I have an important exam tomorrow - 3 courses 1 exam. Three courses and just 90 min for all of it - the best part: when we asked our professors what is actually relevant they legit said "Everything"
You can't write a 90 min Exam about EVERYTHING that was talked about in 3 courses. Also 2 of those courses were last semester.
But its gonna work out somehow... I just wanna pass it bc otherwise I have to do it all over again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
References for this part:
Andy Biersack - singer of Black Veil Brides
Lonny - Lonny Eagelton, new bass player of Black Veil Brides
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The next morning Ethan crawled into Mickey's bed and woke him up.
"Ethan? Hey, what's up? Didn't we have a deal on not waking up daddy before 9 on Sundays?"
"I had a bad dream", Ethan mumbled.
"Oh no, what was the dream about?"
"I dreamed, that Ian and you were fighting really loud and then Ian left and never came back."
Mickey was wide awake at once. He hoped it was really just a nightmare both of them had.
"Really?"
"Yes, and Ian said he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and then he left without saying good-bye to me... where is Ian?"
Mickey bit his bottom lip – he didn't have to tell Ethan about the breakup, right? He didn't have to tell him that the bad dream really happened just yet. Maybe Ian would calm down and come back, that was a possibility, right? And as long as it was, he shouldn't scare his son by telling him, Ian might really not come back.
"Uhm, Ian is at work."
"Again?"
"Yeah, his boss called him in early, because a colleague was sick, and he had to take their shift."
"But he will come back right?"
"Of course, he will, Rockstar, don't you worry. But not today, he wants to sleep in his apartment tonight, because it's closer to his siblings house, because he will spent tomorrow with his siblings."
"Ian has his own apartment?", Ethan asked confused, "Doesn't he live here?"
"People can live at 2 places at the same time sometimes. Now go to your room and get dressed, I'll make us pancakes for breakfast."
"Yes, pancakes!", Ethan exclaimed and jumped from the bed to run to his room.
Mickey took his phone from the nightstand. He called Ian. It was pretty early, Mickey convinced himself that this was the reason why Ian didn't pick up.
Mickey made Ethan breakfast and spend the day like every normal Sunday, hoping Ethan wouldn't ask about Ian too often. In the meantime, Mickey called Ian as often as he could sneak away from Ethan, but he never picked up.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been 3 days.
Mickeys explanations for Ian's absence became more unconvincing.
After a whole afternoon of Ethan demanding to call Ian over his daddy's phone, Mickey sent Ian a text in the evening.
Mickey: it's been 3 days... maybe you had some time to cool down and not be so mad at me anymore. I know I fucked up, I know I deserved every word, I know you're right. I'm a coward when it comes to you. I've always been. And I'm sorry for that... but changing that is hard. All I can promise you is that I love you. You are the only person I've ever loved & will ever love. I want to spend my whole life with you and Ethan. About Ethan... he asks about you the whole time... he asked me to call you a hundred times today, that's why you got so many missed calls from me. What I'm supposed to say to him? So far I told him that you wanted to spend some time with your siblings. Am I supposed to tell him we broke up? That you won't come home anymore? Do you really want to no longer be with us?
Mickey put the phone away and got a drink from the kitchen he wandered through the living room, on one wall hang a picture of Strange. It wasn't a girly fan poster, it was from one of their photo shoots after their second album came out. He looked at his younger self.
They all had black, smudged eyeliner around their eyes, Sylvia had pink hair and there were still barely any tattoos on Mickeys right arm, in contrast to his left arm.
His phone binged and Mickey took it out - Ian actually responded!
IG: I did cool down... but I'm still angry. And really, your text didn't make it better Mickey. I love you too and I believe you all your love declarations, I even believe you that you understand what I told you and what problems there are with you and me. But that doesn't change a thing. Changing is hard - of course it is. But you didn't even try. I've been nothing but patient for 3 years and you didn't take one step towards opening up about me towards people. I can't do this anymore. And it's one thing to say that you understand that, it's another thing to act accordingly. About Ethan - I love him too. In my book we were a little family already - but that was just an illusion from my part. What kind of family is this where he thinks he is doing something wrong when he talks about me?.... you should tell him we broke up. You're his parent, you have to do the parenting. It's your decision what you tell him. But don't keep up the illusion I will come back soon. Because I won't and it's not fair to him to pretend I will. I can't continue this relationship if you don't change. Not even for Ethan's sake.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Flashback 9 years ago
Ian was 16 and Mickey seventeen, they were in Mickeys bathroom. Mickey sat on the edge of the tub, Ian stood by the door.
Dom insisted on them wearing eyeliner at their next gig. Because all the big bands in their music scene also wore eyeliner all the time.
"Eyeliner", Mickey shook his head, "Why don't we staple signs to our forehead that say 'we are fags, beat us up'"
"Why would you staple them to your forehead? Isn't it enough to staple them on your shirt?", Ian asked.
"That's not my point"
"Yes but the rest of your sentence made even less sense. Besides, I think you'll look hot with eyeliner. Exactly like Ronnie radke, Andy Biersack and Gerard Way"
"You do realise that I'm the guitarist not the singer, right?"
Ian shrugged, "Put on the eyeliner, I want to see it, come on"
Mickey rolled his eyes, he stood up and looked at himself in the mirror. He sighed and took his sister's eyeliner.
He pulled on his lashes to keep his eyelid closed while smearing the plack paint on then also put a decent amount under his eyes, he struggled a bit more trying to get the same amount of eyeliner on his other eyelid.
