TW: mentions of drugs, mentions of drug abuse, NA meetings, mentions of suicide
Spencer follows you into the bullpen, you pushing the glass door open. Immediately, JJ, Morgan, and Prentiss' heads swivel toward the two of you. They had to have known the two of you were coming back today—you told Hotch last night. You look at Spencer, trying to gauge his reaction to the stares.
"Hi, guys," he says quietly, gripping the strap of his bag like his life depends on it.
"Hey, Spence," JJ says, walking over to him and giving him a hug.
He hugs her back, squeezing her for a moment before pulling away. JJ backs away, eyeing you. You ignore her stare, focusing instead on Prentiss and Morgan giving Spencer hugs and high-fives, speaking to him in quiet tones. After a second, you look back up at her, finding her still looking at you. Sighing, you walk over to her and grab her arm, dragging her away from the group.
"What are—"
"I'm sorry," you say, crossing your arms in front of you. "I'm sorry I blamed you for what happened with Spencer. I know it wasn't your idea to split up, it was his. I got caught up in the moment and emotions were high. So, I'm sorry."
She's quiet for a moment, her blue eyes looking into yours. "And what about what you said to us the other day?"
"I'm not sorry for that." You raise your eyebrows. "Because I was right. We should've been better friends to him. We all sat by and watched him get worse and none of us did anything about it or talked to him about it. I'm not sorry for saying that."
JJ clicks her tongue before sighing. "I know." Her voice is quiet. "We should've been better."
"Yeah, you should've," you accuse, tilting your head. "But it's done now. It's over. He's clean. I helped him when no one else did."
"Is that because you're such a good friend or because you're in love with him?" She asks, narrowing her eyes.
"My personal life is my personal life, JJ," you shoot back. "I'm not discussing it with you."
With that, you turn around, watching as Hotch emerges from his office. He looks at Spencer, a small smile on his face, before turning to you. He motions for you to come to him, and you tap Spencer's shoulder.
"Come on, Hotch needs to talk to us," you tell him.
He nods and walks behind you as you make your way up to Hotch's office. He puts his hand on the middle of your back, his thumb rubbing little circles into your shirt. His touch comforts you, and you relax slightly as the two of you walk through the threshold of Hotch's office.
"Please, sit."
Spencer shuts the door and the two of you sit in front of his desk. He sits down, clearing his throat as he pulls out two pieces of paper.
"I've spoken to my superior about both of you, and vouched for the both of you as well as agents I can't lose. They've agreed to let the two of you stay on the team together if you sign these." He pushes one piece of paper toward you, the other toward Spencer.
"A dating contract?" You scoff, the smile on your face immediately fading when you look up at Hotch.
"This is serious, Y/n. If I'm going to allow you two to go into the field together, you have to put your personal relationship with each other aside. Do you understand me?"
You glance at Spencer, watching him scan the document before he looks back up. "I understand, sir."
"Me, too," you murmur, placing the paper back on Hotch's desk.
The two of you sign your individual pieces of paper and you push it toward Hotch. He takes them and puts them in a pile on his desk before looking back at you two.
"I'm glad you're back, Spencer," he says softly.
"I'm only here because of Y/n," Spencer clarifies, clearing his throat. "She helped me. She cares about me." His hand finds yours and you smile softly at him, squeezing his hand. "She's the only reason I'm clean."
Hotch looks at you, a little smile on his face. "I heard you're going to start going to meetings."
"The first one is today," Spencer says, his thumb rubbing across yours.
"I'm going with him," you tell Hotch, giving him a little smile.
"Okay," Hotch replies, folding his hands together. "What are you going to do if a case comes up?"
"The good thing about NA is that it's everywhere," you reply, giving Spencer's hand a small squeeze again.
Hotch nods. "Perfect. Because we have a case."
You look at Spencer. "Perfect."
"But we don't have to leave for a few hours. I haven't even told the team yet, so you could possibly find a meeting before we leave."
You pull out your phone, looking at the little website of the place where the meeting was going to be held today. You look over at Spencer.
"There's another one in half an hour? Do you wanna go?" You ask softly.
He meets your eyes, nodding. "Yes. Let's go."
