Unfortunately, all good things must come to an end. Weekends especially. Why is it that the two days of the weekend seem to pass faster than a single Monday morning?
Watching the arms of the clock move on the wall of the classroom is like watching paint dry. Frustrating and painful.
Lunchtime comes around after what feels like half a century, and Jillian, Rachel, Gabrielle and I all sit together and discuss our weekends. Jillian (blushing and glaring at me) mentions following Elliot on Instagram, and Rachel congratulates her while Gabrielle asks, "You made her, didn't you?"
I put on my best faux innocent face. "Whatever do you mean? I just gave her that little nudge she needed."
"Right. As in, you actually bumped her finger into the 'follow' button?"
My friends know me too well.
My afternoon classes go at a marginally faster rate than the morning ones, probably because I'm a little more awake now, and I have more friends in these ones. When school finally ends, I let out a sigh of relief. Mondays are so difficult.
I go to my locker and load up my backpack. My phone buzzes before Jillian and I start walking, so I read it, and get a little bit of déjà vu.
Chaotic Rose Mother:
Dinner at the Andersons house, We're leaving at 4:45 LATEST.
I sigh as I read the text. Sometimes I don't think my mother realizes that I can't control when the bus gets to our house. All of my friends also take the bus or walk home, so it's not like I can ask any of them for a ride and she knows that. I can ask Blair, of course, and I might have to, honestly, but he doesn't actually go to our school and I shouldn't have to rely on him. So I have no idea what she's expecting me to do when she sends me texts like this.
There's a gentle nudge at my side and I turn to see Jillian. "What's up? You look annoyed."
I shake my head and pocket my phone. "Just Chaotic Rose Family stuff. Like, seriously, what am I supposed to do to make sure I get home before 4:45? I take the bus. Everyone else takes the bus. I have no other way to get home."
"True. Blair would probably drive you..."
"But she doesn't know that."
"Yeah, so I don't know what she's thinking you should be doing to get home faster. Maybe she means walking home from the bus stop faster?"
"There won't be any real difference unless I run, at which point I'd probably trip and knock out a few teeth. So..."
She gives me a sympathetic look. "You should talk to her about it. Maybe there's something we're missing."
"Maybe." I sigh a little, knowing that conversation will probably never happen, and pull out my phone again to text Blair.
Sent:
Hey
Really sorry to bug you but
Would you be able to drive me home today?
It's no problem if you can't
Don't worry about it
Actually never mind it's fine
Blair <3:
I can drive you. I'm in the parking lot, come down whenever you're ready.
I look up at Jillian. "Should I feel guilty about this? I kinda do. I should pay him back, at least."
She puts a hand on my shoulder. "Theo. He's your boyfriend. I'm sure he's happy to help you out."
I take a deep breath. "Right. Okay."
I finish getting my stuff together, then Jillian and I walk down to the first floor together. We split off when I turn towards the back of the school to get to the parking lot and Jillian goes to the front. I push open the doors to the parking lot, the scent of smoke and exhaust seeping into my sinuses. I scan the lot, not seeing Blair until my eyes reach the far wall, where a group of guys are smoking.
I immediately get a twisty feeling in my stomach. A plume of smoke drifts up, illuminated by the sun against the brick wall of the school. Even though it's light out and (hopefully) not dangerous at all, I'm reminded of the soccer game I went to without Jillian. Where I waited too long to leave, and then missed the bus. Where there was a group of teenagers smoking and huddling around the side of a building...
And then Blair rescued me. Took me home. Kissed me.
I have a love-hate relationship with that memory.
But right now, Blair is in the group of smoking teenagers. And I need to get to him in order to get home, because there's no way I can make the bus now, and my mom is being unreasonable with her plans and expectations of me getting home and I don't like this situation very much but it's the one I'm in and now I have to deal with it.
Only way out of it is to move forward.
I walk across the parking lot to the group, trying to look more confident/ less anxious than I feel. Blair spots me and his face softens into an almost smile. He takes his cigarette away from his lips and pushes off of the building as I near him.
"Hey. Ready to go?" he asks, not quite exiting the group yet. I nervously glance around at the people he's with, seeing all of them staring at me. Like I'm something foreign, something alien, something that doesn't belong. Like I don't belong with Blair.
My chest tightens. My heart hurts.
I nod to Blair, keeping my head down. He breaks away from the group, walking beside me but not touching me. There's more space between us than there usually is- is he ashamed of me?
I don't like this. I don't like this at all.
We get to his mom's car, and only once we're inside it does he give me an actual smile. I force a smile back, but it's not easy like it usually is. I just feel so- so not good.
"Theo," he says quietly, gently. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bothered you. I shouldn't have asked you to drive me home. It was stupid of me. You have other things to do, I shouldn't... I'm sorry."
He gently reaches over to place his hand over mine. Not in a controlling way, or anything, I can still easily pull away if I want to. I probably should, but I don't. I stare at his hand while he talks. "Don't be sorry. I don't have anything else to do that doesn't include ruining my lungs. I'm happy to drive you."
I continue staring at our hands, feeling horrible for several reasons. After another moment or two, he takes his hand away and pulls out of the parking lot.
I spend the drive staring at my hands folded carefully in my lap and thinking about what happened in the parking lot. It makes sense that he'd be ashamed of me; he's Blair Silver. He's the epitome of cool. He's untouchable, so he would never want people knowing that he has a relationship, it would ruin his status. Especially since I'm not particularly special myself. If it was some gorgeous, also epitome-of-cool/awesome/beautiful/popular/something person that he was dating, then maybe. If it was someone who wouldn't hurt his image.
By the time he gets to my house, I feel empty and sad. He parks in front of my house, and we sit in silence for a few minutes. I feel bad just getting out of the car and going into my house, because I haven't even given him an explanation for this, much less any kind of payment for driving me (should I pay him for gas? Or if he's doing it because he's my boyfriend, should I kiss kiss him? I don't think I could enjoy kissing him right now. Everything feels wrong).
"If you want to talk, I'm always here," he says quietly.
"My family has a thing and we're leaving at 4:45 at the latest. That's why I asked you to drive me," I mumble, even though I'm pretty sure that's not what he meant.
"Okay. Is something about this thing... bad?"
I shrug, because the dinner itself isn't really a huge problem, it's more my mom's weird expectation that I can magically be home by a certain time when I have one known transportation home and it's not very fast. But that's not what's bothering me this much.
"I'm glad you asked me to drive you, if it gets you home by the time you need to be here," he says, sounding like he wants to help but also doesn't want to push. I take a breath.
"How much gas did you use?"
"No. You don't owe me anything, Theo." He gently slips a finger under my chin and tilts my face up to look at him directly without forcing me somehow. "You do not owe me anything."
It's hard to hold his gaze like this for long, so I drop my gaze again and he lets me go. I nod slowly. "Okay. Thanks, then."
"Of course," he says softly as I open the car door and get out.
Sorry this is so late, I spent the weekend focusing on entering Pride in the Wattys... fingers crossed for that!
What did you think of the chapter? It's a little angstier than I was really planning on for this book, what are your thoughts? And how about on Theo's mom's text? Theo asking Blair to drive him? And do you think Blair is ashamed of being with Theo? Let me know all your thoughts in the comments!
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