It liked horrible, but luckily it didn't need to look good mor match, he just needed to smudge it with his fingers and had the punk rock look.
Mickey looked at himself in the mirror when he was finished, "So what do you think?"
Ian stepped closer to him and turned Mickey to him. He smirked.
"I think it looks really hot on you."
"It doesn't make me look like a fag?"
"No, but this might", Ian mumbled and kissed him.
Mickey grinned against his lips.
"You're a dork"
"Yeah, but I'm a dork making out with a future Rockstar, you're just making out with a dork."
"Fucking Alien-looking dork at that"
Ian chuckled, "yeah, you really need to step up your game, Milkovich."
Mickey looked into his bright eyes and smiled, "No I don't."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Now
Mickey sighed when he read Ian's text.
"I really am a coward. A coward when it comes to you", he mumbled.
He walked back to the fireplace in the living room, a melody started forming in his head. It happened sometimes when he was feeling strong emotions and wasn't able to deal with them, that a melody started popping up in his head and before he knew it his emotions were poured out in chords and lyrics. Often that emotion was anger and hate, when he had his son, it was a lot about fear. Many of them were never heard by anyone than Mickey himself. Sometimes he forgot to write them down, but most of the time he just didn't want to show the songs to his bandmates.
Mickey took the guitar from next to the fireplace and sat down on the couch.
He took his phone and started the recording function. He started trimming the melody in his head and the just started singing words that came to him.
"I'm a secret keeper,
empty promise whisperer in our bed
I'm a prisoner
in memories and fear etched into my head
Bloody noses, scratches, black eyes
for loving you, I'll be damned
if you have them for loving me
I'm a protector
of you or myself,
self-absorbed toddler
scared of the monster under the bed
where I try to convince you
it's better to hide, better to lie
But the truth is
I'm a coward
I'm a coward when it comes to you."
Mickey stopped playing again when he noticed Ethan suddenly standing by the couch.
"Hey, Rockstar, what are you doing out of bed?"
"I can't sleep.", he mumbeld and crawled on the couch, "that song was sad"
"Most acoustic songs are sad", Mickey tried to brush it off, he stopped the recording on his phone and put the guitar down, "Let's get you back to bed."
"Daddy... Ian isn't coming back, is he?"
Mcikey looked down at his son, he bit his lip, "No, he isn't. Not for now at least."
"Why not?"
"Well... because daddies make mistakes sometimes. I didn't treat him the way he deserved."
"What did you do?"
"It's not about what I did Ethan, it's about what I didn't. I didn't tell people, like my friends, that Ian and I are in love. I told you not to talk about him in kindergarten, I told him not to talk about our relationship to his friends... it's unfair. Ian doesn't deserve to get treated like that, so he left... but hey, he just told me on the phone, that he loves you very much though."
Ethan looked at the pants of his music instruments pyjama sadly, "But I thought if we tell people then they will be mean to Ian."
"Maybe some will. But Ethan, that shouldn't be a reason to keep a relationship a secret forever. You see, your grandpa always told me it's wrong when 2 men love each other. But I tell you, it's not. And if some people have a problem with it, that's their problem not ours."
Ethan looked up at him, "if you treat Ian better will he come back?"
Mickey shrugged, "I honestly don't know. But hey, I promise I will do everything I can to get Ian back here, okay?"
Ethan nodded, "Can you play my sleepy song now?"
"Of course, but in your room."
Mickey picked up his guitar and walked into Ethans room with him, Ethan lay back down in his bed and Mickey started playing "Ethans sleepy song" a lullaby he wrote when Ethan was just a few months old.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey had to win Ian back.
After a whole week without a call, a text or seeing him once, he knew he just had to do anything it took.
Also, Ethan was angry with him. The boy didn't even remember a life without Ian, and Mickey openly said that it was his fault that Ian wasn't there anymore.
Mickey knew this time he couldn't just follow Ian to his apartment, put his heart out for one minute and that was it. This time he needed to work for Ian.
He needed to change. Not only for Ian, also for himself and for Ethan. He couldn't live like this forever. He couldn't his forever and teach his son to do the same. It was either telling people he loved Ian or losing Ian forever.
This shouldn't be a hard decision, right?
It wasn't. Mickey could decide for Ian any second. But acting accordingly was the only thing that counted - but it was also the hardest part.
Whenever he played out the scenarios in his head - telling his bandmates, making it public on social media, his dad getting the news somehow - it always ended badly.
It wasn't like Terry and he were talking with each other anyways. They hated each other. How much worse could it get... well, he could find out where he was over his other relatives... he could find him and Ethan... he could beat him up again, break his hands, smash the place ... he could hurt Ethan. Terry wouldn't stop himself when it came to a 4 year old, not even his own grandson.
But what were the odds that he would hear about this? That he would even care?
All of those fears were controlling him for such a long time already. He just needed to overcome than once... but how?
He couldn't go up to people and just tell them straight up "I like being fucked in the ass. Also, I love a man"
At the thought of doing that in person he felt sick... but there was another option.
Mickey was always better at expressing himself through music. He could tell everyone everything they needed to know without having to stand in front of them trying to find the right words.
He had this epiphany one evening when he sat in his living room again, recording another piece of music that just came to him.
He could use these. He had written tons of songs about Ian over the years - he could write a few personal songs that were clearly about him and show them to the world - his friends, bandmates, family, fans ... they would all hear it, they would understand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey got some alone time in the studio. He threw everyone out and explained how the recording thing worked to his cousin Sandy.
They recorded 4 songs.
If this is the end
Silly sappy love songs
Hate me
I'm a coward when it comes to you.
