma, but she's still alive, they're finding ways of waking her up." Kakashi says all of that without stopping for air. He needed it to be over and a thing of the past.
"And Obito?"
"He's just asleep."
"HE'S JUST ASLEEP?" You proceed to shake him violently, he's slowly opening his eyes. You scream excited
"OBITO!!!" You laugh and cry at the same time, you're not sure what you're feeling anymore.
He looks at you two and frowns. You throw yourself over him and hug him tightly and cry on his shoulder. He forcefully shoves you away
"Where's Rin?" he asks, his hair long and unkept, a strange hatred hovering above.
Kakashi tells him. Obito tries to get up but can't, half of his body won't listen to him. He gets angry and yells "I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE, RIGHT NOW." You and Kakashi try to restrain him and luckily Minato shows up to help.
"You'll be fine, Obito. We're finding ways to strengthen that half of your body so you can use it. Rest for now." he says calmly.
"How can you call urself a sensei, when you let two of your students die? People think you're a great ninja, the yellow flash. You're a failure."
You and Kakashi exchange a worried look. Your hand finds his hand and tries to hold it. He grabs your wrist and pushes your hand away. You turn to him, not caring about the others
"Please, I need you now" you say and look for his hand again. This time he holds it tight. I need you too.
"Obito, I'm so happy you're back, I have so much to tell you! Lady Oro the one you helped every day always asks about you I never told her and now I..."
"Y/n." he says coldly.
You stop your blabbering and look at him intensely, he doesn't look at you, he doesn't look at anyone.
"Please leave."
Kakashi steps in "Obito, we've all been..."
"KAKASHI." Obito looks at him angrily, full of pain and hatred. Kakashi doesn't' say anything else, poor idiot thinks he deserves it.
"Leave, y/n. Obito and I need to catch up." Kakashi says as he lets his head drop.
You leave feeling conflicted: you're overjoyed and full of pain. Obito is alive but you don't feel like you've gotten your friend back.
You meet up with Shisui and Ande and tell them what happened. Ande hugs you out of excitement
"I'm so happy for you, y/n, and for Obito. He must be so kind, sacrificing himself twice to save his friends."
You look at her shocked when she says that.
"Of course" you say, "he's the greatest ninja of all time, he would do it all again. And he will be hokage one day."
"Not before you, he won't." she teases you.
You smile a sad smile.
"I don't think I'm becoming hokage anymore."
Rin is still in a coma a few months later and she will remain in a coma until people find Tsunade. She's the only one who could wake her up. Obito has become cold and hateful. He pushes everyone away but you don't care, you're just so happy to have him back. He spends hours watching Rin in her sleep and you spend hours watching him.
You still challenge him to fight you, he doesn't talk but fights you. He fights hard, doesn't hold anything back, he broke your hand once but you don't care, it only motivates you to become stronger and better. You take advantage of his blind side - he refused Kakashi's offer of giving him back the eye, he has mangekyo sharingan like Shisui now, but you know how to fight against that, you've had a great teacher.
You don't eat together anymore, but every day you leave lunch on his doorstep. He never takes it and the next day you have to throw it away because it went bad. And yet you persist. You're afraid of saying anything out of fear of hurting him. He and Kakashi are not a team anymore, they individually joined anbu. You can sense the darkness growing in Kakashi too and it worries you. You go to his house every night in an attempt to keep him afloat, lead him to light the way Shisui and Ande did for you. You find him awake, fearing nightmares, so you spend the night together, in silence, until you both fall asleep. You don't talk about Obito, but don't talk about anything else either. It's as if Obito is the only thing happening to both of you and you're both too scared to talk about it. They're both pushing you away and you're holding on to them with all the energy you have left in you.
One day you find Obito alone, starring at the lake, lost in thought. You boldly sit next to him but he asks you to leave before your butt reaches the ground.
You don't answer, you're scared of saying anything, you just sit there next to him, not looking at him. There's something they three had - him, Kakashi and Rin - a special connection, that is superior to what you two had, but is that enough to cut you off completely? Should you step back? No, he's your friend, you need to pull through, get him back. Or should you? Are you bad for him? Are Rin and Kakashi enough?
"I know all of this comes from a place of pain, and I'll take all of it, all your hate and rage. I'll keep being at your side, like I've been since day one, I'll watch over you."
He gets up, comes close and punches you hard in the face. You fall on your back, too shocked to react in any way. He stares you intensely and prepares to hit you again. You don't defend yourself. No one should be en gardewhen they're with their friends.
"Tell that to Rin", he says as if he read your thoughts and punches you again, "she didn't have the privileges of not dodging around friends. You should know that, sometimes, it's friends who kill you, not the enemy".
You don't fight back, you don't push him away, you take it all in.
"You should stop trying to replace her", he continues, "you'll never be like her".
That breaks your little heart. The punches were nothing compared to this. You can't hold the tears back anymore so you let them flow.
"I never tried to! What I always wanted to be is...you"
He stops for a second, his expression changes from anger to great sadness then back to anger. You look at him as if he's a stranger now. How could someone so close to your heart keep you so far away from his heart? He pushes his fist forward again but Kakashi catches it before touching you.
"She's right. When you're amongst friends you should feel protected, not ready to be assaulted."
He lets his fist down. Doesn't look at Kakashi, he's still glaring at you.
"You should stop leaving food and books for me, I don't need them."
That hurts even more than the first one. You allow yourself to wail for a moment and the crying turns into hiccups. Neither of them comments on how it is unbecoming of a ninja to cry. They know.
"I only brought you food. You have another friend who hasn't given up on you. I guess he'll be the only one left then, because I'll stop being your friend since you've already stopped being mine."
You push him off and leave. You walk painfully slow even though you'd like to run away, hoping he'll call your name. He doesn't and you hate yourself for hoping but can't help it.
In the distance you can hear Obito and Kakashi fighting. Good, you think, let it all out, I guess it was too late for us.