Jason texted Liora at noon. Liora had already told her mom that she would be going to the beach with Jason. Her mom smiled sweetly at her. "You really like Jason, don't you, honey? He seems like a really nice boy. I hope he knows how precious you are." "Thanks, Mom. I think he does," mumbled Liora, feeling embarrassed. She wasn't expecting that her mom would say that. There hadn't ever been a boy in Liora's life. She wasn't dating Jason but she was happy that her mom approved of him.
Katelynne smiled broadly when Liora told her that she was meeting Jason at the beach. "See, I told you," she responded, in a tone that made it seem like it was patently obvious that Jason liked Liora. "Have a good time," she said and winked. Liora's face was bright red by the time she got out of the house. She hoped it would be back to normal by the time she arrived at the beach. She turned on the radio as she drove, forcing herself to think of anything but Jason. She felt butterflies in her stomach. It had been a long time since she had felt anxious over seeing Jason. Usually she felt so comfortable with him. But she was wondering what he would say.
Jason was waiting in the parking lot when she arrived. He grinned and waved when he saw her. He hopped out of his SUV, looking casual in shorts and a T-shirt. The day was warm but not anywhere close to swimming weather. Liora wore capris and a light short-sleeved shirt. The air was warm but it was breezy and there was a hint of coolness.
Jason came over and gave her a hug, smiling again. He took her hand. "I thought we could walk out to the rock pier where we sat the last time. Or would you be more comfortable in the sand?" he asked. "The rock pier would be fine. I like being out over the water," responded Liora. Liora slipped off her sandals once they hit the sand. She carried them in her free hand. Her other hand was firmly wrapped in Jason's. They walked hand-in-hand up the beach.
"How was church?" asked Liora. "Oh, it was really good. You can come with us whenever you want. The invitation is always open. Just let me know," responded Jason. "Okay, I will try to come sometime. I'm not sure if I'll be able to understand what's going on but at least I can try it," answered Liora. Her nerves had settled and she was reminded of how comfortable she always felt in Jason's presence. He smiled at her. "It was really good meeting your family last night. My parents really liked them. And Christina and Katelynne are best buddies now," he laughed. "My sister really has a way of winning people over. And Katelynne seems similar to her in personality. They are both outgoing." Liora felt a pang in her heart. "Yeah, Katelynne's always been a social butterfly. She makes friends really easily. Not like me. I'm the wallflower. I'm not surprised she and Christina would become instant best friends."
Jason glanced at her. His tone became tender. "You don't have to be a social butterfly, Liora. Just be yourself. It may be a little harder to get to know you because you aren't as outgoing. But you are definitely worth the extra effort. Trust me. You are a wonderful person and a wonderful friend. And Christina knows that. She likes Katelynne but she is really glad that you are her friend. She's not going to abandon you to hang out with your sister. You've had a big impact on Christina....on me, as well. I'm really glad you came into my life. It's hard to believe we haven't been friends for very long. I feel like I've known you forever. And I know that I want to keep you in my life. Christina does as well. We'll be here for you as long as you want us to be. Don't worry about that."
Liora smiled and blinked back tears. She hadn't realized that Jason knew exactly how she was feeling. She wasn't really surprised though. He often seemed to get her in a way that no one else did, even Christina. She liked both Christina and Jason a great deal but she was closer to Jason. She just had a different level of comfort and trust with him. She trusted Christina but she could talk to Jason about anything....well, almost anything. She was still trying to hide how she felt about him. Sometimes she thought he liked her but she was too shy to bring up the subject. As comfortable as she was with him, she still wasn't sure he saw her as anything more than a friend. She didn't want to reveal that she liked him, only to get her feelings hurt.
They had reached the rock pier. Jason climbed up first and then helped Liora onto the rocks. "It's slippery out here. Watch your step," he said. His hand gripped Liora's even more firmly than before. He nimbly made his way across the rocks. Liora was a little less nimble and he had to steady her several times. Liora had never had great balance. She had easily made her way across the rocks the other week but it was more slippery today. She inched her way forward. They walked out until they came to a large, flat rock where they could sit together comfortably. Liora breathed a sigh of relief as she sat down. Jason smiled at her.