Standing, you look at Hotch. "We'll be back soon. Can you wait to brief everyone until we get back?"
Hotch nods. "Yes."
With that, you and Spencer leave Hotch's office, Spencer grabbing your hand again and lacing his fingers through yours. You ignore the stares of the other team members in the bullpen as you walk back out the door, hand in hand with Spencer.
•••
"Alright, it's time for the open meeting to start. Hi everyone, my name is Greg, and I've been clean from Oxy for eight years. I'm going to be leading this meeting."
You and Spencer sit side by side in a little circle, watching the thin, black haired man speak. You're sitting in a little church rec room, surrounded by maybe six or seven other people, clutching shitty church coffee in your hands. Greg's sitting at the edge of his seat, looking around at the faces around him.
"So, today, we're just going to go around the room, we can share what we'd like. This is a judgment free zone. Who would like to start?"
A lady raises her hand, and she begins speaking. Spencer's hand finds your thigh, and he squeezes it, leaving it on there for some personal comfort. You glance at him, noticing how he's biting the inside of his cheek, his left leg shaking slightly. He's nervous.
The two of you watch as it moves around the circle, eventually landing on you. You give a small wave.
"Hi. My name is Y/n." Small murmurs of "hi, Y/n" ring out around you. "I'm not an addict. I'm just helping out someone I care about try to get through his addiction." You look at Spencer and smile, watching him relax a bit when he smiles back. "I don't want to steal his thunder or anything, so I'll let him speak now."
Spencer sits up a little straighter, something he rarely does. "Hi—uh, hello, everyone. My name is Spencer." Again, murmurs of "hi, Spencer," come from the group around you. "I'm an addict. I'm currently eight days clean from Dilaudid—or hydromorphone. I, um, didn't start willingly." His grip tightens on your thigh and you pick his hand up from your thigh, slipping it into yours. "I was actually kidnapped and the kidnapper forced me to take it." He squeezes your hand. "I used it for six weeks and five days until she," Spencer gestures to you, "came to my apartment and confronted me about it. She could see it when no one else, did, I guess. That I was slowly killing myself."
You swallow, your eyes never leaving Spencer's face, trying to ignore the little tremble of your lower lip.
Spencer sniffs. "She helped me get clean. She helped me through detox. I don't think I'd be here without her. I was fine with slipping away from reality, and I was perfectly fine with killing myself because I had forgotten anyone even cared. She made me remember. I don't believe in God. I don't believe in the universe. But I do believe in her." Spencer clears his throat, looking over at you.
Your eyes are glassy, and you hastily wipe them as you look at him. The circle moves on, Greg talking about the twelve steps and when the next meetings were. Eventually, it ends, and you and Spencer stand. A few people come over and pat Spencer's shoulder, wishing him well and telling him congrats. After a moment, you pull him away, your hand still laced in his. You silently walk to your car and climb inside, buckling your seatbelt. The silence lasts for a while as you drive, taking the turn to go to your apartment instead of the Bureau.
"Where are you going?" He asks, squeezing your hand.
"Just trust me, Spence," you say, giving him a little smile in return, trying to keep an air of calm around you.
In actuality, your mind is fucking racing. Spencer's little speech plays on repeat in your head. I do believe in her. I do believe in her. I do believe in her.
Eventually, you park your car in front of you apartment, Spencer following you inside. You shut the door behind him and turn around, curiosity written across his face.
"What—"
"I love you," you whisper, meeting his eyes. "I...I couldn't tell you while you were high. I couldn't tell you while you were detoxing. But, god, Spencer, I fucking love you. I love you so much it hurts sometimes. I—"
"I love you, too," he breathes out, his hazel eyes searching yours. "I think I've loved you for a long time and I've just been too scared to say anything about it. I love—"
You cut him off when you crash your lips into his, your hands cupping his face. His arms immediately wrap around you, pulling you against him. You kiss him urgently, his lips moving against yours, your fingers playing with the hair on the nape of his neck. You two move backward through your apartment, bumping into furniture. At one point, you almost fall, Spencer holding you up and laughing with you. Eventually, the two of you find yourself in your room, and you tug on the buttons of Spencer's shirt. He pulls your shirt over your head, his lips automatically reconnecting with yours.
