Sunday
After Senn had found himself wandering over to Elio's home—his old home—the day before, he felt liberated from worries for a short while. Senn hadn't been able to ask Elio much questions after he finally confirmed he in fact turned Joyce down for him. Senn had kissed Elio, but seconds later, his brother Joseph had interrupted by walking into the kitchen, claiming most of their attention throughout the evening.
They hadn't been alone after that.
It had worn Senn out to hang out with Joseph all evening, but he had felt happy thanks to Joseph's careless attitude the entire evening. He also felt as if Elio and he grew a little closer now that Senn had met his family, and spent his time entertaining Joseph, despite the guy's disabilities. Joseph needed a lot of care and attention, yes, but to Senn it was mostly light-hearted fun to spend time with Joseph—who didn't mind playing memory all evening long—and Senn didn't realize how much he needed something simple like a game of memory until afterwards.
Still, he just wanted to lay down on his makeshift bed in Killian's room, and sleep. He couldn't wait until his room was far enough done to sleep in again. Why had he decided to paint his room this particular weekend?
Of course, Julian turned out to be there, hanging out with Killian, playing video games once again. And since Senn couldn't escape to the privacy of his own room and just go to bed, he joined them until far into the night.
It made things even more confusing to get to know Julian like that all over again as well. They hadn't ever hung out aside from their escapes to the treehouse. They had talked a lot, Senn knew that much. But actually, getting to see him hang out with Killian was new to him; Senn and Julian, for all he remembered, avoided each other when in company of others, simply because they didn't want anyone to know what was going on. Only ever did they talk to each other at parties; briefly.
Senn felt conflicted. Both Elio and Julian were fun to hang out with. Both seemed to really like him, and both seemed caring and patient with him. They both looked good, they had the same type of humor, they even shared some interests.
There was just one difference between the two; he had spent an entire evening with Elio, cooking, playing memory with Joseph, talking and making fun. Not once had he thought about Julian.
Once he came home, he spent a few hours in the company of Julian and Killian, and instead of focusing on Julian, his mind had continuously taken him back to his latest kiss with Elio—short, but sweet. He lost a few games simply due to the fact he kept thinking about the looks Elio had given him throughout the night, or the moment he finally confirmed that he indeed turned down Joyce for him.
The only thing that had kept him from stopping Julian from quickly giving him a kiss when Killian went to the bathroom, was the memory of how hopeful Julian had looked last time they talked. Or how defeated he looked when he talked about his family. How was he going to tell Julian that he felt as if he liked Elio more, while Julian already had so much to deal with?
Senn's silent suffering apparently hadn't gone unnoticed. He guessed it wasn't weird for Killian to knock and enter his room the next day, with a worried frown on his face since he had gone back to hiding in his room—which now actually felt more like his room with it's baby blue wall and new furniture.
"Hey little bro," Killian said, taking in the room shortly. Senn pushed himself to a seating position on his bed, while Killian took a seat at the new desk chair. "Is everything okay? Tessa, Dean and I are worried since you haven't said a word all day, and you're hiding in this room..."
"I'm... fine," Senn muttered, kind of disappointed that it had been Killian who came to talk, and not Tessa. At least he could tell her exactly why he was silently fuzzing in his room. Though, ever since he admitted he liked guys to Tessa, the urge to tell Killian grew stronger. Especially since it felt so wrong to sneak around with Julian for a simple kiss, in Killian's room. "It's just... a conflict."
"A conflict? With who?" Killian frowned, and he seemed to tense at the thought of Senn being in conflict with someone.
"With myself," Senn awkwardly chuckled. "I like these two... people. I think I figured out who I like more, but I don't know how to tell the other."
"By being honest. It's never fun when you get turned down by someone you like. But it's worse if you'd keep her on the hook. A girl deserves honesty."
Senn cleared his throat while he stared towards his feet, unwilling to look at Killian. "It's uh, just, uh..." Senn stuttered, plucking his bedsheet nervously. "I mean, you know?" Senn screamed internally.
Of course he didn't know.
Killian looked confused. "What did you do?"
A squeaky high laugh left the back of his throat, and he rather wanted to slap himself for making it so hard on himself. He took a deep breath remained silent, grabbed the magic-8-ball and muttered a question to it; "should I be honest to Killian?"
Instead of protesting, Killian actually remained silent and respected Senn's decision to ask the magic-8-ball for advice first. After all, Killian was just as much used to their father's old habit as he himself was.
Yes
"Killian?" Senn said, sighing deeply. "It's... I'm..."
"You're?"
"Gay. Or, something like that."
Killian didn't verbally reply, and since Senn wasn't looking at him, he couldn't see his response either. The silence probably lasted three seconds, but it felt like an eternity before Killian spoke again.
"Is Julian one of the two guys?"
Senn pulled his head up in surprise, finding a smirk on Killian's face.
"I mean, you two were acting weird last year already and the smile on Julian's face whenever he sees you? I already had a suspicion last year, but the past few days? I don't know," Killian shrugged. "I thought you were bi, or whatever, since you did seem to really like Joyce too."
"I'm not sure if I'm, like, 100% gay. But uh, you already knew?"
"Knowing is a big statement. Call it a hunch."
"Well... It's Julian, yeah. He's the one I don't like as much as the other. But I don't know how to tell him, because he's got, you know, a lot on his mind already and I don't want to break his heart while he's so vulnerable—" Senn rambled on, still feeling a bit frustrated by the entire situation, but relieved to know Killian knew, and didn't care.
"Senn, listen to me," Killian said as he got up from the chair and sat down next to him on the bed. "I know Julian is in a rough situation right now. But that doesn't mean that you have to put yourself aside to make him a bit happier. This isn't about what he needs or wants. This is about you, following your heart. If that leads you to someone else, so be it. Julian will understand, and he'll find someone else. But by keeping him on a hook, he won't be able to move on either."
"I guess that makes sense," Senn mumbled. "I guess I need to tell him the truth."
Killian nodded and smiled, pulling Senn in an embrace.
"Thanks, Ki, for supporting me."
"I'm here for you, remember? We're in this together. You're my brother, and I will never hate you for anything. Don't be afraid to ask for help."
"It's just nerve wrecking to come out."
"I know, I'm proud of you for coming out."
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Love, June