Mickey recorded the guitar parts the way he envisioned it. None of those songs were acoustic, they all had a decent amount of E-guitar and Mickey desperately screaming into the mic.
Mickey and Sandy sat in the cabin with the mixing device together and listened to what they had so far.
"Okay, what now? I mean you can't leave it like that right? You need bass and drums and all that shit.", Sandy said.
"I know... I can play the bass myself... but do you think I should ask the guys to help me?"
Sandy shrugged, "It's your romantic gesture not mine. I think it's crazy that you do this at all. I mean, you said you wouldn't, but you literally wrote a silly sappy love song for him - 4 of them to be exact."
Mickey shrugged, "I'm doing whatever it takes, Sandy... did you see Ian around the Gallagher house lately?"
"No, Lip and Debbie check in with him via facetime all the time, but he seems fine. Well, disorder wise. He is sad. But Lip is happy."
Mickey scoffed, "Of course he is."
"Yeah, you should see him jumping through the house like a schoolgirl, fucking whistling all the time. The moment he heard about you two breaking up he almost made a fucking cartwheel through the living room."
Mickey shook his head, "I always hated that prick. He treated Mandy like shit when they were together, blamed her for it and now acts like all Milkoviches are assholes."
"Yeah, tell me about it", Sandy shook her head, "I practically live under one roof with him because of Debbie and Franny. He's always snarky and making dumb comments about everything. On Franny's 7th birthday, he reads tried to convince her for hours that I'm not a good example and not her parent or part of the family. You have to imagine that - I help raising that girl for 4 years and when she calls me Sommy once, Lip acts like the world is ending."
"Sommy?", Mickey asked.
"It's a mix of Sandy and Mommy, she is pretty proud of this creation."
"Franny calls you mommy?"
Sandy shrugged, "Sure she does, I take care of her when Debbie can't, we always do stuff together, the three of us. I'm sure Ethan sees Ian as dad too, doesn't he? After all, Ian has been in his life forever. Franny was 3 when I came into their life."
Mickey looked thoughtfully at the studio cabin.
"I think he does. When the children were supposed to draw pictures of their parents in kindergarten, he made a picture of him, me, and Ian... Ian always called him Small E and Ethan called him Big E.", he smiled.
"Man, who would have thought that the two gay kids of this fucked up family are the ones with the children and happy families now, huh?"
Mickey chuckled, "Are you happy with that life? Wife and kid?"
"Debbs isn't my wife."
"Do you want her to be?"
Sandy smirked and shrugged, "One day maybe. Do we get our own house as wedding gift?"
Mickey chuckled, "To help you get away from Lip? Sure."
Sandy grinned, "Why are you asking? You want that too? You gonna come out to everyone with this and then settle down with Ian and the kid? Marriage and a house?"
Mickey sighed, "I'm just thinking... if all of this goes south, the guys throw me out of the band or whatever, I can only hope Ian takes me back and then I take him and Ethan and get out of here."
"You really think they'd do that?"
"I don't know", Mickey shrugged, "I can only think about Terry and the shit he said when we grew up."
Sandy leaned back in her chair and shook her head, "Fucking Terry, you gotta stop letting him control your life, man. You don't live in his house anymore, he doesn't know where you live, you don't have any contact anymore with him. And you see, the rest of our family was pretty chill with me being gay."
"Yes, because they sexualise Lesbians. I'm just the sissy fag, bad enough that there are pictures of me wearing eyeliner and nail polish."
Sandy shrugged, "Fuck 'em", she said, "Who the fuck cares? If you want to play house with big E and small E, that's your thing. After all you have more money that the rest of this family ever earned together."
Mickey nodded, "Yeah, It's damn fucking hard though, trying to get over all of that shit he punched into my head. It's fucking weak, I know."
"Main point is that you'll do it. Whenever you struggle with it again, just think about how happy Ian will be and how you can be together with him and Ethan."
Mickey sighed, "Being a Sommy made you emphatic."
Sandy scoffed and hit his arm playfully, "Shut up"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mickey asked Sylvia and Anthony to the studio.
"So what's so important that it couldn't wait?", Sylvia asked.
"I'm working on a project. I need your help... bass and drums."
"Are you planning to go solo?", Sylvia chuckled.
"No. Well, I wrote a few songs that I want to record and put out as an EP. But that has nothing to do with wanting to go solo or whatever."
"What is it about then? You're always writing songs that never even make their way to our ears, and now you want help?"
"You're the best bass player I know and this needs to be special. I will explain everything when it's more or less finished. I'll show you the guitar chords I've recorded so far, I just need you to put some sick bass and drums behind it."
"What about the lyrics?", Anthony asked, "Don't we get to hear them?"
"Not yet."
"Ugh, Why do you have to turn everything into a secret?", Sylvia complained.
"Guys, this is a very important project to me, okay? I just need you to trust me."
Sylvia exchanged a look with Anthony and sighed, "Okay, let me hear that guitar"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A week later.
Mickey asked the whole band to the studio. He and Sandy finished mixing some rough demos of his songs. It was time to show them to his band - it was time to come out to them.
Mickey was even more nervous than he had been before their first concerts.
This could be the end of his time with the band forever.
Dom, Eddie, Sylvia and Anthony came into the small room where Mickey was waiting for them.
"So man, what's all this about?", Dom asked when they all greeted each other.
Mickey exhaled deeply, "So, uhm, I made some demos of a few songs I would like to put out as EP. This has nothing to do with wanting to go solo or anything, it's not about the band or-"
"Mick, calm down, nobody's thinking that. You deserve to put out your own music, you're a great singer and songwriter."
