Luke's POV:
Her head was resting on my shoulder as I lay on my back, her arm slung across my ribcage. We were just lying there in silence, but a comfortable silence. My hand ran through her hair, her head nuzzled into my chest. Then suddenly, it was ripped from me and she was gone. It had only been a dream. I just carried on lying there, not wanting to get up.
Caitlyn's bitch English teacher did tell about me and I got suspended for a week. Although I'm not even with Caitlyn anymore, my only times I would be able to see her now would be at school, and I can't even do that for a week.
I haven't spoken to her since she left, which was only three days ago, but it feels a lot longer than that. I've tried calling her every day for the past three days and I've sent her loads of texts, but she hasn't replied to any of them. I even drove to her house but I got too scared to knock, so I left. That was the morning after our argument, before she would leave to go to school, but since then I've been in bed. To top off my shit week, I got my fine sent through to me, which has to be paid within a week. I have the money already, but I don't want to pay for something that's stupid anyway.
I miss Caitlyn so much, I'm so used to seeing her every day that now it's weird. Knowing that she probably won't talk to me that much again makes it even harder. I truly love Caitlyn, and I really did do the wrong thing. I know that I shouldn't have done what I did, but that was before I knew how I really felt and before I knew how to act about it all.
It's hard for me to open up to anyone as much as I did with Caitlyn. My feelings felt strange, and I've never felt like it before. As time went on, I realised that I loved her, which was even more weird because I've never loved anybody before. I didn't like how vulnerable I felt, so I ended up doing the wrong thing.
When I heard my phone vibrate from next to me, I grabbed it, snatching it up and looking at the screen. My heart tightened when I saw Caitlyn's name, and I let out a deep breath I didn't even realise I was holding.
"Hello?" I said frantically into the phone, eager to hear her response.
"Hi Luke." she replied, her voice quite quiet. "I was just, uh, phoning to tell you that exams are in a few months, so my teacher wants me to start tutoring again. If that's okay."
"Of course it's okay!" I replied quickly. She was probably thinking I was really weird at the moment, but I'll admit that I'm really desperate for her to forgive me.
"Uh, okay. Could you come to the library after school?" she asked me.
Just as I was about to ask her to come to my house instead, I quickly closed my mouth. If I wanted to get her back and she wanted to go to the library, then I would go to the library. "Yeah sure. Are you busy? Can we talk?"
"I'm actually about to go into class, I'll see you later Luke." she replied. She sounded different, her voice was quiet and she sounded a bit upset. As bad as it sounds, I was happy that she felt upset because then I know I'm not the only one upset about our breakup.
As soon as she hung up the phone, although it wasn't really a long conversation I was hoping for, I was so happy to finally hear her and talk to her again. I slowly swung my legs over the side of my bed, getting up. It was quite late already, but I still had a few hours.
I decided to get ready early, so then I definitely wouldn't be late when I go to meet her. I walked into the bathroom, quickly brushing my teeth. Then, I took off the jogging bottoms I was wearing as pyjamas, as well as my boxers, and got into the shower. My shower was quick, and I was out within fifteen minutes. Grabbing a towel, I briefly dried myself before wrapping the towel around my hips, walking back to my room.
As I looked for something to wear, I pulled out black jeans with holes in the knees that I would always wear. After looking for a while, I decided to wear a shirt that Caitlyn always said she liked, a black short sleeved one with white writing going up the side. It took me a while to do my hair, because at first it kept going shit, but then it went okay so I went along with it, keeping it how it was.
I've never been so nervous to meet with Caitlyn, but as I left my house 45 minutes early, my hands were sweating and I didn't know how to stop it. The library was quite close to my house, so I walked there slowly just to waste a bit of time. I didn't need to leave as early as I did, but I was worried that I would be late or she would be early and I wanted to be there before her.
When I arrived at the library, I walked inside and found a table with a few seats around it. I sat down at one of them and tapped my foot on the floor, moving my knee up and down as I waited impatiently for Caitlyn to get here.
Near enough half an hour later, the door opened. Caitlyn walked in, and seeing her again made me think of how much I really did miss her. Her hair flew around her shoulders from the wind as the door closed behind her. Her eyes scanned the room until she spotted me. I saw her eyes look down and then back up, but then back down again.
She was wearing leggings and a plain white t-shirt with her coat and as she walked over to me, she fiddled with the sleeves. I kept my eyes on her the whole time, even when she sat down opposite me I still looked at her.
"Hi." she said, chewing on her lip and looking at the table in front of her. She had her elbows on the table and her hands in front of her, fiddling with them.
"Hey." I replied. I continued to stare at her and I so badly wanted to know what she was thinking. "You okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. You?" she replied, looking up from her hands and facing me.
