Liora didn't see Jason again until a few days after the New Year. He and his family had gone out of town to spend time with their extended family over Christmas. Katelynne was a little disheartened not to be spending time with Christina over the holidays but she focused on catching up with some of her other friends. She also spent more time with Liora. Liora hung out with Nathaly and Adriana over the holidays but she also focused on reconnecting with her own family, especially her siblings. They revived all their Christmas traditions, singing Christmas carols, decorating the tree, hanging the stockings and watching endless classic Christmas movies. Liora loved 'It's A Wonderful Life' the best. She always felt a certain kinship with George Bailey, the man who dreamed of an adventurous life traveling the world but ended up staying home and discovering the meaning of love and family. In some ways, she felt the same way. She had always dreamed of traveling the world and meeting new people. And she still did want to travel. But she was enjoying her newfound closeness with her family. And when she started the semester at Rainridge, the world would be coming to her. She looked forward to meeting kids from all over the world and learning about their lives. She was also really looking forward to spending time with her peers who were also hard of hearing or Deaf. She loved hanging out with Nathaly and Adriana and their friends. It was such a relief not to struggle to fit in, to not feel like she was different. She wasn't the 'hard of hearing' girl with them or 'the girl who wore hearing aids'. She was just Liora and as she looked at her other new friends who also wore hearing aids or had cochlear implants or signed, she felt a wave of belonging wash over her. The feeling was so strong that she almost cried and she often had to discreetly wipe away her tears under the pretense of having some dirt or debris in them.
Liora went with her family to a candlelight Christmas Eve service at Jason's church. It was the first time she had gone to a service there though she had been in the children's church many times during the weeks she was reading with Ranga. She had gone with her family to the live Nativity the day before. Jason's church hosted that as well but it was located on the same farm where they had the fall festival. Liora was awash with memories as she wandered through the Nativity scenes on the farm. She could clearly recall Ranga in his tiger costume, chatting away as they rode the hayride. She noticed a tree that seemed familiar and wondered if it was the same one that she sat under after Ranga left, the one where Jason tripped over her in the dark. She recalled their conversation, how she felt like he was pushing her away from him and how she had left him with tears streaming down her face. She could still feel the hurt she had felt then, remembering how he had spent the evening with his friends, never even bothering to come over and say hello. She had felt like an outsider. She had never truly felt like she fit in with his friends, had always felt the weight of being different, too shy, not outgoing, too much of a dreamer to fit in with all those exuberant teenagers. Always somewhat clueless at to what was going on. Pretending that she had actually heard and understood the conversation. Laughing at jokes she never heard the punchline to. Suddenly she felt very glad he was leaving. She had grown too dependent on him. She couldn't let her worth be determined by someone else and whether they liked her or not. She had always felt like she was striving for his attention, had never felt completely secure with him especially in the presence of other teenage girls. She didn't blame him for that either. Those were her own insecurities. He was a wonderful friend in many ways and she was very glad she had met him. She would never regret their time together. But it was time to move on and create her own life.
The stirring Christmas hymns and the glow of candlelight touched something deep inside her as Liora sat in the church. She let herself float away, her mind drifting as she imagined the very first Christmas. Was it wondorous? Did it seem as heavenly as sitting here in this seat, surrounded by the soft glow of light? Or was it messy and chaotic, filled with struggle and pain but also tremendous joy? Liora had wanted her life to be easy, to fit in and find somewhere she belonged. But she also wanted a life of meaning and purpose. Perhaps she couldn't have both. She thought of Nathaly and Adriana. Certainly their lives hadn't been easy but they were two of the happiest people she knew and also the truest friends she ever had. She hoped they would continue to grow closer to one another over the next semester. And in some ways, it was because of Jason that she had these wonderful friends, these friends that had helped open the door to her new life. She was grateful that he had taken the time to reach out to her, that he had introduced her to Ranga and invited her to church activities and outings with his friends. But now she was meant to move further through the door that had been opened for her, the life that was awaiting her. He had merely been the catalyst to her new life. And perhaps she had been a catalyst for him as well. She thought of their long talks about him searching for a sense of purpose, how she had talked about wanting to be a missionary. Had those conversations stirred something in him? Had it made him more open to leaving high school and going overseas to attend a missionary school? She wasn't sure she would ever know.