"Thanks Dom... okay, uh, this project is very important to me. You know how over the last years you always asked if I had, like, a girlfriend"
"We are convinced you're madly in love with someone, yeah", Eddie nodded, "You denied it but couldn't get your eyes off your phone the entire tour."
"To be fair, most of the time I was looking at Ethan's baby pictures because I missed him. But you were right, there is someone."
"This is me pretending to be shocked", Sylvia mocked him and gasped dramatically, the others chuckled at her.
"Alright, I get it. I wasn't really subtle. But the things is... the person left me."
"Oh, shit man, I'm so sorry", Dom said.
"I put the EP out to get them back."
"So... you wrote a bunch of love songs?", Eddie asked.
Mickey shrugged, "Just 2 actually... 3 maybe, the first one isn't a love song. I just want you to listen to this. It's just the demos, so it's not about quality, just the lyrics.", he mumbled.
He hesitantly started the first song "If this is the end"
Mickey didn't look at them during the song, especially during the bridge and the chorus.
"Nothing of this is fair to you
Why do I make you suffer for the hate I've been through?
I didn't tell the truth, fearing people turning away
- but fuck all of them, I'd rather lose them today
than seeing you leaving again
I'm in love with a person so much braver than me
And to be with him I'll set myself free
He radiates a fucking rainbow
Makes my head spin like a fucking tornado
And if you all wanna hate me for this - fuck you
Who do you think you are, that I really need you?
If this means it's the end, so be it
If it's this or him, then fuck you, I'll quit!"
Mickey stopped the music after the track ended. He needed a reaction to this first before letting all of them listening to the love songs too.
"I like it", Dom was the first to talk, "Has a certain kind of rage, but not the usual our parents are shit and our neighbourhood is fucked up kinda rage."
Mickey looked up at him confused, the others agreed with Dom.
"That's all you have to say?"
"I would rephrase the rainbow bit. It doesn't really fit there - I get the connection, but maybe we'll find a better way of saying it."
Mickey stared at him with an open mouth.
"What?", Eddie chuckled, "Dude, okay, we get it, your secret lover is guy. So? Did you really think we'd throw you out of the band or some shit? For this?"
Mickey bit his bottom lip and looked at the ground.
"Mickey", Dom said, "You're our best friend. Did you really think we'd react like that?"
"I dont know", he looked up at his friends, "I dont know, okay? Growing up every person who said something about gay people said something negative. I guess I started misstrusted everyone when it came to this."
Dom sighed, "Come on man, we all love you. And we all had to leave our up bringing behind at some point... I'm gonna hug you now."
"No, Dom, that's not necessary -"
"Shut up, I'll hug you now. Because you're one of my best friends.", he said and went the two steps over to him and pulled him into a hug, "Don't fight it."
Mickey sighed, he was very small in contrast to Dom (well, in contrast to anybody, but especially to Dom), so when Dom hugged him, he felt like a small child.
"You gotta hug me back man, come on."
Mickey sighed again and wrapped his arms around Dom too.
"There we go. See, this is how I learned to show affection and appreciation to the people who are important to me. Now you're gonna learn how to not be afraid of homophobs waiting behind every corner."
"Do I have to hug people for that too?"
"Yes, I think we should do a group hug."
"No, dude, come on, this is awkward enough."
"Shut it, guys, group hug."
The others chuckled but circled Mickey to trap him in a group hug.
"I hate all of you right now", Mickey mumbled.
"No, you don't.", Dom said and grinned.
"Maybe not, are we finished with this? This was more hugging than my son got the entire week."
The group slowly stepped back and they took their old spots, except Dom, who stayed next to Mickey.
"Then you should hug your son more often"
"I would. But he's angry with me because Ian left us."
"Ethan already got attached to your boyfriend, huh?"
Mickey nodded.
"Wait, before we get to the heartbreaking story of your secret relationship - do we all agree that this wasn't really new to anyone here?", Eddie asked.
"What?"
"Come on, I always knew you liked boys."
"How?"
"Yeah, I don't remember ever suspecting it", Sylvia said.
"Oh, come on! Don't you remember when we just started the band, this one ginger kid was always following Mickey around? They were totally having something going on. Before and after every gig we played the two disappeared in some dark corner together."
"Right, I remember", Dom grinned, "He was a nice dude though, didn't he also come up with our name? And then you suddenly stopped talking, right?"
Mickey nodded.
"Shit, what was his name again?", Eddie mumbled.
"Ian", Mickey helped him.
"Funny, didn't you just say that's your new boyfriends name?", Anyhony asked, "What are the odds that your two boyfriends are both called Ian, right?"
Anthony started chuckling, Mickey just frowned at him. Their drummer wasn't always the smartest.
"Hold on, you're dating the ginger kid from back then?", Dom asked.
"He's not a kid anymore. And technically we're not dating, we were in a relationship for 3 years until he broke up with me because I'm an idiot and now I want him back."
"Okay, slowly. Tell us the whole story."
Mickey sighed, "Okay, in short - when Ian and I were teenagers we spent most of our free time kissing. For no reason whatsoever. My dad caught us sleeping in one bed one day, beat me up and threatened us. When we had the chance to go on tour, I went to Ian again to say goodbye, he told me he loved me, we had sex and I left in the middle of the night."
"Dick move", Sylvia commented.