"Shit." I replied truthfully. I laughed a bit, leaning back in my chair while still staring at her. She just chewed on her lip and nodded her head.
"So, should we start?" she asked me, lifting her bag onto the table and pulling out books. I agreed, even though I didn't want to. I would much rather do anything else than sitting in a library and being tutored with the girl I love who doesn't particularly like me at the moment. If tutoring is the only way that I can see her and talk to her though, then I would do it.
"Should we finish this algebra equation stuff? There's only a bit more to do and then we could do a different topic or something." she asked me, looking at me briefly and then the books.
"Yeah sure." I replied, nodding my head. Caitlyn started flicking through a book and then stopped at a page. She picked up a pen and started writing something on the book, some hair falling from behind her ear.
I tried to cooperate and work and listen to her talk about math, but I completely tuned out. I looked at every little detail about her, maths the last thing in my mind. As I stared blankly, Caitlyn started waving her hand in my face.
"Could we talk? And not about math." I asked her, quickly justifying my question at the end.
"Luke, I only came here to tutor you. You really hurt me Luke, and I'm sorry but it's not something that I can easily forgive. It was hard to have to come here today, I don't want to talk about it at the moment." she told me, turning the book back round so that she could look at it before she pointed at something and turned it back round so that I could see it.
Completely ignoring her telling me what to do, I reached my hand up and covered my hand on hers. She tried to pull her hand from mine, but kept it there in the end, sighing.
"Luke, I'm only tutoring you because we have exams soon and I have to. I've told you I'm not here to talk or anything." she told me again, finally pulling her hand out and resting it in her other hand.
"You've already said that, and I don't care. It was a stupid mistake, such a stupid mistake but I love you, and I want you to love me. I want you to forgive me and I know it won't be as easy as it sounds but I just hope that you can try." I told her, nodding my head with my mouth in a line.
"I love you too Luke." Caitlyn told me, her voice a quiet murmur.
"You do?" I asked her, my eyes going wide. I stared at her waiting for her response. She laughed at me, only a small laugh and not because she actually found it funny.
"Of course I do Luke. We were with each other every day, and we did everything together. It was just a shock to find out about all that stuff, and I'm upset about it obviously. I want to trust you and forgive you, but I can't at the minute. I'm sorry Luke." she replied, sincerity in her voice.
"Don't be sorry. You didn't do anything. I'm sorry." I told her. I felt really upset too, but I was trying to hide it until I got home. If I showed that I was upset, she would probably get annoyed because it would seem like I'm trying to guilt her into forgiving me.
"I'm going to go. I need to be home soon." Caitlyn told me, stuffing the books into her bag and putting her bag over her shoulder, standing from the chair. I pushed my chair out too, standing and walking over to her.
Before she could do anything, I wrapped my arms around her, pulling her close to me. At first she pushed her hands against my chest lightly, but then she gave in, wrapping her arms loosely around my waist. I sighed when she pulled away from me, and after she mumbled a goodbye, I watched her walk out of the library.
I kicked the table in anger, realising how stupid I had been. I shouldn't have ever done that, and I don't even know why I did. A part of the reason was because my dad had just walked out on me, but that whole time I had Caitlyn. The rest of the reasons were just out of choice, a stupid fucking choice.
The woman sitting behind the desk looked over at me and frowned and I flicked my finger up at her, walking out of the library. I never come here anyway, she won't have to worry.
Caitlyn's POV:
As I walked home, I tried so hard not to turn back and run into Luke's arms. That was all I wanted to do, to just be with him again. Then I think about what he did and how long he kept it from me for and it makes me upset, but through it all, I still want to be with him. I know I shouldn't though, and I think that I just need to give myself some time from him.
Luke being suspended for the rest of the week makes school a whole lot easier, because seeing him would make me forgive him straight away. Everything has been weird not talking to Luke, although he did call a lot of times, and text. When I phoned him up to tell him about tutoring, it made me even more upset to hear his voice because I so badly wanted things to be completely different, for him to have never done any of that stuff.
Jasmine has been back at school, and she completely agrees with me. She doesn't think that I should forgive Luke, but she doesn't know how I feel, and it's too hard to stay away from Luke. When I tried to leave his house that day he told me the truth, after he told me that he loved me, it was so hard for me to walk away without telling him how much I loved him too, but I had to do it.
My initial plan was to try and somehow hurt him as much as he hurt me, but through all of the shit he's done, he's a really caring person and I can tell he really is sorry. I couldn't bring myself to do anything just to spite him, so I carried on moping around my house and school, not really knowing what to do with myself without Luke by my side, like he was all the time.
Ashton has been speaking to me a lot more lately, just how it always was. We always talk for ages and are always together but then we can go without talking for weeks. It's too hard, and I need my best friend back, and he's even been hanging around with me and Jasmine at lunch instead of his own group.