When Liora walked out of the service, she felt like she had left a part of herself there. A part that was constantly striving to be something different, to make herself belong. A peace filled her. She knew she could only be herself. And that she needed to embrace the life that was before her now, a life that may not always look the way she wanted, that had it's own share of heartbreak along with joy. She thought of Ranga and how he was always going 'all in' and embracing life to the fullest. She resolved to embrace this upcoming year with her whole heart, no matter what happened. She wasn't going to hide away from life anymore. But she was also going to be true to herself, not attempting to change in order to fit in or try to make herself more popular. It was okay to be who she was. Liora knew that Nathaly and Adriana completely accepted her. They didn't expect her to be more outgoing or adventurous or fit in any of the boxes that were typically required for popularity. She treasured their friendship and she hoped that this upcoming year would bring more friendships like it. But she wasn't going to change for anyone.
Christmas Day was filled with joy. Opening presents, cooking Christmas dinner with her mom, watching movies together as a family, she treasured all of it. The week between Christmas and New Year's was often considered to be 'the doldrums' but instead, it turned out to be a wonderful week. Her family invited Ranga and his parents over for dinner and Liora spent a wonderful evening with the people she considered in some way to be her second family. Ranga was happy to see her and excited about his first Christmas in America. His parents were taking him up to the mountains so he could experience snow for the first time. Ice skating, sledding, skiing....Ranga was going to experience it all. Ranga was looking forward to the snow and had of course loved opening presents, and having a tree and all of the traditions that accompanied Christmas but he had a confession to make. In true five-year-old fashion, he readily admitted to her that his favorite part of winter so far was actually drinking hot chocolate! Liora had a smile on her face the entire time she was talking to Ranga. It made her happy to see his face lit up with joy as he experienced the wonder and magic of the Christmas holiday.
Liora also spent time with Adriana and Nathaly during that week. They met up downtown and walked around, looking at all the lights and the brightly decorated storefront windows. They also invited her to a Hanukkah party one of their friends was having. Liora had a wonderful evening making new friends and experiencing the Hanukkah traditions. They watched their friend's mother light the eighth candle on the menorah, played dreidl and ate the traditional Hanukkah meal. The other teenagers who were there also went to Rainridge and by the time Liora left the party, she was confident that she would know at least one other person in each of her classes. It made her feel more comfortable. She was not transferring to a school full of strangers but rather one full of friends. Every day, she grew more convinced that she belonged there.
New Year's Eve was a quiet one for her. She spent it at home with her family, eating dinner, watching movies and watching the ball drop on TV. Adriana and Nathaly texted her frequently. They were having a big party with several of their families at the apartment complex. They insisted that Liora eat twelve grapes at midnight to bring good luck. Liora surprised her family when she got up and headed to the refrigerator just as the ball was dropping and came back with twelve grapes. She ate each one carefully, explaining that it was a Venezualan tradition. Her family stared at her for a minute but Josh and Katelynne decided to join in and raced to the refrigerator to grab and eat grapes before it was officially the new year. They weren't about to pass up on luck.
Katelynne and Josh went back to school on the third of January and the house became quiet. Liora wasn't going back until the 10th. She was all prepared, her uniforms were ironed neatly and hanging in her closet, her backpack was packed and she had read the welcome packet the school had sent several times over. She relished the quiet house, taking the time to read her favorite novels, something she hadn't done in quite some time. On one of the days when Liora was lounging about a quiet house, her phone buzzed with a text. She looked at it. It was Jason, asking her to meet him at the coffee shop. He was leaving tomorrow and wanted to say goodbye in person. Liora agreed, throwing on a thick sweater and some jeans with boots. It wasn't too cold outside, only in the upper 50s and with the sweater, she wouldn't need a jacket. Her parents weren't home so she left a note for them, letting them know where she went in case they arrived home before her.
The coffee shop was still warm and cozy but no longer playing Christmas carols. Jason sat at their usual booth, a drink in his hand. He motioned for her to go up and order. Liora was glad to see they were still selling peppermint hot chocolate and she ordered a large. She slid into the booth opposite him. Jason smiled. "Thank you for meeting me. How was your Christmas?" Liora smiled back, a little hesitantly. "It was good. How about you? Did you have a good time with your family?"
Jason replied quickly. "Oh, yes. We went up to the mountains to spend time with my Dad's side of the family. I have a lot of cousins around my age on that side of the family and we had a good time hanging out. Snowboarding, tubing, ice skating....you know, all the things you do when you are up in the mountains." "I would have probably opted to drink hot chocolate and read a good book," interjected Liora. Jason laughed. "I know you aren't much of the sports type." "Not at all," Liora agreed. In the past she would have felt like she needed to apologize in some way for not being athletic. But now she didn't care. She probably was always going to prefer reading to doing any type of sports or athletic activity....with the exception of swimming in the ocean.