"I know. 3 years ago, after Nick died, I looked for him again, we talked it out and got together. It was pretty fantastic for the last 3 years, He adores Ethan and Ethan sees him as second dad, everything is well.", Mickey sighed, "Then Ethan painted a picture of the three of us and I told him to not tell anyone about Ian in kindergarten because no one was supposed to know about our relationship. Ian found out about that and got angry. He is tired of being a secret and all that. He broke up with me and since then made it very clear, that he won't take me back until I've changed. Until I told people about this, about him. And I know I can't tell people in statements and tweets, so I wrote those songs. Also he always wanted me to write a love song for him, so I did."
"Okay, let's make this fucking special then, yeah? Let's hear those other songs, then we get in there and refine the guitars and drums, give you some backing vocals until this stuff is so good that dude falls to his knees in front of you and proposes to you as soon as he hears it.", Dom said energetically.
"It would be enough if he forgives me and moves back in with me and Ethan."
"Don't ruin the energy, Milkovich, now play the next song."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It's been 4 months since Ian broke up with Mickey. He had barely heard anything from him since then and he missed him like crazy.
He spent most of his time looking through all pictures and videos he took of Ethan and Mickey over the years.
When Ethan was around 18 months old, he had a small xylophone. He often brought it to the living room, sat down in front of Ian and Mickey and started hitting it with the mallets, grinning at every note. Then he would stand up and go to his daddy's guitar next to the fireplace, point at it and mumble something like "daddy make music" and Mickey would take his guitar and would play a small melody while Ethan played the xylophone.
Ian had a video of this which he loved to watch day in day out.
Ian sighed and closed the video and made his way to work. When he arrived, he got a text – surprisingly from Sandy, Mickey's Cousin.
Sandy: Hey, did you listen to Mickey's songs yet??? You could at least react in some way, he put a lot of effort into this!!!
Ian looked at the text confused.
Ian: What are you talking about?
Sandy sent him a tweet from a week ago.
Sandy: dipshit – did you stop following him on Twitter AND blocked him on WA or what??! Listen to this
Ian unfollowed Mickey's social media a few weeks ago. The last thing he knew about Mickey's actions was that he was working on a new project of some sort.
Ian sighed and clicked on the tweet.
+++ New EP out now +++
As some of you may know I've been working on a project very important to me those last months.
Surprise - it's music, who would have thought
They are very personal songs about a person very important to me... ILY IG
Ian stared at the tweet with wide eyes.
Mickey put out his own music? With him singing? Ian always said he should do that, but Mickey never wanted to.
More importantly though... "person very important to me" "personal songs" ... ILY IG which probably meant I love you Ian Gallagher... Ian didn't know how to comprehend this.
He clicked on the Spotify link. The EP was legit called IG.
He looked at the four songs.
If this is the end
Silly sappy love songs
Hate me
I'm a coward when it comes to you.
Ian needed to listen to these songs... but he had to work now. Shit.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Ian finally had his lunch break. He sat across from the station in a small diner where he often ate lunch.
He took out his phone and went back to the tweet, he wanted to click on the link when the comment section caught his eye.
The one on top said
"Me listening to these songs" and underneath was a picture of a girl holding a guitar with a rainbow sticker and wearing a rainbow Cape. Ian smirked when he saw it.
He scrolled through the comments they were mostly positive. There were some weird ones though from the "Deddie" shippers. (Yes, that was what they decided to call Dom + Eddie)
"Sadly, it's the wrong guitarist who's gay now"
"Praying them gay worked!!!! Sadly, with the wrong one 😔 (jk) "
Calling Mickey, the wrong guitarist didn't sit right with Ian. Stupid kids.
But so, Mickey really did it. He came out. His whole fanbase knew he was gay now. Other musicians from the band or also from others, like Lonny from Black Veil Brides, left encouraging comments, calling him brave, congratulating him for coming out and so on.
There were some negative ones, but they were told to kindly fuck off by Mickeys other fans.
He clicked on the Spotify link again, the cover of the EP showed Mickeys half naked body, which was almost completely covered in tattoos by now, and a small hand, which could be Ethan's, write IG next to the Ethan tattoo on Mickeys chest with a sharpie. Ian grinned, he took his headphones out, when two colleagues sat down at his table.
"Hey Gallagher, you mind us joining you?"
"Oh, no, sure."
Ian didn't want company right now, he wanted to listen to the songs Mickey wrote for him.
"Hey, you know that one band, rock stuff, they're here from the Southside? Strange I think, is their name.", one colleague asked the other.
"Strange? No, doesn't ring a bell."
"However, their guitarist is gay."
"Really?"
"Yes, he made a whole EP just about being gay. Little attention seeking if you ask me- I mean, wasn't a tweet enough? And then he wrote a bunch of love songs for some dude.", he shook his head, "Maybe he should go into Pop music, join the other sad gays", he chuckled, then looked at Ian, "No offence."
"Oh, no, why would I be offended? Because you think gay people can't make rock music?"
The colleague rolled his eyes, "Don't be pissed, Gallagher. I meant because you're a fan of that band, aren't you?"
"So, you're not even gonna acknowledge that you just spewed homophobic bullshit?"
The colleague rolled his eyes, "It's not about being gay per se. I just don't get why he has to make such a fuss about it. Comes out and immediately turns into a drama queen", he laughed, "but seriously, the love songs are too much."
"Did you listen to them?", Ian asked.
"Well... no. But a friend told me that they're love songs."
"Mickey doesn't write sad slow love songs, if he wrote them, there gonna be a bunch of e-guitars and drums in it though.", he said angrily, suddenly feeling like he had to defend Mickey's work for him.