"The rocks are a bit treacherous today, aren't they?" he asked. "Yes," responded Liora. "I kept worrying I was going to slip. Thanks for steadying me. I was afraid I was going to trip and take you down with me." Jason laughed and slipped his arm around Liora. "Don't worry about that. I'm pretty sturdy. I can keep you upright." Liora smiled, then grimaced. "I wouldn't be so sure about that. I'm not exactly tiny, you know. I've never been the slender, willowy type." Jason looked at her and smiled. "Slender and willowy has never been my type. So, no worries there." Liora felt like any response would be dangerous but she couldn't resist. "Oh, really? Then what is your type?" she teased. Jason winked at her. "You are." Then suddenly his bravado crumbled and he turned beet red. "Okay, I didn't quite mean for it to come out like that. Trust me to mess things up." He took a deep breath and plunged on. "I really like you, Liora. I know you probably just see me as a friend and I don't want to hurt our friendship. But I felt like you should know. And this is probably bad timing. I mean, I'm graduating soon and I'm still figuring out what I'm supposed to do. You always seem to have it all together. You probably don't need me blundering in, tell you I like you and upsetting your life. You always seem to have this purpose and here I am, drifting along with no real plans. But like I said, I wanted to let you know and I wanted you to know I really appreciate you and....." he trailed off and then seemed to get a new resolve. "And will you go to the Homecoming dance with me? It can just be as friends if you want but I really want to go with you." Jason sighed and shook his head. "I should have planned this out better but believe it or not, I'm not good with this stuff." He stopped abruptly and stared at the rocks.
Liora felt a moment of pity for him. All this time she had been worrying about how he felt about her and apparently, he had been doing the same thing. He had made it pretty obvious that he liked her and she had been so filled with insecurity that she had never given him any indication that she liked him as well. She had been so worried about him rejecting her. And now he was worried about her rejecting him. "I do like you, Jason. I kind of thought you knew already. Certainly Katelynne and Christina know." She rolled her eyes. "Christina actually figured it out pretty quickly without me saying anything. I just....I just don't think I would be good at this dating stuff. I don't even know how to date. I don't like parties. I don't like being in groups of people. You would probably find me very boring." "I don't think you are boring at all," protested Jason but Liora went on as though she hadn't heard him. "But I will go to the dance with you. I'm not sure if you would find me very fun at the dance though. I'm not going to be able to hear anything over the music so I'm probably not going to want to be very social. I'll probably just be saying 'what?' all night. But I like you and I like being with you, so if you are sure you want me to come, I will."
Jason smiled and sighed with relief. "I'm glad you are coming. I'm sorry I fumbled that so badly. I don't want to make anything weird between us. I really appreciate you and I want you to stay in my life. I've never met anyone like you. I know people say that kind of stuff all the time without meaning it but I really mean it. I like you and I want to keep you around." He paused and then seemed to remember something. "Oh! Believe it or not, I had another reason why I wanted to talk to you." He reached in his pocket and pulled out a church bulletin. "I saw this a couple weeks ago and I forgot to ask you about it. My church is having a volunteer day this Saturday. We are going to an apartment complex that's used as housing for refugee families. I'm not talking about families like Ranga and the Sukarnos obviously but families that have fled war or conflict. They come here with nothing usually...or not much anyway....and have to start over from scratch. So, my church goes once a month on Saturdays to talk with people, find out what they need, help out with English classes, that sort of thing. I think you would enjoy it if you want to come. You could ask Katelynne and Josh to come if you want. Christina is going. But she'll mainly be with the kids, just playing with them and stuff. There are a group of teenagers at the apartment complex. A couple of them actually go to our school but most of them go to the international school that's closer to the city. But we talk with them and just spend time with them. Some of them need help with their English but mainly we all just hang out, play sports, that sort of thing."
Liora chuckled. "I think you know sports are not exactly my thing." Jason laughed and pulled her a little closer to him. "Oh, I know. You seemed a little scared when you came over my house and Christina set up a volleyball tournament." "Hey!" Liora protested laughingly. Jason winked at her and continued. "But you did fine. And you don't have to play sports. Not everyone in the group likes sports. Mostly we all just hang out. I think you would enjoy it."