Jason took a sip of his drink. Coffee, by the way it smelled. Liora had never liked the taste of coffee. Too bitter. Even the fancy frappes still tasted unmistakably of coffee to her and she had never enjoyed them. She shook her head gently, trying to stay focused. Jason was continuing his train of thought. He didn't seem to notice she was distracted. "Then we went south to the beach where my mom's family lives. Quite a change from the mountains. It was pretty warm...not warm enough to swim of course but warm enough for T-shirts. I have a few cousins on that side of the family but they are all a little older. Some of them are married with their own kids. So it was more subdued. At least when the kids weren't running around. They can be really noisy," he laughed.
Jason looked at her. "What did you do over the break?" Liora shrugged in response . "Hung out with my family. And with Nathaly and Adrianna. Nothing too exciting. We did have Mr. and Mrs. Sukarno and Ranga over for dinner. That was fun." Jason chuckled. "Oh, Ranga. How is he doing?" Liora laughed gently at the memory of Ranga's nonstop chatter. "He's doing great. He loves his school and the after-school program he is doing. And of course, he talked all about tigers. And about Christmas. All kids love Christmas, right? And Mr. and Mrs. Sukarno were taking him up to the mountains to experience snow for the first time. I expect that I will have a full report when I see him next." Liora tried to slip into the easy conversational flow she had always had with Jason but something was missing. She searched for that feeling of comfort that she was used to experiencing with Jason but she couldn't find it. Something had shifted and although there was no lag in the conversation, it felt stilted somehow. She no longer felt like she could pour out her heart to him. She started to wonder why she had come. She hadn't spoken to Jason since that afternoon after school let out. She knew he was leaving but why had he asked to see her? To chat about their Christmas? To pretend like everything was normal between them? They both knew it wasn't. Liora searched her heart for some remnant of her previous attraction to Jason but all she felt was cordiality. She was grateful to him of course but there didn't even seem to be enough there to keep their friendship alive. She wondered if they would really stay in touch once he left.
Jason cleared his throat. He seemed to sense her discomfort. "Well, anyway, Liora, I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate your friendship. I'm grateful for all the times you spent listening to me complain and wonder what my purpose was. All those countless hours talking on the beach when you could have been doing something more interesting. I mean, in a way, you helped me make this decision. You kind of got me thinking about being a missionary and going overseas and all that. If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would've given the idea of going to a missionary school any thought. I would've just listened to Dave and Alejandro talk and gone home and filled out college applications to the schools my Dad picked out for me. So, I appreciate that. I'm not sure what life holds for me after Dts is over but I'm glad I met you."
"I'm glad I met you too," Liora said honestly. "You helped push me out of my shell, introduced me to Ranga and his family, got me going to parties and church activities. If you hadn't invited me to the volunteer day at church, I would've never met Nathaly and Adriana and I wouldn't be going to Rainridge. I would be back at our old high school, probably in the library reading a book. So, I'm grateful."
They both fell into silence then. Liora tried to think of topics to introduce but there didn't seem to be any point in saying more. They sipped their drinks but the silence wasn't comfortable anymore. It was awkward. Liora remembered the times Jason used to wrap his arms around her with such familiarity. She couldn't imagine him doing that now. She felt no desire to be held by him. At the time, it felt like a warm cocoon. And now the idea of it felt....suffocating. It didn't seem like Jason had any desire for physical contact either. He hadn't attempted to take her hand when she sat down. He hadn't given her a hug. In truth, he hadn't even gotten out of his chair when he saw her. She remembered how gentlemanly he had been, always standing to greet her, opening her car door, taking her hand when they walked across the rocks. There was none of that now. Was all of that behavior simply because he had been interested in her? He didn't seem to be interested in her any longer. In fact, his disinterest was palpable. Even his effort to reconnect with her didn't feel completely genuine. It felt like he was doing something he felt he should do but didn't really want to. Liora felt a disenchantment settle around her and reached for her purse. She was ready to go.
Jason looked at his watch. "I hate to say this but I'd better head back. I'm going out to dinner with my parents and Christina. You know, one last time to enjoy American food." He smiled wryly and stood up. Liora stood up too. They walked out the door together and Jason walked Liora to her car. He did hug her then but it was brief and he let go quickly. "Bye, Liora. I hope you have a good time at your new school. I'm not the best at keeping in touch but I'll do my best. I'll email you. I'm going to be doing a group email every week so I'll add you to the list if you want." Liora simply nodded. "Bye, Jason. Have a safe trip. I'm sure you will love it down there." Jason waited as Liora unlocked and opened her car door and slid in. He waved goodbye as she started the engine and began walking to his car. Liora pulled out of the parking lot, willing herself not to glance back. This is what it had come to. All that closeness had dissolved into a brief time of awkward conversation. She wished him the best, she really did. But as she turned onto the road, she couldn't help but feel that what they had once had was gone forever. And she was ready to enter into her new life.