The two colleagues looked at him weirdly.
"Why do you care so much?"
Ian shrugged, "There is just no reason to bash his work. Especially if you didn't even listen to it yet. I think it's pretty brave of him to come out like that."
"Why did he do that anyway?", the second colleague asked, "Does anyone really care? Did he just need the attention?"
"Maybe to stay relevant, maybe their last album didn't sell well."
"Destiny Embraced All The Hopeless was a great album", Ian defended the album, he had to know it, after all hang the gold plague for DEATH in Mickey's living room, "And maybe he came out, so he didn't have to hide who he is anymore. How about that? Maybe he loves someone and wants to be together with him the way his bandmates are with their girlfriends."
"Whatever", the colleague dismissed him with a shrug, "If you care so much, I think he has an interview later at some rock radio station."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
On his way home Ian finally got to listen to the songs, he listened to all of them on repeat. Ian was right, e-guitars, strong bass lines and drums – and Mickey's rough, deep voice singing love declarations for Ian.
Ian checked his twitter again to get more information about the interview his colleague had mentioned earlier.
Mickey indeed tweeted about a radio interview where he would talk about the EP together with Dom.
Ian quickly put on the radio station on his phone. They were currently playing "Hate me" by Mickey.
"Your family hates me – always did
Your brother thinks I'm an asshole – right he is
Your friends tell you to leave me – you better should
Everyone hates me, nobody knows me,
I begged you to tell them nothing about me
Every person in your life that matters tells you to hate me
And I admit it would be better for you to just leave me
Yet, I'm a selfish piece of shit
- because I beg you 'Do not hate me' "
Ian had to actually smile about this song, because it was true, his family didn't like Mickey, especially Lip, and they told him to break up with him and hate him – But Ian didn't give a fuck about what they wanted.
After the song ended, the hyper radio host introduced Mickey and Dom. They talked about Mickey's coming out and how the people reacted to it. Ian smiled when he could finally hear Mickey's voice again. Finally, they went a little deeper into Mickey's reasons to put the EP out.
"Since you put out the EP there have been a lot of questions circling the internet and I think even more theories to answer them. One of the most prominent questions is – why now? What happened that you decided that this is a good time to come out and share this very personal information, not only about your sexual orientation but also about your feelings for, I'm assuming, a specific person.", the host asked.
"Well, that sounds like I sat in my living room one day and decided 'today's a good day to come out' – but that's not what happened. All of the tracks are very personal and are about a specific person. I've been in a relationship with this man for three years and he got tired of being kept secret, rightly so, of course. Everyone would get tired of that at some point and leave."
"So, he said, he would only come back if you came out?"
"He didn't say he'd come back for sure, he didn't blackmail me to come out or anything. I realised that it's time to come out now, it's either this or being alone forever and that seemed worse to me than maybe getting some backlash for coming out."
Now Dom took the word, "What people need to understand about this, we grew up in a very homophobic environment, especially Mickey with his dad. Growing up with that amount of hate meant growing up mistrusting people and always assuming the worst of this would get out."
"Exactly", Mickey agreed, "But I was lucky, like I said before, the majority of people reacted very positively."
"And not only that, most of your fans weren't so interested in why or why now, but in who. You said it's all about the boyfriend you mentioned, the prominent theory right now is that IG are the initials of the man the songs are about."
"Yeah, they are"
"They are, do you plan to mention his actual name?"
"No, definitely not. IG is already giving out personal information, I don't want to risk people finding out who he is and maybe harassing him or something. We love our fans, but sometimes a few of them can go a little wild. And a group of them @ing him on twitter and trying to pressure him to come back to me or whatever would be not helpful."
"You don't want anyone to force him to come back."
"Right. I've done what I could to fight for this relationship and either it was enough, or it wasn't. Either way I won't regret coming out and putting out the EP. It was long over-due."
Ian smiled widely while listening to the interview. When they were finished, Ian quickly got up from the couch and put his shoes on again. Mickey should go home after that interview, right? He could go to Mickey's place and wait there for him... see him again and tell him that yes, this was more than enough, this was everything he ever wanted from him and that now he just wanted to come home to him and Ethan again.
He quickly took his bracelet from the bedroom and put it on, then left the apartment.
While making his way to Mickey's apartment he listed to his favourite track of the EP: Silly Sappy Love Song
"You always wanted me to write you a love song
Be more romantic & say how I for your smile long
Sing about how fucking beautiful you look and how much I love you
How Waking up to you in the morning is a dream that came true
Your freckles look like stars all over the place
And, fuck, I could spent hours kissing your face
You always wanted me to tell them I love you
And I know it's a confession long over-due too
That your arms are where my heart belongs
But boy – I don't write silly sappy love songs."
The song gave Ian a big grin that said "ha, but you did though!"
Ian arrived at the apartment before Mickey could, given the way from the radio station and the traffic.
Some paparazzies were standing around the building, waiting for Mickey to come home.
Ian got past them, so he stood near the entrance to the building. He hoped Mickey would come before the security inside would kick him to the curb – but well, they should still now him and he still had Mickey's key.
Mickey arrived only a few minutes later. He looked like he was annoyed, he pushed past the annoying paparazzies while holding his head down. Just when he arrived at the door and directly stood in front of Ian, he noticed him at all.
Mickey looked up at him surprised.
"Hey", he smiled, "Sorry it took me so long to get here, Sandy sent me the link to your songs this morning."
Mickey started smiling too, "You came back", he whispered.
"Don't act so surprised... Could we talk about this inside maybe, without the horny camera fuckers staring at us?"