When I got home from tutoring Luke, I saved it all until I went upstairs and into my room before I burst out crying. I cry quite a lot, but all different types. This type is the angry cry, where I pull at my hair and try not to cry.
I'm angry because of what Luke done, but I'm angry because Brooke brought it all up. I'm angry because I asked Luke about it when we got back to his house and I'm angry that it's true. I'm angry that nobody agrees that I should maybe give Luke another chance, because that's what I'm always doing with him. I'm also upset for all of those reasons, and I ended up falling asleep angry and upset and exhausted whilst crying, skipping dinner because I wasn't hungry.
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When I woke up in the morning, I was really happy that it was Saturday. Instead of getting up though, I stayed in bed and just lay there, staring at the ceiling. When I glanced over at the clock, I saw that it was already nearly 11am. My phone buzzed from the end of my bed, and I reached over to get it, lying back down afterwards. A number of texts appeared from Luke, but I saw one from Ashton and I opened it up.
Ashton:
Do you want to come over later and hang out? We could invite Jasmine if you wanted to?
I sent him a text back agreeing, and telling him that I don't mind Jasmine going if he doesn't mind, because it is his house. He text back quickly telling me that he invited Jasmine and telling me to come round at 1pm or before.
Instead of getting up to get ready, I carried on lying in bed until I finally got up at quarter past 11. I lazily walked to the bathroom, getting in the shower. The water was freezing cold, and as quick as I was in the shower, I was out. Walking over to the sink with my towel wrapped around me, I brushed my teeth and walked back into my room.
I started to brush through my knotty hair and then I sat on the floor, drying it with the hair dryer. When my hair was dry, I put on some underwear and then looked through my wardrobe for something to wear. I ended up pulling out my tight black jeans with a white t-shirt that has rolled up sleeves. Pulling the clothes on, I sat down at my makeup table.
I picked up my foundation and put a small layer onto my face and then I picked up mascara, putting a few coats on and then leaving it at that. Feeling lazy, I left my hair and didn't do anything to it and then I got up from my makeup chair and flopped onto my bed. It was already nearly 1pm, and I couldn't be bothered to get up and move.
Ashton called me at 1pm, asking me where I was. When I told him that I was still in my room, he offered to come round and pick me up, so I agreed and told him to leave now. He got to my house within around ten minutes, and when my mum called me to say he was here, I slipped on my white converse and picked up my phone and walked down the stairs, towards the front door.
"Ready?" Ashton asked me, smiling at me.
"Yeah." I replied, nodding my head. I said goodbye to my mum and so did Ashton before we walked outside into the cold, walking towards his car and climbing inside.
"What about Jasmine?" I asked him, wondering how he wasn't at his house and it was past 1pm when we were meant to arrive and it was already past 1pm.
"She's coming round just before 2pm." Ashton told me, laughing at my confused expression. We spoke for the rest of the car journey, about everything apart from Luke. Ashton's been trying to help me take my mind off of Luke, and sometimes it works, but not all the time.
When we pulled up outside Ashton's house, we jumped out of the car and walked quickly to his door, wanting to get inside the house as quickly as possible. As soon as he had the door opened, I walked into the house, crossing my arms and shivering slightly. Ashton closed the front door behind him and raised his eyebrows.
"It's freezing outside!" he exclaimed, and I just laughed at his obvious statement.
We walked into the living room and I sat down on the sofa straight away, tucking my legs up to my chest. Ashton looked through things on the TV and turned to me, rolling his eyes.
"There's nothing on here, should we play just dance again?" he asked me, smiling.
"No, I'm not playing just dance Ashton." I told him, shaking my head. I felt really lazy today, and I didn't want to start dancing around the living room, I just wanted to sit down.
"You're so lazy. What about play station?" Ashton asked me.
So he put the play station on, turning on grand theft auto. It wasn't a two player game, and although Ashton said that we could take turns, we didn't take turns at all and the whole time I sat there watching him play a game. The only time he gave me the controller and let me play he ended up snatching the controller back from me, telling me that I wasn't driving fast enough and that he would get caught by the police.
After another boring ten minutes of watching Ashton playing a game, the doorbell rang.
"I'll go and get it, that'll be Jasmine." I said. As I was about to stand up, Ashton put his hand on my knee and pushed me back down, shaking his head.
"I'll get it, don't worry." he told me before walking off towards the door as I crossed my legs.
I took this as a good time to take the controller and start playing the game, but the voices I heard at the door weren't Jasmine. Ashton's voice was raised and he sounded quite angry. Then the door closed and two pairs of footsteps walked into the living room. When I turned to face the door, Luke was standing there. I frowned, confused.
"Luke, what are you doing here?" I asked him, putting my knees back up to my chest as Ashton glared at him.