Liora paused for a moment. Once again, Jason was asking her to step out of her comfort zone. Helping Ranga was one thing. She loved spending time with him and cared for the little boy a great deal. But....he was a little kid. In some ways, Liora felt like it was easier to interact with him because he was so young. She got to be like a big sister to him. And he didn't care if she was awkward or shy. He probably didn't even notice. But now she would be hanging out with teenagers. Not just teenagers who were refugees but also teenagers from the youth group. Liora could easily tell who Jason meant by 'everyone'. He was talking about the youth group. Teenagers who all knew each other and had probably been friends forever. She would be the newbie. Then Liora felt a sudden pang of shame. Here she was thinking of herself and feeling like an outsider. What about the teenagers who were refugees? Who had left their homes and everything they knew? Who were completely starting over? She thought she could endure a little discomfort for a day. They were having to completely start from scratch.
Liora looked at Jason. "I can come. I'll see if Katelynne and Josh want to come as well. Katelynne probably will come. I don't know about Josh. He's a little younger and he's kind of shy. Not as shy as me but shy." Jason smiled. "That's great. I'm really glad you are coming. I think you will like it. And you will get to know some of the kids in the youth group before we have our costume party. But mainly, I think you will like spending time with the other teenagers who live in the apartment complex. I couldn't imagine leaving everything I knew and loved and coming to a new country. Especially if you could never go back home again." He paused a moment. "Well, maybe not never but you know what I mean. When they leave, they don't think they will be able to come back. They are leaving their home and starting a new life in America. A place that they've never been before. Most of them are somewhat familiar with America....at least parts of it.....because of the movies they've watched. But it's still different. It's not like where we live is anything like Hollywood. And then they come here and it's a lot different than they expect. And they have to try and fit in at a new school, a different culture...maybe learn a new language. I think that would be hard."
"I agree. I actually felt a little ashamed of myself because at first when you asked me, I was going to say no. I didn't want to feel awkward. You know I don't like groups of people because I struggle to hear and I have trouble fitting in. I was thinking of the kids in your youth group and how everyone probably knew one another. And I would be the odd one out. But then I started thinking about the teens who live at the complex. I mean, they probably know each other now but when they first came here, they didn't. They didn't have anyone but their families and maybe some other people that came with them. And now they are going to a new school in a new country and everything is different. They are dealing with a lot more than I am." Liora hesitated and then continued. "I think about myself too much. I don't fit in well with other people but I'm always worried about what other people are thinking, if they like me, if they think I am strange. I want to think about others before myself but I usually don't. I'm probably more selfish than I realize." Liora felt a weight lift off her chest. She thought she would feel embarrassed admitting this but it actually felt good. She wasn't perfect. She didn't have to be.
Jason looked at her with understanding in his eyes. "I feel the same way. I think it's hard not to be selfish in some ways. I've been moping over feeling like I haven't found my purpose and there are so many people that have been through so much I can't even comprehend. My life has been almost perfect in many ways and I'm still finding things to complain about. But I know you have a good heart, Liora. I really don't think you are selfish at all. You are really giving and compassionate."
"I'm not perfect, Jason. I really do think too much about myself. I feel like you put me on a pedestal sometimes that I don't deserve to be on. I tend to hide myself away, to go into my own little world and then feel sorry for myself that no one is reaching out to me. But the truth is, I don't reach out to others. I can't be the only person at school who's lonely and feels like they don't fit in. But I've never gone up and talked to someone who is alone or looks like they are having a bad day. I've never even smiled at someone or said hello because I'm too busy trying to avoid eye contact with people. I don't like initiating a conversation with someone I don't know....or even with someone I do know so I just avoid everyone. And that isn't right. Even with Ranga...." Liora took a deep breath and blew it out in a huff. "It never occurred to me to volunteer. I never thought about other kids coming from different countries and being new and how that must feel. I never looked for opportunities to help or reach out to them. At least you have been doing that. If you hadn't approached me and asked me to help Ranga, I would have spent this entire year just trying to avoid everyone and be by myself. And I probably would have done the same next year too. I kept saying that I wanted to be a missionary but I don't know how I would have done that. You can't be a missionary if you only spend time with yourself. You actually have to reach out to people, get to know them and help them. And I'm not good at that. I genuinely do prefer to be alone sometimes. I mean, I love spending time with you and Christina. I really do. And I love being with Ranga and helping him learn to read and talking to him. But I'm still a loner in many ways. I just don't like meeting new people. It's uncomfortable for me."