"Yeah, sure, but if you don't mind, I'm gonna kiss you now."
Ian grinned down at him, "Really? In front of all those paparazzies?"
"Yeah", he nodded and then pulled Ian down to him to kiss him, which caused a bunch of camera flashes hitting them. Mickey chuckled against Ian's lips and then quickly fled into the building with Ian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
They went upstairs to Mickey's apartment, making out in the elevator.
"I missed you so much", Ian mumbled when they got out of the elevator and walked to Mickeys door, "And Ethan too."
"I was afraid it wouldnt be enough", Mickey admitted, "Or would be too late."
"Not enough? You put out a whole ass EP with my name on it. I would have been okay with a tweet that shows a rainbow flag. I love you so much"
"I love you too. And I missed you so much - Ethan too. He was really angry at me the last months."
Ian smiled and moved his hand towards Mickey's while he unlocked the apartment door. Their bracelets connected with a metallic click. He had missed this sound too.
Mickey grinned widely while opening the door, Ian turned him around to him again and kissed him again. The sound of small feet running over the floor made them stop. Ethan gasped loudly before Ian even turned around to him.
"Ian!", the boy exclaimed and started running to them, Ian turned around and squatted down to hig the child.
"Hey, small E, I missed you."
"I missed you too. Will you live with us again?"
"But will you really move in this time and get rid of your old apartment?", Mickey asked.
Ian stood back up, picking Ethan up with him.
"Really? You want that?"
"Make it harder for you to leave again? Yeah I want that."
Ian chuckled and pecked Mickeys lips again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the evening they lay together in Mickey's bed, making out.
"Did you lock the door?", Mickey whispered.
"Yes."
"Good, because I wouldn't be surprised if Ethan tries to come in here at some point in the middle of the night."
Ian smiled, "He was pretty clingy when I put him to bed"
"Of course he was, he asked me when you would come back every day."
Ian ran his hand through Mickeys black hair.
"I'm so happy to be back. You two are my family and, as it turned out, leaving your family is fucking painful."
Mickey smiled up at him, he wanted to answer when he heard the sound of someone trying to open the door. But Ian really locked it this time.
"Do you think he will go back to bed if we pretend to be asleep?", Ian whispered.
"Have you ever met a 4 year old child? Come on, get down. Looks like we have to postpone the reconciliation sex"
Ian rolled down from Mickey, who got up from the bed and went to open the door, Ethan called out for his daddy by now.
Mickey opened the door to his son with his favourite stuffie and his night light.
"Hey, Rockstar, why aren't you in bed?"
"I want to sleep here tonight"
"But why? Isn't your bed the most comfortable one anymore?"
"You can sleep there if you like it so much", Ethan just said and then marched past his dad to the big bed.
"Do you think we fit in here? All three of us? You've gotten so big lately.", Ian grinned at the child, but Ethan was having none of that.
"I watch you and make sure you don't leave again", he said and then held up his night light, which looked like a lady bug, "And bug watches too."
Mickey sighed and closed the door, he went to the bed and put Ethans night light on the bedside table.
"Okay Ethan, you can sleep in our bed, but lose those abandonment issues. No one's leaving you again.", he looked at Ian, "Great, if you gave him abandonment issues you basically made him a Gallagher, that's what you meant with us being your family?"
Ian rolled his eyes, "Shut up, don't listen to him, Small E, daddy is just being over protective as usual."
"Now, mouth shut, eyes closed young man, sleepy time.", Mickey ordered and lay down under the blanket, making sure his boyfriend and son were all nicely tucked in themselves.
Ethan lay between Ian and Mickey.
"Do you think we can go on a real date tomorrow?", Ian whispered.
"Not sure if that's a good idea"
Ian sighed, "Seriously?"
"Calm your ass, the media just shot pictures of us kissing. They will circle the house and me for the next few days, trying to get some snap shots."
"So?"
"So? You wouldn't mind being put in the spotlight like that?"
"I don't care. I just want to finally be together with you and do couple things. Go on dates, take long romantic walks on the beach-"
"Gallagher, I wrote love songs for you, but I'm not gonna take romantic walks on the beach - especially no long ones."
Ian chuckled, "I bet one day, I will get you to take that walk with me. One way or another I don't care who sees us or who knows about us or who knows my face - as long as they don't get my full name, address and social security number."
Mickey smiled and nodded, "Okay, then we're having a date tomorrow, if Mandy can babysit Ethan."
Ian smiled, leaned over Ethan to peck his lips, whispered "Good night", and then lay down to sleep.
Mickey looked at the two guys in his bed and smiled, yes, this was his family, and it would never be broken apart again. And the whole world should know.
Mickey took his phone and opened Instagram.
He selected a few of his favourite pictures of Ian.
Ian and Ethan reading a book together.
Ian holding Ethan and the two are looking at each other.
Ian and Mickey leaning against each other with Ethan in Mickeys lap, who was opening a Christmas present while their Christmas tree was behind them (it was their first Christmas morning together).
A photo Mandy shot of Ian standing behind Mickey while he was cooking, arms wrapped around him, Ian kissed his cheek and Mickey grinned widely.
The picture Ethan painted of them as family.
And a picture of their bracelets.
He posted the pictures on Instagram with the caption:
"This is Ian. He was my best friend ever since we were kids in the Southside, he has always been there for every important moment in my life. For the last 3 years he was my partner. We were broken up for 4 months but are now back together. I kept him a secret bc I was worried about people's reactions. Thanks to your tolerance, acceptance & love Ian, Ethan and I can finally live freely together. These two are my family & I love no one more than them."