You finish with his buttons and push the shirt down his arms, running your hands down his chest and stomach slowly. Spencer unclasps your bra, his lips moving slowly down your neck to your chest, pulling one of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue moving over it slowly. His hands are on your hips, squeezing slightly, your fingers twisted in his hair. You groan softly, back arching as he moves to your other nipple. His hazel eyes look up at you, meeting yours as he flicks his tongue over your nipple.
You pull him back up to your lips, kissing him gently. You unbutton his pants, giggling against his lips as he unbuttons yours and you both pull your pants and underwear down at the same time. You grip his hand, pulling him onto the bed with you. He lays on top of you, his lips connecting with yours again before pulling away, eyes searching yours.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers, his fingers trailing down your body to your wet slit, running up and down it slowly.
You pull his lips back to yours as he pushes one finger inside of you, a muffled moan slipping past your lips. He curls his finger inside of you as he moves his lips down your neck, leaving soft kisses in its wake. He adds a second finger and you groan out, back arching slightly as he increases his pace.
"Spencer..." you whisper, one of your hands on the back of his head, fingers twisted in his hair.
After a minute, he removes his fingers and you flip over, pulling him to a sitting position. You straddle his hips, his hard dick against your stomach. His hands rest on your back, trailing lightly up and down. You pull him in for another kiss, pulling his head back slightly by his hair, your lips trailing down his neck. You bite and suck, leaving small hickeys that you kiss after you make them. Your lips trail to his ear, biting it softly.
"Those are just a reminder of who's in charge here," you whisper, a small moan leaving him.
His hands move to your ass, squeezing softly, and you grin, moving your lips back to his. You lift yourself up, slowly sliding onto his length. You break the kiss, mouth flying open as you sit completely on it. It stings—you haven't had sex with Spencer in almost two months. After a moment, the stinging turns to pleasure, Spencer moaning loudly as you grind your hips on his length, his hands gripping your hips.
"You feel so good," you groan, connecting your lips to his again as you begin riding him.
Spencer's moans are muffled by your mouth, and you kiss him passionately. Butterflies form in your stomach as his lips move against yours, soft and urgent. Pulling away, you pant softly, your hands resting on the sides of his face, resting your forehead against his. He wraps his arms around you tightly, pulling you flush against him as you ride him, increasing your pace slightly.
His mouth hangs open slightly, looking into your eyes, small moans and grunts leaving him. Your eyes never leave his, a sense of warmth and comfort washing over you the longer you look into his eyes. Spencer's dick hits your g-spot and you groan, feeling the knot in your stomach tighten.
"Fuck, I'm close," you whimper, your hands moving to Spencer's hair.
He snaps his hips up the next time you come down, pushing his dick farther inside of you. You cry out, shuddering as you teeter on the edge of your orgasm. He groans as he repeats the action, your pussy tightening around him as his thrusts push you over the edge.
"Spencer!" You cry out, pressing your lips against his as you finish.
Your legs shake slightly, Spencer's nails digging into your back. Your pussy throbs around his length, your moans muffled by his mouth. Spencer's grip tightens on you as his dick twitches, and he holds you down on his length as he finishes, his dick throbbing as he shoots his warm load into you.
He whimpers softly into your mouth as the two of you come down from your shared orgasm. After a moment, you break the kiss, panting softly as you run your fingers through his hair. His fingers move up and down your back lightly, his eyes gazing into yours.
"I love you," he whispers, giving you a wide smile.
"I love you," you respond, leaning down to give him another kiss.
You stay like that for a moment, you two holding each other until you climb off of him, moving to the bathroom to pee and clean yourself up. You grin at him as the two of you get dressed; pulling on his hand to bring him to you so you can kiss him again.
He pulls away, laughing. "Come on, we gotta go. Hotch is probably waiting for us."
You give him a sly grin. "I know." You press your lips against his again before breaking away. "Come on, let's go. There's a serial killer on the loose."
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Author's Note
An update! This chapter was super cute to write and they finally said "I love you" to one another🥺 I love soft Spencer and soft Reader so this was so nice to write.
Thank you all for your sweet comments and votes! I love y'all so much and I appreciate y'all a lot.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)