Liora had looked away from Jason while she was talking, unable to look him in the eye while pouring out her heart. She felt another pang of shame. She had been trying to express that she needed to think more about others but in reality, she had been talking mostly about herself. Why couldn't she change? She knew she was caring and compassionate but there seemed to be a block that prevented her from actually acting on that compassion. And that block was her own insecurities and her worries of what other people would think. She wanted to be able to snap her fingers and get rid of all her insecurities and fears. But she knew it didn't work like that. The problem was she didn't know where to begin. How do you get rid of something that's ingrained in you?
Jason reached over and wrapped his other arm around her. She leaned her head against his chest and heard the steady thump of his heartbeat. It was reassuring and safe. All of the sudden, she started crying silently, her tears soaking into his cotton T-shirt. Jason didn't say anything. He just held her while she cried. Liora could taste the salt from her tears. The breeze had picked up, the saltiness in the air becoming more pungent and making her wrinkle her nose. The tide had come in and the waves were rougher now. The spray from the surf was coming up and hitting her in the face. It stung slightly. At the same time, it made her feel more alive. She had always loved the ocean. The wildness and freedom of it gave her hope that she could be free. Free from everything that held her back and weighed her down. Liora felt her insecurites lift off her, carried away by the ocean gale. But still she didn't say anything. She had stopped crying but she didn't want to move. She felt safe and secure but also drained of all emotion. Jason made no effort to release her. He was holding her closely to him, just letting her sort through all of her emotions.
They sat in silence for a long time, neither one feeling the need to speak. The sun dipped lower and the breeze turned chilly. Liora shivered slightly, grateful for the warmth emanating from Jason's chest. He felt warm and comfortable and she wished she could stay there forever, as unrealistic as that was. Time felt suspended in that moment but she knew they would have to go home soon, go back to real life. She wanted to capture the freedom she felt in that moment. The freedom not to do or say anything but just be. And to be with someone who accepted her as she was. She let go of the desire to be cooler or more outgoing or more fun, all the insecurities she often had when she thought about being with Jason. She had thought she needed to be different, that she couldn't truly be herself. After all, he seemed like he had it all together. Even as he had shown her more of his insecurities and the doubts he had about his own life, she had still clung to the idea that he was somewhat perfect. He seemed to be everything she was not and she wondered why he would want to be with someone like her. Now she saw she had been idealizing him too much. She wasn't perfect but neither was he. They both had their own insecurities to deal with. Yes, he was far more popular than her, athletic and also academic. But what did that really matter? They understood each other in ways others didn't. They didn't have to hide from one another. Jason had told her he felt like he could truly be himself around her and Liora felt the same way about him. There was no need to pretend to be someone different from who she was.
The sun was dipping near the horizon when Jason gently released her. "It's getting late. We'd better head home." He helped her up and guided her back across the rocks, his hand firmly grasped in hers. It was chilly now and he wrapped his arm around her when they reached the sand. They walked huddled together against the wind. When they reached the parking lot, Jason walked Liora to her car and opened the door for her when she unlocked it. He gave her a hug.
"Thank you for coming to the beach with me. And putting up with all my blundering. I'm not exactly sauve but I'm glad that doesn't seem to bother you. I'm glad we talked. And I'm happy you are coming to the dance with me. And really happy that you will be going with me to volunteer. It's something that means a lot to me and I'm glad you will get to be part of that."
Liora smiled at Jason. "I'm happy to be going. To everything really. You've included me in so much. But I'm looking forward to going to the dance with you and I'm really looking forward to going to the volunteer day on Saturday. Thank you for inviting me."
Jason smiled. "Of course. I know you will enjoy it...well, being part of the volunteer day this Saturday. I hope you will enjoy the dance as well. I know you don't like parties but hopefully you will have a good time. I enjoy your company so I kind of have an ulterior motive in inviting you everywhere. It allows me to spend more time with you. And somehow you are putting up with it. I know I'm dragging you out of your comfort zone. I would say I'm sorry but I like being around you so much so I'm not really sorry. Thank you for putting up with me. Anyway, drive safe and I'll see you Monday." He gave her another hug and waited until Liora got in her car and started it. She waved as she pulled away. Liora drove away with a full heart. She knew Katelynne would be full of questions when she got home but somehow Liora didn't mind. She wasn't sure what would happen between her and Jason but at the moment, she felt at peace.