Mickey then put his phone away and lay down with the two of them.
The next morning Mickey woke up to many positive comments, and especially a lot pointing out that Ethan with his blond-red hair looked a bit like he could actually be Ian and Mickeys biological son.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~\\~~~~~
2 years later
Ian came home after a stressful day at work. The apartment now not only showcased pictures of Ethan or the band, but also pictures of Ian, especially in combination with Ethan or Mickey.
Ian took off his shoes and jacket and carried himself to the couch where he could finally sit down and relax.
Ian loved his job as EMT and although he didn't really need to work since living with Mickey he didn't want to give up his job.
Mickey came to the living room a minute later with a glass of water and handed it to Ian.
"Hey, freckles, stressful day at work?"
Ian drank some of the water and nodded, "Yeah, it's good to be home, come here"
Ian put the glass away and opened his arms in an inviting manner. Mickey smirked and sat on him, straddling his thighs.
"Ethan sleeps at a friend's house today, we have the whole day and night to ourselves.", Mickey mumbled.
Ian smiled and kissed him. Their kissing turned into a heated making out quickly, instead of taking Mickeys shirt off Ian went straight for his pants.
"Wait", Mickey mumbled smirking, "I want to show you something."
Ian looked up at him confused while Mickey took his shirt off.
Mickey redirected Ian's attention to Mickeys chest, where he had Ethans name tattooed.
Now Ian's name was tattooed right next to it.
Ian smiled at it and traced his finger around it.
"You can be fucking romantic if you want to be", Ian whispered.
"Yeah, don't tell anyone, got a reputation to lose."
Ian chuckled and kissed him again.
"Just Ian though? Not IG?"
Mickey usually addressed him as IG in social media.
"In case you're changing your last name to Milkovich one day", Mickey shrugged and winked.
"You think I'll take your name when we get married?"
"Mhm, talking when not if, huh? And yes, I think Ian Milkovich has a nice ring to it."
"Ian Milkovich has a nice ring", Ian whispered, "He better does, otherwise he wouldn't become Ian Milkovich"
Mickey grinned and kissed him again, neither was sure how much of this was just joking around and how much was actual promises and planning.
But the topic of marriage was constantly on their minds for the last 2 months.
2 months ago Debbie and Sandy got married. Mickey gave them an apartment of their own has wedding gift (partly to piss of Lip) and they even took Franny while the two girls where on their honeymoon.
Ever since their wedding and Ethan spending a lot more time with Franny due to them living closer to each other now, Ethan didn't let go of the wedding topic.
He even painted a picture called "My dads' wedding"
Mickey eventually was so amused by the kid that me made an instagram post of the picture with the caption:
"Things my son does since my cousin married IGs sister :
- calling IG Daddy 2.0
- insisting that we should get married so IG can be his dad officially
- asking when we're getting married
- asking if he can come on honeymoon with us if we get married (hard pass)
- painting pictures of our potential wedding
- making dinner conversations about who should take whose last name in case of a wedding
Things my son does not:
Being fucking subtle 😂 "
Ian loved it when Mickey tweeted about him or mentioned him in Insta posts. After being hidden for so long he enjoyed being talked and bragged about.
He didn't always need the attention from Mickeys fans (some of which found his Instagram a whole back, so he had to go private) and also didn't need the comments from his colleagues (which were especially annoying, invading, disrespectful and distasteful in the beginning) but he loved being acknowledged, loved not being hidden anymore. Mickey wasn't ashamed of him and that gave him confidence every day.
The two lay in bed next to each other, naked.
Ian looked over to Mickey, who exhaled deeply, his eyes closed.
Mickey scooter closer and pulled Mickey into his arms, so he lay on his shoulder.
"Mick..."
"Yeah?"
"I was just wondering... about the whole wedding, marriage thing... are we just joking around or..."
Mickey looked up at him.
"What do you mean?"
"We never had like a serious conversation about this stuff. Are we just joking around or do we really get married one day?"
"I wouldn't joke about this", he whispered softly, "In the manner of a serious conversation - do you want to marry me... some day?"
Ian looked at him and smiled, "I want that. Very much so."
Mickey smiled too and kissed him softly, "Okay."
Ian frowned, "Okay? That's it?"
Mickey nodded, "Isn't that the end of the serious conversation, we figured our we're on the same page here."
"So... aren't you gonna propose to me?"
"Not now, lying here together naked in bed, come on, I can do it a bit more classy. Also, it still should be a bit of a surprise, no?"
"I hate surprises."
"You like surprises. You hate waiting. I hate surprises, which is also the reason why I'm proposing to you. Besides I don't even have a ring for you right now. So you gotta be patient."
"I don't need some fancy ring."
"Yeah, you do, I had to promise Ethan he can pick out the ring. He's damn fucking picky."
"Does that mean... you already looked at rings with him?"
"Yeah, it's actually good to know that you really want to marry me, imagine if you were just joking around and I would have proposed and you said no.", Mickey said, and Ian could hear that he was apparently really worried about that.
"I won't say no", he assured him, "I'm going to marry you."
Mickey grinned up at him, "But don't tell anyone until I actually asked you, Ethan's gonna throw a fit otherwise."
"He's gonna make us have a big wedding, won't he?"
"Yeah, he will, but I want a big wedding with you too, freckles, what did you think about? Getting hitched at the courthouse?"
Ian shrugged, "I don't care. As long as it's about you and me... and Ethan."
Mickey smiled and kissed him again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Word count: 9287
Word count total: 20166