The falling droplets of water were music against your bare skin. You'd lost track of how long you'd been sitting on the shower floor; the water had long gone cold, but you felt protected by any and all sensations that life could throw at you.
Your legs were slung over Kylo's lap, your face nuzzled with the crook of his neck. For the longest time, he'd been gently stroking your bicep, and once in a while, his hands would carefully rub your shoulders to warm your skin.
The faucet wasn't far, but neither one of you bothered getting up to reach it. If the possibility presented itself, you would have chosen to sit there for the rest of your life as opposed to moving: bare-skinned and protected in Kylo's arms.
Bare-skinned and protected and loved.
He loved you.
Kylo Ren loved you.
Each time you replayed the words in your head, you could feel your heart swell in your chest, and more than once, you feared it might burst. He'd admitted it in whatever words he could manage, but it was more than you could have ever dreamed of. It was more than you ever expected. More than what you could have ever hoped for.
You nuzzled deeper into his arms, wishing you could burrow your way inside of his body until you were no longer your own being, but a part of him.
He must have thought you were asleep, because he seemed to take your movement as permission to move himself. You felt him pull away from you a little just to look down upon you, fingers finding the side of your face to lightly trail your misted skin.
"Are you alright?" he breathed.
"Of course I'm alright," you whispered, leaning to rest your head against his chest, gazing sleepily up at him.
He cocked his head a hairsbreadth to the side, lightly stroking the length of a strand of your hair between rough fingertips. "You've been through a lot tonight," he pondered.
You'd fallen in love long ago with the expression he was wearing in that moment: brows slightly drawn together, jaw as set and as severe as always, but eyes gentle and inquisitive. Like he wanted to dive into your mind, to understand you further. Deeper.
You cracked a soft smile.
"Physically and emotionally," you agreed.
He nodded, and you almost thought you saw a hint of a smile on his lips, too.
"So have you," you reminded him.
Kylo exhaled through his nose. "You don't know how...difficult it's been for me. To be without you."
You blinked. "I think I have a pretty good idea."
"No," he breathed, shaking his head slowly. "You knew who you were and what you wanted. I had to convince everyone in my life, myself included, that I didn't..." the words trailed off, and Kylo's expression softened as he gazed at you.
"You don't have to say it again," you told him. "I know it's hard. But I don't have to hear it. I can feel it."
He nodded, gaze dropping, like he looked a little ashamed. "I'm afraid," he admitted.
"I know."
But if it was your life's mission to teach that man how to stop being afraid, then it would be an honor you'd devote yourself to body and soul.
Suddenly, he took you by the wrist and stretching your arm out to the side, eyes trailing over your skin.
"Are you checking me for bruises?" you laughed.
He dropped the arm, moving to the other one. "Earlier, I was...I just want to make sure you're okay." His eyes lowered, and landed on your waist. You followed his gaze. The unmistakable redness of the beginnings of bruises peppered the area around your jutting hipbones. His eyes flickered back up to yours, almost looking nervous.
You slung your arms around his shoulders, pulling yourself closer against him. "You know I like when you leave marks. I like having something on me to remember you by when you're away." Your voice dropped to a whisper. Kylo brought up a tender hand, backs of his fingers kissing the skin of your cheek. Only then did you realize how fucking depressing that confession truly was.
"I'm not going anywhere," he whispered back.
Suddenly, your eyes felt very wet, and something deep and surging was swimming at the base of your throat. Overwhelming happiness, you realized instantly, enough to almost choke you, to make you scared you'd be sick. You felt your lip tremble and cursed yourself internally.
He caught you just as you crumbled, drawing you tightly into his arms, fingers wrapping tenderly in your hair.
He wasn't leaving anymore. It was as if the words alone had wrapped a hand around the dagger sticking out of your chest before finally pulling it free. You sucked in lungfuls of air and let the tears fall, finally bathing in the relief you'd been reaching for for weeks upon months, each one having felt like its own small eternity. He stroked your hair and let you cry, and your hands roamed his arms, partly to make sure that he was real. That he was still with you, that he hadn't left.
"I feel like you've taken my armor off," he muttered against your ear.
If it was possible, you snuggled in closer against him.
"You don't have to keep your guard up all the time," you told him, arms reaching to wrap around his body. "Not with me. I'll always protect you."
Kylo went silent, body relaxing, and the way you fit against his body was nothing shy of perfect, like Michaelangelo himself had sculpted your bodies entwined, and the way you rested there was fated to be.
And you felt love for him with an intensity that was almost overwhelming, knowing in your heart that if a comet hit the earth in that moment, you'd throw yourself in front of him just to defend him for a split second longer.
"Just never leave me again," you breathed, tears spilling over your cheeks.
"I won't," he whispered, fingers trailing against your jaw. "But I will never make you stay, either."
"If you think I'm going anywhere, you have the wrong idea," you answered defensively.
"I know, I just—I can't ask you to...my family, with everything that's happened, everything I've done, I can't ask you to-"
"You know what happened wasn't your fault."
"No," he muttered, furrowing his brow and shaking his head. "I don't know that." He exhaled slowly. "All I know is that I'm terrified I can't give you the life you deserve. I'm so afraid you'll never find peace with me."
"Listen to me," you breathed, face tear-stained and flushed as you stared infinitely into his eyes, palm resting on his cheek. "Being with you gives me peace. Being without you is a life that I don't want. A life that's not meant for me. You deserve to be loved," you repeated. "And I love you, Kylo."
His eyes fluttered shut, breath shuddering on the way out. "I can...can you just..."His hand trembled at the side of your face, like he wasn't sure whether he should touch you or not. "Can you say it again?" he whispered.
Tears and all, your lips tugged into a bright smile. "I love you." You pressed your forehead against his. "I love you, Kylo."
And for the first time since you'd known him, you saw him smile a full-bodied, human smile. Not a smirk, or a smile filled with silence and sadness, and not the ghost of one. This one lit up his entire expression. His eyes wrinkled at the corners. He had dimples you'd never known were there. Your heart swam in your chest and you leaned forward, pressing your lips firmly against him, kissing him until you went dizzy and the water froze against your skin.
You sat there together until the prospect of what time it may have been finally crept into your mind, guilting you into considering the idea of getting some rest. He stood up and took you with him, arms still encircling your frame, releasing you only to reach for a plush towel and slinging it around your shoulders.
You dried quickly, eager to climb into his large bed and cling to him within the soft sheets for the remainder of the night. Kylo wrapped his towel around his waist, and you followed him back into the bedroom.
Naturally, you didn't even make it to the bed in the time that he reached for you again, gently pressing you against the wall, lips searching for yours again. You drew him closer, smiling against his lips. You couldn't help it. You didn't know if you'd be able to stop smiling ever again.
His phone buzzed on the bedside table. He ignored it, pressing himself against your body, capturing your chin in his fingers, forcing your jaw upwards. Your eyes locked with his. Heat pooled between your legs, and suddenly, you forgot how to draw breath.
"I knew you'd come crawling back to me," he breathed, eyes lowering to trail down the length of your scantily clad figure. The words were bold, but he had a mischievous playfulness in his eyes that was new, and in all honesty, more than welcome. You liked the way he smiled. You liked the way he pushed your buttons and teased you, egging you on even though you were already his, and he was yours. His gaze moved unmistakably over the curve of your ass, and he made a show of craning his neck to make sure you knew he was getting an eyeful. Then, his eyes were on yours again. "So, I think I might need to punish you for being so insolent over the past few weeks." He squeezed your chin harder, grinning. You whimpered, squeezing your legs together.
Your chin was stuck between his thumb and forefinger. Your breath hitched in your throat. So did all the excitement mounting inside of you.
He shut his eyes, and sighed heavily when his phone buzzed again. "I'm sorry," he told you, pressing a kiss to your forehead before pulling away. And the tension died. You sighed, letting the heat and arousal roll off your body, fighting the urge to fan yourself as Kylo stepped around the bed to reach the nightstand. "Could be work. Or family, god forbid," he growled, reaching for his phone.
You exhaled, letting yourself relax against the wall, hands roaming down your thighs. "That's okay," you said blissfully. Honestly, in any other case, you wondered if you had another one in you. With Kylo, naturally, you didn't have to wonder. Even so, you were exhausted and worn.
Each of your senses were on high alert, every whisper of a touch feeling like fire against your skin. You hummed at the sensation, chest heaving, waiting for him to whisk you in his arms and take you to bed.
"Kylo?" You asked, turning to face him with a smile on your face.
Your smile dropped instantly. He hadn't taken his eyes off the screen of his phone. His brow was drawn, his finger hovering over the home button. Immediately, you knew something was wrong.
"Oh no," you breathed. "It's your mother, isn't it?"
He shook his head, swallowing thickly. "No," he choked. "It's my grandmother."